Sometimes your past is your worst enemy.

You can't blame it on the people, you can't blame it on the situation, you can't blame it on God either.

Because it's your past.

The mistakes you made, the things you did, the pains you caused are your responsibility and yours only. No matter what bullshit people feed you about it not being your fault and how you couldn't have done anything and all that shit.

Because it always is your fault.

You could have always done it differently. You could have always done something else. You could have always tried harder.

I hate myself because I didn't.

I hate my past. I hate the things I did, the pains I caused, the people I hurt.

But most of all, I hate myself.

I hate myself so fucking much.

If only I hadn't been so irresponsible, if only I could have noticed it earlier then maybe I could have helped him.

Then maybe I could have saved him somehow.

Him, my brother, Aaron Woods.

I'm a screw up. A walking disaster. I destroy everything I touch.

No matter where I go, which city I run to, what I do my past always catches up with me.

It always comes back to haunt me. I can't escape my past. I can never forget what a monster I am.

I'm worse than a monster. I'm a murderer.

I killed my own brother.

It's ironic that I killed him while trying to help him. I can still remember his last words.

"It's not your fault."

But how is it not?

How can any sane person say that?

Then there's her. The epitome of love and laughter. No matter how much you hurt her she'll never hurt you back. No matter what you say to her, she'll always just throw a smile and laugh about it. No matter how much she's suffering, she'll try her best not to show it.

Because she thinks she's not worth it. God, what a foolish girl.

I can still remember the way her eyes were shining with worry for me. Even though I treated her like shit. Most other girls would have tried to act all snobby and aloof, hoping to get an apology. She didn't do that. Instead the first words that came out of her mouth were, "Are you okay?"

I still remember her hesitation while I kissed her because she thought she was would be taking advantage of my fever.

Yeah, right. As if she was the one taking advantage.

Her eyes, which are the warmest of brown, are always shining with love.

Her lips, so soft and luscious, are always curved upwards in that angelic smile.

And her heart. I can't really say how soft and squishy it is, cause that's super creepy.

But it's so pure. Even if she's cursing left and right.

She's such a foolish girl. Always deeming herself unworthy. Always thinking how her feelings doesn't matter. Always putting others before her.

She's so amazing.

She's like heaven. A heaven that curses non stop.

And I'm hell.

Never, not even in those stupid romance novels I made the mistake to read one time, does the sweet and charming girl falls for the villain. The villain, the murderer, the monster is always doomed to live his life alone.

It's what I deserve.

It's what's best for her. She doesn't need a screw up like me dragging her behind.

I have already gotten too close to her. I can't get any closer.

Haven't you already hurt her enough?

As I watch her throw me a small smile and hurriedly jog the other way, I feel like bashing my head repeatedly against a wall.

Fuck, I'm so messed up!

Why is it that I always end up hurting the people I love?

Why?

Why did I have to fall in love with her?

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