Your data pad's alarm blared you into consciousness. The mandatory assembly was in one hour. Groaning, you rolled over in your bed and swiped it off. So much for your mid-day nap.

Even though Kylo Ren had told you that his quarters were open to you, you hadn't returned to them in the week and a half since he'd left.There was the issue of half of the room being corroded metal, of course--but something about sleeping in his bed without him there felt wrong. It was too wide, too empty, too cold. You'd tried that first night, but gave up when you spied a strand of his hair on his pillow. It was too hard to fall asleep surrounded by reminders of him.

Wiping your eyes, you rolled out of bed and pulled on your uniform--that was something that hadn't happened in over a week, either. You were loathe to wear it at all when not going to work, but showing up to an assembly in your sleep clothes probably wouldn't endear you to the higher officers (not that an indefinite suspension could be extended). Before leaving, you grabbed a jacket. You'd forgotten one for the last assembly, and it had been so cold outside that Sam had given you his.

Acid burbled in your stomach. The other thing you'd spent your time doing over the last week and a half was avoiding Sam entirely. The mere thought of seeing him was enough to send your intestines into overdrive, but now, you were about to have little choice. Your assigned area at the assembly would put you within feet of each other. Maybe the setting would make the encounter a bit less awkward than you were anticipating... but maybe not.

You braced yourself when the outside air hit your face. The first thing you remembered noticing about Starkiller when you were first stationed was how damn cold it was. The hallways were cold, your bedroom was cold, the docking bay was obviously freezing. Over time, you'd adjusted--but you still avoided going outdoors as much as possible. That was where the real cold was. Biting, nipping, numbing cold. And you were about to stand in it for the next two hours. Or one, if you were lucky.

Shivers crept over your skin as you made your way onto the massive assembly plaza, crunching into a ball of desperate warmth. Fifteen minutes before start time, and columns of Stormtroopers and higher-ranking officers had already settled themselves in position. Though you knew Starkiller had a massive crew, and this was your third assembly since your stationing, the sight of nearly all personnel gathered together still gave you claustrophobia. Thousands of faceless, nameless soldiers, a sea of shiny white helmets--and all you could think about was the one helmet conspicuously missing.

Most of the engineers had arrived, as well, nearly all of them from hangars you'd never been to and didn't know much about. Yet they knew about you and your assignment--they all did. After all, the bay where you, Sam, and Minks worked housed the elite fleets on Starkiller.

One of the men turned around when you sidled into the row and averted his gaze when he glimpsed your face.

"It's just a suspension," you mumbled, heat seeping into your face. "Not that big of a deal."

"Maybe not to you," said the man, his stare straight-forward. "But everyone else is waiting to get their hands on that Command Shuttle position."

"Really." Fingers rolled into fists as you narrowed your eyes. You shouldn't have said it, but you couldn't resist the words coming out of your mouth. "I'm sure Commander Ren would love to hear about your interest in eliminating his best engineer--his words. Should I let him know?"

Silence. Anxiety gripped your heart. You were thankful when a familiar voice interrupted the awkward pause in the group. "Hey!"

"Hey, Minks," you replied as you faced her, your lips tight over your teeth. "How's it going?"

She nudged your shoulder. "How's it going with me? How's it going with you?"

You sighed. "Oh, you know. Just living the suspension life. Can't get enough of staring at my ceiling. Do a lot of that."

"I know," she said, frowning. "I heard. Sam told me."

"He did, did he?" you said, raising an eyebrow. "What exactly did he tell you?"

Minks shrugged. "That he suspended you because of your relationship."

"Oh," you said, blinking. "Huh. I expected him to lie, for some reason."

She patted your back. "Look, I don't agree with it either, but there was some method to it. It wouldn't be right for him to be your boss when he feels the way he does."

"Then he should suspend his damn self!" you said, rolling your eyes. "Didn't seem to have problems having feelings for me before then."

"I said that I don't agree with it!" Minks said. She paused, mouth twisting. "He feels really bad about it."

