❦ SESSIONS ❦ WITH ❦ GUNS❦

|The soul yearns for things we cannot have|

❦❦

"You're in deep thoughts?" Trina asks me as we're eating lunch. My mind has been racing for a long time as nothing is making any sense to me at all. Silas has confused me to the point that I did not know existed. I lightly shake my head and look at her. "I do have much to think about" I tell her and she nods. Knowing that I can't speak about it, she doesn't like the fact that I can't talk about my patients. "Now, I want to talk about you carrying something" She says and I raise an eyebrow.

"Carry?" I ask her confused and puzzled. "Yeah, either a taser or some self-defense weapons" She says and my eyes widen. "No. Trina, you know how much I don't like those things" I tell her. Trina should've known this by now. "Yes, but we are all worried about you. It's one thing being the therapist to the most wanted criminal in the world but it's another being his therapist when he doesn't wear chains. I'm worried about you, Lea" She says and takes my hands into hers and lightly squeezes and I do too.

"I know you worry about me but I'm safe, trust me. I am safe and I know all the protocols and if he does get aggressive then I know what to do. Don't you remember, you made me go over it about a hundred times when I started working here" I remind her and she smiles as she holds my hands and I smile to her too. "I know but Lea, you're my best friend and I can't bear anything happening to you and especially when you're with him" She tells me and she has tears in her eyes.

"Aw, Trina. Nothing is going to happen to me. There are guards everywhere" I tell her. She knows rather well how many guards there are in this place since she is a guard herself. "That doesn't stop me from worrying. You aren't exactly the type that would fight back if anything were to happen" She says and I smile to her. "Of course I would not have fought back, I mean that is not good. Someone could get hurt" I tell her but Trina can only roll her eyes at me. Did I say something wrong? "See, this is what I'm talking about" She says.

I don't get it. "I really need to go now, my session with Silas is about to begin" I tell her as I stand up. "Can I at least walk you there, just so you'd get there safely?" She asks me and I nod. Trina worries too much about everything, I suppose she has to since she is a guard and she is a rather good one too. We walk down the hallways. "Tell me one thing, are you scared when he's there with you in there without chains?" Trina asks me and I lightly giggle.

"It's a bit strange to have him move around my office like that but it doesn't make me scared necessarily, just that I'm not used to it but I'm sure I will be in a couple of days" I tell her. It is the truth, I don't think I feel fear around Silas or the fact that he's not in chains anymore but it's because I'm not used to it and this isn't really the type of thing that is normally done so it will take me time to adjust to it. "All right but let me know if you don't get used to it, I'm sure something will be done in the matter" She tells me.

Standing in front of my office, I smile to her. "Now go do guard things, I'm sure you have a lot of things to do" I tell her, I truly don't know what much what gauges do, except for guarding but still I'm not that familiar with them. "Your right, I will see you later" She says before she brings me into a hug which I gladly accept and hug her back. "Be safe" I whisper to her. When she worries about me doing my job, I worry about her doing her job.

Trina did get a bruise a couple of days ago and it's not that good, she's getting hurt and that is the thing that we should be worried about and not me. "I always am" She says as we break the hug and she walks back down the hallways while I unlock my office and walk inside. I'm surprised when I see Silas standing by the window with a guard by his side.I lightly gasp when I see them as I did not expect them to be in my office.

"Sorry, you scared me" I say as I look over at the clock. I've one minute early, well they are one minute early or perhaps five since Trina and I had stood outside and hugged for maybe a couple of minutes. "Forgive me, Dr. Russell. I was told to come early and since you were not back yet I waited in here to not leave him unsupervised" The guard says and Silas looks offended by those words and glares at the guard, well he had been glaring at him the whole time and has not once looked my way, though he doesn't say anything, even when he was offended.

"It's all right" I tell him and he unlocks Silas' chains and then he walks out of my office and I find it odd that there was only one guard standing with him since there are normally too many of them but perhaps they are trusting him more now. I get his papers and sits down on my brown leather chair. "Silas, how did you feel when he said that?" I ask him as I wrote down what the guard had said as I know he is a bit mad about that.

Silas rolls his eyes but I do notice that as he looks at me his eyes do soften a bit but I don't think that he even knows it himself. "What do you think?" He harshly asks me. Raising an eyebrow at him I already know what he's doing without him knowing. He's defensive, he truly doesn't want to talk about his feelings and I believe he thinks it will make him weak. "I think you are offended and I think wanted to punch him which is never the answer before I believe violence is bad thing" I say and he sharply nods as he turns around to face the window.

I notice that he does often look outside. "Have you gotten lost?" I then ask him and that makes him turn around and give me a confused look, his puzzled kohl black eyes stare at me deep into my soul. "Pardon?" He asks and I let out a giggle as I stand up and walk over to him to stand beside him. "In nature. Driving somewhere to an unknown place in nature and just walking and just letting the world speak and just get lost. Allow the nature to guide you through and leave you only with happiness and joy?" I ask as I look outside.

