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*cough cough* how dare you Kiwi

~~~~~

It’s alright to love someone who does not love you back, as long as they're worth you loving them. As long as they deserve it.

-Cassandra Clare

~~~~

Black flowers surrounded your bed when you woke up. You were hoping that they would stop, that you didn’t feel what you did.

It has gotten worse.

Before, the flowers were blood red. Now, they were black. The pressure in your lungs grew every time you took a breath, but you had to keep going. If you were going to die soon then you had to see him again.

You slowly sat up in your bed and took deep breaths through your mouth. It helped a little, until the flowers came. A strong pull in your stomach made you bend forward and black roses fell out of your mouth as you coughed.

They were more frequent now. They started at the beginning of high school when you first saw him. He was a second year and a volleyball player, and you knew right then that nothing would be the same.

You officially met him when you were walking past the gym and a volleyball hit you in the face. After that, Oikawa and you became close friends against all odds.

The flowers hurt less as it become more frequent.

You’ve only heard random stories about the Hanahaki Disease. Most people got it cured once they coughed up flowers the first time.

You understood why the did it.

It was simple, you would get a surgery, and bang, you were cured, but it came with a price. Once you had the surgery, all of your feeling towards that person would be gone forever.

You would do it, but you couldn’t image a life without him. Even though you knew that you wouldn't remember him at all, you couldn’t help that there would be a feeling of emptiness.

Once you stopped coughing, you gathered the black flowers and threw them in a trash can. You grabbed the lighter beside your bed and lit the flowers on fire.

If you were going to go up in flames, minus well bring them with you.

~~~

“(Y/N)-chan!!” You turned around at the sound of your name. A happy Oikawa flung his arms across your shoulder and hugged you. “Where were you yesterday? You were supposed to meet me for lunch at the park.”

“Sorry,” you said. “My mom wanted me to help her out with something and I forgot to call you.”

Oikawa looked at you skeptically. His eyebrows were furrowed and a small frown found his lips. “Fine, but you are not skipping on me at lunch today. I’ll only forgive you because it’s you.”

You smiled, but then it faded when you remembered why you didn’t go.

It went bad again. You couldn’t stopped coughing up the flowers. The flowers darkened, and your parents found out about your disease.

You were lying on the floor on your room, a trail of petals lead from your bed to your mouth. Your mom walked in to check if you were ready to met up with Oikawa. Normally, you were really good at hiding the flowers. When you burned them, you would let the ashes fly out your window.

Your mom screamed when she saw them and immediately rushed over to you. Once the coughing stopped, she begged you to get the surgery.

“Please, (Y/N), get the surgery. Please. I do not care who he is, you can’t die over them,” she begged.

She was on her knees hugging you while she cried.

You shook your head. “I can’t.”

“Please. He isn’t worth you dying.”

“You can love someone who doesn’t love you back as long as they’re worth it,” you told her,“ and he is worth it. I’m sorry, but there is nothing you can do to make me change my mind.”

You sat there in silence as your mom kept begging you to get the surgery. You know that she would have dragged you there herself, but the person getting the surgery had to be fully willing to get it.

“Are you okay?” Oikawa asked. A concern look painted his face as he spoke to you. “You spaced out for a second.”

You nodded. “I’m fine. I’ll meet you on the roof okay?”

He grinned and linked his arms with yours. “I’d be all alone if I didn’t have you.”

“You have Iwazumi-san.”

“Yeah, but ever since he got a girlfriend he spends a lot of time with her. I’d be completely alone.”

Don’t worry, you thought, I’ll never leave your side, even if I see flowers.

~~~

You were waiting on the roof as promised. You heard the chatter from below you as you leaned on the edge of the roof. You didn’t know if it would be cool or terrifying, to the people below you, if they randomly saw flowers floating down from the sky.

It would be cool if it was a coloured rose instead of black.

Seeing Oikawa helped with the flowers. You hadn’t coughed since last night, and took that as a good sign.

“Ah! (Y/N), get away from the ledge. It’s dangerous,” you heard Oikawa shout. He quickly came behind you and pulled you back from the ledge.

“What,” you said crossing your arms, “it’s not like I was going to jump or anything. It’s funny when it looks like people are five times smaller than you.”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s just dangerous okay? I don’t want my friend to accidentally fall down and die.”

You internally cringe at the word ‘friend’. You didn’t need another reminder that you weren’t going to be anything more than just friends. Especially from the person themself. Though you did tell yourself many times that you’re never going to be than just friends to try and stop the the feels you had, but nothing worked.