You scoffed. "Oh, I'm sure. That's why I'm still suspended."

Minks opened her mouth to reply, but you shushed her and snapped toward the platform at the head of the plaza. Sam was sliding in, now, taking a spot next to Minks, and your jaw tensed when you heard the shuffle of his shoes only feet from your ears. Your skin wanted to crawl off and float away in the icy wind, your teeth busy tearing at the flesh of your cheek.

His voice came through the breeze, testing out your name. "Hey."

You swallowed, keeping your gaze locked on the platform. "Foster." The faces up there were almost impossible to distinguish, but you could catch Captain Phasma's armor glinting in the the stark sunlight. General Hux was still nowhere to be seen.

He sighed. "Minks, would you mind if we swit--"

"Don't switch with him, Minks," you said, hand clasping at your wrist behind your back. "Whatever he wants, he can say it where he's standing now."

Minks cleared her throat. "Uh, well--"

She was interrupted by the sudden wave of silence that swept over the crowd. Though his face was just as vague as the others, the reaction to his presence told you that General Hux had made his way onto the stage. His steps were clipped and precise, and he was wearing his greatcoat as something other than an accessory, for once. There was a long pause as the shifting in the crowd settled, attention obediently rapt on the General.

"Our assembly today is not simple protocol," Hux began. His voice echoed over the ocean of officers, ringing clear in the empty air. "Instead, it is an acknowledgment, an announcement..."

"Look, I'm sorry," Sam mumbled, keeping his voice quiet. "I know what I did was messed up--"

"Oh yes," you said, eyes glued on the speck you identified as Hux. "It was definitely that."

"...of the achievements of this legion, on this machine. The loyalty and dedication to the Order given by those standing on the plaza today..."

"But what you did was messed up, too!" Sam replied, leaning forward, attempting to catch your gaze. "You can't just treat people like that."

"He has a point," Minks murmured.

"Minks!" you said, and then you were hushed by one of the men in front of you. "No, you hush. So, Sam, your argument is 'you started it'? Great leg to stand on there, dude."

"She has a point, too," Minks said, nodding to herself.

"Minks!" Sam said. "No, I'm just saying that sometimes your actions have consequences, dude. Sometimes when you hurt people they stop thinking and try to hurt you back."

"...and the results are the weapon upon which we now stand. The weapon which, as of today, is fully and completely operational..."

You sneered, leaning over to meet his gaze, now. "I really don't buy that you feel bad," you said. "I'm still twiddling my thumbs in my quarters every day. You feel bad? Then fix it!" The same man hushed you again. "Dude, shut up!"

Sam sighed once more, exasperated. "I can't," he said. "Once I told Hux, he launched an investigation. Your suspension won't be able to be cleared until the investigation is over."

"An investigation?" you said, jaw dropping. "Are you fucking kidding me? You'll get in trouble, too, dumbass!"

"That's a really good point," Minks added.

"Minks!" said both you and Sam through clenched teeth.

"Well, you're the ones who decided to put me in the middle of this!" she said, pouting.

"...at o-sixteen-hundred hours today, the weapon will begin charging for the first time! The First Order will..."

Sam's shoulders slumped, and he grimaced. "I told you that I wasn't thinking!" he said.

You laughed--short, scornful. "Wow, Foster. Your one abuse of power and you fuck it up." You shook your head. "I almost feel sorry for you."

"Yeah, well, don't feel too sorry for me," he said, standing straight again. "Hux let me know that after they complete the investigation tomorrow, both parties will be removed from Starkiller. Immediately."

An electric shock halted your heart, and your eyes popped from your skull. "What?"

"Shh!" came the man in front of you, glaring at you from over his shoulder. Your head was too busy spinning to respond.

"...and this will be noted in systems across the galaxy. For this is only the beginning of the reign of the First Order!"

