The day after my argument with James, i decided to focus on what was actually important. Taking advantage of the season and trying to find a husband was key now considering that was all i was good for in 1814. Of course i didn't want to have to bed a 60 year old man that already has about 8 children with his wife that probably died of boredom, but a woman's got to do what a woman's got to do to stay alive.

I never thought i'd get married or even have children at 17, but hopefully we could wait a while before a child. Why am I even thinking about this? I'm getting way too nervous about something that hasn't even happened yet. And who knows? Maybe I will meet a dashing young viscount who will sweep me off my feet. Just keep thinking about those high expectations Diana.

My mother came in very shortly after knocking a few times. "darling the ball being hosted tonight by the Penbrooke's is perfect for you and his grace to spend some time with each other." She beamed looking at the leafle in her hand.

Just the name 'Penbrooke' annoyed me.

"Mama, Mr Penbrooke and I are no longer courting each other." I blurted, standing up from my chair and facing her. Her shoulders dropped and she let out a sigh. "We thought it would be wise as we found that we had different opinions on many matters." i added trying to explain myself without crying. "Darling, there is no need to explain yourself for not wanting to marry someone. If you don't wish to proceed courting Mr Penbrooke you shouldn't have to." She replied, coming closer to me and taking my hand in hers. "I was just a bit surprised is all, it seemed you two were... well, dare i say...falling in love." She told me squeezing my hands tighter.

I know our objective was to look like we were falling in love, but i thought mothers could see through everything and I didn't think we'd be that believable.

I laughed off her vision of James and I, because i was never going to tell anyone what was actually happening between us. "Hopefullt there will be someone else for me at this ball mama." i smiled and her eyes lit up. I knew it was going to make her happy by saying that and it was the least i could do since she respected my decisions. "I hope so too darling." she replied.

(Diana's dress for Penbrooke ball)

When we arrived at the Penbrooke ball i was on Francis's arm. There home was just as i had remembered, truly beautiful. The interior design on the walls and ceilings was nothing short of magnificent, everything was perfectly placed and people dancing and laughing only made everything better, like they were the last piece to the jigsaw puzzle.

My admiration was interrupted by Mrs Penbrooke. "Ahhh! Your lorship and Miss Haywood, thrilled to see you could make it." She burst, smiling brightly. "Mrs Penbrooke, it's lovely to see you." Francis returned the compliment smiling aswell.

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They carried on talking but their voices slowly faded out when i saw James coming up just behind his mother. He had a small smile on his face and he wore a dark black waist coat with a dark red tailcoat over it.

Seeing him filled me with a small amount of heartache, but part of me also wanted to smile.

When he finally noticed me, i saw his eyes fill with guilt and the smile he once wore faded away. I wondered whether that was because of me, or if it was because he regretted our argument. In any case i took a risk and decided to walk up to him.

"Mr Penbrooke" I greeted him trying not to look at him much. "It's alright Diana. You can skip formalities with me. Considering our last encounter, i'm not sure our manners were very present." He joked, letting out a small laugh half way through speaking. I couldn't help but laugh with him as i raised my hand trying to cover my mouth. We laughed for a while from realising how utterly ridiculous our disagreement was. Though i did eventually decide to take a more serious tone.

"In any case James, i'm truly sorry for my behaviour and addressing Letitia with such low standard." I apologised turning to face him properly. "Just the same as i shouldn't have predicted such a miserable life for you." He replied before taking my hands in his and looking directly at me. "I know what i suggested couldn't be true because...Diana...any life with you in it, can only be filled with laughter and happiness. And the man who decides to marry you will be nothing short of the luckiest." He added rubbing my knuckles with his thumbs.

We stayed there, just like that for a while. What he said made me feel so many different things, and they definitely weren't pretend ones.

"How about one last dance." he asked.

He extended his arm out to me and i took it, before he led me to the dance floor.

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Once it started we took a step forward and bowed. We circled each other, our gaze remained locked. James placed his hand on my back, my hand on his shoulder, and our free hands finally met. We stepped together and I turned every now and then feeling only secure in his grasp. I allowed him to take me anywhere he pleased on this dance floor. He went right, I went right. He sped up, I sped up. We became one with the song, with the dance and with each other.

I'd never felt like i did before tonight. My heart physically felt warm, and i felt so safe and comfortable with him. I'd realised i had romantic feelings towards James, but that didn't matter because he was going to spend the rest of his life with Letitia and i needed to find a different husband. I just hoped that he would make me feel the way James did. If this was the 21st century i probably would have just told him how i felt to be honest, but that would've made everything alot more complicated in 1814, so i decided to keep it to myself. Always.

When the dance ended James and I bowed, but delayed our seperation of hands for a while as it seemed neither of us wanted to let go. It was like, it really was our last dance and we'd probably never really interact with each other again. I hated that thought and immediately tried to forget get about it, but my heart just slowly sank further down into my chest knowing that he was going to be happy without me, but i wasn't going to be happy without him.

We smiled at each other before turning away and returning to our parents, though i didn't join mine and instead i just decided to stand near complete strangers surrounding the dance floor. I did more so that i could just think about everything and try to plaster a smile across my face, but it wasn't working.

"You must be Miss Haywood." I heard a deep voice from behind me, and it wasn't James's.

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sorry I haven't posted in a while!! low motivation 😔 but I really appreciate the comments and votes 🥰