You know you're screwed when you have to submit to last resort and pair yourself with the two most difficult contestants on the show. Okay, working with Courtney might be worse, but apparently Duncan's​ into that so who am I to judge?

Regardless, Izzy had finally roped me in to being on a team with herself and Eva. Only after I noticed Cody had previously formed an alliance with DJ, Owen, and Tyler. Sure, I'm jealous, but given that our goal is for now a million dollars, perhaps having no distractions of romance is for the better.

----------------------

Izzy had a plan.

"Okay, okay, so we're going to break into Chris's recording room, find out where he hid the mil, and then use this taser to shoot anyone who tries taking the money from us"

She held up a taser gun. I jumped back a bit, and Eva slapped it out of her hand.

"No bitch. We're doing this with pure fists"

Eva was getting worked up.

"Woah woah," I cut in "Pure fists or not, you're both pure crazy"

This was not helping Eva calm down. In fact, her knuckles were inches away from my nose. Izzy was just cackling from behind her. It reminded me of when I was five and my dad had taken me to see Macbeth in the park across the street. Yep, Izzy laughs like a Shakespearean witch. Outta put that on her resume.

Okay, we eventually settled on having no strategy and just running at it. Lack of strategy has to be my pet peeve, but I didn't really get a voice in the vote. Maybe they're racist against Indians, maybe my opinion was unvoiced because my face was in Eva's armpit. The world may never know.

"So no taser?" Izzy pleaded. I shook my head, and Eva shook her fist.

So we hid in silence, waiting for the right time to grab the million and get the hell of this godforsaken island.

-------------------

"I expected more out of you Eva"

I didn't have to look at her to see her face burning with anger.

"I said I'm sorry. Like you weren't distracted by Justin's hotness too gay boy" she growled.

"I...uh" I stuttered, not having a good come back to 'gay boy' due to it's accuracy.

Izzy was ready for a real battle now. Her teeth were dripping in disgusting, foamy saliva.

"Okay okay, I've come to the conclusion that I'm willing to commit murder for the money" Izzy muttered darkly.

"Well if you do, the million dollars should pay for your release" I snarked. She ignored my sarcasm and growled at Katie and Sadie who were walking by. The girls screamed at the pitch of a dog whistle and ran as far as their unathletic bodies could take them.

Over the childish screaming, there were sounds of arguing from what seemed to be the dock of shame. Eva and I exchanged a glance and started sprinting towards the dock, with Izzy charging behind us yelling some sort of obnoxious battle cry.

By the time we reached the cabins, pretty much every camper was chasing whoever had the money. And us being the animalistic idiots we are, couldn't help but join the stampede.

Izzy had jumped on someone's head (maybe Tyler's?) to get ahead in the crowd, leaving Eva and I in the back.

-------------

So after that mad house, it turns out no one won the god forsaken money after all. And just as we were packing up to finally go home, I remembered something.

Chris had announced a second season.

But immediately after, I remembered something a little more reassuring.

I'm not competing in the second season.

I shoved the rest of my shit in my bag and hauled ass to the front of the Playa.

"Where are you going Nolan?"

I whipped my enormous head around to respond to Lindsay who was standing in her revealing red bikini.

"I'm going home" I said flatly, emphasizing the frustration with her pure stupidity.

"But what about Season 2?" She whined.

"I'm not on Season 2!" I snapped back at her, making her lip tremble. Before I could feel bad, she walked away.

"All contestants who are not participating in the second season meet me at the bar, pronto!" Yelled the intercom.

Please just kill me.

My head rang all the way to the now sticky juice bar. There were a bunch of contestants that weren't going back for season 2, all of whom were slinging a bag over their shoulder or wheeling around a suitcase.

Right at the head of the mob stood king Douchebag himself. He cleared his throat dramatically before speaking.

"We're not letting you go home just yet"

I think I actually felt my will to live drop just a little bit.

"Why the hell not, McClean?" Roared Eva with a twenty pound dumbbell in hand.

"We still need you all to appear in our peanut gallery for our new behind the scenes show, The Aftermath!" Chris announced. There was a mixture of confused muttering and outright swearing from the group of rejects. I'll let you decide which reaction I participated in.

"You've got to be kidding me! First, I get booted unfairly, and now I have to stick around to have it rubbed in my face!"

Cody and Eva managed to grab Courtney before she lunged towards Chris.

"It's just showbiz baby" Chris replied cool while taking a gander at his fingernails.

