It was the day of my wedding and i hadn't seen the man i was going to marry since the day he proposed to me, which concerned me, but i knew i didn't need to worry too much. I hoped everything would be okay today, especially considering we aren't on the best of terms and he probably only sees me as a convenience. James wanted a small gathering for the ceremony, but he let me invite more people for the reception, mostly because it would've been very awkward with only a few of us there. James and I would actually have had to talk to each other, i mean come on!

wow. i dreaded talking to my fiance.

Claire was helping me put on my dress, while i stood infront of the mirror and had many second guessing thoughts. However, they all faded away when she told me to look up and i saw the most beautiful gown and gloves. It was a simple cotton white, no diamonds or beads, but equally as beautiful. The designs and patterns were so intricate and complex, that they took my breath away.

"You look beautiful Miss Haywood, the dress is perfect." Claire complimented me, stepping away as if to let the dress and i have some privacy. My hair had already been done and my gloves slipped on quickly. For the first time in a while, i smiled. I smiled at the thought of getting married, because i'd always dreamed of this day. Obviously very differently, but i was still in a white dress and my family was going to be there.

My mother came in, and her face immediately lit up seeing me standing there. She hurried over and started fixing a few bits of my hair. "Mother please! Claire worked hard on this." I told her, "oh darling, please, let your mother do your wedding hair for gods sake!" She replied batting my hand away, I laughed and hung my head down.

Once she was done, she placed both hands on my shoulders. "I know this isn't ideal my love, and I know you may be dreading your life with mr Penbrooke, but take it from someone's perspective that isn't each other's. You don't get many people looking at each other the way you two do these days, it may not seem like it now, but there's definitely potential." She smiled, and rubbed my shoulder a bit, trying her best to comfort me.

My vision became blurred as we stood there and looked in the mirror. I thought about her words, but more about the fact that I wouldn't be living with her or my brothers anymore. I feel like I didn't get enough time with them, because all I could ever ask for is more. I'm going to miss them terribly. Mother fixed some small parts of my dress before taking my arm and guiding me out the room. My brothers all stood at the bottom of the stairs looking up at me as I came down as if they were all my potential debutants. When I reached the bottom I let go of my mothers arm and linked it with Francis's instead.

The rest of the family paired up and got behind us ready to leave. "You look beautiful Diana." Francis whispered to me. I looked up at him and smiled gripping onto his arm a bit tighter before heading towards the carriage that awaited outside the house.

The nerves started to kick in and I felt my knees go I'm wobbly and my heart would go warm and beat faster every now and then thinking about the alter. Francis helped me in and sat opposite me. He stepped on my foot quite harshly, and I looked at him in pain and confused. "What was that for you idiot!" I exclaimed grabbing onto my foot. "That's for being nervous, and showing it especially." He said, "you're a Haywood for gods sake, ACT LIKE IT!" He added turning away again.

Francis obviously knew what he was doing because all i needed was a small kick in the butt to regain all the confidence i once possessed. However, seeing the small church doors in front of me made it all fade away again. I felt like being sick and just running away from it all, but instead the doors opened as if on cue and I came face to face with James who was waiting with the vicar at the end of the aisle. My siblings were already sat and my mother stood next to me, where my father would have been.

James was stone faced and seemed like this was the last thing he wanted to be doing, yet I saw a hint of happiness from the way the ends of his mouth curled up slightly when seeing me for the first time. That gave me a little bit more hope for the future, but I still wasn't certain that we actually had one.

I stood opposite him and looked directly into his eyes, the same thing happened the first time we danced where the vicars words and the loud music all faded out because I was so invested in finding answers behind those pools of endless curiosity, what of which were his eyes. We stood there and searched each other until I zoned back into, "Diana Elizabeth Haywood, do you take Sir, James Henry Penbrooke to be your husband, to have and to hold in sickness and in health?" The vivat recited. "I do." I replied smiling slightly.

"And do you Sir James Henry Penbrooke take Miss Diana Elizabeth Haywood to be your wife, to have and to hold in sickness and in health?" The vicar recited yet again. "I do." James replied smiling slightly back at me. "Well in that case, I now pronounce you husband and wife." The vicar concluded and James and I both returned to our families side of the church.

Not the most traditional, romantic kiss and pick up out of the chapel but i suppose we lacked understanding of where we stood with each other.

Later that evening, we took to the ball James and I were hosting as our reception, but we quite literally stood on opposite ends of the hall giving each other awkward glances every now and then. It started becoming obvious and i could hear people gossiping about our distance all around. Our ego's were damaging our reputations, and especially as James is now the duke of Kent, he can't have that happen.

I braved a smile and excused myself from the conversation i was in, and slowly walked over to James. "Darling, a dance?" I asked, beaming up at me hoping he understands why i asked him. Even if he didn't, as my husband, he wasn't really in a position to turn it down. He looked down at me confused, but answered, "of course, my love".

I know he didn't mean that, but it was nice to hear them anyway.

He took me to the dance floor, and as always we stood before each other and bowed. He came close to me and softly wrapped his hand around my waist while eagerly pulling me closer to him. I put my nervous hand in his, but when he held it tightly i couldn't feel the shakes anymore. It was only us, so he initiated the first move and with it i joined in. He didn't let any emotion show through his eyes or facial expression, but his eyes and the way he held me so close to him said it all. We were never once out of time with the music, because we were constantly relying on each other to take the next step or spin the right way.

"you did this, why?" He asked, breaking eye contact. I paused and looked down, "you honestly didn't take a minute to look around and realise how bloody distant we were, physically and mentally." i answered. "well, even if you didn't everyone else did...and, well i couldn't let your status be ruined because of your dislike for the woman you married." I added, saying the last few words with guilt spread across my face. He regained composure and held me closer, resulting in me looking back up again. "thank you." James hesitated, before carrying on dancing however we felt worlds apart for the rest of the dance.

Once our little distraction was over, and all the guests slowly left, it was time for James and I to also go back to what was going to be our home. He waited for me inside the carriage and i felt forced to say quick goodbyes to my family, at the end of the line was my mother who immediately wrapped her arms around me like i was some sort of doll.

She pulled away slowly and stroked the side of my face. "I'm scared mother." I whispered, while my eyes started to pool up. "oh darling, don't be. You'll get past this silly little thing you've got going and when you do, my god, being with the person you love most in this world is one of the best things you will ever experience. Promise me you'll make the most of the time you have." my mother sternly told me, with a soft and calming undertone.

"i promise" I replied. i wasn't sure how i would, but in order to keep her happy, i would try.