A soft touch.Slow and light, as it slides across my cheeks, like a feather.A gentle touch, so soft that I wonder its afraid that a little force and I'd break.I try to open my eyes but they feel so heavy as if bricks weigh them down.I try once again, but an immense pain shot up from my temples to my head.The excruciating pain spreading through my body as I wince, opening my closed lids.Observing my surrounding.

The early morning light welcomed me, the sun absent with greying clouds as they cover the horizon.My window was open as fresh air roamed around me.I squinted my eyes as I peek at the sky from where I lay on the bed.Strechting my limbs I sign, a ticklish sensation ran down my wrist, as I tilt my head to the side.A tube was attached to the back of my hand, the other side of the tube attached to a plastic bag filled with a clear fluid as it drips drop by drop in the tube, the bag hanging from an iron stand placed near my bed.I sigh, laying my aching head on the soft pillow, confusion clouding my mind.

The last time I remember, I was crying in the washroom.Maybe I fainted in the washroom.Using my free hand, I pull the warm comforter more towards my burning body.A soothing sensations lulling me to sleep.Just before I close my eyes I see Marwa sleeping, curled in the armchair.Her brown shawl covering her body as she sleeps soundly.

Not able to contain the sleep anymore, I allow it to take over my senses.

***

I hummed turning a little to my side, breaking my deep slumber.Someone holds my cold hand before the needle with the cannula piercing my skin is taken out.A soft cotton rubbed against my skin and a bandage is pressed at the back of my hand.I turn a little to Gulshan as she smoothed the bandage, a smile curving her lips.I move my eyes to Marwa's standing form, not able to return Gulshan's action.

Marwa too smiles at me, as I stare at her.Her hand reaching towards my forehead as she sat at the edge of the bed.

"How are you feeling now?"She asked in a soft tone.

"Fine.."My voices came out hoarse as if my throat was rubbed with sandpaper.I clear my throat seeing Marwa nod.Gulshan turns around before whispering something in Marwa's ear and walked out of the room.Once the door to my bedroom is closed, I ask Marwa,

"What happened to me?"

"You passed out in the bathroom, under the shower.Gulshan came up to check on you but you didn't open up.Jalal wasn't home so using the spare key we unlocked your bedroom door and found you in the bathroom.Gulshan called the doctor and we helped you out of your clothes.The doctor came and said you fainted due to stress and weakness.She said we should get you hooked up to the IV so.. The rest you know."She completed as I fist my hand.My hand that was attached to the tube was cold, my fingers stiff as I clench and unclench my fist.My breathing became shallow as Marwa caressed my head, my hair sprawled on the pillow.

"Where are the kids?"Marwa was here all night taking care of me so it was obvious I ask.

"They are sleeping in my room.Gulshan was with them."She informed her fingers running in my thick locks as Aunty Shahana would do.

"Amal.. get fresh.I'll bring breakfast for you."She stands up but turns towards me as I sit up.

"Do you want me to stand outside the washroom?"She asked unsure.Her eyebrows turning into a frown.Shame washed over me as I shook my head at her.She had already changed my clothes, I couldn't ask for any more favors.

Wearing my slippers I stroll towards the washroom.Opening the tap, I intended to splash some water on my face but the sight before me makes a gasp ripped off my mouth.

Red scratches remain imprinted on my face.My pale colour making the red marks stand out.I traced my face,I had scratched it myself last night.

My lips pursued as I stared at the horrified face.Anger suddenly swirling inside my veins.Brushing my teeth, I came out.Marwa paced around the room her fingers fidgeting as she passed me a nervous glance.

"It's Okay."I said before she could say the words out.She shrugged her shoulder.

"The doctor gave a lotion.It'll get better within some time."She still assured me.Dejectedly I slump on the bed.She sat besides me, her warm hands wrapping mine.

"Hey, its gonna be fine."Giving her a small nod I turned to the tray of food as she pulled it towards herself.Holding the toast towards me, she beckons me to take a bite.Opening my mouth, I take a small bite of the bread.

After feeding me with breakfast and insuring that I drink the glass of milk, the woman placed the tray aside as her warm eyes glance at me.Giving me some pills she passed the glass to me, making me gulp the bitter medicines down my throat.

