Heartbroken? Yes.

Angry? Definitely.

Confused? Absolutely.

The amount of days spent without Raph has made me more depressed than anything has ever done. Its funny how things turn out. A month ago, I would've been okay to be away from this tempered turtle and now, its the only thing killing me.

Every morning we are woken and trained at different times. Night patrol included me and Mikey while Donnie and Raph patroled later throughout the night. The whole process was deranged. We couldn't even see each other in the mornings without Sensei's presence.

"Its been weeks," Mikey mumbles. "I'd rather die than to live like this for the rest of my life."

"Now now Mikey. Don't talk like that," I say, a little scared and surprised by his words. "It could've been worse."

We are on our way back home after fighting some of the Kraang. There has been no sign of Shredder nor Karai these days and I'm beginning to wonder why. Although at the same time, quite pleased.

"I honestly never guessed it," Mikey says with a dry laugh.

"Guessed what?" I ask.

"That you and Raph would be together."

"Me neither," I reply. "I guess I've always had feelings for him but never knew."

"Same here. I had no idea Donnie had a thing for me," he says calmly.

I pat his shoulder and we both stop walking. I shake my head and sigh. "We're gonna get through this little bro."

"Does he hate us?"

"Who?"

"Sensei."

"Of course not silly. He loves us," I reply. "I just don't think he is taking the news so well. Its like Romeo and Juliet where their parents don't want them together, but in this case its just one parent. Its pretty ironic if you think about it."

"Leo you're babbling again," Mikey says with a small smile.

"Hey if you can handle Donnie's gibberish talk then you can handle my babbling," I joke and we both laugh. The sound feels strange after many days of drowning in our sorrow.

"We won't live like this forever Mikey. Trust me on that. I'll make this right," I say as I open the lid of the sewers and allow him to jump down. After closing it above us, we walk in silence in the darkness. He doesn't question what I mean and I'm glad because I don't know the meaning behind my own words. All I know is that I have to make my little brother happy again.

But how am I going to fix this?

***

~

Fuck.

A strong guilt lies inside my stomach. Its all my fault. For loving Leo and getting us into this mess. For raising my temper and somehow causing Splinter to finally separate us. I shouldn't have mentioned Tang Shen, not after knowing how important she was to him. That was low, even for me.

To make things worse, I am forced to work with the annoying genius who won't stop scolding me. Despite the bad conditions we are in, he never fails to make me angrier. He is not suppose to be scolding me. Leo is.

We are in his lab combining all sorts of liquids to kill time. I am not allowed to touch the red or blue liquids which makes it super ironic considering they represent me and Leo. Fuck. I miss him. They are suppose to return any minute soon so me and Donnie can have our night patrol duty.

"This is ridiculous," I huff.

"I already told you that the red and blue ones are explosive so stop complaing," Donnie says as he watches bubbles build in the surface of his experiment.

"I'm not talking about that smartass," I snap. "And in case you were wondering, I was talking about this whole thing between us."

Donnie sighs and puts the lid on the container. His chocolate brown eyes meet mine and for a moment I see worry flash across his face. "What other choice do we have?" He asks wearily.

"What do ya mean? We have the choice to actually fight against this. Its our own home for god's sake. Sensei is acting as if we were criminals or some shit," I reply.

"Maybe its for our own good," he whispers quietly and taps on his container. I part my lips and raise an eyebrow. A jolt of surprise hits me as I process what he just said. Should I feel upset about this? It isnt until now that I take in my brother's face. Dark circles under his eyes, dry lips and pale face.

"Our own good? You think this is for our own good?" I question.

"Raph we're brothers. Not lovers. He's right. We are just so desperate for love," he murmurs. Donnie might be smarter than me but he has got to be kidding!

"Desperate for love? Is that how you think of Mikey? You're saying that everything you guys have been through means nothing?" I ask, my voice raising.

Donnie looks away, his breathing becoming heavy and his hands forming into fists. "We have no choice."

The words escaping from my brother's lips makes me growl and I begin to pace around the room, trying to calm myself. "Don't you see Donnie? We do have a choice. We're just afraid to fight back. I don't know about you but Leo is worth fighting for, and I hope you find your brain again because you can't just give up on Mikey like that."

I can't even look at him anymore because I know he is crying. I'm not good at comforting so all I do is pat his shoulder before walking over to the punching bag. I don't want to see Donnie in despair anymore. I don't want to see him give up on Mikey. I have to make my little brother happy again.

And I know exactly how to fix this.