I'm dreading seeing Grayson. And I hate that I feel this way. I'm dreading talking to the person I love. I'm in love with.

But I take a deep breathe and enter the Clarke's house. It's silent, but I know Grayson is home from his car in the driveway and Becky isn't home from her lack of car in the driveway.

My boyfriend is sitting on the couch. He looked up at me when I entered, but we don't speak yet. I close the door behind me and linger there. Grayson stands up and takes a hesitant step towards me, but keeps his distance. "Hey," he greets softly with an equally soft smile.

"Hey," I respond, but don't make a move towards him, nor do I smile.

"I deleted his contact..." he takes a step. He changed into grey sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. I can't help but think he did that on purpose. Actually, I know he choose those grey sweatpants on purpose. Cause he knows I find him sexy as hell in them.

I nod, keeping my expression nonchalant.

"I'm sorry," he tells me, another step. I refuse to move because I'm stubborn and petty.

"Hm," is the only noise I make.

"I'm sorry for keeping his contact. I honestly forgot I had him in there. But I should've deleted it," another step and he's four feet apart from me.

"And?"

"Um, and I'm sorry for letting him in. To be fair, I did tell him to leave and he kinda forced his way in. But I should've done more to get him to leave. And I'm sorry for making you cry." Three feet apart and I try to keep my face neutral, but damn, is it hard when he's close to me. "I'm sorry for the shitty things he said to you, and I'm sorry if he made you insecure about your body. You know I love your body."

Grayson's a foot in front of me. "Do you forgive me?"

I make the mistake of taking a quick glance at his lower region and back up at his eye. Fuck you, Grayson. "Forgiveness is earned. You haven't earned it yet," I tell him with my arms crossed.

He nods, taking a final step to me.

I let my hard expression fall to a worried one, "Don't go to his hotel," I plead in a whisper. My heart is pounding. And I want to yell at him. And I want to hug him. And I want to forget about this entire year and move on!

He shakes his head, "I wasn't planning to."

"Okay."

"Okay?" He has a stupid smile on his stupid pretty face like me saying 'okay' means I've forgiven him. I roll my eyes, but am fighting a stupid smile of my own because he's too close to me to think. But then he ruins everything when he speaks again. His expression is serious now and a bit nervous. "But, I want to talk to him."

My heart sinks, "Why? What's the point?"

"I just feel like I never got the closure I needed back in California. It ended so abruptly. I think that's why I was so hung up on him for so long afterwards. And then today was weird."

I feel so confused and nauseous as I ask, "Do you still have feelings for him?"

"No, no," Grayson says with no hesitation. The lack of a pause makes me feel slightly better. "But he was my first for everything. And my first... love."

Ouch. That hurt. There's a squeezing and pressurizing feeling in my chest. I look away because I know I won't be capable to stand if I look him in the eyes if his are pitiful. Pitiful that he won't ever love me. Fuck, I hate thinking about it. Grayson still won't say he loves me, yet he said it to that toxic, gorgeous, dumb-fucker ex boyfriend? "So?" I question trying to sound more annoyed than bothered.

"So, I think a clear 'we're over' is what we both need."

I take a deep breath, letting his words sink in, as I nudge past him. He follows me into the kitchen. "You and Logan are already over. I just don't see a purpose."

"Well, I'm more letting you know than asking."

I no longer feel bothered; vexed is more like it. "Oh. Well, fuck me, I guess. Go ahead, have one last hang out with your shitty ex," I tell him bitterly.

Grayson sighs like he's tired. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I want you to know 'cause I don't want to keep secrets from you. And I want you to be okay with-"

"But I'm not okay with it." My voice is rising, "Do you not understand what I fucking walked in on, Grayson?"

"I know, it looked bad-"

"No, it looked like you were about to fuck someone other than me. So excuse the fuck out of me if I don't want you seeing him again!"

"Reid," Grayson's up close to me which makes me more angry because he knows I have no control when he's in kissing distance. "I wouldn't have done that to you. Him being here did bring up a lot of past emotions, I'll admit, but it's not like those emotions are still there. I was just..." he looks as though he's contemplating his next words carefully. He goes with, "reminded of them. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's why I need to verbally tell him it's all over between us."

My eyebrows are drawn together as im trying to understand. "None of that made me feel better," I tell him.