Marwa was a lady that was a sister figure for me, she wasn't only my husband's first wife but a lady who was a mother of two kids whose father was an extremely ruthless man.She was a very strong woman never willing to bow down before a man like Jalal Khan.She knew well how to fight and stand up for herself.How to protect her children from their cruel father.A woman who was married to an emotionless man for five years, bearing his children and bearing the man he deliberately inflicted on her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"Marwa's soft voice broke my reverie and I realized that I was looking at her with a smile.I might have looked Creepy.

"Its nothing."I whispered quietly seeing her walk around the room, cleaning it up.

The dark wooden door creaked open as a little head peeked in.The brown eyes twinkling as they stared at me.Saman's little feet lead her to me as she ran towards me.Her eyes widening as her little chubby fingers traced the marks on my face.

"Whhat happenet to yew Appa?"She asked me, her eyes concentrated on my face, lines forming on her forehead.

"It's nothing my jaan, Appa got some scratches."I said to her, bending forward I pecked her cute cheeks as she kissed mine.She pressed onto the bandage of my wrist, a hiss escaping my lips.

"Oo shoory ! yew got hurd?"Saman asked me again making me nod at her.

"Saman, come help Mama, let Appa rest."Marwa called out to her daughter as the little girl compelled helping Marwa to set the books on the shelf.

Gulshan came into the room with a very excited and active Akbar in her arms.

"Madam, he wants to play and is not in my control."She huffed as Akbar tried to get out of her hold.

"Gulshan give him to me.."I said as the woman handed Akbar to me.His eyes filled with playfulness as he licked at his fist.I cuddled him close to my chest.Feeling his warm clothes spread warmth across my body.

"Gulshan, Amal is sick and you have brought him here..with these two here she will not be able to rest.."Marwa scolded an embarrassed Gulshan who fiddled on her feet.

"Its okay, Marwa.."I interrupt clearing my throat.Gulshan leaves and I sit up a bit.Placing Akbar on the soft mattress, I take the rattle from his fist as he resists.His lips wobbled as I took his toy from him.His large brown eyes glistening with tears as he moves forward to take it back from me.Playing with him I steal pecks on his face.He made baby noises trying to get my attention whenever I lean a little to the headboard.I giggled with him as he fell on the soft cushion besides him.

"You are going to be a great mother.."Marwa whispered sitting besides me, making the smile drop from my face.I doubt that.Ignoring her statement I continued to play with her baby boy.Just letting the time pass peacefully till the scars refreshed.

Marwa had gone downstairs with Saman to make something for her to eat.Lokking at Akbar, I think about how important he is to me.Although I loved both Saman and Akbar equally but there was something about Akbar.Maybe because he was born at the same day I got married to his father unknowingly.

Another hour passed and relief washed over me that Jalal wasn't home since last night.I cuddled a sleeping Akbar tighter and fell into a dreamless slumber.

***

Love

It was something I never expected from Jalal Khan.He was simply out of the league of loving.And now that I knew some part of his personality, I thought he wasn't even deserving of love.He was a cruel beast among many other who thought women to be the dust of their feet, they only knew to crumble them beneath their feet, to crush them.

To hurt women so much that they only know to obey their men.To nod their head by shredding their own desires and thoughts.To men like Jalal, we were just their slaves, who would cook for them, bear their children and always obey them.

But the only thing I craved from this relationship was a little respect that I deserved.I didn't expect Jalal to change because day by day he only got worse.He was a closed book never giving his emotions away.He didn't seem as if he was doing this because he had suffered in his childhood.But even if he suffered why was he making others suffer because of someone else's mistakes.Power and money had made him so blind that he had forgotten to treat us as humans.A little freedom was all I wanted.To be free to live my own life, to be free to work as how I liked not to work when I was permitted.Or to cook or eat when I was permitted.I wasn't in a prison but in a golden cage where I was trapped.Where all the luxuries of the world were present but the potentials of a healthy mind and life weren't provided.The luxuries and crystals weren't what I wanted.They were just something fake for me.And in the end I was living yet suffering.The thread of my life was in Jalal's hand, his choice whenever he cuts it, but he liked playing with it.Seeing my tears he would laugh sinisterly as if it soothed him.I worried who were his parents, who had not seen him ruin himself and us.

