I wake up in a terrible mood on Tuesday. My head hurts, my eyes sting, my body hurts from all the walking I did yesterday but most of all my heart hurts.

It fucking hurts so much.

I feel as if a giant bulldozer is sitting on my chest. A heavy load of feelings and thoughts.

I feel guilty. What if I ruined our perfectly good friendship for some silly crush?

I feel sad. What if he never talks to me again?

I feel angry. At him, at myself, at the whole universe maybe.

But most of all, I feel hurt.

Because I know that the crush I have on Ryder...isn't really a crush anymore.

Shit. I just had to like him, didn't I?

Yes, like. I like him. I like him a lot. A whole fucking lot.

Are you sure you just like him? There's another word that starts with an 'L' you know?

No.

No.

No!

Too soon. And too impossible.

Besides what the hell do I know about him? Nothing!

Do I know about his past? No. Because he doesn't trust me enough to tell me.

Do I know about his family? No. Because he didn't give me the time to ask him.

Do I really know him?

No, because he didn't give me a chance to. And now he wants me to stay out of his life.

Fine.

Great.

Fantastic.

Just awesome. Then I'll have the chance to have more crushes!

Great for me, right?

I snort. Who are you fooling, Lisa?

Just who?

"Hey," Sam greets me slowly taking in my appearance, "You're totally rocking The Sloth look today."

I don't even have the energy to roll my eyes, "Really? Thanks so much."

I go to open my locker but she slams it shut, "Oh cut the bullshit woman! What happened?"

I shrug, "I got mugged when I was searching for mosquitoes."

I don't know why the hell I just said that. The only two words that were constantly on my mind since yesterday was 'Ryder' and 'Mosquito'.

Don't ask.

She gives me a look, "As believable as that sounds coming from your mouth, I don't think that's the case."

I open my mouth to say that I'm completely okay but another voice interrupts me.

"Oh! It's you again!"

Sighing exhaustedly I turn to face Barbie's twin also known as Karin.

A slight irritation creeps into me but I force it down and smile at her in a friendly manner. No one deserves to be treated like shit because of some petty jealousy.

"Hello Karin," I smile at her, "It's really nice to meet you too."

As nice as it'd would've been to meet Satan.

Nope, jealousy shut up.

She's not alone. Two girls, whom I recognize are from the cheer leading team, are standing on both sides of her.

Just like those mean girl movies.

But as I said I'm not the girl with golden grades or super hot body and obviously not the new girl who has somehow attracted the attention of the school's hottest guy.

So they shouldn't have any reasons to disturb me, right?

Right?

Um, guys?

She forces a smile at me as her eyes flicker up and down on my attire.

"Hoodie and a..sack thingy," she smirks, "Interesting choice of attire."

I eye her clothes. Prada skirt that's two inches too high and a cropped top that almost pushes her breasts up to her neck.

And an interesting choice of lingerie, I wanted to say but manage to keep my mouth shut and just nod politely.

She hasn't really done anything to me yet, has she? She might be a great person too! No need to act like a bitch.

You have serious mental problems, you know that?

But Sam apparently had other ideas, "Oh great to see you too, slutface."

Karin's fake smile turns into a real scowl, "Look who's talking."

Sam smiles dangerously at her, "At least I don't sleep with other guys behind my boyfriend's back."

"At least I have a boyfriend," she smiles a sickening sweet smile.

Sam's eyes flash dangerously, "Shut up if you don't want to end up in a body bag."

I shoot a confused look at their direction. It seems to me that something else has been going on between them.

Before I can ask anything, the bell rings, signalling the start of our first period.

Shooting a slight nod to Karin, I grab Sam's arm and drag her with me to class, "Did something happened between you two? You were acting weird."

She scowls as if recalling something unpleasant, "Don't ask. Just know that she's a bitch. And don't you dare try to defend her with all your naive ideals on how to not judge a person before you know them!"

Yeah, well, with the previous incidents etched onto my mind; I'm not really encouraged to.

I nod hastily, "Sure, my lady. Of course, my lady."

She shoots me an annoying look, "Let me guess, you were reading historical fictions the previous night."

I smirk at her, "Totally. 19th century London rocks!"

Shaking her head at me in amusement, she looks to the front of the class where the teacher has just arrived.

I sigh quietly. Great job, Lisa. You have managed to drive her attention off you. True, Barbie helped a little but still.

I shouldn't disturb them with my petty problems, right?

I mean, it's not that much of a big deal. It was just a crush...which turned into something more...which turned into nothing.

It's fine.

You knew it from the start, Lisa. Didn't you?

Still you fell for him.

You knew it was going to happen. Guys like him and girls like you don't even belong together in stories.

I know.

I fucking know.

**********

The whole day I receive weird glances from all of my friends. I encounter Alexis in my fourth period. Being busy with all my drama, I had completely forgot about her.

God, what kind of a friend am I?

But she isn't looking even half as bad as she did the other day. So that seems like a good sign.

"Hey," I nudge her shoulder as we walk to lunch, "You okay?"

She smiles at me, "Yeah, I'm fine. Listen Lisa, I never had a chance to thank you for what you did for me yesterday. I had a huge fight with Dylan. So I was just so pissed off and upset! But you really helped in cheering me up. It was really nice...And I appreciate it a lot."

