There are very few circumstances in which I would put all reason aside and submit myself to an aching, and likely temporary, love story. Don't get me wrong, I can pick out people who qualify as attractive, but allowing myself to become a slave to lust was a big no-no. I have watched many suffer from infatuation that they had at the time thought was true love. I have watched those same people crumble themselves into human balls of paper and allow themselves to tossed at the hypothetical waste bin, becoming completely dysfunctional. Being the pretentious snob I am, I have much more potential than to waste my precious energy on anyone but myself.

I know I probably sound like a real genuine asshat, and it's sorta true. I suppose I'm similar to a monk. I set all romantic and sexual feelings aside so I can put all my effort into completing high school and cruising my way through adulthood without making any stupid mistakes. I know, it sounds a bit paranoid, but as cheesy and predictable as it sounds 'better safe than sorry'.

Despite my dedication and purity to my academics, I decided to send in a video audition for a reality show, that frankly seemed a bit sketchy due to the lack of details and insisting on having life insurance before applying. I figure that winning a good hundred grand can't be so bad of a deal, and with my excellent luck, perhaps I'll have something unique to put on my college applications in my oh-so bright future. I didn't do anything flashy or something completely out of character for the pretentious Noah Sterecra, so naturally I used my video audition to show off my status of student council president.

I could say I wasn't actually internally thrilled when I got the call back saying I would get to participate in whatever cheap, desperate-for-cash reality show they'll be throwing me into next week, but I'd be lying. My first instinct was to start packing my books into one suitcase. I could easily clean off a novel in a few hours if I didn't have anything distracting me, so I shoved as many as I could fit neatly into the rolling trunk, and pulled another out from my closet to fill with a pile of clothes laying on my bed. Most of them were gay looking pieces of shit, so hopefully I can make an accurate impression. It seems to be the general consensus to everyone who meets me that I'm a gay, pretentious know-it-all. I can't help but to agree.

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The second I step off possibly the noisiest motorboat boat in all of Canada, I saw a group of teenagers standing on the dock of a crappy island, that looked like it used to be a dump or something.

"Is this where we're staying?" I ask the host with a snarky tone, trying to emphasis the homo in my nasally voice. An Einstein-looking asshole cracked his knuckles and smirked.

"No it's your mother's house" he threatened snidely, "And we're throwing a party"

The dude grinned, making him look like that shark from Finding Nemo. This snowflake had a nice green-colored Mohawk sitting on top of a face full of lead piercings.

"Nice piercings Original, do them yourself?"

I point at his face that had now gone as blank as his shit-filled head.

"Yeah, you want one?"

Then Mr. Hair Gel reaches for my lower lip and pulls on it, pointing a needle downward. I rolled my eyes.

"Uh, no shank you, can I hasve my lihp bachk pleashz" I attempted to spit out, but it was muffled by his filthy hand all up in my business. He released my lip, making me stumble backwards. I rolled my eyes again, trying to make it obvious to Tough Guy With The Earrings. I escorted myself to the back of the dock, behind everyone else.

As the other super lucky contestants were boated in, I do my best to learn their names, but let's face the music. I'm not listening. Few actually make enough of an impression in my overloaded brain to stand out. There was a way too happy guy in a hot pink shirt that was completely unbuttoned. Not that I'm complaining, he's pretty hot. Another was a girl who had such big boobs she looked like she was about to topple over, but one word from her, I realize it's all the air in her head keeping her upright. There was a rather large guy who has as much energy as he has excess body fat.

The host is this egotistical cheapskate who has no problem leading 22 teenagers up a 1000 foot cliff to dive into the sharky waters below it. And so me and the happy-go-lucky team of mine stood and watched the opposing team jump first. I wasn't going to let a faceplant into a freaking lake stop me from at least taking the victory for my riff-raff team. I don't even remember most their names. I know the big guy is Owen. Boobs McBraindead is actually Lindsay.

Some guy who liked to think he was all that, with his gay-ass guitar and crap was pulling moves on a perfectly pushover special snowflake goth girl. Another shorter kid with a gap in his teeth was trying to mimic the guitarist guy, likely trying to pick up the dude's emo queen. Needless to say, the kid was being completely ignored. I kinda feel bad for him, he seemed like a pretty friendly guy, just one of those guys who wished they could be a 'playa' but couldn't be.

"Don't bother dude, everyone here's too self-absorbed to have any sympathy" I half mutter, half whisper to the gap-tooth kid. He gave me a small, toothy smile. Poor guy looked so pathetic, I couldn't help myself but to smile back. And that's not something I do very often. But something about this dorky kid made me sympathize a bit.

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All but two campers from the other team, The Killer Bass, ended up jumping. I jumped right after the guitar wielding weirdo. Owen was last who had to jump, after a stubby girl with a bad lisp chickened out on us. If Owen didn't jump, we'd tie the challenge.

Guitar man, aka Trent, and I float in the middle of the shark-free zone and watch as Owen makes his plummet off the cliff. Not until after he hit the water did we realize how bad of an idea it was to still be in the water at the same time, ending with me toppled onto the sand, legs in air. As gracious I am that we won the first challenge, I am not so thrilled that my hair is all soggy and sandy. My inner diva won't allow it.

I cursed under my breath and wrung the salty water out of the mop on my head as the rest of my team loaded a bunch of big-ass creates into the handcarts we won as a reward from the first Godforsaken challenge. I ended up having to pull with Lindsiot until she got distracted by an oh-so pretty seashell!