"I don't know about his family, there are no pictures in the mansion about anyone except for his own."Marwa had told me after two months of my marriage.It seemed almost strange that in a period of five years no relative of Jalal had stepped into the mansion.My mind sometimes wondered that I was married to a man who I knew nothing about.I didn't knew what he did for a living or what business he did.But I surely knew that he despised if I prayed in front of him.

How could a man be so hollow that he forgets his Creator?

In all my bright and dark days, ALLAH was with me.In all my happy and bad moments ALLAH was with me.Everytime I cried ALLAH was the One To listen.Everytime, I asked ALLAH for his guidance and help.Yet Jalal was the first man I saw so devoid of Islam.In all ten months of my marriage I had not seen Jalal pray a single time yet I had seen him get drunk hundreds of time.

Wrapping the hair band around my long braid, I rolled it into a bun at the nape of my neck.Weakness drained me as my shoulder slouched in tiredness.The pale peach fabric of my clothing made my skin look more pale and light.Sighing, I placed my matching dupatta on my head, reaching towards the shelf I was about to pick the Quran when Shaano came in.Puffing out some breath she said, stealing all my breath,

"Madam, Jalal Sahb is here."She breathed out making panic to course in my skin.

"He is calling you downstairs."I nodded, gulping down my sudden dry throat.She left, leaving the door open behind her.My stomach churned, something bad was going to happen.Tears brimmed my eyes as I took slow steps towards the door.Contemplating to go downstairs or faint.Gaining a little courage, I pulled up my dupatta over my head and my face so that it hid my face till my nose, creating a ghonghat.Fidgetting with the edge of the other side of the dupatta, I descended the spiral staircase slowly and carefully.

Walking down the brightly lit hallways I came to a sudden stop at the door of the hall.Terrified at the thick atmosphere clouding the air.

"I will not repeat my words again.You are not allowed to go.YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GO."Jalal's loud voice boomed across the cream wall as he yelled at Marwa, who sat on the sofa, shaking and crying.Her sobs so painful as her head kept shaking.I peered at Jalal's red face from under my ghonghat.

"She's my mother.Please let me go.."Marwa's soft broken voice soothed out all the creases in the air.My eyes widening as realization dawned on me.

"She was your mother.Now she is dead."He barked out at her making her cry more harder.A gasp ripped off my mouth as I placed a hand on my parted lips, tears flowing down my cheeks.My heart whispered the dua as I walked in a little more into the room.

"Marwa.."I said reaching towards her.

"Amal..Tell him to let me go.Its her funeral... I haven't seen her in five years..Tell him to let me go to Islamabad just to see her face for once..."She sobbed hard clinging to my body.Sobs broke out from my mouth too feeling awful that Jalal had restricted her to call her home from the past few months.

I cast a quick glance at Jalal who rubbed his forehead, throwing daggers at us.

"Oh stop with your crying, my head is already aching."He hissed at us looking furious then ever.

Something ticked in Marwa as she detached herself from my arms.Her jaw clenched as she seethed.

"May you go to hell.Or worse may you die.ALLAH will punish you.Damn you Jalal Khan.. "She shouted still crying.The veins in her neck prominent as she shakes vigorously.I hold onto her shoulders tightly as she slumps a little.

"Oh..If I will be damned so will you be.Once a Bi*** always a Bi***."Jalal's voice was almost amused as he puffed out smoke before bringing the cigar back to his lips.

"No Jalal Khan.You are wrong because you cannot always be right.My ALLAH will punish you, my duas won't get unheard from my Lord.You will suffer and more painfully than us."Hearing her words a groan left Jalal's lips as he stoods up almost suddenly, making my knees buckle in fear.Pushing me away from the woman, he held at her arms painfully tight as she fired daggers from her red teary yet fiery eyes, a storm forming in them,

"Khirana, khachana,pamana.."Marwa bit out, almost spitting the words in pashto as she heaved in fury and sadness.Her face was red as she resisted against the strong man's hold.It only angered Jalal more as he scowled, his lips curling in a sneer as he barked out,

"Dere qrrate ma kawa!"Marwa flinched back and so did I, a small yelp ripping out of my mouth.But Marwa wasn't backing off this time.She took a step towards him.

