❦ SESSIONS ❦ WITH ❦ GUNS❦

|I'm not weak|

❦❦

"I don't owe you anything, I did everything that you asked and now you're taking from me" The warden speaks. It is his voice. I knew it was his. I listen closer. I'm not sure what they're doing right now or what they're talking about but I get the feeling I'm going to find out soon enough. "You may have done all I requested but you still fail to realize that I own you and your pathetic life. It was after all my father that saved your daughter from the fire and now she breathes air" Silas speaks.

I lightly gasp. The warden told me that his wife and daughter had died in a fire that had been set to his house when he wasn't there but now Silas is saying that his daughter survived the fire. "I have paid the price that it cost. I've served your family for years and now I want out and my daughter may be alive but she grew up with other parents and has another name and has no clue who I am to her" The warden speaks. I can hear the sadness in his voice when he speaks that.

"And it will stay that way until your service is up. Don't forget that if I wanted it to I can put a bullet in her brain. It is rather easy since your daughter is staying with me after all" Silas speaks and I'm a bit confused. "Yes, I don't particularly like how you use her when you perfectly well know she has a fiancée waiting back home" The warden says. Are they talking about me? I don't get it, why would he say that I'm his daughter? I have parents who love me, there is no way that I could be his daughter.

Perhaps they aren't even talking about me at all and they are talking about some other girl. Silas chuckles darkly, even through the closed door I can hear it and it brings shivers running down my whole body. "Use her is not the right word, taking her is. I can do whatever I want with her and there is nothing you can do about it. Play with her emotions, make her feel safe and secure and when she trusts me fully, I'll crush her like the flower that she is" Silas speaks.

There is so much evil in his voice that it's unreal. "And Leanna will forever be broken and miserable, just like her dear old daddy... but wait, she has already fallen in love. Such a disgrace truly, and even when she is broken and lost she will still belong to me, she will still choose me like the pathetic little girl that she is and even then I will continue to break her until there is nothing left to break" Silas speaks.

I feel the tears sting my face when he says that and I know that he's talking about me. I can't hear this anymore, I need to get out of here. This is far too much for me. Silas has been playing me this entire time and he knew that I've fallen for him and he wanted it all along to hurt me and crush me and do horrible things to me. The tears are streaming down my face as I turn around and run down the hallway. Not even wanting to hear more of this conversation. I can't bear it, it's far too much for me. Why would he do this to me? How could he do this to me?

Everyone told me that he was the most wanted criminal in the world and I wanted to believe that he could be different. That he could be saved and that I could be the one to save him and bring him to the man that he should be inside but now I can see that he is already the man that is inside and that man is ugly and cruel and evil. The tears are going fast down my face as sobs erupt from my throat. Running down the hallways until I reach the room I throw myself on the bed in tears without even closing the door.

My heart is hurting so badly and it hurts so much that I can barely take it. The rejection that I had thought would be unbearable is nothing compared to this. This is worse than any pain that I've ever been through (even when I've not been to that much pain in my life) in my entire life and I don't know how I will be able to live with this pain that has taken over me. It hurts so much. As I'm crying I start to hear gun shots.

All around. They echo through the house and they're outside and so many of them. I gasp when I hear running footsteps and I go over to the door slowly and look outside. Men that I've never seen before are running in the hallways holding guns in their hands. I gasp and hide behind the door. "Where did she go?" One asks and I can hear them enter the room but they don't know that I'm hiding behind the door. I have a bad feeling about this. I hold my hand over my mouth to not make any sounds at all.

I can't make any sounds and I can't let them know that I'm here. I gulp silently as they look around the room and I wonder why they have not even looked behind the door but I'm just grateful that they have not looked. I try to not move at all but I start to feel itchy in my thigh which I have to bite down on my lower lip to stop moving and not scratch my thigh. "She was here a minute ago. She has to be here" The same one speaks and I see that they have their guns ready to shoot at anything that moves.

Fear is running through me like never before and as they all walk into the bathroom and then closest I make my move and I move from behind the door to the library where I know there are many hiding places but as I was about to close the door I hear them running to me and I bolt on and hide in the library. I run to the spot where I had hidden Silas' gun and I pick it up and make myself small by sitting down at the floor.

My heart is pounding within my chest but it is also feeling the most agonizing pain because of what Silas said. The words that he has spoken just play on repeat inside my head and I can't seem to be able to forget them. But, I can't think about that now. I hear their voices as they are searching the library and perhaps it was a mistake coming in here but I had to risk it because I knew I had to get this gun that I hold in my hands, somehow I can tell that if I'm going to make it out here alive, I'm going to need to have this gun and I'm going to need to use it.

