❦ SESSIONS ❦ WITH ❦ GUNS❦

|Crossroad or right and wrong|

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The bedroom grows more boring with each passing second that I spend here alone, wanting nothing more than to be in his arms once again and feel his lips on mine as we kiss. I also want to feel the warmth of the sun outside and not just through the window. But, I know that I'm going to be here for some time so I might as well find something to do. Silas did not tell me how long he's going to be or even if we're going to spend our time together when he is done speaking to that man but I can just feel that we will.

I saw it in his eyes, he wanted to be there with me. Besides I still have not even finished reading him that story which we were both getting deep into and it's rather interesting. I find a bookmark and put into the book so that I don't have to hold it with my fingers and so I don't have to memorize what page and chapter we're on. Then I put the book on the side of the bed and stand up from the bed.

Realizing that I'm still in the swimwear I walk to the closet and enter it. Even after all this time this walk-in-closet still amazes me in ways that is unreal. I've not even dressed in half of this because there is so much of clothes in here but I'm going through them. It's funny that I've not even worn the same clothes twice and when they get cleaned and are put back here once again. I just want to try something new every day which is fun for me to wear and I get to try new things.

Picking sweatpants and a hoodie I dress myself into that for something comfortable to wear I head back into the room and undress of the swimwear and put it aside because I know I'm going to be using that soon once again and then I go into fresh underwear before I put on the sweatpants and hoodie and then I'm ready for the afternoon that is. But, I'm still as bored as ever like I was not even five minutes ago. When I'm without him time seems to pass by so slowly that it can't even be real.

I wish that he were here with me so that I would not be bored anymore. I don't like being bored but I have no control over that. He's talking to that man. I sigh as I head into the library and look around there, trying to find some book to read but with my mind always going to Silas when I don't want it to I find it's rather hard to find a book to read at the moment and once again I sigh. I end up just walking around the library. Trying to find the place where the hidden doors are.

I've never been able to a single secret passageway and it is foul. I want to find them and perhaps use them. Though, I'm not sure if I would be able to see or know where they lead but it would be fun to explore them. It would be even more fun if I had Silas with me while exploring them since he does know them and he knows where they lead and how to find them. I look around the walls and I really look at them. Trying to see the very hint of a door there but it's impossible.

It doesn't look like there are any doors that could lead somewhere but somewhere around this library there are twenty-seven hidden doors and I've only seen one with Silas but I've never truly found one myself. How did young Silas find all of those secret passageways? It doesn't make any sense. If could've done it when he was only child, then I should be able to do it but I can't. I sigh as I'm defeated and I throw myself on a cough that is in the library. I'm far too bored and lonely.

I want to do something. I'm eager to go back outside to the world there and play in the sun and swim in the after and read to Silas under the sunlight. My body craves for it so much, it doesn't want to be stuck inside when I could be out here and playing and laughing and having fun. There isn't even that much to do here inside but to be with my thoughts. Though, there are some thoughts that I don't want to have inside my head. Like of my family, Adam and even Trina and all those that I love.

Because thinking about them makes me miss them more than anything in the world and it brings forth this sadness inside me and it makes me want to cry when I've been told that I will never see them again and I will never go home. That breaks me apart more than anything because I know I will never see them again and I never even got the change to say goodbye to them. That is why I try my best to not think of them that often because it brings me nothing but sadness and it makes me feel guilty of being happy here.

Happy with Silas and this mansion and about this whole thing. The guilt burns inside me when I think of them and it blends with the sadness and it makes me feel horrible. All of this is so unfair to them and they must be so sad that I'm not there and they must be worried about me and trying to look for me while I'm not there at all and I'm in Spain and far away from them where they won't think of looking for me, even if they are looking for me they will not find me.

Sighing as I wipe away the tears that spring to my face. I stand up and walk over to the bedroom and look at the clock. I've been in here for twenty minutes and it have been the worst twenty minutes of my life because not only am I bored but with this boredom I keep thinking of things that I don't want to think of. I lie down on the bed and try to find something to do but I find nothing and it makes my mind run all over, it doesn't make me feel any better.

I just want Silas to come through the doors and tell me that we can go to the beach and I could read to him or we could swim. We could be sitting down and not speaking and still the minutes would pass like they were seconds and hours turn to minutes when we are together and I wish we could be together right now. Perhaps it is the love inside me that speaks for me and my heart is taking control but I can't help it. I can't help the love that I have for him.

