It was just past four o'clock in the evening when Grayson left. I was sitting on the couch in the tv room watching Schitt's Creek on Netflix (A fantastic sitcom Grayson got me into over winter break) when my brother came home.

"Hey, loser, what are you watching?" Peter asks me as he drops his backpack on the ground and slumps down on the la-Z-boy chair. He kicks his shoes off.

"Schitt's Creek. You know mom's going to give you shit for leaving your shoes there," I tell him matter-of-factly.

"She'll be okay," is all he responds with. We watch the sitcom in silence besides the occasional laugh (cause how can one not laugh while watching this show?) until Peter breaks the silence. "So David and Patrick are a gay couple?"

Nerves immediately start firing up in my body. But I pretend like my stomach isn't flipping around in potential dread as I say casually, "Uh yeah, looks like it."

"It's cool that there are more LGBT inclusive shows nowadays. Don't ya' think?"

Oh God, where is he going with this? He would not think it's cool once he finds out his older brother is gay. "Uh," I shrug. "I don't know. I haven't put much thought into it." I can't seem to look at him.

Rather Peter wants to continue that conversation or not, he doesn't get the chance to as the front door swings open. We both look behind us and see Angie running in. "Look what I got!" My younger sister shouts in her high pitched kid voice. She's holding up a toy horse for her Barbie dolls. The horse has pink hair that matches the saddle and unrealistically large eyes.

"That's awesome Ang," I say with as much excitement as I can muster over a toy.

The grin on her face is the best thing to witness. Though, it falters when my stupid brother says, "that's lame. You should've got a remote control car or something," he dead-pans.

I punch him in the arm lightly but enough to make Angie's grin return as she graces us with her laugh.

That's when mom walks in with a few groceries. I turn off the tv. I don't need her commenting on specific characters in the show. Her comments won't be as supportive as Peter's. "Hey, no violence," she warns us. "And whose shoes are those? There's a shoe rack for a reason."

Peter groans as I give him the I told you so look, before he puts his shoes away.

But I can't get our conversation out of my head . Why did Peter even say anything? Was he seeing how I'd react to lgbt characters? God, I hope I'm not making it obvious about Grayson and I. "I'm gonna go to my room," I announce with a sigh as I get off the living room couch.

"Honey, you feeling okay?" My mom asks me. She looks worried and I wonder how she can always detect my anxiety.

"Yeah," I shrug. "Just got a lot of homework," I try not to give too much away.

"Okay, dinner at six."

Math homework always does the trick in distracting my mind from its endless anxiety and dread. Maybe that's why I don't really mind school; too many distractions for my brain to go into a spiral. For the most part, at least.

I'm almost done with my work sheet, when my nosy brother waltzes into my room, again without my permission.

"Can I help you?" I ask without looking up from my work. When I don't get a response right away, I turn to see my brother looking at me inquisitively. I raise my eyebrows at him as if the say, hello?

"You've been spending an awful lot of time with Grayson," my bother states.

I swear my heart stops for a millisecond. My stomach not doing so great either as it plummets to the floor. I hope my face isn't revealing as much emotions as my insides are. But just incase it is showing any sign of horror, I spin the chair back and face back at my homework.

"We're friends," I lie nonchalantly with a shrug then continue with my trigonometry equation as if this conversation isn't filling me with utter apprehension.

Jeez, first the LGBT comment downstairs and now this? Fuck, does he know? What's going on?

"Dude, just tell me," I hear my younger brother say sternly.

Oh God. This is it. This is when Peter tells me he hates me for being with a boy. He'll yell at me to go to Hell. Spit in my face at how disgusted he is by me. Tell me I'm no longer his brother.

Reid. Chill out. He still might not know about you and Grayson. Just breathe. "T- tell you what?" I ask as my heartbeat picks up pace.

My bother sighs in frustration and before I know it, my swivel chair is turning to face him. Funny how that's happened to me twice today, but in completely different circumstances.

Peter crosses his arms and states firmly, "You're more than friends with him."

My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach and I stutter out the first thing I can think of; a lie. "Are you crazy?! Don't be stupid, I'm not-"

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you're not with him."

I swallow the lump in my throat and try not to panic. Though my hands are visibly shaking now. Fuck. Im not ready to tell anyone. Especially not my family. And when I open my mouth to announce something along the lines of; you're right, I'm gay and dating Grayson, I physically can't. The words won't come out. I'm terrified of what he'll think.

But I guess he already knows, so instead, I merely whisper "Please don't hate me."

