Sometimes I wondered if only women got to be so helpless.If only women got to be the inferior.If only women got to be weak.But I knew it was wrong.I was wrong wondering this.There might be some point in everyone's life that might darken their world.But my entire universe had turned dark.Black it was and so was my heart.

It was a relief that Aunty hadn't told the man about my past life.I didn't wanted to open the pages of my past yet and definitely not to someone else.There was a deep pain within me that he didn't know anything of me but then again I didn't trust anyone.Not even myself.It was true, I didn't trust myself.How could I, when I was a bag full of darkness caged with insecurities.Although he was my husband and should know but what if he only took advantage of that and broke me again and again like Jalal Khan had done.

Jalal khan must be very proud of what he had done to be, very proud of how he had sculptured me.I thought bitterly swallowing the pain down my throat.

Sighing sorrowfully, my mind wondered again to something I shouldn't regret so ungratefully.Why did Aunty destroy another life? Just why?

No one could live happily with me.This couldn't be expected from me.I was too useless to do anything about this matter.My life was now involved with someone's who might never have seen a woman get beaten, bruised, whipped, strangled.My life was very different.

Two days had passed peacefully but that didn't mean the coming days will pass with the sun shining.This house felt more comfortable that anywhere I had lived till now.I didn't know if it was the atmosphere or something else, but in these two days I had gotten very attached to everything.The grey walls had seemed to absorb some of my darkness.The city lights that shined from a far at night and the large window, they all had somehow indulged me with them.Giving me company I secretly needed.

No words were passed between Arsalan and me except for the ones that I asked what food to make and he'll always give a small sigh before answering 'make whatever you like'.It was tuesday and as I had expected he should be at work but he wasn't.Although deep down I knew that the reason for not going was me but I let it slip.

He was a difficult man to understand or maybe I didn't find myself understanding him.He wouldn't talk much and I wouldn't dare to speak.So getting no response from my side he would sit and stare at me.Like now.

Since morning he was working in his home office,which I discovered was the first room I opened the day I arrived here, and attending calls while I cleaned the bedroom and then arranged the grocery that was all kept mixed up.The spices and sugary stuff all put together.But now as I started to make lunch he came with his laptop and sat on the dining table.Although I moved around the kitchen but I still felt two charcoal orbs bore into me.

Slicing the tomatoes, I added them in the pot that sizzled with the smell of spices.Turning around for the spatula, my eyes accidently met his, he was looking straight at me.Under the scrutinizing gaze, I shifted uncomfortably pulling my long dupatta a little lower.Gulping the lumps in my throat I averted my gaze seeing him too break the stare.The tightening air broke free and the mechanism of breathing seemed more easy now.

Taking the spatula from the drawer I hurried to mix the content in the pot.The chair scrapped a little before the heard the footsteps walk away.Looking back slowly I found the once occupied chair empty now.

Relaxing in my spot, I rubbed a hand across my forehead.Filling a mug with water, I walked over to the dining table chairs, before sitting down and drinking the water.Sitting there, I could hear the wardrobe doors open and slide shut.

Just when I was about to get up from my chair, the door bell rang.I froze, not knowing what to do.My mind screamed at me to inform the man inside the bedroom but the man himself beat me to it as his voice filled the hallway and my ears,

"Please, get the door Amal."He called out.

I glanced at the half close bedroom door before looking at the main door.My heart beats quickened as the door knocked.Walking slowly to the door, I twisted the soft fabric of my dupatta in between my fingers.

The person knocked again making me hold the bolt and undo it.Twisting the door knob with extra shaky hands, I opened the door.

Before me stood a man tall and broad in built like Arsalan.Dresssed in a formal suit, he had dirty blonde hair that were combed back.His beard was short and prominent enough.But what caught most of my attention was his face.The grimace his face covered while his blue eyes scanned me.I took a step back as he scratched his beard.His eyes assessing my every move.

