Four sunrises.

Four sunsets.

Four long days with my overheated body lying on my sweat-soaked bed, writhing in pain that radiated from my arm and midriff. It seemed to spread everywhere, from my head to the tips of my toes.

I was ready to be done with the constant pain, I was ready to be well again. The pain was excruciating at times, making tears run down my sweating face heavy like a river out to sea. When I was unconscious, I was blissfully unaware of the troubles my body was having. The infection grew so quickly, so sudden that I overheard the whispered concerns of my declining health from Balder, Jarl Egil, and Eir when I was awake.

Once someone clenched my shoulders down onto the bed a few nights ago, I knew something was amiss.

The sudden feeling of a hot scalding brand was one of the worst pains that I have felt, I was unprepared for the abrupt sear of my flesh. Thankfully someone placed a towel in my mouth so I would not bite my tongue as I screamed in pain. I had cried and sobbed until my sobs nearly took over my entire body.

The faces around me were mirrors of pain and worry, even the new Jarl that was residing in the manor. Balder had helped Ingrid and Hilde pin me down to the bed as Eir branded my wounds shut.

Once it was all over, the men left the chambers while the women gave me a cold water bath to help with my temperature.

But now everything was hot. Everything hurt.

The cold and wet cloth on my forehead was suddenly taken off and then immediately replaced with a new one and I hummed graciously at my keepers. Eir, Hilde, Ingrid, and a few women from the village watched over me and kept me comfortable and hydrated. Eir made me drink concoctions sporadically to help battle the fever, aches, and pain. Most were ones that I was ready to spit back out from the horrid taste, but Ingrid had my head propped up in such a way that there was no option but to swallow that nastiness that Eir created. Siv and Unni visited to tell me the rumors and newest tales around the village, as well as keeping me updated on issues within the market that arose. Rita came as well to help, bringing little Alva at one point to tell me stories and brush my hair.

All I could do was sleep to get better. If I was awake, I would simply watch the women come in and out of my chambers and listen to them as they talked. My throat was too tender to talk to everyone and if I tried there was only a light rasp that could barely be heard. At night, some of the women would begin whispering furiously at one another at one point in the middle of the night. Something about "the risks" and it being "too soon to tell".

My mind was too fuzzy to even begin to wonder what they were talking about.

I opened my eyes and peered at Ingrid and Hilde who were standing by my bed. Ingrid caught me looking and smiled before she carefully rolled another log into the fireplace. Hilde pressed her cool hand against my forehead, shaking her head slightly and sighing gently. She turned away to grab something off the desk while Ingrid joined me, wiping her hands on the material of her gown. Once Hilde turned around, I paled even more at the object between her palms. In her hands was a bowl of some concoction that had steam rolling from it. My brow furrowed at the thought of eating anything. Even stew or porridge, which was my favorite to eat.

"Now, do not go scrunching your nose at this. It is a brew that Eir made with some bits meat and vegetables to keep up your strength. You shall need it."

I immediately smoothed my face out at her smart remark. Ingrid's face held that familiar smirk that reminded me of him. My nonexistent appetite evaporated into nothing just thinking about him.

"Do you know when Aderick is going to be back?" I swallowed but winced at the tenderness. "I wish he was here," I breathed.

Her gaze softened as she grabbed a cold cloth from the wooden bucket and wrung it out, careful of getting water on the floor. She was particular in that way.

"I know you miss him. I miss him too. I miss Ragnar as well. Does not seem long ago that you were planning to mutilate and torture Aderick when he comes home. I have a feeling he shall come home soon though, I feel it in my bones."

I raised a sweaty brow at her words, but she shrugged and smiled as she dabbed at the sweat along my throat and upper chest. She moved the straps of my thin shift around to completely wipe off the sweat that collected there.

Hilde delicately placed the bowl and utensil down before sitting on the edge of the chair next to me and helped Ingrid pull my body to sit up on the head frame of the bed. I had to bite my lip from groaning out loud. I grumbled for a bit until Hilde was settled in the chair with the bowl in her hands.

She scooped up a portion of the brew and held it up to my face expectantly. We stared at one another for several breaths, hazel to gold, either one relenting their cause. I rolled my eyes and sighed before finally resigning and opening my mouth. She fed me numerous bites before I eventually shook my head. Any more and I would get sick, bent over the pail heaving my guts out. The brew was not horrible, not delicious, just enough flavor to force it down. I took a sip of water from the cup that Hilde was holding, just enough to quench my thirst.

