I cry the entire way to Grayson's house.

I had caught Peter right before eighth period and asked him if I could take his car and return it after getting my things from Grayson's. He wouldn't stop asking me what was wrong, and if Grayson and I broke up, and "what the hell happened, Reid?"

I held my burning emotions at bay while as he questioned me and I just shook my head. I couldn't speak; my throat was clogged up.

When I finally was able to get something past my teeth, I told him, "I'll tell you later. I just need to leave." And I wasted no time walking out of that stupid fucking school once Peter gave me his car key.

And now I'm sobbing in the front seat of my younger brother's car. Hands shaking on the steering wheel. My bottom lip trembling as I choke out sobs.

Fuck, I love him. I love Grayson so fucking much. I've never felt this much pain in my life. Not even when my parents kicked me out. That was a different kind of pain. The pain I feel for Grayson is a soul shattering type of pain. Like a part of me was ripped out of my chest.

I don't know what Grayson did after I left that basement bathroom, but his car isn't at his driveway- which I'm grateful for- as I pull in.

I take in a shaky breath and turn the car off before going inside the house. It's still and dark inside. Up in his bedroom, I pack all of my belongings and when everything's in my duffel bag, I drop it on the ground. I sit on the edge of his bed, covering my face with my hands and cry.

The break up is for the best, I know that, but fuck, it hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

I look up from my hands and take a few deep breaths. Picking up my duffle bag, I turn to the bed and- with a shaking hand- place the house key on Grayson's bed.

I lock the front door from the inside before closing it behind me and I drive back to my home. Thank God I don't see my parents cars in the driveway. But, the door's already unlocked when I walk inside, so I know someone's here.

Someone being Peter. He stands up from the couch. I drop my duffle bag. He's hugging me, and I cry once more. "We broke up," I tell him all choked up again.

"What happened?" He asks as we pull apart. So I explain all the events leading up to the end of mine and Grayson's relationship. "Shit," is all my brother says at first. We're sitting on the couch now.

I'm not crying anymore and all I respond with is "yeah."

"I'm sorry, dude."

I shrug, not looking at him while I pick lint off my joggers.

"You've been through a lot this year. Maybe this is good," I think this is my brother trying to comfort me. "You two don't need to be together right now and that's okay. You'll be in college soon and meet way better people. I mean, better than the shitty people at our school. Not better than Grayson." Petter shakes his head looking like he fucked up, "I mean, maybe someone better than Grayson. Definitely."

"I don't want someone better," I say sadly with a frown. I look up at my brother.

"Uh, I'm not good at this," he rubs the back of his neck and I laugh.

"Yeah, you're not," I agree, lightheartedly.

"Um, are you gonna stay?" My brother asks, hopefulness bright in his eyes.

I give him an apologetic look, "Sorry, but I'd rather not."

"Well, where are you gonna go?"

"I don't know," but I know exactly where I could go, but I probably shouldn't. Though, he might be my only option. "I should leave before dad gets home."

"Yeah. Okay," his voice is dejected. What does he expect me to do? Move back in? I'm sure my father would be thrilled to hear Grayson and I broke up. I don't want to hear that shit. Peter speaks hesitantly, "Just text me where you end up, so... ya' know, I know you're safe or whatever."

I chuckle and pull him to me to rub my knuckles into his hair, "aren't I supposed to be looking out for you?"

"Get off me, dumbass," he pushes my hand away, but we both have a small smile on our face that's kind of sad as well.

"Tell Angie I said 'hey'"

He nods and we say goodbye before I walk out of the house with my duffle bag in hand.

And yes, I feel really fucking stupid as I walk to the next house over and knock on the door. School was let out thirty minutes ago and Preston's car is in the driveway.

He opens the front door. "Hey."

"Hey."

"I heard what happened," he tells me.

"Hm," is the only noise I make before stepping inside. We don't say anything as we go to his bedroom. His bedroom is the opposite of Grayson's; messy and no theme or fancy decorations on the wall. Just his PC, sports trophies on shelves, a cluttered dresser. An overfilled laundry basket.

I sit on his bed, "Can I stay here?" I ask.

"Of course," he smiles delicately. Then he's looking away, pursing his lips while he slowly glides a foot back and forth on the carpet like he wants to speak, but is afraid to.

I roll my eyes, "what?"

Preston looks up at me. "I don't know. Did you want to, like... talk about?" He almost looked pained to say that.

"I thought you already heard what happened."

"I did, but only from Marisa. She told me about Grayson's ex and... how everyone knows about..." he looks embarrassed.

"You kissing me? Yeah." I shake my head, "I can't even be mad at Marisa. I knew how she is."

"Yeah... should've went to Jess."

I snort at that. "Probably," I agree then sigh and lay back on his bed. "I should've just told him. It was stupid of me to keep it from him."

I feel Preston sit down next to me. He lays down and we're both looking up at the ceiling. "Why didn't you tell him?"

I shrug and turn my face to look at him. "Cause you said you didn't even like it and it didn't mean anything." He looks at me with a serious expression that I can't decipher, so I add, "right?"

He's silent for a moment. His eyes flick down to my mouth, "No," he says in a hushed voice, and his hand is capturing my face, and Preston's lips are on mine. Again. I don't make a single move, I just let my best friend kiss me. I don't know why I let him, there's just too many emotions running through me.

My eyes haven't even closed yet as Preston's hands grip my waist and pulls my body closer to his.

Maybe... a distraction will be good? My mind goes completely blank after that thought and my eyelids shut. I'm not even sure if what's happening is real right now, but my hand's on Preston's cheek and I kiss him back. Our mouths open and our tongues overlap.