After all 100 bottles of the sing-song pop have happened to fall, we actually made it to where the cabins for our team were. The cabins were exactly what you'd expect from a summer camp. Log bunk beds with scratchy blankets, sucky air conditioning, and enough insects to do my own research project.

Chris, our madman of a host, has us open our creates with our teeth. I really am in the presence of true genius. A completely insane chick, Lizzy or something, is particularly good at this challenge.

Using the crap inside these crates, we had to build a hot tub. Given that we have all the pieces, I'm actually not too worried about this challenge.

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Just as I thought, the building process wasn't too bad. Not to mention, the other team was keeping their pool together with duct tape. Freaking Duct Tape!

Needless to say, Chris gave us the win, so we got to have a steamy-ass pool party. As much as I love wet, shirtless guy in swimsuits, I keep my eyes glued to my book.

My tactic was not to stand out too much to everyone else, but sometimes, even buttholes like myself have to celebrate such a dominating victory.

So it turns out during the elimination ceremony, the Killer Bass got rid of some kid called Ezekiel, but I can't put a face to the name. By the news got around, most campers were turning in for the night. My team, The Screaming Gophers (genius name. I know) was in one cabin, and The Killer Bass was in the other. The guys were in one side, and the girls were on the other. So I was stuck with Owen, Trent, the gap-tooth kid who's name is Cody, and some dream boat dude who's name is Justin. There wasn't a lot of talking going on before we all fell asleep. I got the bunk over Justin, even though I specifically told all the dudes in there that I hate the top bunk. Not that it mattered, because I fell asleep almost immediately.

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I would rather kill myself than do the next challenge. Chrissy-Poo wants us to run 20k? Screw that! I must've made it 15 minutes before I tripped on a rock. Instead of being one of those over-achiever athlete jocks, I just lied down and shut my eyes. It turned out to be a smart move, because Owen thought I was unconscious or something, so he slung me over his shoulder for the rest of the race.

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"Wait. If they lost, that means we won!" I heard gothy girl say. I opened my eyes and cheered when I heard it.

After that, we were rewarded with the first actual meal all season: A huge turkey buffet. It was beautiful...

After an hour long of eating to our heart's content, we were all satisfied by the day's mild challenge.

"Now for the second part of the challenge!" Chris cheered.

You have gotta be shitting me man, I'm about to crash after the ran and the meal.

"You mean eating wasn't the second challenge?" Owen yelled, mouth full of food.

"Don't worry, this one's easy" Chris smirked "This one's an awake-a-thon!"

Most of us too stuffed to move murmured amongst ourselves, afraid 'awake-a-thon' meant what we thought it it.

"Easy. Last camper awake wins for their team. Groovy? Meet me at the campfire in 10 minutes"

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I had myself propped up against a log, purposefully trying to make myself as uncomfortable as possible so I wouldn't fall asleep. I was chatting it up lazily with Owen and Cody.

"Man" Owen groans "How long has it been? It's got to have been like 6 hours by now!"

"It's been 45 minutes Big Guy, this is going to be a long challenge for you" I sneered.

Owen moans and falls on his side lazily. Cody is staring at Trent and Gwen who are both wide awake and flirting with each other shamelessly. Poor guy had been crushing on 'gothic goddess' since day one, and not once has she payed any attention to the little dude.

"You think she'll ever come to her senses and realize that I'm a much better option for her than Trent is?" He sighed, talking to no one in particular. But I was listening, mostly because distracting myself was going to keep me awake.

"Unlikely" I spat back unenthusiastically. Cody sighs again and slumps defeatedly on a sideways Owen.

"Maybe you're right. She's never going to even look at me as long as Trent's around"

I actually felt bad for him, but something about the way that he was still so devoted to that blue-haired freak after she pays no attention to him bothers me.

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Okay, so we're about 15 hours in and about 25% of the campers are out cold, including Owen, Lindsay, the stubby girl, and a few from the Killer Bass. I'm trying to suppress my exhaustion by finishing one of the several novels I brought with me. Trent and Gwen were still flirting, which was keeping them awake so I can't argue too much.

Chris decides that it's going too slow, so he drags out a storybook. Once he begins reading, I get distracted from my own reading, so I put my book down, glaring at Chris.

I instantly regretted doing that, because that was the last thing I remember before falling asleep.

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I woke up to the feeling of something soft against my face and lips. I don't know how I woke up kissing it, but it felt nice. Well, at least until I got my common sense back, and realized exactly what I was kissing.

Actually, more like WHO I was kissing.

That "who" is Cody.

As soon as I got my senses, I jumped up and screamed in his face, him mirroring my terror.

God, what a way to appear on NATIONAL television Noah! Jesus Christ!

I hauled ass to the cabin and properly fell asleep. By myself, I may add. God that was awful.

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I was woken up by Gwen, Trent, the crazy girl Izzy, and some Asian chick who thinks she runs the place Heather coming into the cabin. I don't know exactly what time it is, but it's dark, so it's not exactly a time I want to be woken up, especially after this challenge from hell. I sat up in bed and glared at the guys coming in.

"At least tell me you guys won" I half sneered, half yawned. Heather rolled her eyes.

"Gwen here won. The other team sent Eva home" Heather hissed.

I'm pretty sure Eva is the muscle cow with the unibrow and bag full of dumbbells. I laid back down and flicked the proverbial lights off in my brain.

I am ready to win this thing.