From his looks he looked like a British man.He tore his gaze from me and glanced inside the house before stuffing his hands inside his pant pockets.Fear lurched inside my body when he looked back at me.

"Is he home?"His accent was very thick and his voice very strong.

Not knowing of who he was talking, I decided to keep shut.Maybe he was at the wrong address or Allah knows for what reasons he was here.The man tilted his head to the side clearly getting angry from my silent behavior,

"Wh-o?"I managed to say out.

Could it be possible he was someone looking for me and was trying to get information to divert my mind.Had he found me?

"Amal-"I heard my name being called from behind me.Arsalan stopped behind me but I blocked his view.

"I am here for your husband."The man at the door spoke quiet rudely making me frown at him.

Maybe he was sent here by him.

The man took a step forward to reach for the door but my mind functioned fast and did the unexpected.

I shut the door at his face.

My eyes now remained on the closed dark door but a hand was placed on my shoulder and I was turned around.A gasp left my lips as the man who was my husband stared at me shocked.

His eyes were wide and so was his mouth.

"Amal- why did you shut the door?"He asked making me scrunch my eyebrows together.His hand was still on my shoulder and I turned my face to look at his large hand.Noticing my gaze he removed his hand.Before running it through his hair.

I took a step back clearly confused.

"He- he was-"

"He was my friend Amal."He spoke turning the other way.I looked down embarrassed at how I had imagined so much about the man at the door.

"I am sorry."I whispered softly.He turned to me saying,

"Nevermind."

I was stupid.

Stupid

Stupid

Stupid

"I am going to have a shower while you set the table for lunch."

I nodded as he walked back to the bedroom.The pot, my mind screamed as I hurried to the kitchen.

We ate lunch silently.The sound of our spoons and forks filling up the place.Cleaning the table, I decided to do the dishes.

Night fell upon the land and darkness covered the canvas with shining twinkling stars.Praying Isha, I decided to stay in the living room for a while.The lights were dim in the apartment as I walked down the hallway and into the living room.I heard hear the faint voice of Arsalan coming from the office, he was on a call.

Unlocking the window, I slid it open.Cold wind blew past me, making my dupatta to slide down.Pulling my dupatta back in place, I looked up at the sky.The greying clouds hovered above us, indicating us that it was going to rain.

As I sat on the sofa by the window, I pulled by legs closer to my chest before putting my chin on my knees.The cold wind felt soothing as it danced with the curtains before circling all around the large room.

It didn't take long before the tiny droplets greeted us.The rain falling from the sky and onto the ground.I stood up as the drizzling turned into harsh rain.The patters falling on the hard ground with hard noises.The traffic increased in the roads that I could see a little far from the apartment.

Taking my previous position on the sofa, I leaned against the headrest.Nothing covered the canvas of my mind so I sighed relieved.The living room was dark as the lights were switched off and the lights coming from the hallway only illuminated the room, so as the lightening struck across the sky, I gasped.

I loved rain but I didn't like the lightening the shined the sky.It reminded me of Jalal Khan.

Wiping the thoughts away from my mind, I turned my head to the wall seeing the clock strike ten.Leaning my head again on the headrest, I folded my feet suddenly feeling cold.

A mug was placed before me on the coffee table, and a deep voice spread in the silent room, breaking the silence,

"Coffee-"

I turned my head seeing the man stand tall and intimidating by the sofa with his own mug in his hand.In the darkness he seemed like a king ready to rule his kingdom with the confidence he had in his stance.I sat up, muttering a soft,

"Thank you."He nodded before sitting besides me.Inhaling in a sharp breath, a moved a little farther in my seat.

Taking the mug of the hot beverage in my cold hands, the let the steam do its magic in spreading warmth to the coldness.

We sat in silence comfortably.Until the man leaned back in his seat and said,

"The man who came earlier, was my friend Bashar Cole Johnson."Hearing the words I frowned.Turning my head to side the saw the man's eyes closed as his hand traced the rim of the mug.