I swear the energy Courtney was radiating out of anger could light my whole damn house.

"You will be hearing from my lawyers" she steamed, throwing her little black duffle bag at Katie, knocking her into me. I shoved her off me and backed up.

"Whatever. I'm going back to my room to unpack" I snarled and started going up the stairs.

"Not so fast Noah"

It's Chris. There had to be a catch.

"What" I said flatly, crossing my arms just for emphasis.

"You aren't staying here anymore. We found you a new place to stay near the set of Total Drama Action"

"Of course you did" I sighed, marching myself back to the group who are just as unpleased as I am.

"Let's go campers" Chris beckoned.

And we followed.

---------------

The trip to our new home consisted of a shitty bus ride, a shitty plane ride, and a shitty walk to ice the cake.

In all honesty, this place made Playa Des Losers look like an Imperial Russian palace.

It might as well have been a crappy, run down motel that was closed for safety concerns. And actually, the more I looked at it, the more it seemed logical.

It was small, so Chris put us two to a room, putting me either with Zeke, Tyler, or Cody.

So Cody it was, sticking poor Tyler with Ezekiel.

If I had to describe the motel, the first word that comes to mind is "grey".

Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of boring, undistracting grey. But this place not only looked like it was last renovated in the late 1800's, but also made your eyes want to kill themselves.

In the room Cody and I were sharing, it was basically just a standard hotel room with two beds, a TV, a window, and one of those mini-kitchens. The sheets, the curtains, the wallpaper, it was all a dull grey.

There was also a lobby. When Cody and I went to check it out, it was a lot cooler than what I was expecting. There was a ping pong table, recliners, a flat screen TV playing the Hockey game, and a large kitchen.

Behind the lobby there was a teeny tiny pool with an even tinier hot tub. Tyler had beat the crowd to it, and almost immediately hit is head on the side of the pool.

Really, the place altogether wasn't more impressive than the cabins from Wawanakwa. The only nice part was that I could finally get some alone time with Cody, a luxury I haven't had since before Chris's crappy finale.

Somehow, sharing a room with Cody gave me a feeling of comfort, rather than typical teenage lust. But then again, Cody didn't have gigantic jugs hanging off his chest.

He isn't as much sexy as he is adorable. I don't feel the desire to bang his large intestines into his stomach 24/7 (admittedly, every once in a while I do). Our relationship is more fluff than anything really, but I think we both like it that way.

--------------

Fugly sweater vest, in the closet. Ratty T-shirt, in the closet. Collared button-up, in the closet.

Everything was in the closet, except for me. (That's a gay pun. I'm making a joke about me being openly and obviously gay. It's funnier when you explain it honey.)

Cody had yet to hang his clothes in the little closet by the bathroom door. One thing I like about this place is the private bathrooms. It had been so long since I've peed without another man being able to hear it.

After all my crap was organized, I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. I didn't mean to fall asleep, but it happened and I regret nothing. But after I woke up, Cody was in the room quietly watching the Oiler's game on the TV. I looked over at him. It had been a few days since I've gotten a good look at him. He was wearing a baseball tee and Jean shorts. His hair was messy and stuck up in the back. He had a few zits on his jawline.

I guess he didn't realize I was awake until I said "Hi" and waved at him. I can guess this because I had frightened him, making him kick his legs and gasp.

"I just got my beauty sleep, I shouldn't be looking so scary" I joked. He snickered and smoothed out his hair.

"You look just as hot as ever"

I smiled at his compliment, then stood up to go to the lobby.

With Tyler bedridden from a concussion, Courtney constantly on the phone with her gay-ass lawyers, and Zeke hiding out in his room, probably living off rats under his bed, the lobby was pretty empty. There were only eight of us who didn't make it to Season 2, but I seemed like none of us could really care less except for Courtney and the lovesick Tyler who was missing his pair of walking, talking breasts.

Eva and Sadie we're playing a game of ping pong while Katie was a cheerleader. Eva was expectedly creaming Sadie like coffee.

I took a seat in a leather recliner and watched the match until Sadie running after a ping pong ball was no longer funny. After that, I just went to watch the Oilers with Cody. It was really all I could do, since Chris still wouldn't let us bring our cell phones. He claims the signals "Make his skin break out". Bitch.

You never really know how sad your life is until you realize that ping pong and television are all you can do in life. And I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for auditioning for this nightmare in the first place. My only redeeming factor is the saving grace of Cody Jameson Anderson.