"What? You're breaking up with me?! Right after we had sex? I thought I meant something to you."

Alyssa and I are in her bedroom, sitting on her bed. I had just told her it isn't working out between us.

I take her hands in mine. "You do, Alyssa. You mean so much to me. But that's the thing; you mean so much to me as a friend," she shakes her head in disapproval and yanks her hands out from my grasp. I continue anyway. "I wanted to so badly like you the way you liked me. I prayed that as our relationship progressed, I would develop those types of feeling for you, but I still didn't feel any physical connection between us during sex.

"You even said it yourself that I didn't seem that into it. But I don't want you to take it personally, because as cliché as it is, it isn't you. You're beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have you. I just can't bring myself to see you as someone more than a friend. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have led you on."

Alyssa sniffles and tries her best to stop crying as she continuously wipes her eyes. "I- I understand what you're saying, but please, can you just give us one more chance?"

"I'm sorry," I shake my head. "That wouldn't be fair to either of us. You deserve someone who's going to give you their all. I'm not that guy for you. I wish I was, but I'm not."

Suddenly, I'm pushed down to a laying position and her hands go to my pants. "Maybe we just need to try again. We can-"

Panic surges through me like an electric shock."No, Alyssa," I grab her hands and stand us both up. "You can't force a relationship; it doesn't work like that." She sobs harder and buries her head in her hands. I sigh, not knowing what else I can do. "I should go," I tell her in a hushed tone.

I go to Alyssa's door, but she grabs my wrist. "Wait, please don't go. I love you."

I give her a pitiful look. Though it's harsh, I tell her the truth. "I don't love you," I say, shaking my head. "I don't think you love me either. It's too soon. It's all too soon."

Alyssa's mouth falls a gap and she lets go of my hand. "You can't tell me how I feel. You're such an asshole, you just wanted me for sex!" she exclaims.

Calmly, I say, "Actually, I didn't. I didn't even want to have sex. Which is a big reason why we're breaking up; it was a mistake." Okay, maybe that was a little harsh as well, so I add, "I'm sorry for leading y-"

Alyssa slaps me, hard. I kind of deserve that. "I'm going to tell everybody I dumped you," she states matter-of-factly.

"Go ahead," I tell her and walk out.

I never felt so much relief in my life when I make it to my car. Yet at the same time, a little guilty. I admit how shitty the timing was of this. But isn't honesty better? Or maybe I should've waited a few days. I shouldn't have gone on a date with her in the first place, I know that, which is why I feel horrible.

I feel even more horrible knowing how excited I am to go over to Grayson's and tell him he can kiss me now.

Without a second thought, I drive over to Grayson's house, my hands shaking in anticipation. When I pull up in his drive way, I'm pleased to see only Grayson's car in the driveway and not his mother's. I need to be alone with Grayson.

I waste no time heading to his door and knocking on it. I'm done being scared of my feelings for Grayson. I'm done hiding who I am. Hiding who I am makes me miserable and I want to be happy. Grayson makes me happy. So when he finally opens the door, I pounce on him.

I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He catches me, with a surprised expression on his face and a "woah" flying out of his mouth as he stumbles back from the force of my attack.

I smile "I broke up with her!"

Grayson smiles back at me and shuts the front door with his foot, bringing us into his TV room. "That's good. How do you feel about that?"

"Happy," I grin. "You can kiss me now," I inform him.

"Oh yeah?" Grayson questions as he sits down on the couch, making me straddle him.

"Yes," I confirm.

He leans in and my heart speeds up. Grayson stops an inch away from my lips. "This is your time to back out. You sure 'bout this?"

"99.9 percent, but you can round up," I tell him jokingly. I feel Grayson smile. "Please kiss me," I whisper, all but begging.

He complies and presses his lips to mine. I never knew how much I crave this blue eyed boy until his hands are cradling my face with me fisting Grayson's shirt.

The kiss is slow and filled with so much passion and longing. That is until Grayson's tongue glides along my bottom lip and I open my mouth for him. My body drowning in a blissful ocean. Immediately, the kiss intensifies and is more erotic. I grip Grayson's hair and a light groan escapes Grayson when I yank playfully. A major turn on.

I feel myself getting excited when Grayson slips his hands underneath my shirt, but not wanting this to go too far, I pull back. Our foreheads lean against one another, both of us panting. "I'm definitely gay," I blurt out stupidly.

Grayson laughs then in one quick motion, moves me flat on my back on the couch with him hovering above me. My legs wrap around him again. "I'm glad you finally realized it." He nuzzles his head in to crook of my neck, creating goosebumps to arise on my pale skin.