His hands are cupping my cheeks, "I'm trying to say, I want you, Reid. Not him. Okay? I just want to tell him to fuck off 'cause I never got the chance to."

"Hmph."

"You could come with me," Grayson offers.

I scrunch my nose up in disgust, taking his hands off of me, "Like I want to be in a hotel room with him."

"We're not going to his hotel room, I already told you I wouldn't go. But I did ask him to meet me at a coffee shop tomorrow after school before I deleted his contact. You can check my phone. Come with and sit where you can see us, but I want to speak to him alone."

I move away from him, "Whatever. Fine. Fuck. But if he even touches you, I'm dumping hot coffee on him." Grayson smiles and I want to crush that smile because I'm annoyed. "Can we not talk about him the rest of the night?"

"Who are we not talking about?"

Our head's turn and spot Grayson's mother in the kitchen doorway. Great, Becky's home.

I look back at my boyfriend and raise my eyebrows, "Wanna tell her that one?"

"No one, mom," Grayson says instead.

Not that his mother needs to know, but I know Becky would take my side. So maybe it's an asshole move, but I say, "his lovely ex boyfriend made a romantic gesture and flew out to see your son."

Grayson sighs and I don't care if he's mad at me for that.

"What?" Becky exclaims, "Gray, honey, are you okay?"

"Ugh, yes," Grayson groans. "It's not a big deal, mom."

I make an annoyed noise, "I'm going to bed," and I head upstairs, ignoring Grayson calling my name.

I hear Becky say, "tell me right now what's going on." And I hear Grayson groan again in frustration.

Part of me feels bad for throwing him under the bus like that, but my day has been absolute shit. And now tomorrow, I'm going to watch my boyfriend have a stupid, pointless conversation with his stupid, pointless beautiful ex.

I'm done with my night routine (that I've acquired from Grayson) and in my pajamas- Grayson's t-shirt that I subconsciously threw on like muscle memory- when Grayson entered the room. I'm on my phone, not giving him my attention.

I hear him shut the bedroom door and lock it. "I just sat through a ten minute presentation from my mom about the pros of not associating myself with Logan again. So, thank you," he tells me, his voice is as dry as his sardonic tone.

I almost grin. I love Becky. "You're welcome," is all I respond with in a neutral tone. Still haven't looked up from my phone.

"Are we going to be passive aggressive to each other all night? 'Cause I'd rather not."

"I'm not being passive, are you being passive?"

"You won't even look at me," Grayson points out.

"That's cause I'm ignoring you," I state.

"Are you five?"

"No, I'm-"

"I thought you were ignoring me?"

I make a "hmph" sound. That shut me up. That also irritates me even more from his tone while he said it; mockingly. I know he was smirking, thinking he bested me. He didn't because I-

Grayson starts stripping in front on me. I glance away from my phone and my thoughts shut down as I can't help but watch. Fuck, he's so sexy. He catches me and I turn away. I know he's grinning. Fuck him and his beautiful body.

"Ya' know what? Ignore me for the rest of the night. I deserve it," Grayson tells me, but he's playing at something. "But, I just don't think you can do it."

I scoff (I do that a lot). Before I realize what is happening, Grayson has climbed onto the bed and is straddling my waist before I could stop him. He only has boxer-briefs on. It's hard not to look down, and I pride myself that my eyes remain on his face.

"Now you're just pissing me off," I tell him, though it doesn't come off as serious and stern as I had hoped.

"Really?" He takes my phone and slides it to the other side of the bed. "How 'bout now? Did that piss you off?"

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep me from smiling. I'm supposed to be angry at him! "Fuck off," I say, but again, my words aren't harmful.

Grayson grins.

"This is manipulation," I state, matter-of-factly, "you trying to seduce me while I'm upset with you."

He raises an eyebrow, "I thought I was pissing you off. Am I seducing you?"

I push him off of me, "no."

He laughs and I want to muffle that laugh. "Shut up, idiot."

"Mmm, make me," he demands in his sexy voice as he pulls me closer to him. Then his playfulness turns to seriousness. We're both on our side facing each other. He moves hair behind my ear then lays his hand on my cheek. "I really am sorry about today," he tells me in a whisper.

"I know, baby," I say equally quite.