"I feel as though I am a babe," I mumbled under breath as I carefully laid back down in bed with Hilde's help.

Hilde and Ingrid shared a careful look at my words.

"Nei," Hilde countered smoothly while straightening the furs, "You are an injured woman with an infection who happens to be kin, not to mention the Jarl's wife. Do not fret so much, Britta. Soon you shall be well enough to stand to greet him once he comes back to the manor. I am sure of it."

Heaving a tired sigh, I whispered softly. "I hope so."

"Rest, Britta. Until the infection goes away and the fever is gone, you need to lie down and not worry too much. I shall change the dressings so you shall not be uncomfortable." Ingrid snagged the fresh cloth for my wounds and a bowl of water to tend to the slowly healing brands.

I closed my eyes as Ingrid wrapped my wounds once more, her enlarged belly brushing my uninjured arm as she dressed the scratch on my stomach. I had a wistful smile on my face as I thought of Ingrid with a little babe with dark locks alongside Astrid with her little babe, hair a chestnut color just like my sister.

I finally slipped into unconsciousness, a small smile on my face as I curled deep into the furs.

*.*.*

I could almost feel my mother's caressing hand on my cheek as a vision of her and a pregnant Astrid smiled at me. We were back home, in the hall where we all used to eat and talk. The proud banners of the Haraldsson clan were untouched and clean, the torches on the walls were contained and lit the area brightly like it once did.

Astrid tugged slightly on a lock of my hair like she always did, a devious smirk on her face with her eyes twinkling. Just like Pappa's. Tears rushed to the forefront as happiness spread throughout my body. I hugged them both tightly, inhaling their smells of oils, flowers, and spice. They felt so real, just like they were alive.

Gods, I missed them so much.

"Mamma, I missed you so. I love you, I wish you were here with me." I choked out.

"Astrid, I-" I began, but stopped as the joyous mood turned dark within a blink of an eye.

My sister's bright smile suddenly turned into a grimace of pain as I spoke. I reached a hand out to help her, but the grimace on her face turned into a silent scream of agony. Her eyes were clenched shut and tears began to fall from her eyes. My gaze rushed to Mamma, desperate to save Astrid, whose eyes were large in fright as she stared at my belly.

Mine. Not Astrid's.

Astrid was hurting, not me! Something could be wrong with the babe!

I looked down, seeing nothing amiss. My brow crinkled in confusion.

Just as I was about to ask Mamma what was wrong, a harsh cramp rushed through my lower back, making my body arch at the ferocity of the pain. My hands grasped the skin that felt like it was on fire deep within. My features mirrored Astrid's as the cramps rolled downward quickly to my hips and settled there, throbbing sporadically as time passed. I immediately bent over to help ease to the spasms, but nothing helped. What were once tears of happiness turned quickly to pain as I collapsed to my knees.

What was happening to us?

Nausea suddenly hit the back of my throat and I wanted to expel the brew and liquids I consumed not long ago. The power behind the wave of sickness grew stronger as I tried breathing carefully through my nose. I shuddered as the bile began creeping up my throat.

Through my tears, I noticed Mamma had followed both of us to the ground, a hand on both of our shoulders as we writhed in pain. Her eyes glimmered with tears at the sight of her daughters in pain, and I wanted to curl up in a ball in her arms like I did as a child.

I began shaking like someone had a hold on my shoulder and was trying to get my attention. It distracted me a bit from the building pain and I faintly heard my name being called from far away. But it was not Mamma or Astrid, it sounded like Ingrid.

But Ingrid was not part of my dream. Or was she?

"Britta, vær så snill, wake up! Vær så snill, there is something wrong, you must wake!"

I groaned as Ingrid's shouting grew louder, particularly right next to my ear.

My eyes fluttered open to see her panicked face along with Hilde's above me. The fright in their eyes shook something deep within my body that something was wrong.

Horribly wrong.

The horrid cramps flared once again and I began panicking as the realization the pains of the dreams were actually real. But how was this possible?

"Where is Eir?!" Ingrid cried out.

"I do not know! I believe she planned to rest then come back later with a new drink for Britta." Hilde's hands were shaking as she brushed hair out of her face.

"Go - find her now. We are losing time." Ingrid rushed out, flailing her hands at Hilde, who nodded quickly and darted out of the room.

"Great gods above, help us in this time of need. Protect Britta and her babe," Ingrid prayed ever so softly under her breath as she put a fresh cold cloth on my head.