The love that I'm not ashamed of but afraid that he will not return it. However, even if he did not love me in the same way I know that I would love him no matter what happens and I would love him even if he loved another. I would love him no matter if ha has found love with someone else. That thought burns my heart with pain and there is another thought that I don't want to think about but still I have to face the truth in this situation that I have suddenly found myself in.

Silas might not care for me at all and that the kisses that we share may not mean much to him when they mean the world to me and I know that I love them so much, more than he can possibly imagine, more than I can imagine. The way that his lips move on mine is like magic and as a person that believes in magic that is something that I know is true and real. I may not be the best kisser in the world and my kisses are terrible but he continues to want to kiss me no matter.

That is hope for me and a sign that he may care for me but these kisses mean more to me than the world and he means more to me than the world. Perhaps I'm growing insane of his love that I have but perhaps I'm just seeing the world clearly for the first time in my life and I'm finally opening my eyes to love. What I had with Adam, I realize that it was never love. We just cared for one another and we were young and we wanted to marry far too quickly and we had never truly thought it out.

Standing up from the bed I walk over to the window to see the beach. I notice that Silas and the man are walking inside and I think they have been out here talking this entire time. That man, I know him and I have seen him before but right now I can't seem to place him. I look at him for some time until something finally clicks inside my mind and I know exactly who that man is and while I may not know what he's doing here, I do know who this is. The warden of the prison.

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For the next couple of minutes I keep thinking of the warden and how the last time we spoke he was in a session with me but what is he doing here? And dressed in a suit like he's going to a meeting or even a wedding or something. Why doesn't he have police men with him or guards? Or someone? This doesn't make any sense to me at all. I know this was him, I can see it so clearly right now but they have gone inside but I know it was him, I saw him.

It was the warden but I have no clue what he would be doing here and why he would not just arrest Silas the first chance he gets? He should've done that as soon as he stepped out of the car but he didn't. Now I'm even more confused beyond anything and I really want to know what they were talking about and why in the living world the warden would be here, none of that makes any sense to me at all and this is just far too confusion for someone like me to even begin understand.

Walking over to the door I notice that it's unlocked and this choice comes before. Either I disobey his orders what he had told me and walk out of this room and find out what the warden is doing here or I could stay in the room in this boredom and ask Silas about it later and he might not tell me judging by how angry he was and I will never find out the truth. So, in truth there truly isn't much of a choice here after all and I know what I have to do in this situation.

Even when I'm disobeying what he had told me but I have to learn that he can't control everything that I do and there are going to be some things that I will just stand up for myself and I'm not going to let him order me around like that so I walk over to the door once again and put my hand on the handle and twist. The door opens and I feel like I'm doing something horrible which is not something that I'm used to do but I need to do this and I need to find out if that was really the warden and what he was doing here.

As I walk into the hallway I make sure that no one sees me, even when there isn't anyone walking the hallways. I never run into anyone but this is a time where I know I should be in the bedroom which means that people might be here and know that I would not be wandering the hallways. I slowly walk to Silas' office but fast enough so that I would be able to hear what they were talking about and this time understand what is going on.

However, I don't want what happened last time I eavesdropped and heard a conversation in his office which ended up with a man dead and I can't allow that to happen. If that conversation turns sideways I will just have to interfere and save the warden because I can't allow him to die. He has suffered so much with his wife and daughter and I will not let him suffer through more, not when he was on the right path towards becoming the person he is inside and I don't want him to miss that change of becoming that man.

I gulp when I reach the office. My heart pounding and I can feel myself start to breathe faster as I start to panic. Knowing that what I'm doing is wrong and I should not be doing this but it is for the greater good. Should I not be doing something wrong if it ends up saving a life? That should be marked somewhere as a rule or something because if a life is saved then it doesn't matter what they did because they had to save someone, a life. A living, breathing person even if the deed to save them was not that good or kind.

I let out a deep breath as I'm so close to his office that it's unreal what I'm doing. My heart is by crossroads. Betraying Silas or return back and act like this never happened and tell him that I was in the room this entire time and I freeze right in my tracks and turn around. No, I turn back around to walk to his office. Why is this so hard? I know that I should not be doing this, so why am I doing it? To save a life or perhaps save a life.

The warden has been someone that has helped me and I was helping him and now he may need my help again and I owe it to him, myself and the world and unicorns that I should him so I have picked my fate and no matter the consequences which I will just have to face. I walk over to his office door and put my ear close to the door to be able to hear since the door is closed this time unlike how it was the last time I was here. Soon, I start to hear their voices.