Has there been a time in your life when you realized that you had to do something? But doing that, just may lead all of your happiness to crash against each other and disappear into oblivion?

But still, you had to do that something.

You had to say something.

If not, then you'll be living a lie.

I realized it a long time ago but I had been stalling. And when Allie revealed that part of her life, to me I realized what kind of a coward I was being.

She trusts me.

So I'm going to trust her too.

I look into her eyes intently trying to figure out the emotions that were running within them. She's like an open book to me. Most people would buy her fake smiles and laughs as easily as they'd buy a condom before having sex.

Worst example possible for mankind but continue.

But I can see through them like a clean glass door.

I can see the pain in her eyes as she holds back a wince every time someone throws a jab at her.

I can see her try to see the good in people as she was smiling at Karin.

I can see her love and devotion to all of her friends whenever she speaks about them.

And after what she told me, I can also see her braveness in her eyes.

If this isn't love, then I don't know what is.

So I'm willing to take a leap of faith and trust her.

Trust her to don't leave me.

If that's what it takes for me to be with her.

But right now, as she stares at me blankly, I feel fear crawling it's way upwards.

Say something.

Please.

You're killing me right now.

Slowly she inhaled a breath, "Explain."

I gulp, "It's just like it sounds. I killed him. I took a gun and shot him right in his head. All the while looking-"

She suddenly stood up, breathing hard.

"Allie?" I ask, fear showing clearly in my voice.

"S-stay back," she whispers out lowly.

"What?" my eyes widen as I try to touch her, "Allie? Wh-"

"Stay back!" she flinches away from my touch, "I-I'm sorry Ryder. But I...I need some time."

I feel like someone just kicked me. Then threw me in front of a train. And lastly drowned my body in the Atlantic.

Slowly realization sinks into me like a sharp poisonous needle.

Oh.

Well, it's fucking fine, right Ryder?

You had expected it.

You knew there was a chance it was going to happen.

You knew it.

My eyes harden as I wear my emotionless mask again, "I'm glad that you finally got it through your fucking mind that I'm a monster and you should stay away from me."

She winces, "Ryder, it's not-"

"Save it!" I suddenly yell.

My heart twists painfully in my chest. I'm breathing hard as I try to contain my anger and frustration.

And maybe even tears?

I turn away from her, "Go."

My voice sounds strange even to me.

Cold.

Emotionless.

Hard.

Hopeless.

Loveless.

I hear a sharp intake of breath and then disappearing sound of light footsteps.

I keep my eyes focused in the horizon.

I don't dare turn back until it's completely silent. Until I'm sure that she has left.

Then I fall on my knees.

I'm so exhausted. I'm so tired. I'm so stupid.

I'm sorry I'm such a monster Allie.

Yeah, I guess I do deserve your hatred.

I don't deserve to be in your life.

I'm a monster.

But you could've at least given me a chance to tell you the whole story, right?

Hah.

I guess, I don't deserve that either.

Run, Allie.

Run away from me.

You've always been too good for me.

Taking a deep breath I made my decision right then and there. I would again do what I always did.

I would leave.

The first flight tomorrow.

I'll leave.

I'll run too.