Peter doesn't expect that response by the looks of it, and his expression shows a mixture of hurt and confusion. "What? Why would I hate you? You're my brother."

I'm bewildered. "Older brother. You're supposed to look up to me."

"Reid, I do look up to you. You being gay won't change that."

I don't know what to say to that, so I ask, "how'd you know?"

"I've kind of suspected for a few weeks now. But I didn't know for sure until today. I, um, I saw you guys," Peter scratches the back of his head. Something he does when he feels awkward or uncomfortable. "Uh... kissing."

"What?!" I ask, my eyes going wide with my cheeks turning red from embarrassment. "When? Where?"

"Practice ended early 'cause coach's kid was sick. When I got home, I was gonna go outside then I saw you guys on the hammock. At first I didn't think anything of it, but then you... you kissed him. I just left, not knowing what to do. I felt like I was invading your guys' privacy. Kudos to you both, by the way, for not tipping over in the hammock. Especially how intense you two were going at it."

Mortified. Actually, that's an understatement of how I'm feeling right now. But I try to swallow that bile down as best as I can before I question him further, "Wait, so you've suspected for a while? Why didn't you ask me about it sooner?"

"I wanted to see if you'd tell me first. And it really sucked when you didn't. We tell each other everything. Why would you keep something like this from me?"

"I'm sorry. I thought you would hate me. You go to church with mom and dad every Sunday. I thought you'd be repulsed by me."

"Reid, if you really think I'm one of those hardcore Christians who curses homosexual people then you're real stupid. I mean, I'm not gonna pretend like I understand it and I could never be that way, but why would I give a shit what people do with their lives? If they're happy, who am I to judge?"

My heart floods in so much relief, I almost want to cry. This is the exact response I've been praying for. I needed to hear this from Peter. Maybe others will feel the same way. "Peter you don't know how badly I wanted to tell you. This has been weighing on me for so long-"

"I know," Peter says then pulls me up and into a hug. "I wish you didn't have to go through this alone, but I promise from now on, I'll beat up anybody who insults you for being gay."

I laugh at that, then pull back.

"Now, with that being said," Peter says with a grin and a playful look in his eyes. "I'm definitely gonna be making every gay joke in the book for you taking it up the ass," he jests.

I hit his arm jokingly, "Hey! What makes you think I take it up the ass?"

My brother gives me an are you serious look. "Um, have you seen Grayson? He's definitely top. Wait... have you guys...?"

"I'm not talking to you about my sex life," I say but am blushing fiercely.

Peter laughs like I just told him the funniest joke. "Oh you guys have totally done it. Where? You're bedroom, his bedroom? Oh! In a car?" He wiggles his eyebrows at me.

"You're gross. Why do you want to know so badly?"

He shrugs then sits down on my bed and I do the same, but in my swivel chair. "I told you about my first time," Peter says.

I sigh, "Fine. If you really want to know. No. We actually have not had sex yet. But we have done other things... in his bedroom, my bedroom, and also in his car."

"Other things? Mmm," My brother says suggestively then the smug look on his face drops as if he just realized what I said. "Gross!" He abruptly stands up. "On your bed?" He looks like he's gonna puke and he tries looking at his butt. "Don't tell me there's Grayson's jizz on my pants!"

I roll my eyes. "Calm down. It wasn't on my bed, if you must know..."

"Phew," he sighs in relief.

"...It happened on this chair-"

"La, la, la, la, la," my brother repeats as he plugs his ears and squeezes his eyes closed.

I throw a pencil and it successfully hits his forehead. "You asked," I say matter-of-factly once he stopped.

He sits back down on my bed. "Please tell me when you do have sex on this bed so I know not to sit on it," I roll my eyes again. "Wait, do you want to, ya' know, have sex with him?"

"I mean, yeah of course. The thought makes me excited, but also nervous. But I think I might love him, so-"

"Hold up. You love him? I thought you just started dating?"

"Uh, about that... we've been dating for two months now."

"Two months?! You've kept your relationship a secret for two months?! Wow, I feel stupid now."

"No. Don't feel stupid, I just-"

"I know, I know. Was afraid to tell me." we're silent for a moment before my brother asks, "Do I have to stop calling things gay and faggoty now?"

I stare at Peter blankly then say with a dry tone, "Get out of my room.

*

Laying in bed just a little past 11 PM, I can't help but smile. My brother knows about Grayson and I and he doesn't hate me. Maybe I can start telling others. Maybe everyone else will be cool with it as well. God, I hope so.