I watched him while he slept.

To say he is beautiful wouldn't due him justice. He is lovely, stunning, gorgeous, charming, he is everything to me. I loved the way he fit perfectly in my arms; the way this all just felt so perfect.

I hated myself for what I had to do.

But knowing that I was doing it for him, so that he could survive, made me feel not so much like crap.

He's going to hate me too.

I wouldn't blame him if he did. I'd still love him. I'll always love him. But I wouldn't be able to deal with him growing to resent me. I couldn't take it. Even when doing the most selfless thing of my life, why did I still feel selfish?

Maybe because I knew it was wrong. Maybe because it was going to tear him into a million pieces and me the same. Maybe because I was ripping us from each others arms in such a cruel manner that I should be deemed a criminal.

Or maybe it was because I love him more than my own life.

I leaned down and kissed his lips lightly, making sure not to wake him. I laid the letter down on the bed. It took all the will I had to walk out of that hotel room. Every step felt like the world was shaking. I told myself not to look back once I reached the room door. But I couldn't resist.

Seeing him lay so peacefully, and knowing it would be the last time I laid eyes on him had my heart crumbling. I ran from the room, shutting the door lightly. I wasn't even two minutes from the hotel before the pain took over. I drowned myself in tears as I slumped against a tree.

''It's okay, it's-it's fine as long as it's for him. This is all for him. I love him. God, I love him.'' I whispered to myself trying to calm down.

I love him.

I wasn't drunk when I kissed you that night, I was barely even buzzed. I wanted to.

Steven I wanted to kiss you that night. I've wanted to kiss you ever since the first week we met. I'm sorry for lying about that.

I'm sorry for a lot of things.

The Bro-Code;

#1: Never get caught.

#2: Learn your lies.

#3: What happens in the closet stays in the closet.

#4: Never break the Bro-Code.

We failed number one. I don't regret it. Everything that has brought us closer together, I'll never regret any of it.

I'm pretty sure we fucked up number two on many occasions. But we fucked up together.

I ruined number three for us. I'm not proud of how everything played out when I told my parents. I just want you to know and understand that none of it is your fault.

Right now I'm breaking number four.

So right now I'm saying fuck the Bro-Code. It was never about the Bro-Code it's about us and I love you.

I can't apologize enough for what I've done to you, because I know my words mean nothing. They can't ever justify my actions enough for you to forgive me and I know that.

I'm sure right now your upset and your probably cursing me out in every language you know but I won't apologize for what I'm doing right now.

Yes, I'm deeply sorry for causing you the pain that's going to follow, but no Steven, I'm not sorry for leaving, because I'm doing it for reasons I can't bring myself to explain. But most importantly you should know I'm doing it for you.

I love you more than I love myself. You didn't fuck my life up Steven you made it worth living, but I can't go back home. My parents will never accept me and I know that.

But you have a chance.

And it would be so cruel of me to take that away from you. Your parents will forgive you, Steven. I know they will. They love you. I want you to tell them what they want to hear. Even if it means bashing me, I don't care. I want what's best for you.

Steven...Steven I'm not best for you. You're so perfect and I'm not worth your future. And I want you to have that future.

I love you so much baby. I must have written that a million times already but I don't care, it's true. I'll always love you, that's why I have to do this, please never forget that.

Please never forget our love.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!!- Writer_Babe xoxox