i wasn't asked anything about the scandal in our recent shoot. we were able to go home early and i decided to visit kanpo after she got out of work.

before though, i went to a store and went to buy her flowers and a few snacks i knew she'd enjoy.

by the time i had finished it was around 5 and by the time i made it to her place it was 6:03, so i was hoping maybe she'd be home by now.

i got to her home and thanked the driver and walked up to her door.

for some reason i was weirdly nervous, although i wasn't sure why.

i knocked and heard kuma barking. after a few seconds, the door swung open.

kanpo opened the door slowly and her face immediately lit up. something had changed, her hair color was now a dirty blonde.

i was surprised but she still looked beautiful as ever.

"you changed your hair." i said, reaching out to touch the strands on her shoulder.

"yeah, i thought maybe it'd be more difficult for people to figure out my identity if i dyed it." she shrugged and took my hand and pulled me inside before closing the door.

"this is for you." i said, holding out the flowers and snacks.

she smiled and kissed my cheek, "you didn't have to."

"i wanted to though." i said before kissing her forehead.

as she put the flowers in a vase i played with kuma for a moment before settling myself onto the couch.

"how was work?" i asked as i played with my phone.

"good, we've been getting a lot of orders lately, i guess the company is finally taking off." she said as she walked over and sat on the couch next to me.

"that's good, do you guys sell men's clothes too?"

"yeah, but there aren't a lot of options. we're thinking of expanding once i finish my degree." she explained as she turned to tv on and flipped through channels.

"how come they're waiting?" i asked as i put my phone down.

"the ceo is my cousins sister in law, and she hired me on the aspect that i'd get my degree. so once i get it, i can handle our budget and business decisions and such. after we expand our line, we're hoping to move to a different building and expand the staff." she said.

"oh wow, so i guess you guys are gonna expand a lot if you're willing to hire more staff. it's good though, that you're going to immediately be putting your degree into action."

"yeah, thats what i liked about the idea too."

we sat in silence for awhile as we began to watch a random show on tv.

"how was the shoot?" she suddenly said turning to me.

"good, they didn't ask any questions about the scandal." i replied.

"what was it for?" she asked.

"it was for some variety show, you know the usual stuff." i said shrugging.

she nodded and continued to watch the show.

she paused the show and turned to me again, "do you think it'd be better if we broke up?"

i flinched for a moment and turned to look at her, "are we really gonna talk about this?"

"well we have to. i just don't want to ruin your career gyeom." she frowned.

"you're not going to, i don't have a dating ban or anything so we're fine." i said shaking my head.

"i know, but this is gonna affect got7 as a whole, i dont want to cause you guys anymore trouble." i saw her eyes get glossy.

i shook my head, "you're not gonna cause anything, we're fine the way we are."

"no we're not gyeom," she sniffed, "you know we're not."

i sighed, "why are you always so doubtful?"

"it's not doubt yugyeom. it's guilt, it's worry." she shook her head.

"why can't you just ignore the situation?"

"you can't ignore your problems forever. this is serious, your career could be ruined."

"i don't care! as long as i'm with you, i'm fine with what i have." my voice rose with every word.

she put her head in her hands and sighed, "you can't do this to your band mates yugyeom. your friends, your reputation, why don't you use your big head to think about consequences for once!"

"you're over thinking it." i deadpanned and got up from the couch.

"no i'm not. for once i'm being rational. you have to think seriously. i'm not even asking you to choose because for gods sake please break up with me!" she yelled her last sentence and immediately covered her mouth, seemingly surprised at her own words.

"is that how you really feel?" my voice softened, a mixture of hurt and anger.

"do it for your fans, the people who love you unconditionally." she said as tears spilled from her eyes.

"if they love me unconditionally, then why can't we be together?" tears streamed down my cheeks.

"because the media will tear you and got7 to pieces." she said quietly.

"you don't know that." i said shaking my head.

"gyeom you know it more than anyone. you're already treated bad enough as a group, imagine if our relationship were to go public."

"what relationship?" i said as i turned to grab my coat and leave.

i got to the door and expected her to stop me. to say something, anything. i waited for a moment, for her to say just kidding! or you got pranked!

but nothing.

i touched the door knob.

i turned to look at her.

she stood in her living room, tears streaming down her face, her hands shaking slightly.

she didn't make any noise, she just stood there and watched me, both of us crying.

i almost felt a sob escape my lips.

but i knew

this would be the end for us.

i hoped that maybe in the future, we'd meet again.

and i'd be able to cherish one last moment with her,

at least until death do us part.

_____

😔