《HELPLINE》twenty-nine; isaac

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T W E N T Y - N I N E

I S A A C

"i'm so, so sorry," my neighbour, lara, apologised, her hazel eyes wide. "i didn't mean to, i promise - one minute i was driving to pilates, and the next thing your cat was in front of my car. i tried to stop, isaac -"

i broke down in a fresh bout of tears, clutching ella's body in my hands. my poor, beautiful, empowered cat. gone. just like that.

henry frowned concernedly at me and patted lara on the arm comfortingly. "don't worry, love. isaac knows it's not your fault -"

my wailing increased. (and not the kind that henry was used to.)

" - he's just slightly unstable at the moment," he continued, raising his voice so he could be heard over my crying. "thanks for telling us, as well."

"no problem," lara replied, pulling us both in for a hug. "and look, i can't say sorry enough. let me know if there's anything i can do."

i wiped my tears away bravely. "no you go, babe. you'll be late for pilates."

"i can't believe we're having a funeral for a fucking cat," henry muttered, tugging at the collar of his black shirt. "and worse, i can't believe i have to wear all black. this is torture."

"imagine how i feel," i whispered. "i lost my best friend in the whole world. the one person i could always rely on - i mean, cat. the one cat i could always rely on."

"hello, isaac," shania said, letting herself through the back gate. "i thought i heard someone confusing cats and humans."

i rushed over to shania (who was also clad in all black) and gave her a hug. "shay! you made it!"

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"of course i did," she sighed, handing me a bottle of wine. "here. that's for later; we're all going to need it."

henry piped up from the other side of the garden. "isaac, i've finished digging."

"that's what she said," shania and i said in unison, and then i cleared my throat. "c'mon, guys. this is a funeral. it's serious now."

"whatever you say," henry said quietly, as i got the shoebox (black, naturally) ella was in and lowered it carefully into the small grave henry had dug. there were a couple of minutes of respectful silence as i covered the grave, and then we all read the short pieces we had prepared.

i went first.

"ella wasn't my first cat," i said, my voice shaking slightly. "not by a long shot." then i started to veer from the text. "it started with misty, actually; then deborah - named after blondie, obviously - and then it was britney after the mighty spears -"

henry coughed.

"right," i said, coughing too. "the point is, i loved ella a lot. she was a great cat, even if she used to bring in loads of dead animals and shit on my shirts and stuff. so i'd like to thank ella for always knowing how to cheer me up, and for teaching me a lot about unconditional love."

i sat down on the grass next to henry and shania, who both clapped.

"who's going next?" i asked.

"i will," henry said, leaping up with surprising agility. in fact, with all the pizza and beer henry constantly consumed, i was constantly amazed by his all round healthiness. (and very thankful for it.)

"ella," henry said, sounding more than a little awkward. "isaac and i bought you together on our first date. shania, like the bitch she is -"

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"no swearing in front of the cat," i said monotonously.

" - teased me about it a lot. and i mean a lot. she didn't stop going on about it for months, to be honest... but that's not the point. the point is, you brought isaac a lot of happiness, and as a result, you brought me a lot of happiness too. you were a nice cat, the aforementioned Shitting on Shirts Incidents notwithstanding, and a reminder that you don't always need to spend a load of money or even leave the house to have a good time. so, ella, even thought i can't believe i'm saying this - i'm going to miss you."

there was a short silence as henry sat down and tucked the crumpled piece of paper he'd been reading from back in his pocket.

"oh, you wonderful man," i declared, and then kissed him.

"you can save that for later," shania said after about thirty seconds. "i want to read my speech."

"right," i said, sitting up and rubbing my mouth. "speech. yes."

shania smiled, the late january sun shining down on her hair and making it shine.

"ella, i've only met you once or twice. i don't really have all that much to say about you, to be honest. but i know this - you were instrumental in getting the two fuckers in front of me -"

"JESUS CHRIST, GUYS. NO SWEARING IN FRONT OF THE CAT."

" - together, and for that, i owe you a great deal. otherwise i might have had to do it myself, and then i'd have to do something other than read nietzsche at work. so rest in peace, babe."

so that's how henry, shania and i spent the twenty-seventh of january that year. at a funeral for my cat. but like henry says, we put the in funeral.

lots of love,

lucy

xox

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