《Out of My Control [bxb]》Chapter 35
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I walk about a half mile to the nearest park and sit on a faded blue park bench with the paint chipping at the top. I drop my bag on the mulch and pull out my phone.
🥵
Today 4:12
Can you pick me up
at the Skatepark?
I text Grayson and send him my location. Not a second later, he responds.
🥵 Be there in a minute.
I sigh and feel a headache building up right behind my eyes.
And I sob. A lot. I let everything out and try my best not to let it get too out of control. My body's trembling in despair. I run my my hands down my face and flood them with tears. My nose is clogged forcing me to breathe through my mouth.
I'm thankful it's past dark and there's nobody on the playground to watch me cry pathetically in front of them.
I don't even know how much time passes, but suddenly arms are wrapping around my frail body. I cling onto the strong frame so tightly, the action causes us to fall to ground. I don't even have to open my eyes to know it's Grayson. He's the only one with that scent. The only one who holds me so delicately.
Clutching onto the back of my boyfriend's hoodie, I sob in a heavy breath, "She kicked me out! They- they hate me!"
"I'm so sorry, baby," Grayson whispers as he rubs my back with one hand while the other cradles my head. He rocks us slowly back and forth on the dirty wood chips.
"She- she- she told me," I cry harder as I choke on the next words, "that she'd love me no matter what. She lied! Why would she- why would she say tha- that if she di- didn't mean it?"
"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry," Grayson murmurs to me. I can feel the empathy that was laced in his words. "You can stay with me for as long as you need," he tells me in a hushed tone.
I nod against his chest and hiccup a few times.
He softly lifts my head up and wipes my tears. "Let's get out of here," he suggests then kisses my forehead before standing us up and grabbing my duffel bag off the ground. He holds out his other hand for me to take. I intertwine our fingers and let him lead me to his car.
We drive in silence and I stare out the window, wiping my eyes every so often, until Grayson parks in his driveway. I don't make any attempts to get out and neither does Grayson.
Grayson's first to break the silence. "You don't have to, but if you wanna talk about it, I can listen."
I sigh and rub my exhausted face. "My parents found out about us." I face my boyfriend, my eyes watering again, "You were right. It wasn't just the one photo. The person took a picture of you..." my face collapses into my hands. "Of you going down on me in the backseat. They put the photo in my mailbox which my dad found," I explain in a rush, it's too humiliating. Then I look back up.
Grayson's hand is covering his partly open mouth. His blue eyes are wide. "Oh my God," Grayson's tone is a mix of disgust and shock.
"Yeah. My mom said I was sinning by being with a boy and that I'd go to Hell. So they gave me an ultimatum; break up with you or leave. I left," I tell him simply.
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"You— you chose me over your family?"
"It wasn't about choosing you over them. It was about what would happen if I chose my family. If I had stayed, my dad would've sent me off to some Christian conversion therapy camp. My dad will do everything in his power to keep his son as the perfect Christian boy he intended me to be. But I'm not that. I am a sinner because I'm in love with a boy. I don't want to go back to hiding who I am, Grayson. Especially since I love who I am even more so when I'm with you."
Grayson smiles and leans forward to place his forehead against mine. "Have I ever told you how strong you are?" He asks in a whisper.
That sentence alone makes me want to cry again. "I'm not strong," I say pulling back from him.
"Yes, you are. You are the strongest person I know. I'm not talking physically strong, but emotionally," he takes my hands in his.
I scoff and try not to roll my eyes, "Really? Someone who has an anxiety attack on a daily basis is strong?"
"Have you realized you haven't had a one today?"
I stop and think about all the shitty events of the past 24 hours. "The park," I state.
"You cried. You weren't hyperventilating or pulling your hair. You cried like every other human being would do if their parents kicked them out of the house for being who they are. Today, you showed those kids at school that you didn't care what they thought. Rather that's true or not, you still made it through the whole day not taking anyone's shit.
"Even though you were basically pushed out of the closet, you owned it and showed them that, 'like it or not, this is who I am.' That is what makes you strong," he wipes my tears with his thumbs. "Not being afraid of showing your emotions is what makes you strong. You being the bigger person and standing up for not only Kurtis but for yourself, is what makes you a strong person. Stop thinking your anxiety disorder define who you are 'cause they don't."
I wipe the tears off my cheeks and press my lips to Grayson's. "Thank you," I whisper once we pull apart. "For saying I'm strong, and for being there with me today. I don't think I could've done it without you."
Grayson smiles, "You could have, but I'll always be there for you."
Inside Grayson's house, I thank Ms. Clarke for letting me stay and she tells me it's no bother and I can stay for as long as I need... then she proceeded to tell us about safe sex and why we need to use condoms. Yikes.
"Sorry about that," Grayson chuckles referring to the sex speech from his mother. We are now in my boyfriend's bedroom, me sitting on the bed while Grayson searches in his dresser for something. "She can be a little much sometimes."
"It's cool. I like her... definitely better than my parents," I mutter the last part, but Grayson still caught it as he looks at with sympathetic eyes.
"Here," he says as he hands me a tee shirt.
"I don't know if you've noticed, but I brought my own clothes," I tell him sarcastically as I raise my duffle bag that was laying on his floor.
Grayson shrugs, "I know, but I like it when you wear my clothes and you always say that my smell comforts you even though that's totally creepy," he jokes.