I roll my eyes at her, "Why the hell are you thanking me? You would've done the same for me too, right?"

She smirks, "You're right. Why am I thanking you? You should thank me! If it wasn't for me, you would've never had rode on that bike with Ryder."

I freeze. The memories of our last talk coming to haunt me.

I never want to see you again.

Stay out of my life.

Alexis throws me a worried look, "Lisa? Is everything alright?"

Never.

Out of my life.

Stay.

I never want to see you again.

I force down the lump in my throat and grin at her, "Yup."

The look on her face shows that she clearly doesn't believe me.

What's wrong with me? I've hidden my emotions so well all these time, haven't I?

No one has ever known.

Then why is it so hard for me to throw a smile and laugh right now?

Why is it that all I wish to do right now is huddle up in a corner and cry?

Fuck you, Ryder Woods.

See what you have done to me?

********

I hum a tune to myself absentmindedly as I wonder around the various sections of Walmart.

My eyes lighten up in excitement as I notice a new flavor of Ben N Jerrys.

"Yummy," I'm sure that the glint in my eyes could easily compare too that of a serial killer.

Hurriedly I shove a few tubs of them in my cart.

Now you know why I don't have a zero figure.

I may not look like a model but it's not like I weigh 300 pounds. As long as my weight doesn't come in the way of my health, I'm fine with it. Life only comes once and why should I pass up the opportunities of heavenly delights just to date guys who are more useless than a broken pen?

But it doesn't mean that sometimes, when I look at my gorgeous friends, I don't wish that either.

Specially since it might have caused a heart break.

I haven't seen Ryder since the incident two days ago. Apparently, he's bedridden with flue.

Yeah, right. He's just avoiding me.

Well, it's not like I can blame him. I would be avoiding me too.

But why is he avoiding me?

After I passed the initial stage of heartbreak, I resorted to logic. Things had been going good, no great, between us. It was him that started all those heartfelt talks, wasn't he? It was him who offered to take me home, wasn't he?

We had also shared an almost kiss!

Then why did he do a complete 180?

I bite my lip in concentration as I check out my products at the counter.

Paying the cashier, I proceed to my car, still deep in thoughts.

Did it have something to do with all the 'talks' that Alexis and I witnessed in the park that day?

I'm so engrossed in my thoughts that I don't see as I bump into someone, turning the grocery bags in my hand to supermen as all of them fly in different directions.

Now, I know what would've happened in cliche stories. I'm an expert after all. And if that would've happened I don't know what I would feel.

But thankfully, it's not a cliche story and I bump into Andrew.

"Oh man-hey!" he smiles brightly at me as he notices it's me, "How's the mosquito hunter, today?"

I roll my eyes at him in amusement as I hurry to pick up my groceries, "Shut up. And are you okay? I completely wasn't looking where I was going."

He shrugs it off grinning, "Why? Were you distracted because of my handsome face?"

"If you mean ugly face, then yes," I stand up smirking, "Cause I don't see one feature that's handsome about you."

"Ah!" he makes a dramatic noise of getting shot and puts a hand above his heart, "You just killed my undying love for you!"

I snort, "How can it die if its undying?"

"Oh yeah," he says thoughtfully, "Then you've just u

killed my dying love for you? Nah, that just sounds weird."

I laugh along with him. Andrew is really an amazing person. He's so easy to get along with. I don't have a single idea why Chloe hates him so much.

We fall into easy conversation but I feel a question burning in the back of my mind.

A question I'm too afraid to ask.

Andrew somehow catches on my hesitation and smirks, "Go on. Ask how Ryder is."

"W-what?" I stutter.

Shit. I really need to start keeping my emotions in check again.

Suddenly his playfulness vanishes, "You do know what you mean to him, right?"

I feel as if I've been slapped. Gulping I nod, "Yeah. a friend...I guess. I hope. Maybe?"

His eyebrows shoot up suddenly, "What? Is that what you think?"

Ouch.

So I'm not even a friend?

I force a smile at him, "Oh. I just thought since we...I hoped at least we were friends. But I guessed I hoped for too much."

He looks at me incredulously, "How can you possibly misinterpret that?"

I look at him in confusion, "Huh?"

He shakes his head at me disbelievingly, "Seriously Lisa? Do I need to spell it out for you?"

A jolt of shock passes me.

Could he...?

Is he seriously saying...?

Nope.

No way.

No.

I shrug the feeling of shock and hope away, "I don't know what you're talking about."

He curses under his breath, "That asshole! Why the hell didn't he tell you?"

I become even more confused, "What? Andrew? Tell me what you're talking about."

He looks at me for a moment, "You want to know? Really?"

"Yes!" I roll my eyes exasperated.

"No."

"What?" I gape at him.

He smirks, "I won't tell you. But you can ask him yourself."

"Ask who? Ask what?" I sigh in frustration, "Damn it. For God's sake stop being so cryptic."

He ignores me, seeming deep in thoughts.

Suddenly he snaps his fingers, "Aha! Idea!"

"What?" I grit my teeth.

"Why don't you pay Ryder a visit?" he smirks evilly, "Since he has a flue and needs a friend to cheer him up?"

I freeze.

My mind goes blank.

My heart thuds painfully.

My face feels hot.

The only words that I manage to blurt out are, "Are you kidding me? That idiot's actually sick?!"

-Z