Around you, fists thrust into the air, a chorus of chanted agreement booming across the plaza. But you were stiller than stone, joints and limbs petrified solid. The cheering in your ears was drowning in the cacophony of your thoughts. Investigation. Removed from Starkiller. My absence should be no longer than two weeks. The issue will be resolved when I return. Tomorrow. Immediately. Immediately.

You struggled to catch your breath, the crowd around you crushing your chest into the ground. Edges of your vision receded into darkness, your palms clammy, wind chilling the heat on your face as sweat gathered along your hairline. There wouldn't be enough time. Kylo Ren would return too late. You'd already be gone. Your career over. All because--because--you wanted to blame this on Sam, at first. Then, you wanted to blame it on Kylo Ren. But there was a whisper in the back of your brain, a whisper that was becoming louder, more insistent, growing and gaining until it was screeching, hollering in your ears, until it was the only thing you could hear no matter how you tried to plug up its mouth.

This was your fault.

Every muscle in your body collapsed, like someone had cut all of your marionette strings at once, and your hands grasped at your knees, searching for anything to stay standing, or at least awake. You felt your back swelling with air, yet you couldn't breathe. The world sounded as if it had been plunged under the water. Above the surface, you heard Minks calling your name, her hands pulling you up to reality.

"Are you okay? Hey, hey, are you okay?" Minks said. There were two of her. Or at least, that's what your brain was telling you.

"I'm--" You shook your head and looked again, and the double-images came into focus. "I'm--I need to go." Swallowing, you stumbled past her and Sam.

She attempted to grab you back, but you wiggled her off. "But we haven't been--"

"Gonna barf. Gotta go."

You swallowed again and floundered through the rest of the crowd, feet faltering underneath you as you ran. When you reached the hatch back inside, two Stormtroopers stood tight at attention, prepared to stop your escape. One of them held up a hand.

"You haven't been dismiss--"

"Want me to barf on you?" you said, panting, half from exertion, and half from fighting back the contents of your stomach. "I'd really love to barf on someone, right now."

As if you'd said the hidden password, they scrambled aside, and you bolted past them, body temperature rising with every step. The hallways to Starkiller became more and more non-descript the longer you ran, an infinite, empty maze of identical white walls and black tile. With nearly everyone gathered at the assembly, you were darting through the base faster than you'd ever thought possible. And if you were honest with yourself, you weren't even positive as to where you were going, only that you needed to get there, and get there in the next five minutes.

It'd taken a moment of catching your breath before you realized where you'd ended up. Standing in front of the hatch, though, you weren't quite sure how to get Kylo Ren's quarters to open. The security pad next to the door was a mystery--it looked nothing like yours--but even still, you reached for it with a trembling, sweating hand. When your fingers brushed the pad, the door flew open, and you yelped, leaping back as your heart jumped into your throat. But the entrance was empty. As it always was.

"Okay then," you said, and tip-toed over the threshold, clapping a hand over your mouth when the hatch clamped shut. You sighed, soothing the strings of tight nerves.

Quiet steps led you into his bedroom, the walls apparently repaired in your absence. Apart from that, the room looked the same as when you'd left it--and you'd never been more relieved. You crumbled onto the bed face-first, body sinking into the cushy warmth of the mattress before you erupted in ugly, shuddering sobs.

It only made sense you'd come to his quarters. This might be the last you'd get of Kylo Ren--his bed, his sheets, his scent, his everything. You wondered what he'd say when he found out you were gone. You wondered if he'd regret not revoking your suspension, or if he'd be thinking about you at all. You wondered if he'd remember you, years from now--remember your face, your voice, your name. If he'd remember making you scream, making you shake, making you cum over and over. You wondered, too, if he'd remember holding you as you fell asleep, remember the kiss you'd shared before he'd left, remember the feeling you knew he'd had when he stared into your eyes.