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I smile and grab the shirt from my boyfriend's outstretched hand. "Thank you," I say and take my jeans off and my shirt to replace it with Grayson's shirt. Then he hands me a pair of his plaid pajama pants which I accept and pull on before heading to the bathroom to start my bedtime routine.
Grayson's bathroom is connected to his bedroom, which is convenient. He keeps it very neat, though, that's not much of a surprise considering how neat his bedroom is. There's a joint bathtub and shower with a plain black shower curtain hanging from it. Next to the tub is the toilet with a black medicine cabinet above it. On the left of the toilet, was two black cabinets with a marble counter and a shiny sink placed in the middle. Even the big mirror on the wall behind the sink is smudge free.
The marble counter had exactly four items on it; a soap dispenser- which was a sleek black like the shower curtain. A dark grey towel to the left of the sink that's perfectly folded. A toothbrush and toothpaste holder that matched his soap dispenser and held his red toothbrush and toothpaste. And lastly, a small essential oil diffuser which is shaped like a vase, round at the bottom and grows skinnier towards the top. There's smoke lightly streaming out from the tip. Smells like lavender.
After brushing my teeth, I place my green toothbrush in the slot next to Grayson's red toothbrush.
Curious, I open the cabinets doors under the sink. It's mostly extra shampoos, body wash, and toilet paper. Then there's specific essentials like hydrogen peroxide, aloe, rubbing alcohol, etcetera. There's also a brown woven basket filled with face-care products and hair-care products. Moisturizers, hair gel, hair spray, eye cream, exfoliants, face masks, you name it.
I chuckle thinking about how obsessed you boyfriend is with his face.
Once I'm done, I leave the light on as Grayson takes his turn in the bathroom. I snuggle into the far side of Grayson's bed.
As I wait for Grayson to come out of the bathroom, my mind begins to wander.
I hope Angie didn't wake up from all of us yelling at each other. She'll be so cranky tomorrow if she did. What if Peter sleeps through his alarm and is late to school on Monday? I always have to wake him up in the morning because of this. But now I won't be there.
"A penny for your thoughts?" Grayson asks as he walks back into his room. He shuts his bathroom door, turns on the lap that stood on top of his nightstand, then pulled the chain hanging from his ceiling fan to turn off the light.
He was wearing nothing but a dark blue pair of boxers and a pair of big, square glasses which make him look nerdy-hot.
"You wear glasses?" I question with a smile. I didn't see those in the bathroom, they must've been in the medicine cabinet above the toilet.
"Yeah, all my life basically," he tells me sheepishly.
"But... I've never seen you wear them when I slept over in the past."
"I can still see without them, so when I know you're coming over, I don't wear them. I think I look dumb with them on, but if you're going to stay here longer then," he shrugs, leaving it at that.
"I think they're sexy on you," I tell him with a playful wink.
"Oh yeah?" He crawls onto the bed and straddles my waist. My heart beat speeds up. "Maybe I'll wear them more often," he whispers before leaning down and kissing me.
I kiss him back, bringing my hand into his hair, but suddenly, my boyfriend's lips are off of mine way faster than I'd like.
Grayson falls onto his side then opens his arms for me. Getting the unspoken message, I snuggle close to him; my head lays on his bare chest with my left arm over his stomach. My leg falls in between his legs and Grayson's fingers gingerly graze my back.
"You didn't answer me," Grayson says. "What were you thinking about before I walked in?"
I sigh, drawing invisible shapes on his skin. "About Peter and Angie," I shrug against him. "I just hope Angie didn't wake up from all of us. And I was thinking how no one will be home to make sure Peter gets up for school."
Grayson places a kiss on my head, "you're such a good brother. Your parents just kicked you out and you're worried that your brother might not make it to school on time?" He chuckles and so do I realizing how silly I sound to be concerned about that. "I'm sure Angie didn't wake up. As for Peter- though I don't think you need to worry about him- just text him or call him in the mornings to make sure he's up."
I nod, feeling less anxious and take a deep breath. "Okay, yeah, that could work."
"That's if he ever gets his phone back."
"I think he gets it back tomorrow," I note. Then a thought struck me. "I can help pay rent."
"What?" Grayson questions, looking down at me. His wavy hair seeming more messy just from the few minutes of laying in bed, but he still looks beautiful as ever.
"Pay rent," I repeat, leaning back to get a better look at him. "I'll get a job and I'll pitch in the best I can for rent. I don't want to be a freeloader."
Grayson chuckles which only brings me to frown. But that frown lessens when he places a soft hand on my cheek, "Baby, you're not. You don't have to do that."
"I want to," I press, my hand going over his. "Plus, I'll be eighteen in two weeks, I should have a job anyway. Let me at least pay for groceries."
Grayson's hand moves to my thighs and he gently rubs up and down. "I appreciate you wanting to help, but really, baby, it's not necessary."
I frown once more and sit up so I can face Grayson properly. I cross my arms over my chest, while firmly saying, "I want to at least do something."
"How 'bout this; you help by cooking dinner every once in a while, help me with my chores, pay half for gas money. That way you'll be helping out, but not spending all your money. If you do get a job, you should save your money. Okay?"
I hesitate, letting his words sink in before nodding, "Okay," I agree then lay back down.
"Good," Grayson says before kissing the top of my head. "Now go to sleep."
😭
💕
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