"So, how's she holding up?"

Tossing the bar towel over my shoulder, I sighed at Carrie's question and rested my hands against the bar.

"Honestly... not too good. She's pretty messed up over it. She's had nightmares every night since it happened. She wakes up screaming and crying and... it's bad. It's really bad, Carr."

I shook my head and leaned my weight against the bar as I recalled back to just last night's episode.

Her, screaming. Me, trying to hold her and soothe her back to sleep as she lashed out and wept uncontrollably once she came out of her mind consuming nightmare and was thrown violently back into reality.

She was miserable and I was at a loss as how to help her.

"She eating at least?" Carrie asked before lifting her beer to her lips and taking a swig.

"Not eating, not sleeping, nothing. She's just quiet a lot or she cries. She won't talk to me really and... I don't know what to do anymore. The most I've gotten out of her is when she first wakes up from her night terrors and she sobs about how sorry she is. I think she thinks she's talking to Zach in those moments but... I don't know."

"Kid," Carrie's voice beckoned me, tearing my gaze from the patterns in the bar wood and fixing my stare on my sisters certain, blue eyes that reminded me so much of my mothers.

"It's gonna get better. I promise you. It's only been a week. A week since she put a bullet in someone, someone she loved for three years. She's gonna be fucked up for a while over it and you've gotta suck it up and get used to it because she needs you. Even if she's not talking to you, she needs you there just so she knows she has you. She may have gotten out of that relationship alive but she's gonna be scarred for life and that's something you're both gonna have to live with if you really wanna make it work."

"You know I want it to work and it's going to for us, I would never give up on her it's just... getting harder I guess," I mumbled out, dropping my head into my hands dejectedly.

Grabbing the bottle of beer between her fingers, Carrie shook her head with a knowing smile and bitter eyes lighting up her face.

"Welcome to the real world, kid. It sucks."

My shift ended about an hour after Carrie left. It was my first day shift back at the bar since everything happened with Zach and to be really fucking honest... I didn't want to go.

I'd been with Leah every step of the way, every second of the day since that night. She's been so delicate and's been bursting into tears or a panic attack without a moment's notice lately. It could be a door closing too loudly or even just a memory as it flashes through her mind, unbeknownst to the rest of us around her and then she's suddenly gone from the room and all we can hear is her severe hyperventilating and sobbing from the other room.

It seems the only good I can really do as of late is to calm her from her attacks. Thankfully, I still have the soothing effect over her that I always seemed to have and even though it's terrible to say, I almost get a bit of joy whenever she does go into a panic attack. It's the only time and way I seem to be able to help her... and fuck all I wanted to do was help her right now.

What if she never recovers...?

"Fuck," I cursed out under my breath and shook the morbid thought from my head as quickly as it entered. I forced my attention to steady on the road ahead of me as I drove back to the apartment instead of the daunting thoughts that had slipped through the blocks in my mind over the last couple days.

As much as I despised each thought as it barreled through my tired mind, I couldn't help it.

What if she's never the same?

What if she's depressed for years?

Is that something I would be able to put up with? For how long?

If possible, I would flip the switch on my brain to get it to shut the fuck up with all of those horrible, weak thoughts. Yet, I obviously couldn't and each time I thought those terrible thoughts, I was forced to answer them within the same breath.

I knew it would be hard; more than hard. What Leah was going to undoubtedly go through over the next year or two or five would be unlike anything her or I have ever dealt with and it would test both of us to our maximum limits.

Most would bow out now.

Yet, every time I find myself staring at Leah, unable to look away as guilty tears pool in her eyes or she's lost in deep thought while gazing out of my bedroom window... I feel that familiar tug in my chest and I immediately know.

I could never be without her.

Even though she's in a rough patch now, I can still see remanence of strength glistening beneath her honey eyes.

She will get through this and I will be there for her as she does.

Shutting of the engine to my truck, I hopped out and took the steps of the stairs by two's as I felt the anxiety to see her after being away for a whole day gnawing away at my stomach.

I was beyond curious to see how she did on her first day by herself since the incident.

Swinging the front door open with more vigor than I probably should have, I immediately sent my eyes on a hunt for the woman I was sure would be curled up on the couch into a tiny little ball, waiting for my arrival.

She wasn't.

"Leah?" I called out through the apartment.

No response.

My excited smile quickly fell from my lips as the sweet sound of her melodic voice never met my ears.

"Leah, where are you?"

Nerves. Nerves were beginning to boil through my veins as I stormed through the entire apartment looking for her. There was no sign of her fiery red hair in the bedroom. No scent of her lilac perfume in the bathroom.

There was no sign of Leah at all.

"Alright, Peaches this isn't funny anymore. Come out of wherever you're hiding."

I could hear the fear edging into my voice as my frantic eyes scoured over every inch of my apartment. Our apartment.

That was, until my eyes finally settled on something unusual sitting on the kitchen table.

A note.

Doing my best to push down the overwhelming anxiety I could feel swelling up through my stomach, I slowly walked towards the table and with trembling fingers, picked up the note.

Kaleb,

I can't even begin to describe how much it's tearing me apart to write this letter. You... you are everything I could have ever dreamed I wanted and never thought I deserved. You pushed me and pushed me until I had no other choice to let you in and listen to what you had to say and for that I will never be able to thank you enough. I'm alive because of you.

You rescued the hidden portion of the woman I used to be that was tucked deeply away for years. You saved my soul, my heart... you saved me.

Now, it's my turn to save you.

I'm not in a good place. Ever since that night... I'm not myself and I hate that you have to see me like this. I cringe every time I find you staring at me with that look that tells me you're afraid I won't ever get over it. I know you're scared that I might never be who I was before Zach, before you found me and to be honest, so am I.

So, I'm leaving.

It won't be for forever, I couldn't imagine living forever without seeing you every day or kissing you but it will be for a while. I need help; help that I can't find here and in order to get where I need to be... I need to do it by myself. I need to take time for myself to heal every wound that Zach ever inflicted on me. I need to properly deal with the fact that he's not ever coming back and I'm to blame.

I have a lot to work on before I can be the girl you fell for; the girl I was born to be.

I left my phone so you won't be able to contact me. I know if I could talk to you every day all I'd want to do is come running home and into your arms. I can't allow myself to do that quite yet.

I don't know how long I'll be gone but I swear I'll come back when I'm ready. I'll come back when I'm ready to be the girl you deserve by your side. If you don't want me whenever I do come back... I'll understand.

Just know that I'll find you when I'm ready.

I love you endlessly, Kaleb and I always will. I'll cling to the love we have over the next period of time to help me whenever I feel weak. Your love is all I'll need to get me through.

I'll be seeing you, I promise. I'll find you again even if you don't want me when I do, I'll still search you out even if it's just to see you one last time.

With all of my endless love,

- Your Peaches

My weight dropped into the wall next to me and suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

My lungs burned and my throat clenched painfully with the thin paper still clutched between my dampening fingers as the harrowing realization stabbed its way through my sorely gaping heart.

Leah was gone.