❦ SESSIONS ❦ WITH ❦ GUNS❦

|Beauty in the ocean|

❦❦

My eyes flutter open by the sunlight that shines through the window and as soon as I was about to turn around I see something in the corner of my eyes. I jump up when I see that Silas is sitting on the bed, watching me. Did he watch me sleep? "What are you doing here?" I ask him as I sit up on the bed and throw the covers off my body because I'm getting a bit hot. Looking deep into his kohl black eyes to try to see what is in them but I can't see it.

"You looked peaceful" He speaks. His voice is somehow filled with pain and I don't get it. "I was sleeping" I say as I'm not sure what he's talking about right now. I'm not even sure what he's doing here and he did not answer that question so I'm not sure if he will even answer at all. Though that is something that I'm getting used to from him. "Why are you not peaceful around me?" He asks me and I understand. He wants me to be as sleep with him and be peaceful?

Perhaps I'm not understanding it. "I don't know" I whisper to him. I stand up from the bed and go to the closet and get the swimwear and then I go into the bathroom and change my clothes and put on sun screen. When I get out of the bathroom Silas is sitting in the same spot. I'm unsure if I should leave him there or drag him along with me but he looks so deep in thoughts that I think I should just leave since the door is wide open and I can walk out of here. I walk through the hallways that are always empty.

I'm used to that. I've never truly seen anyone except for the woman that often gives me food if I'm locked in the bedroom and Silas is in one of his meetings and can't eat with me since we always eat together. I walk until I reach the outside and the sun is so warm and happy which makes me smile as I go out to the beach which Silas told me is only meant for me. The ocean always brings me so much happiness and the way that it moves in motion brings a smile on my face.

Smiling I walk over to the ocean. I do have goggles this time and I put them on as I dive into the water by holding my breath and looking through the water. The bottom may be sandy but there are so many sea shells there and so beautiful too and when the sun hits them they sparkle. I pick two up and I have an idea. I walk back onto the beach and dry myself but leave everything there and walk inside the mansion where I go into the kitchen. Finding a string I head back outside and sit on the towel.

Wrapping the strong around the shell so it's stuck I make a necklace. May not be the prettiest one in the world but it's still something that I like and as I put it around my neck I make another one with the other shell that I picked and when that one has been completed I head back inside. Looking for Silas I go back to the bedroom where he still sits on the bed and while I have no idea what he's thinking of I know that he needs to do something with the day.

"Silas" I speak and he turns to look at me. Smiling at him so sweetly I walk over to him and put the necklace around his neck. "What is this?" He asks. "It's necklace. I found them and made these. See, now we're matching" I tell him and laugh as I take his hand and make him stand up as I drag him outside. He looks stunned and looks at the necklace that he has around his neck and then at the one that I have. "I take it you like seashells?" He asks me.

I nod my head. "Of course, they're beautiful" I tell him and we go outside. The sun is so warm but he also makes me feel warm inside and just all over. I let go of his hand on the beach and he sits down as he always does and I pick up the goggles and put them on as I head back into the water. The salt that comes into my mouth is horrible but I don't mind because I'm having so much. Even if I have to go every thirty or forty seconds up to take a breath.

This is the moment that I wish I was a mermaid so that I could enjoy the moment longer without going back to the surface to take a breath. Sometimes I see fish but they feel when I get near but seeing them is so beautiful. And while there isn't that much one the bottom I still find it so interesting and sometimes I would put sand into my hands and just let it float back down, like rain under the water. It's amazing. Some of the sand though floats up at the surface and stays there for some time before he goes back down.

When I get up again I notice that Silas is not on the beach. He's walking towards me wearing nothing but I would guess his shorts that he wears under his pants. I see a smirk on his face as he walks on the bottom and comes closer to me. Around his neck he wears the shell necklace that I gave him and it looks good on him. I smile as he comes near me and I swim over to him. "You truly do know how to test me" He says to me as he comes over to me.

I furrow my eyebrows at him as I have no clue what he's talking about. He shakes his head and lifts me up by the waist and under my feet and he holds me bridal style. Squeals run past my mouth as I kick my legs in the water and splash him as well as me. I hear him laugh as I faintly hear the sound of his heartbeat. "Silas, put me down" I tell him as he is walking further into the water but he holds me tightly. However, his fingers and his grip doesn't hurt me.

It actually makes me feel safe, he makes me feel safe. I look up at his face to see that he's only looking at me, his gaze is on me and I can see that there is emotions in there. I might not be sure which ones there are but here there are emotions in there. "Silas" I laugh and squeal as he still holds me under the sun and above the water. "Put me down" I tell him and he chuckles. "All right" He tells me and then before I could process his arms leave me and I feel myself drop into the water below me.