He seemed to be deep in thoughts and now so was I.

"He was a revert.He converted to Islam almost an year ago.And we've been friends from almost three years now."

Questions bugged my mind and so I dared to ask,

"H-how did you become friends with him?"

Surprised, he opened his charcoal eyes turning to me.A small smile played on his lips and looked at the open window.Sitting up, he gulped his coffee down his throat before keeping the mug away.

"It all started six years ago.When I shifted here in this building after completing my masters degree, I met this boy Callum Johnson and we became good friends in some months.Best friends.He lived in the same building.He was a pilot by profession in the national airline.I was on the verge of starting my career, so we'd stick together living like the natural bachelors.Our religions were apart but we'd never cross that boundary about religions."

He sighed deeply before standing up and walking to the window making me observe his every move.

"I started my business and he got busy with his training.But we always had time to catch up.It was a rainy evening when I came home.Callum was on duty that evening but earlier he had informed me that he wanted us to have dinner together and so I had agreed.I waited for hours but he never called.With a hungry stomach I switched the tv on, only for the ground to slip from under my feet.The headlines were filled with the news of a plane crash-"

I gasped covering my mouth.My heart thudded loudly not wanting to hear what I thought was true.His voice had lowered and an emotion carried through it.His eyes were fixed outside as his hands slid back the glass and locked the window.The sound of rain got trapped outside and silence again filled the apartment.I waited for him to continue, gulping the delicious coffee down my throat.

"I called his office in worry.My mind wasn't even functioning properly and I didn't even know how to get to him.The office confirmed the pilots and so Callum was the pilot of the plane with another co-pilot.They didn't tell anything else as they weren't even sure themselves.After hours, the headlines read that all the passengers remained safe except for some serious injuries.Callum too got seriously injured.He remained in the hospital for two weeks before he got discharged.His left leg and arm were broken.His right side was injured and cuts covered his face.It was a miracle that even with the fire in the plane, everyone remained safe.I started to spend my most time with Callum knowing that he needed me.But after the crash something had changed in him.He changed.He didn't act like the Callum I knew, he was someone else.But I understood him.I would sit outside his bedroom door, listening him cry hysterically until he slept.It broke me too, to see him like this-Then one day this man named Cole Johnson showed up.He was Callum's younger brother.At first Cole and I didn't get along too well and then with time we eventually changed our behaviour towards one another.Callum wasn't coming anywhere near his previous self.His office had given him sometime off from work.So he'd usually sit in a room and stare into space.Cole and I were worried."

"One day when I came to visit Callum he asked me about Islam.I told him everything I knew.He listened carefully to me.And when I completed he asked me about converting to Islam.I welcomed him and told him he shouldn't feel forced.Two days later he converted.Ahmed was the name he chose for himself.I was happy and he was living his chance again.Happy he was returning to life again.After the crash his mother had gone super sad.She was already a drunker and seeing Ahmed's condition she only got worst.Cole would usually keep their mother away from Ahmed.But when Ahmed told her about the conversion, she stopped talking to him."

"Cole was shocked but he didn't object nor destroy their relationship.Ahmed and I would sit and talk for hours.He would always say about how he experienced death from so close.He would shudder describing how he felt his lungs almost give up all the oxygen and the cries coming from the passengers.His copilots screams and the uncontrollability of the situation.I knew he was disturbed and so I let him talk as much he wanted to."

He stopped and I almost protested.He turned his face to me and I could see the charcoal eyes turn glassy.I blinked a few times seeing a man intimidating like him crumble before me.But his next words stole my breath.

"After almost six months after the crash Ahmed Callum Johnson died in a car accident. "

***

Sorry I had to stop here.. :) :)

A lot bit of Arsalan's past .. :)

Vote

Comment

Share

follow

Until Next Time,

_Hafsa