But not soft enough for me to hear.

"What? Ingrid, vær så snill," I whispered hoarsely.

Was I with child? Nei, I was not with child, I was sure of it.

This must be part of an infection, something unusual.

It is not possible.

"What is happening to me?" I groaned out, clutching my lower stomach.

A multitude of cramps began rolling their way from my lower back, to my pelvis, then back up again. I shifted uncomfortably on the bed, whimpering at the intensity. Great Odin, help me!

It felt like hours when Eir rushed through the doors with Hilde following close behind her. I watched as Eir's face paled at the scene, which only sparked my inward panic to multiply. She hobbled over to my side, brushing Ingrid to the other side of the bed. Her cool hands caressed my heated skin and a sigh shuddered out of my throat.

"Eir, help-"

"Shh, my child. It shall be over soon," Her eyes darted towards the end of the bed before she quickly walked to the desk to grab a vessel.

Bringing it up to my lips, she said quietly, "Here, my dear, drink this quickly. You shall begin to feel better, I promise."

I nodded before drinking the entire thing. I sat back against the furs before curling into a ball.

"Talk to her while I help her," Eir said to Ingrid and Hilde as she tore the bottom half of my shift off with a knife and wiped my legs and inner thighs with cloths.

Eir threw the cloths stained with blood on the floor as she worked, and the sight made my throat almost close.

White hot pain twisted itself deep into my belly and I cried out. I begged and pleaded with Ingrid and Hilde, both saying sweet things to me for distractions, whose faces were plastered with an estranged smile. Their eyes kept darting towards the end of the bed by my lower belly. I could see the absolute fear in their eyes as they started whisper pleads to the gods.

I felt what I could describe as a gush leave me and Ingrid cursed loudly, yelling for Balder to come to my chambers.

The doors slammed open several breaths later to reveal Balder, whose golden eyes widened significantly at the sight of me writhing on the bed, the furs below soaked with liquids that had expelled from my body.

"Help me settle her down, Eir has to help her!"

Four hands locked onto my shoulders as I writhed with the pain that continued to twist. Hilde kept brushing my face with a wet cloth to keep me cool. Nausea curled itself in my belly then rose quickly up my throat. Hilde quickly snagged a pail that I curled myself over as I expelled the brew I ate. Hilde wiped my face off with a cloth before carefully putting it down.

Balder began praying lowly, mumbling curses after each prayer.

My eyes clenched shut as I sobbed loudly, my throat and lungs constricting until I could barely breathe. The pain was too much. I could not take it anymore. Deep sobs wracked my body as the strongest wave passed through.

A hand clasped Ingrid's arm as I gritted my teeth and screamed through them. My eyes met hers as I silently begged her. My throat was too raw to scream and beg, it was like knives scraping down my throat if I wished to talk too much. Rising up on my uninjured arm, I gasped at the amount of blood on the fur by my hips. My inner thighs were soaked in blood.

It was like being on my cursed monthly, but worse. Much worse.

Through the sweaty strands of hair that had fallen in my eyes, I could see Eir working furiously between my split legs where the blood was the darkest on the furs. Thick clots of blood were clinging to the soft furs. What was a rich brown was now a shiny unnatural black.

It was then I knew.

I was with child.

Was.

But not anymore.

The physical pain was lingering but not the inner agony that boiled within as the harsh realization of losing my own babe hit me. Tears streamed down my face as I clutched onto Ingrid's arm, squeezing my eyes shut and sobbed deeply.

Eir was bent over me, a sweaty mess from working, and she signed in defeat before pulling away.

Ingrid's arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders as Eir and Hilde cleaned the mess. I could feel the hot touch of her tears as they hit my shoulders. Before I could realize what was happening, I was quickly bathed and changed into a fresh tunic, most likely one of Aderick's, and carried by Balder to another chamber.

I was going numb except for the harsh throb of my heart breaking into pieces.

I lost my babe. Aderick's babe.

Our babe.

What was I going to tell him?

Once I was placed on the bed of soft furs, I curled into a ball and bit my lip to muffle the sobs. It felt as though my tears were endless. Ingrid and Hilde had changed into clean dresses at some point and joined me on the bed, their arms curling around me. Both their hands clasped mine, and I knew they would not leave. I wanted to thank them, but I could not even begin to talk now. We laid there, crying softly for what I lost. I did not see Eir leave, though I faintly heard the soft curse from Balder before the door shut with a soft sound.

I could do nothing now but cry myself to sleep.

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