This kiss is rough and chaotic as if we're both in desperate need to release the emotions flowing through us. I don't know what Preston's emotions are, all I know is this kiss makes me feel nothing. And that's exactly how I want to feel.

Preston's body's is half on top of mine. His knee in between my legs, rubbing against my inner thigh. Our hands are aggressive with each touch and pull. My hands are in his hair. His hands are on my face, my stomach, my thighs.

And nothing. Nothing floats in my mind, and body, and it's peaceful. For the first time all day, my mind is silent and still.

But not for long. Not when Preston's hand slides under my shirt. I come back to reality and push Preston off of me. He looks taken aback at our loss of touch.

"What- what the fuck was that?" I ask, bewildered, standing up. I run my hand through my hair trying to make any sense of what the fuck I just did.

"A kiss?" He tells me with a nervous laugh, sitting up.

"Why the fuck did you just kiss me?!" I shout. "Again?!"

"Because," Preston's standing up. "I think I'm in love with you," he confesses. As if those words aren't the equivalent of a bombshell.

My jaw drops, my eyes wide. "Wha-? Are- what?" I can't even comprehend a proper sentence. "Are you- are you being serious right now?"

"Yes, I lied that night on your birthday when I said I was just curious or that I was drunk. I wasn't drunk, and the only thing I was curious about was what your lips against mine would feel like. Reid, I've been in love with you for a while now and I needed to tell you."

"Wha-? What... the fuck? I just broke up with Grayson, do you get that?!" I want to shake him!

"I do, but I-"

"No, you don't! Because you don't fucking think, Preston! You're selfish! You only care about what benefits you! You can't just spring shit on me like that!"

"I know. Please, hear me out. I've loved you I think since we met and I just didn't realize I was in love with you until I couldn't have you. Then I got so jealous of Grayson and I hated that you wanted him and not me."

I sit down on his bed and rub my face. "Oh my god, Preston. What the fuck?"

Preston ignores my comment and continues "That's why I lashed out when I found out you were with him; I was heart broken. I wanted you to be with me, not him. What do you even see in him? I don't get it."

I look up at him with narrowing eyes. "You don't know him," My words are bitter.

"He cheated on you! I would never do that to you!" Preston yells.

I stand up "he didn't cheat! Nothing happened between them!"

Preston scoffs "Yeah right. At least I can say I love you. Tell me, when did Grayson tell you that?"

"Fuck you." That hurt a lot. I want to cry, but I'm so angry.

"I'm just telling you the truth. Which apparently, you and Grayson have trouble doing."

I grit my teeth, shaking my head. "Stop."

I'm furious. Fuck, Grayson was fucking right! I'm stupid and naïve! I don't even know if I'm more furious at me than Preston. "Fuck. You were part of the issue, Preston!"

"If that's true, then your relationship with him wasn't secure in the first place."

I shake my head, "you're wrong." I refuse to listen to him. I want to throw up.

He continues even though I don't want to hear it. "Can't you see I've been there for you from the start and it's always been you. I wouldn't question rather or not I want you like Grayson."

I slump down onto Preston's bed and bury my face in my shaking hands, "Please stop," I beg in a whisper. "I can't handle this right now."

I hear him take a deep breath and the mattress drips lower when Preston sits next to me. "I'm sorry," he apologizes and we're silent for a few seconds before Preston speaks again. "Do you hate me?"

"Fuck you. No, I don't hate you. Maybe, I don't know yet. I'm just really fucking confused. This is a lot to take in."

"Will kissing again help you be less confused?"

I laugh at that, I know he's being serious which is why I do so. "No, Preston, kissing you will not help me be less confused." Fucking dumb-ass, I swear.

"Oh, okay. Yeah, that was a stupid idea."

"Ya' think?" Then I look at him. "Don't sit next to me. I'm fact, sit across the room. I don't want to be near you."

"Jeez," he mutters, but gets up and obliges to my demands. He sits on the floor, leaning against his dresser.

"Just explain something to me; you make homophobic comments all the time. Do you even realize?"

"Sometimes I've said stuff to see how you'd react, but," he shrugs, "I don't know. I was confused until I realized how I felt for you when I found out you were with Grayson."

I scoff, "and you were mad at me for lying to you."

"You guys were dating, there's no point of saying anything then."

I roll my eyes, "didn't stop you from kissing me."

"I'm sorry about that. And all the homophobic comments I've made."

I narrow my eyes at him, not believing his bullshit.

"I'm being serious," he states. "You being with Grayson sucked, but I do want you to be happy. So, I'm sorry for kissing you that night."

I just watch him and don't reply to that. I stand up, "I think I should stay somewhere else."

Preston stands up, "no, wait. I'm sorry. For everything, really. You can have the spare bedroom."

I hesitate. I really shouldn't be here. Not with Preston.

"Come on, where else are you going to go? Home with your douchey dad? Marisa and Jess's family doesn't even know you and I doubt they're out to their family. You think they're gonna let a boy stay with them? Alex's if you want to listen to Kurtis and him banging every night."

"What? Are they together?" I ask. Have I been so caught up in my own drama that I missed Alex getting with Kurtis?

"No, but I'm sure it'll happen soon... plus, I have a bet with Marisa on it."

I roll my eyes, "you're a dick."

"So, where are you going to stay?"

"Fuck you," I tell him and make my way to the spare bedroom. "Don't talk to me for the rest of the night!" I shout to him before shutting the spare bedroom door closed.

Finally, I'm alone. I lay down in the twin-sized bed. I've never been more mentally drained in my life.