Looking over the prison and to the forest that is far away but it's nature in its truest form and the beauty of it is unlike anything that I've ever seen before and no matter how many times that I've been in nature, I always feel like I'm reborn as someone new because it brings the best out in me and it speaks to my soul in ways that nothing else can, it's magical. When I look back at Silas I notice that his eyes are only focused on me, as if he's trying to figure me out.

He doesn't say anything but his eyes are trying to tell me something, still I can't hear what they are saying because I don't understand it. Instead I just smile. "Nature is the one place I truly belong in" I then say as I turn around and sit down once again. This session has been about me and this isn't about me. "Anyway, do you have anything you wish to talk to about?" I ask him, changing the subject from me to him but his look doesn't change as he turns around.

"Yes, there is actually" He says to me as he walks over to the chair and sits down. I smile to him. "All right, feel free to say anything" I tell him. His face then hardens all of a sudden and his eyes glare at me which leaves me confused at what has happened, I can't figure it out. "I'm not falling for that" He says and darkly chuckles at me but my confused look only grows more confused. "Falling for what?" I ask him as I don't get it.

"Your trickery. You almost had me but not quite, I will not be falling for it" He says with a devilish smirk on his face. I'm not sure what makes me more confused, his words or his smirk or perhaps both but I have no clue what is going on with him right now and I know that there is something that took place in his mind and if I did not better I'd say that he went to a dark place. I sigh as I finally understand what he means, he thinks I'm here to trick him into telling me everything.

"When I first went to a therapist, I did not want to share anything about myself because it was a stranger and my family has always told me to never talk to strangers and it took me some time but I finally opened up and I-" I begin. "You went to therapy? You truly don't look like it" He says and I giggle. "Sometimes you can't see what one has been through and yes I did go to therapy when I was a teenager. It helped me go through things that were hard at the time and it also made me realize what I wanted for my life" I say with a smile on my face.

"Helping others like someone helped me and I wanted to help those who so many think are beyond saving but the truth is, everyone is worth saving and everyone can be saved and I don't do most of it. All I do is help them... help you accept yourself and the things that you've done and bring out the person that is inside. I stand for that and I believe in that" I tell him as I get tears in my eyes.

His look once again softens by those words and I'm not sure if I did something to help him or not. "You're different" He says. Always when I hear those words come out of his mouth, rolling perfectly off his tongue in his deep husky voice I get butterflies in my stomach and shivers running up and down my whole body and they don't want to stop. Those words mean something to me for some reason and I can't explain what it is and perhaps I don't need to. I smile to him. "Now, you don't have to tell me what you wanted to say before but getting it off your chest will be good for you" I tell him.

The things that one doesn't say are the things that will haunt and always drag one down but all they just need to do is say it out loud, let it become reality and face it head on. He looks at the floor for a moment as his smirk has faded and I'm met with a person that is having a hard time expression themselves and their feelings. The hardest part is always the starts but it will get better.

When his eyes look up once again and they are only on me, I feel like the rest of the world doesn't even matter anymore, it's so far away from us that I can barely even reach it as I'm only in this moment here. "When I'm alone, I like to listen to the sounds of the ocean to calm me down" He finally confesses and a big smile comes across my face as I write it down. "And does that help?" I ask him and he slowly nods his head. "But the thing is, I'm afraid of the ocean" Silas says.

I look up at him. "Fear is only the thoughts inside the head, what thoughts always appear in the front of your mind when you think about going on a boat or on a beach?" I ask him. When everyone else sees Silas as then most wanted criminal in the world, I see a human that has feelings (even when that human has threatened to murder and blows us all up) and a human that has fears and doubts like everyone else, I see someone for their soul and not their actions.

"The unknown. I don't know what is down there" He whispers, his voice is barely a whisper but I did hear it and I nod my head, and give him a reassuring smile. "Facing the unknown is often so frighting, take it from someone who knows but that is the best thing about it. Just going for it and live an adventure and doing the things that you're afraid of" I tell him and he nods his head. Telling me this is a big surprise but it only tells me that he's opening up and each day he opens up a little bit more.

"The fear itself is also good because without fear, you'd run head first into danger which sometimes isn't the best idea and I understand the point that the ocean is unknown to the human kind and there is so much we don't know but when it's mysterious and frighting, it's also exciting and fun. The best mysteries are the ones that we leave untouched" I tell him with a smile and for a split second I think he smiled back to me but he is quick to hide that with a smirk. "What are you afraid of?" Silas asks me and I giggle.

"You can't laugh at it" I tell him as I feel the blush rise to my cheeks. "I won't" He says with amusement in his tone. "I'm afraid of darkness" I tell him honestly. When my eyes run up to look up at him, he doesn't laugh but he gives me this look that I think means that he understands. I think the two of us are starting to bond, we've already told our fears which is a huge step and I seriously can't wait to see where this is going and I know the ride will be a good one.