I try to control my fast breathing as I hold the gun. I hold it like Silas had thought me and I take the safety off like he had told me and I make sure that there are bullets since he told me that he sometimes removes them for the fun of it which I don't get but it seems that I don't get anything when it comes to that man. I thought that we were actually enjoying our time together but it seems that he was just playing me.

That is the word that he had used, playing me. He was doing it this entire time and I feel for it like the person that I am. He used me in every way possible and I feel horrible that he kissed me and we spent some time together. We would eat dinners and breakfasts and even lunches together and it would be fun and then we would have sessions which we would just talk about everything and sometimes even nothing at all. We spent time at the beach and in the water.

I read to him just moments ago. Did he not enjoy any of the time that we spent together? Why would he do this? He acted so well and clearly if he was acting then it can only mean that he has been doing it from the start? How much of the things that he has told me are actually true? The more I think about this the more I realize that I've been blind this entire time. The questions he asked in the prison about the windows and guards and stuff, it was all so that he could escape.

But, I don't get why he would take me with him. He had used me already and he had no reason to have me around anymore since he did get what he wanted in the end and he got out but why take me with me? There had to be a reason. Perhaps it was because... because of my f-father or is he my father? I don't understand how that can be but I don't care about it at the moment. I hold the gun so that if anyone were to come here I could shoot them.

The thought of shooting someone frightens me but I'm done being the frightened person. I need to step up and I need to be better. Yes, I need to be better and I need to be the person that is inside me which I have somehow locked inside me but now I'm going to let it out. With the sleeves of the hoodie that I'm wearing I wipe away the tears and I stand up. I'm done being weak. Silas used me because I'm weak and he found weakness in me and perhaps he pitied me for it.

He played with my emotions but I will never allow anyone to hurt me again and I will never allow this to take place again. I don't want to be this weak person that people walk all over and I don't want to be the person that people laugh and make fun of, I don't want to be the person that people can play around with like I'm nothing. I'm a human being and I should step up and fight back. I'm not going to hide away here, I'm going to be something better and I'm going to fight. Ripping the seashell necklace off me and throwing it on the ground with a smile.

I walk with the gun in my hand to the men and without hesitation I begin to shoot them. I shoot one of them in the torso and he falls down to the ground with a scream coming from his throat. Hearing him scream sends this joy through me and I giggle as I continue to shoot the other men until they're all on the ground. "I'm not pathetic" I say to myself before I laugh and walk past them on the ground. The blood leaks into the carpet but I suppose someone else will have to care about it since I don't care much for that.

None of them are dead but they will soon die, that I know and it makes me just smile and laugh at it. I finally understand why Silas kills people. It feels amazing. This feeling that I have inside me just bursts with happiness when I shot them and it fills me up with satisfaction. I love this. I love shooting people. I giggle as I walk back into the bedroom with the gun in my hands, waiting for my next victim. It would be fun if it were Silas since I want to hurt him the way that he hurt me.

I'm better than I was and now for the first time in my entire life I feel like everything is clear, I can feel who I am inside and the weak person that I was before is gone. I'm someone else yet myself at the same time, the person that was deep inside me, the better me. And to think that all it took for this person to come out was being hurt my Silas, the man that I'm going to destroy, whatever it takes I will destroy him.

Still, the love that I have for him will be a problem but that doesn't matter to me. I sigh with happiness as I just continue to laugh. No tears come to my eyes this time, even when my heart is hurting but this pain only makes me laugh louder and as a man steps inside the room I don't hesitate and just shoot him but then there is one problem. The gun has run out of bullets and there stands a man in the threshold. "Hello" I say with happiness as I skip over to him and giggle. He looks so afraid.

I throw the gun away. "What are you?" He asks me and I frown. "That is a very bad thing to say, you know. I'm not a what, I'm a who and I'm Leanna but you can call me Lea" I tell him and pull him into the room. He still holds a gun pointed at me but that doesn't matter to me. None of it matters to me because I feel wonderful and guns don't frighten me anymore. They excite me and make feel happy and giddy inside my tiny little body. "Leanna" He says and his eyes widen.

He lowers his gun at me. "We're here to get you out, there is someone that has been waiting to see you for a very long time" He tells me and I giggle. "Get out? I can't leave. He would kill me, I mean he always planned to I think but he would kill me if I were to leave" I tell him and this man puts his hand on my wrist and begins to drag me out of the bedroom and into the hallways where he takes me outside. How rude, he did not even listen to me at all.

"Whoever would want to see me?" I ask him as I giggle and I feel excitement that someone wants to see me. "You're a whole lot of crazy, I wonder what kind of drugs they have you on" The man mutters under his breath and I realize that he is rather rude. He pulls me to a car where I come face to face with someone that I've not seen in a very long time and I lounge myself in for a hug. "Adam!" I say and hug him and laugh.