The water I'm met with and with my eyes closed I sink deeper and I stay under there with little air but when I open my eyes I notice that Silas is swimming to keep himself up and we're a bit from the bottom. I smile to myself as I go under him and start to tickle his feet. He lightly kicks around and I wish I could hear him laugh. His head doesn't come into the water but he gestures with his hands that I should come up and I do.

My lungs were running out of air so I swim to the surface and laugh as Silas raises an eyebrow at me. "Tickling me, what are you ten?" He asks me and I giggle. "You know what, don't answer that" He tells me which only makes me smile so much. He always compares me to a child but that doesn't matter because everyone has a little child within them. "Are you ticklish?" I ask him. I tried to tickle him but I'm not sure if he is even tickles at all since not everyone is which I don't understand,

"Yes" He answers and that makes a smirk come to my face as I try to jump over to him in the water and tickle his stomach but all I'm met with his six-pack which is so hard. Wait, is he ticklish? Because he doesn't laugh. Silas' arms wrap themselves around my body and keep me in place as he turns me around so that my back is facing his chest. His skin makes me feel so hot everywhere but I think that is also because every of the sun that is shining right at us and the rays are so warm.

"So soft" He whispers into my ear that sends shivers running throughout my whole body. "So beautiful" He whispers again and this time the goosebumps are rising on my skin. I feel the blush rise to my cheeks and I find it strange how I can blush and shiver at the same time but I suppose that is possible but I'm far too lost in his scent to even care about it. "W-we should probably head back. We're a bit far from the beach" I tell him nervous inside my whole body and even my bones feel it inside.

"What? Afraid of a little bit of depth?" He asks me as he laughs in my ear. His laughs sends the familiar shivers running down my body and I wonder if this is always going to be like this from now on. Me always shivering at whatever he does but I don't really mind that. "No but we are a bit away from the beach" I try to reason but we both know the truth. I am a bit afraid of being in this depth of the water. There might be some dangerous animals here and while I do love animals it is in their feature to hunt and to kill to survive.

Even if that is a human that doesn't want to do them any harm, they don't understand it, don't know any better and that is why I am a bit of afraid of being here. "Don't worry, Leanna. Nothing is going to harm you. Not while I'm around" He tells me and I feel my whole body fill up with love as he says that and I'm reminded why I fell for him in the first place. I'm always reminded by I fell for him and how sweet and gentle he can be.

"What if there comes a shark. I know you can't fight a shark" I tell him, challenging him as I break free of his grip and turn to look at him as he holds up a smirk. "If there comes a shark I would rather have it eat me while you swim to the beach then to have to watch you die in front of my eyes" He says as he tries to speak normally and have that smirk but I can see right through him. He means every single word that he said.

My mouth slightly opens as my mind process the words that he has just spoken to me and I'm not sure if he would actually do it if came to that but the way that he said it, it sounded like the truth. I saw the truth in his kohl black eyes even when he wanted to hide it. "Why would you do that?" I ask him silently. My heart hopes for him to tell me that he loves me in the same way that I love him and he cares for me in the same matter.

Yet, he doesn't even know how I feel so why should he confess how he feels? Perhaps because I fear that he doesn't care for me the way that I care for him and he could reject me. I would not be able to handle that rejection. Not from him. Never from him. That is why I hide the feelings that I have for him, or at least I try to hide it inside me and I'm not sure if he can see it in my eyes as I am an open book but I pray that he doesn't because I fear his rejection but also his mocking.

Mocking me for the feelings that I have inside me and I would not be able to handle that kind of pain that he would cause me. Silas is someone that would most likely mock me for the love that I hold for him. "Better to die in the mouth of a beast than to live as a coward" He tells me and just like that my face falls and the smile that I had on my face falls down when those words come from his mouth and the wind carries them to my ears.

He said words that I had not expected him to say but I should've expected that he was going to say something like that. Perhaps it was the hope inside me that wished for him to confess his feelings for me so I could tell him how much I love him and tell him that I've fallen in love with him. "I think I'm going to head back. Stay here if you want but I'm getting tired" I tell him. I'm actually emotionally tired. Somehow his words stung inside my heart and it still pains me that I don't feel like smiling.

The feeling of not wanting to smile is unknown to me and I don't understand how this can be but I know that I don't like this feeling. While I'm swimming under the water with my head too to the beach I can just feel him behind me but neither one of us say something. Besides, we still have a lot to talk about from last night after what he said and what he did. I know that I will never be able to change him fully, it's not me who can but only himself can change himself.

Silas is someone that is going to take a lot of work with and with my love, I can only hope that he will find it within him to get better and to allow me to help him because even when I've known him for some months now, he still holds so much back. As I reach the beach I lie down on the towel and allow the sun to dry my body and I feel him lie down next to me on another towel. I'm not sure why he is next to me but I do like it when he's there.