"Don't shout and show your coward-ness.Taala Waala Shay.." She shouted louder than ever.Her palms pushing against the man's chest as he shook in anger and madness.My feet had frozen as silent cries left my mouth.

"Daa tor makh de wrak sha!"He retorted back pushing her away before dragging her to her room.She only shouted more at him till he shut her with a hard slap on her cheek.I couldn't move in fear, my mind wasn't functioning and so were my limbs.

He locked her in the store room across from her room, in the dark room.Shutting the door with a bang, he locked it throwing the keys on the floor.His fiery eyes moved around the room as the woman banged on the door from the other side.Her screams filling the silent mansion.

Jalal walked with slow steps, his fingers rubbing his forehead as he puffed out.A dark Devil he looked in the black coat suit he wore.Suddenly screaming he kicked the wooden stand table to the floor making a huge gasp to leave my lips.

My downfall.

His eyes looked at my covered face as I shivered in fear.He reached towards the bottle of liquor on the centre table.Filling a glass with the brown liquid he took a large gulp, whilst his dark eyes were trained on me.My wiped my tears with the back of my hand suddenly conscious that it was only me and the devil.I took in large breaths as he walked to me.

"Why are you hiding your face?"He asked innocently, as if talking to a child.My heartbeats numbed my ears as I fisted my palms, shaking my head slowly at him.

"Are you not?"He asked again, the stench of his poisonous drink wafting past my nostrils making me take a small step back.

Suddenly my peach dupatta was ripped off my body, as it went flying on the floor.Exposing me to the beast that I feared more than death itself.I gulped down my throat as my salty tears kissed my lips.

"Show me your face.."The man shouted as I cowered in fear.His big hand gripping my jaw harshly, a painful hiss leaving my mouth as he observed the marks on my face.His told so tight that I stood on my tiptoes in order to lessen the pain.The dark of his eyes swirling with a newly formed storm, a deathly storm caging me in.Anger heating up the cold irises, burning all around.

"You did this to yourself.You like marks then lets mark you."His voice was hard and cold as he whispered the words out.The tried to move away from his deathly hold but he wasn't allowing as he took the bottle of liquor in one hand as the other gripped my arm.

"Jalal.."I cried out, scared as he lead me to the spiral stairs, pulling me up with him.I almost tripped on my feet as he dragged me harshly up the stairs.Opening the door to my bedroom, he throw me on the floor making me place my arms in front of me, not to fall face flat.I turned around seeing the man take a swig from the bottle as he tilted his head.I sobbed out as he placed the bottle on the table, stretching his neck and then arms.I crawled back on the floor, my palms against the cold tiles.

"Jalal.."I whispered in despair as he locked the door.The dark of his eyes stared at me with disgust as his hands unbuckled his leather belt.My eye_ grew wide as I stared at the man in shock and fear.I shook my head vigorously at him.

"Oh honey.."He mocked me, killing the tiny pigment of respect I had for him.

I closed my eyes, whispering ALLAH's name in my heart.He pulled his hand back, bringing it forward as the leather hit my body making a scream to rip from my mouth.

A searing pain burning my back as the belt hit hard causing a wild fire to spread.I cried in mercy but he didn't listen he didn't stop.

Hit.

Hit.

Hit.

Hit.

Hit.

Hit.

After he was down letting his frustration and anger out on me, I lay there in the dark room, curled in a small ball near the window that showered me with moonlight.Only tears left my eyes as my lips remained sealed and silent.My soul almost hollow as I stared in space.Whilst my husband sat in the armchair , in another corner puffing the smoke out from his cigar.As he took calm breaths.

Yet he had killed me from inside.

He had painted my heart black ..!!

***

Oh-kay .. !! I was working on this chapter from the past two days and I.. I .. I ..

Translations(got from google)

khirana, khachana...

>You dirty piece of shit