I spent the next few hours regretting having exploded at Cody. I had told Cody to pack, but he didn't. He left the room quickly, in obvious and miserable tears. My first instinct was to follow him, and I want to say that I did, but I didn't. My idiotic head of mine was too flooded with anger and regret and jealousy to move, so I had been left in the same position, pointing toward the door, unable to convince my muscles to relax.

I knew Cody eventually had to come back for his things, and I can't explain why, but the last thing I wanted was to be here when he did.

Maybe he was giving me time to cool my jets so we could have a more reasonable conversation. I'm still debating whether I want that or not.

After what felt like hours, and what was probably seconds, I put my arm down and collapsed on the bed. I wasn't crying though, I was just reliving why exactly I was mad.

You know how sometimes you get so caught up in the action that you forget what started the drama in the first place? That's what had happened. It's my fault for being too damn stubborn.

---------

Cody did come get his things eventually, and while I was technically in the room, I was asleep. It was a very emotional sleep, as I had been dreaming of something I can't quite remember. It's that kind of thing where you can't recall any specific events in the dream, but you remember how it made you feel.

Well it didn't make me feel very good.

When I woke up, everything Cody-owned was gone, and the only proof that he had ever been here was his messy, unmade bed, and a small note on my own nightstand.

When my eyes crossed paths with the little paper, I immediately looked away, as if it contained information I didn't want to know.

For reason unknown, I didn't want to seem to eager to read it. Like a fear of seeming too caught up on Cody. Which was ridiculous considering I was alone. But it was almost like I was trying to convince myself.

I did allow myself to wake up completely before reading the paper. It was written in crude handwriting and had several scribbles on it where the writer had changed their thoughts.

Noah,

You have every right to be mad. If you let me explain it's not as bad as you think I'm being completely honest. Please?

Come to the conference room tonight at 8:30 and we can talk. If you don't show up I'll just assume you don't want to talk.

I'm so sorry,

Cody Anderson

I was still deciding if it was a good idea or not to talk to Cody when there was a knock on the door. I didn't want to open it. But I did. I don't need to make anyone else upset today.

I opened the door without looking through the foggy little peephole. It was Trent.

"Hi?" I said, not meaning to make the greeting come off as a question.

Trent flicked his eyebrows up in sort of a "cool guy" nod.

"I heard you guys fighting" he said flatly. His face had the same expression as his voice; empty.

"Sorry," I apologized sloppily, not meaning it, "I try to keep private matters private"

Trent grimaced at my coldness.

"I wasn't eavesdropping, I just thought maybe you'd want to talk about it?"

I shrugged.

"There's nothing to talk about"

"Frankly I wouldn't be phyched if I had a boyfriend who had someone else's bra"

I shrugged again, this time a little softer. After seeing Guitar Hero over here go bonkers over Gwen, I was surprised at how, for lack of a better word, "chill" he was being. The dude was in break-down not five hours ago over the Gothic Breakfast Fruit Plate everyone obsesses over. If there's one thing I can agree with Heather on, it's that Gwen is overrated and cruel. No matter how nutty Trent became, I still feel bad for the guy.

"Wanna come in?" I asked half-heartedly. Nothing good could come from a conversation with Freak Show No. 9, but I didn't really have any energy to be cruel, off-putting, or even sarcastic.

Trent came in and I offered him a seat on the empty bed Cody once occupied.

Beginning a conversation is always awkward, especially when you know exactly what you want to say. Ironic, isn't it?

"Sorry about you and Gwen. I suppose she didn't appreciate you" I squeaked out.

Trent shrugged this time.

"I suppose. I appreciate her a little too much"

I nodded soberly.

"Did Cody move his things into your room?" I asked, trying to get the subject off Gwen. Trent's green eyes were becoming glassy with tears.

"No, I'm actually in with Tyler. Dude was desperate to get out of Zeke's room" he said, his voice cracking on 'dude'. I hummed in agreement.

"Maybe Cody moved in with Zeke" Trent finished. I prayed, for Cody's sake, that that was not the case.

Whatever was going through my mind at that moment had made me snap. All the walls I had up in front of Trent just went down. I knew it the moment it happened, and I couldn't control it.

"I know I shouldn't have snapped at him, but I was too filled with jealousy. It bothers me how much everyone blindly worships her- Cody more than anyone"

I expected Trent to be offended at that statement, but he wasn't. He didn't even react to the mention of Gwen. Instead, he came and sat next to me and gave my shoulder a small pat.

I might not be the most masculine creature ever, but I loathe being seen as vunerable, especially in front of "cool" people. Although, Trent lost a lot of his cool when he let Gwen win every challenge at the expense of his team.

Trent didn't have anything to say to that, and after what I can only assume was a good few minutes, it was beginning to grow awkward. But who am I kidding, everything about this situation is awkward.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Trent open his mouth to say something, and then close it.

"Listen Trent..." I started, not actually knowing where I was going with it. "...I really appreciate you coming here, especially considering what you're going through"

He muttered something along the lines of 'absolutely' when there was a knock on the door. I didn't have any energy left in my soul to stand, so I told the knocker to come in. My heart started to beat in what felt like slow motion, because perhaps I was expecting Cody. But the moment I saw a red tracksuit come through the door frame, I knew I was about to get a headache.