At some point--after how many hours, you didn't know--you'd fallen asleep, having wept yourself into exhaustion, adrift in the waves of pointless, aimless thought. Your dreams were splotchy, non-sensical spatters of color, wracking the recesses of your brain with incessant noise. You were suspended in restless rest, twisting tight around the fluid fabric of his sheets--until there came a noise, a sharp metal twang, outside the reaches of your drowsy dream state. Like a crack of lighting, you were awake, shooting up in the bed, eyes scanning the room for the origin of the sound.

For a moment, there was nothing--just silence in the darkness of the room (how long had you slept?), but after several long seconds, you heard it. Uncharacteristically slow, but still there. Kylo Ren's boots crossing the hall.

Your heart soared with relief, happiness, something. "Kylo?" Your voice cracked under the strain of emotion.

The hatch opened, and he appeared in the doorway, his mask already in his hand, face blank. He gazed at you, saying nothing.

Just the sight of him was too much, and you broke down again, tears burning your already puffy eyes, everything in you fractured from the weight of fear, regret, and relief all releasing from you at once. He was back. He was back.

Kylo Ren watched you for a moment, eye twitching. "Yes," he said. "I have returned."

"I'm sorry," you said between your stuttering breath. "I'm so... I'm so..."

"You're... upset," he said.

You nodded, sniffling.

His gaze narrowed, eyes flitting from your face to the floor, unable to hold your stare for longer than a second. "Who did this to you?"

"Oh," you said, blinking. Did he actually care? "There's an investigation into, uh... his claims. He says it'll be done tomorrow and that Hux will be kicking us both off Starkiller." You fought off another sob. "They're gonna make me leave."

Kylo frowned. "No." He was moving around the bedroom now, helmet tossed to the side. The longer his pause went on, the tenser he became. "Your emotion is a waste of time. I already told you that this would be resolved when I returned."

"Well, I didn't know if you would be back--"

"You doubt me?" he said, spinning on you. There was a confusing blend of frustration and fear behind his eyes. "Or do you deliberately choose to ignore everything I say?"

Tears welled again, fingers scrunching the sheets. "Why are you yelling at me, dude? What the fuck did I do?"

"You don't listen!" he said. His fist pounded the wall, and you flinched, the jolt to your muscles enough to spill the streams down your cheeks. But this only seemed to enrage him more, and he advanced on you, growling. "I said I would fix it. Why are you still crying?"

"Because you're fucking yelling at me, asshole!" you said.

His face fell in a scowl, and he reached and grabbed your leg, yanking you to the edge of the bed. Breath rolled in his chest as his eyes searched your face, and before you could say anything, he tugged you to your feet and stole the air from your lungs in a hard, furious kiss, leather hands almost crushing your skull in their grip. Then, as if he'd caught himself, he pulled away, nestling his face in the slope of your shoulder while his arms looped around you. You both stood there without words, your limbs hanging limp at your sides, ribs still rattled with uncertain breath.

"Stop," he murmured, pressing apologetic kisses into your neck. Kylo was caressing you, drawing you into his body. "Stop."

You nodded, wrapping your arms around his hunched frame, steadier with every release of air from your chest. He was warm and strong, and you felt safe again.

A near-silent sigh escaped him, and he pulled away, jaw set firm. "I will meet you in the command center at ten-hundred. Prepare to resume your duties." He looked to the floor and walked off, grabbing his helmet.

"Where are you going?" you asked, folding your arms while your weight shifted back and forth on your feet.

"I have items still to attend to," he replied.

You blinked, wondering how long you'd slept. "Oh. What time is it, even?"

"O-four-hundred," he said, placing the helmet back on his head. A piece of you wilted when the locks hissed back into place. It was as if he was gone again.

You frowned. "Damn," you said. You remembered the thought you'd had so many days ago. "Why'd you even come here, then? Do you ever sleep?"

Kylo Ren raised the hood of his cowl over his helmet, staring at you from behind his visor. There was a pause--longer than necessary. "No," he replied. "I wanted to see you." Then, in a flurry of black fabric, he was gone.

"Huh," you said, plopping down on the bed. A small smile was sneaking its way across your face. "Huh."