He kisses the skin below my ear, but I'm distracted by the sudden falling pit in my stomach.

"I'm gay..." I repeat in a murmur as if I'm test tasting the phrase on my tongue. My heart beat speeds up and my stomach begins to churn, not in excitement like my body was experiencing when kissing Grayson, but in dread. Dreading the thought of coming out to people.

Grayson leans up to look at me. "Reid?" He says my name with caution. I nudge him off of me, so I can sit up, suddenly feeling like I can't breathe.

Standing up quickly and stepping away from him, I begin to pace the room. "I'm gay. This changes everything!" I exclaim, looking at Grayson with, what I assume are panicked eyes.

"No. No, it doesn't," he slowly and calmly tells me. Grayson reaches for my hands, tugging gently to get me to sit back down. "You're still you, Reid. You've just discovered another part of you. Please don't freak out again and run off," he begged, looking desperate for me to stay.

I slip my hands out from his grasp so I can bring them to my hair instead. "I'm— I'm not going to run off, but— but... how the fuck am I supposed to come out to my parents?" Chills run rapid through my body, yet I have perspiration seeping through my skin.

Just calm down! Don't panic in front of him!

"They'll disown me. My— my brother will h— hate me!" My talking speeds up. "Angie won't even understand why her older brother isn't around anymore when my dad sends me to a conversion therapy camp! Oh God, I want to be with you so fucking badly, but how can I?" Usually when I worry about something, I have a panic attack or I ramble, words spilling out of my mouth without my control. Right now? I'm doing both.

Though I see him, my brain doesn't register Grayson standing up and calling my name.

"I mean, even if we kept us a secret," I continue. "you'll eventually get sick of hiding our relationship or— get sick of me in general!"

"Reid, stop," Grayson gently grabs my hands and I subconsciously allow him to take them away from my hair.

"I— I can't handle this-"

Then I'm pulled into a hug, Grayson's strong arms wrapping safely around me. "Stop, Reid, you're okay. You'll be okay. Breathe with me." He instructs and inhales slowly for three seconds, holds, then exhales at the same pace. I follow along and eventually, my breathing lessens. I close my eyes and lean my head against his chest as my arms wrap around his waist. My whole body relaxes as I intake his calming scent. A scent I can only decipher as Grayson.

My panic subsides, but now I feel stupid for exploding in front of him like that. "I'm sorry," I murmur against him, blushing in embarrassment.

Grayson pulls back, but keeps me in his arms. His blue eyes bore into mine. "Don't apologize, Reid. I know how hard this is for you, trust me it was difficult for me too. If I haven't gotten sick of you yet, do you think I will when we're together?" I half chuckle at that. He should've definitely been sick of me by now. He cups both my cheeks with his big hands. "And as for keeping us a secret? I don't care. I mean, secret relationships are hard and sometimes suck, but I understand needing time to figure yourself out and how to tell people." His thumbs brush under my eyes, swiping away the last of my tears. "So I'm okay with it. Okay?"

I nod, and without thinking, I lean up and kiss him. I pull away quickly, muttering an "I'm sorry."

Grayson wraps his arms around my neck and chuckles, "and I'm definitely okay with that."

I smile shyly. "Okay. So then... we'll keep us a secret?"

His smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, but he nods nonetheless and pecks me on my nose. "If that's what you want."

"I don't want that," I say quickly. If I knew for sure that my parents won't kick me out for being gay or that my friends wont be disgusted by me, I'd come out in a heartbeat if it meant Grayson being able to kiss me when and wherever I pleased. But this town is filled with close-minded people, how can my friends be any different? How can my parents? "but I think it's for the best... at least for now."

"Then we'll keep us a secret."

"Thank you," I say. After a moment of silence, I break away from him, but grab his hand in mine, my fingers going between his. "Um, when will your mom be home?" I ask, my cheeks burning like an erupting volcano.

Grayson smirks which gets me to blush even more if that's even possible. "She's taking a double shift tonight."

I nod in understanding. "Cool, cool, cool. Maybe we can order food, or watch a movie, or... make out some more," I shrug nonchalantly, but my hearts already speeding up at the prospect of Grayson's lips on mine, his tongue in my mouth.

"I like all those options. One more so than the others," he never fails at smirking.

"Oh yeah? Which one?" I dare to ask.

He grins and leans down. My eyes close in anticipation for his lips to meet mine. "Ordering food," I hear him whisper.

My jaw drops as my eyes shoot open and I watch Grayson pull out his phone and walk into his kitchen.

"That was rude," I say, pouting. Grayson laughs. "Order Chinese food," I demand and follow him into the kitchen.

💕