“Are you okay?” Oikawa asked. He was already sitting on the ground, his bento box in front of him. “You keep spacing out.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

You took off you backpack and sat down beside him, taking out your own bento. The two of you ate in silence. The only sound was coming from below you where students were scrambling to find seats in the courtyard.

After you finished your meal, both you and Oikawa put your things away and laid down facing the clear sky.

“What are you thinking now?” Oikawa asked.

The sun was directly over you, but it didn’t bother you. “The sky is blue, and the sun is shining.”

~~~

Oikawa was walking home after practice. His school bag and gym bag weighed down on his shoulders. He walked up to his house, but saw someone pacing on his porch. Their built wasn’t big, so he could definitely take them if they decided to attack.

He walked up slowly to his door, making his footsteps loud so that the person could hear him coming. The person turned their head towards Oikawa and stopped pacing. He could see their long (H/C) hair run down her shoulder.

Oikawa stopped in front of her. She looked like an older version of you, but there were worry lines around her eyes.

“Oikawa-san?” she asked.

He furrowed his eyebrows, but nodded.

“You’re friends with my daughter, right? The one who plays volleyball?”

He nodded again.

Your mother bowed 90 degrees at him. Oikawa took a step back from her and raised his eyebrows.

“Please tell my daughter to get the surgery. I...I can’t lose her especially from the same disease that took my sister. (Y/N) needs the surgery,” she cried, tears were running down her face, “she won’t let me take her. She refuses to take the surgery, and it got really bad. The flowers turned black.”

“Wait, (Y/N)’s sick?” Oikawa croaked. Though your mother definitely said more than ‘your sick’, but that was the only thing he heard during the conversation.

“You didn’t know?” she wiped her tears with her shirt. “Of course she didn’t tell you. She has Hanahaki.”

~~~

You were on your way to the park where you were going to meet Oikawa.

It was getting harder to breath. Every breath you took you could feel more flowers grow in your lungs, blocking your airway. But if you were to die now, you had to see him one last time.

You had to keep stopping on your way to the park. Your mother didn’t want you to leave the house at all, but you left after she did. Every step you took, made you take another breath, one you didn’t have.

Eventually you made it to the park where the cherry blooms were. You saw Oikawa standing in the middle of the path. The sun had just came up and there wasn’t a cloud in sight, it was beautiful. The mixture of light pink and white petals decorated the ground, but the trees that were over your head were still full of petals.

Once you stepped closer, you noticed the look on his face. His eye were drooping, and his lips were pursed into a frown. You tilted your head to the side, but still waved to him.

Then you felt it.

There was a sharp pressure in your chest, and you couldn't breath. Your knees came from under you and you had to brace yourself with your hands so you didn’t completely fall over.

You started coughing.

The black rose petales stood out between the colours of pink and white. There was something different about the petals. Still black, and wilted, the black rose petals were wet with blood. You put your hand to your mouth and when you drew it back it was saturated with blood. You started at it as your hand shook.

“(Y/N)!” Oikawa shouted. He was be your side within seconds. A hand on your back and the other was holding yours.

You coughed again and more blood mixed with petals fell out of your mouth.

He pull out his phone to call an ambulance, but was stopped short by your hand. You gently pushed his hand down.

“Stop it!” He shouted at you. “You need to have the surgery. I don’t care if you never feel anything for me again. I don’t want you to die, I can’t let you die.”

The pressure on your chest grew as you spoke, but he need to hear the words even if it would kill you. “I’m….not….getting….the surgery. I….love you….too much.”

Oikawa started to reason with you again, but stopped mid way of his thoughts. He knew you. Your stubborn, but with your stubbornness came the undying need to never stop loving.

“I wish you told me,” he whispered. He was cuddling you in his arms now. Flowers came up once in awhile, but your breaths were short, so you faced on your breathing instead of the darkness. “I don’t know why this is happening. I care about you so much, that should be enough.”

You shook your head. Your words were breathy and broken, “you don’t love me the way I love you. I can’t force you to love me. That’s not how love works.”

“You should have told me,” he said, “I would’ve loved you the same way, maybe even more.”

You smiled slightly, your breaths getting shorter. “You were not meant to love me, and for that, I will forever see flowers.”

Oikawa closed his eyes, tears spilling out of his eyes. Your eyes started closing. He could feel you letting go.

The wind changed, and more cherry blossom leaves fell to the floor, covering the black roses.

“It’s a beautiful day,” you whispered, your eyes closing.

Oikawa nodded, butting his lip. “The sky is blue, and the sun is shining.”