My thoughts are all over the place as I brush the stack of hay also known as my hair. I bite my lip in nervousness.

Nervousness which is almost overruled by excitement.

"We're just friends, right?" I ask to my reflection in the mirror.

She stares back at me with pink cheeks and wide eyes.

"What are you looking so bloody hopeful for?" I scowl at her.

She still looks excited with a small lovey- dovey smile on her face.

I groan in frustration and throw myself on the bed, "Damn it, Lisa! He just sees you as a friend! Nothing else! Get that though your fucking skull and stop looking so hopeful!"

I turn sideways facing the window. The slightly cold air of evening is breezing past my curtains. Summer had just ended a month ago but the weather is already turning cold. Fucking people polluting the environment.

I clutch my hair brush tightly to my chest and sigh.

I'm no Emma Watson. I don't think I have eyes to drown some poor guy in. I don't have luscious lips or beautiful skin. I think I probably have some freckles on my nose. I don't have straight shiny hair or bouncy curly hair. I have a hay stack which is neither brown nor red. And the glasses I wear probably covers half of my face.

Guys listen, I'm seriously not depressed. I'm just stating facts. I know that I'm an amazing person. I always put others before me and I always smile no matter how hurt I am.

In the inside, I'm beautiful, yes. But on the outside? No, not really. So can someone ignore my exterior look and see my beautiful interior?

Can he?

I don't think so. But I hope.

Is hoping for something that you're 99% sure won't happen is that wrong?

Who knows?

To say I was surprised when Ryder dropped the bomb on me would be an understatement.

He didn't say anything afterwards and just stomped away as if he was angry with himself.

I know I'm not that bad that he would be so angry to only go to a carnival with me.

So what is the case here?

The words from the girl, Celia, rings in my ears.

"Oh Ryder....You're talking as if your aren't already a murderer."

What was she talking about?

What is his past?

What about his brother?

So many questions swirl in my head.

Growling at myself I get up to get ready. I'm not a pathetic girl who's only gonna blush madly and stutter! I'm going to this carnival because I want to and if Ryder is going with me then it's bloody fine! I'm his friend and I'm going to act like it. It doesn't matter if he likes me or not but I'm going to ask him about his past.

I've given him enough time, I think. And my curiosity is becoming larger than Texas so the least I should do is ask him

But if he doesn't tell me...

Then it's fine.

You give up way too easily.

Great, here you are. I was wondering if you had died.

Aww, you were worried for me?

Nah, I was wondering when I would throw a party to celebrate.

After arguing with myself on what I should wear, I finally settle on a pair of jeans and dark blue tops and throw them on. Not too causal and doesn't scream 'Tries too hard.'

Which I don't, just for your information.

Tying my hair up in a ponytail, I jog down the stairs.

Only to trip on my own feet when I spot Ryder leaning by the wall.

"Careful," he smirks holding my arm to keep me from falling and breaking my neck.

"How did you get in?" I ask him wide eyed trying to ignore the tingles shooting down my arm at his touch.

Damn it, I'm not ready to face him just yet.

He smirks, "Your mom let me in, she's an person amazing really."

I roll my eyes. My mom would let a serial killer in saying 'Do you want to stay for dinner?' if he asked nicely.

Ryder lets me go and runs his eyes over my clothes with an expressionless face.

I hold my head up high. I'm not going to blush. I'm not like those stuttering girls-

Damn it, I'm blushing.

He shrugs nonchalantly as though he couldn't care less if I had worn a potato sack. My eyebrow twitch in annoyance.

He moves past me and motions me to come along, "Hurry the hell up. The sooner we go there, the sooner we're out of there."

I follow him out, saying a quick bye to my mom. She's not surprised since I go out with my friends all the time. And when I say all the time, I mean all the time.

"Where's your bike?" I ask noticing it's absence in our driveway.

"I didn't bring it," he glances at me, "Thought we'd walk. It's not far from here, is it?"

I feel relieved and disappointed.

Relieved cause I don't have to be in so close proximity with him again.

Disappointed because I don't have to be in so close proximity with him again.

I shake my head to clear these thoughts.

"Why are you shaking your head?" Ryder asks me amused.

"Uh, because it thinks it's Beyonce's ass?"

I face-palm myself mentally. Great, once again my stupid mouth has made an appearance.

He laughs, "God! When you get nervous and blurt out stupid things, its way too adorable."

I close my eyes in frustration as my heart beat speeds up.

God, Ryder. Why are you making this even harder for me?

We engage in a friendly conversation about our favourite songs. It's so weird that we have so many things in common but at the same time nothing at all. We both love books but our taste in them are completely different. Whereas I love cheesy romance novels, he reads foreign writer's books whose names I can't even pronounce. We both love drowning the reality out in songs but whereas he loves heavy metal songs, I love Taylor Swift.

So much in common yet nothing at all.

We reach the carnival after about 10 minutes of walking. Seeing the bright lights adorning the occasion and the cheerful atmosphere, I sigh in content.

Ryder grunts in annoyance but its Ryder. What else do you expect? A happy-go-lucky dance?

I give him a curious glance as we walk through the masses of people, "Why are you hating it so much Ryder? I'm awesome company."

He rolls his eyes, "Aren't you modest? But no, it's not you. I just hate all these fucking fake drama."

My eyebrows shoot up, "Fake? How is it fake?"

He nods towards a family sitting a few feet away from us on a bench. The father is feeding a cotton candy to his small daughter and the mother is laughing cheerfully.

I smile at the sight.

"A pretty sight isn't it?" a humorless smile creeps on his face, "Now look more closely at the mother's neck. What do you see?"

Giving him a curious glance, I squint closer.

Then I gasp.

Bruises.

Hand mark bruises. As if someone had tried to choke her.

"Who would do that? Why...?" my voice shakes as I drag my eyes back to him.

He chuckles humorlessly, "Probably the husband. See the warning glances he keeps throwing at her? And if you look a little more closely, you'll see her laughter is forced too. They're most likely showing the world what a happy and lovely family they are. Fuck. Makes me sick."

Glancing at my shocked state, he gives me a small smile, "You're too naive for this world Allie. Too innocent. The world is not all cheesy romance stories and Taylor Swift songs. It's disgusting and it's cruel."

He saunters off, leaving me and my thoughts alone.

How could he notice all of that from here?

Why does he think so negatively all the time?

What could have happened to him to make him think like this?

Am I really too naive and innocent?

Is he right? About the world? Is it really disgusting and cruel?

I glance back at the family one last time before turning back and following him into the crowd.