"Hey Tyler, how's it going?" Trent said cooly. Tyler gave an awkward wave.

"Dude, I uh, broke the shower head again, can you come fix it?"

An audible sigh escaped Trent's parted lips, and he forced himself up. And like that, my conversation with Loony Tunes was over. But Tyler was still at my door.

"Everything okay Tyler?" I asked in a purposefully condescending voice. Although usually my condescending voice just sounds gay. Not that Tyler Kenard of all people would notice.

"Oh yeah everythings fantastic. It's not like my girlfriend has memory problems or anything"

Tyler was getting angry now. I have actually never seen him angry before. I was curious on where this was going. So I pushed him further.

"And Lindsay has a boyfriend who can't stay conscious for more than an hour. You both have your flaws"

Tyler didn't get angry at that statement though. In fact he emitted what I'm pretty sure was a laugh. It was a defeated, small laugh, but a laugh all the same.

"I guess everyone's relationships are falling apart" he said. It's no work of art, but I'm pretty sure that's the smartest thing to come out of Tyler.

"What can you expect? We're a bunch of 16 year olds stuck on a reality TV show. Our relationships are set up to fail"

His laugh this time was stronger.

"Sorry about you and Corey..."

"Cody," I corrected. I revoke my previous 'smart' statement.

"Right, Cody. Anyway, I was rooting for you guys all the way from the Awake-a-thon"

I laughed, and rolled my eyes. Maybe Tyler isn't a headache. Is he clumsy? Totally. Is he stupid? Oh yeah. But he's not been the worst company to have around at Loser Motel.

And then something occurred to me. I'm already trying to replace Cody.

---------

The time is 8:09. I'm still deciding if I should go talk to Cody. I want to, but will it be worth it?

Gwen will be eliminated any day now, and when she gets here, the lame motel is going to turn into drama central. And that worries me, because with the tension between Trent and Gwen, Cody will likely be all up in her business, taking advantage of her vunerability. Not that I feel bad for her.

If I go and talk to Cody, it might make me feel better. But that doesn't mean he's going Gwen-free. And there's no reason to go and talk to the kid who can't shake off his little goth crush.

But what if I didn't go talk to him. What would happen then? He seemed genuinely upset when we broke up. But I'm not the kind of person to assume the best.

By the time it was 8:17, I had made the decision that I will go talk to him, but I won't let him tear my walls down. The kid might make me go soft, but that doesn't make me naive.

--------

Cody was sitting at the long table in the conference room. It's a room that existed for the sole purpose of making the motel seem more professional and productive. None of the losers used it though. Except Geoff and Bridgette sometimes as a make out chamber

Cody looked lifeless and pale.

He hadn't noticed I had showed up until I sat down adjacent to him, leaving a seat between us. I don't know how this is going to go.

Cody didn't move at all. He greeted me without turning his head.

"Hi Noah" he said, his voice raspy, proof he had a long, hard cry. Jesus, I didn't want to hurt the kid that badly.

"You wanted to talk" I stated, but it sounded more like a question.

"Noah I don't like Gwen. She's cruel and self-absorbed, and a bitch"

I was taken aback by his word choice. Not only does he rarely curse, but his words were mature and full of meaning.

"Of course she is. But that's part of what you like about her"

Cody shook his head somberly. How am I supposed to keep my wit if he keeps being this saddening?

"No, I don't like that. I don't know why I'm drawn to her. She treats me worse than most people at school. And what she did to Trent..."

He couldn't continue. He seemed to be confusing himself.

"Have you ever considered that maybe you like the concept of chasing her?"

Cody's aqua eyes widened, and I could see my own words circling through his brain. He was quiet for a good few minutes.

"I guess it would be pretty terrible to actually date her" he considered, his gears of through still at work.

"Exactly. She's pretentious and bitchy and a bully. You don't want that kind of girl"

Cody nodded slowly, and then shook his head violently.

"No no no!" He almost yelled.

I cocked my eyebrow at him. He looked me in the eyes, his pupils dilated from the dark room.

"I don't want that kind of girl. I don't want any girl actually. I just want you, and I want you to understand that Gwen means nothing"

I didn't know what to say, so I shrugged.

"Noah you have to forgive me" he sighed, turning his head away.

"If the season ends with us on bad terms, I'll never forgive myself" he continued.

I shook my head.

"Listen, Cody. Gwen's probably going to be voted out next, so you have until the final... maybe eight?... To prove that she doesn't mean a thing"

Cody's eyes lit up, and I felt a pang of guilt. But he had her bra, that's pretty damn serious to me.

"Does that mean I can move back in with you?"

"Are you in with Zeke?"

Cody shook his head.

"Geoff. But Bridgette's over there a lot"

I hummed in some sort of agreement.

"Yeah you can come back. But that doesn't mean we're back together yet"

Dammit. I gave in. This fucking boy makes me lose everything that makes me Noah. I never had plans to fall in love with anyone or to get attached to anything.

I knew this show would change me, but I didn't think it would be a good change.

I think this is a good change.