"I will ruin you whole and you wouldn't be able to do anything."

"You have pride that you are so beautiful and you can easily have anyone around your fingers but that is not true."

"You think you can win hearts by these big eyes then you are living a dream, I promise to scatter."

"Don't try to show me your innocent tears, you deserve this.."

"What did you think? I will say versus in your beauty, you are nothing but ugly in my eyes."

"You are the most hateful person in my eyes.."

"I will destroy you.."

I jolt forward, opening my heavy lids.Darkness welcomed me as I sat up straight against the cold wall.I gasped for air due to my heavy breathing.My heart thudding against my ribcage.The erratic beats numbing my ears, my body already numb sitting in the same position for hours.Jalal's words kept playing in mind, screaming against my ears.Pressing my palms against my ears, I tried to get rid of the mantra banging in my head.

Sharp words cutting across my flesh, blood drawing out.Burns spreading across the skin as the bitter syllables sink in.Puncturing my heart and causing deep pain with in.As if hot lave was poured on my skin.Burning the flesh and heating up the already imprinted scars.Someone was choking me, as I try to breath again.Oxygen leaving my lungs as they protest.My shoulders hunching inwards, my knees painfully numb.

I scream loudly, the demons fading away.The chanting voices dying down.I sit there drenched in sweat, my hands still pressed against my burning ears.Removing my hands, I heave large gulps of air, feeling breathless.Blinking my eyes few times I bring my shaking fingers to my long hair, passing through them.My tired eyes move to the still open window, the clear sky welcoming me.No clouds on the vast canvas as I gaze out.Goosebumps appear on my skin as I shiver slightly, despite my warm skin.

Wiping the hot tears, I stand up.The cold tiles turning my soles pink as I close the window.It was soon gonna be dawn as Azaan e Fajr boom across the silent horizon.The night fading away and hiding behind as the new morning with new hopes, takes over.I reply to the Azaan and then go to take a shower.

As I say my dua after Namaaz, I couldn't help but cry as I ask for forgiveness, sharing everything with ALLAH, all worries, all pain, everything expressing all the grieve and misery.ALLAH was the only one to hear, HE was the only one to listen to the silent pleas, HE knew everything I was going through.I asked ALLAH for HIS guidance, patience, peace and contentment of heart and mind.

Drying my long black hair, I brush them as my eyes stare absentmindedly to the mirror.Sitting on the low stool before the vanity, I think.Jalal had never seen my hair open because I hadn't allow him to, just one thing that was in my control.No male had seen my hair, except Sikander bhai but at a very young age I had started to cover my hair in front of him too.Jalal was allowed to see my hair but I thought the cruel man didn't deserve to see them.He already hated me to my very fiber and it would only fuel his hate more.

Before marriage, I had thought, a loving husband would cherish me, take care of me, and love me, but so much to ask for.I was a traveller with no light to lead home.I had lost it.

Passing the brush one last time through my long wavy black hair, I stand up.Turning a little I feel the wet hair tickle my lower back, stopping just above my hips.Biting my bottom lip, I search the mirror trying to observe the woman reflecting.

Finding the old Amal.

The thick black locks shaping my face.A faded scratch on my forehead, my large eyes lined with thick,curled, long lashes framing the grey orbs that had lost their shine.My high cheekbones looked more prominent with the hollowness in them.My nose straight and lips full but busted.A blotchy purple scar on the side of my mouth.

The black neckline of my black kurta was deep enough to show my very prominent collarbone making me look more skinny.My fair colour standing out against the dark clothing.But the creaminess in my skin tone was lost somewhere.

Grabbing the hair-band I pulled my hair in a low loose bun that settled on the nape of my neck.The few tendrils tickling the sensitive skin making shivers run down the length of my spine.Reaching towards the gold ring I wear it.My wedding ring.And another white gold ring carved to perfection and encrusted stones given by Aunty Shahana that I had been wearing for years.I barely took it off except while showering.

I glance towards my bed on which I hadn't slept, neatly made with no crease, where my black dupatta lay.Holding up the soft vivid chiffon dupatta, I wrap it around my head and shoulder.My feet leading me out of the room.Softly padding down the spiral stairs, my eyes room across the silent hallways.Silence is what I am greeted with.Odd.

Mostly around this time everyone is awake and on their work.Suddenly my mind chanted that it was sunday.The relief I felt some minutes ago suddenly draining away.Sighing, I softly walk to the large kitchen.Two women whispered amongst themselves, more like argued.Gulshan and Shaano didn't notice me as I step in.

"I've heard, that Marwa Madam has made quiet a scene these past days.I always knew, that woman wasn't worth being Master's wife."The woman bit out the sharp words as her red painted lips curve in a smirk as she picked at her polished nails.Her perfectly arched eyebrows raising up.

Gulshan was to fast to answer,

"Shaano, shut up.You don't know how much pain they go through.Don't be so heartless.Pray for them."Gulshan's voice was the softest whisper I had heard this morning.

"What?Gul you are too stupid.Do you think master do's this all on purpose.These women zilch him so much, he is always stressed and their frustration angers him more.. "Her sharp tone was a betrayal to my pain.

"Shaano, I respect both Amal and Marwa Madam and I will not hear a word about them.Show some humanity."She tsks moving around and opens a cabinet.

"Gul, you are plain stupid and nothing else.."Shaano retorts back.

Gulshan turns to answer but her eyes settle on me and she stills.Her hands stopping midway as she passed me a nervous smile.I offered her a smile too as I casually walk in, opening the refrigerator to make breakfast.

I hear a sharp intake of breath and a huff from Shaano.

"Madam, everything is ready, when Master comes down, I'll serve breakfast.You don't need to do anything, your palms aren't healed yet."Gulshan's hands reach towards mine as she inspect the cuts.

"Yes, please don't do anything.You'll get hit and blame it on us later on."Shaano says with her voice clipped as she leans back against the counter.

The words fill my mouth but I stop myself from answering her.Casting my eyes towards her I read the bored expression she wears.

"Shut up Shaano.."Gulshan hissed.

I give a reassuring smile to Gulshan and turn around to leave the suffocating place.Walking down the hallway I find the door to Marwa's room locked.

Jalal must have locked her.

Disappointed I walk back to the dining room and sit down.Soon enough when Jalal comes down in his night suit, breakfast is served.Unexpectedly Jalal allows Marwa to join in and a small smile graze my lips as she limps and sits across me.We eat in silence and then part our ways.

I help in the kitchen trying to be a bit useful and helpful before I am restricted to work any more by my cruel husband.Marwa had already gone back to her room.

"Go to your room and don't come down until you are called."Jalal's cold voice tortured my ears as I was halfway through the hallway.I nodded slowly and moved away from the shadow of the man.

Locking myself in the room, I spared my time lying in my bed and looking up the carved cream ceiling.The sound of a car in the drive way made me sit up in bed.Walking to my window I gaze down.

A man in his early fifties walked into the mansion and was greeted by Jalal.And the two men walked inside the house disappearing from my sight.Huffing in a breath,I lie on the bed again.My eyes drip close and sleep engulfed me.

***

Knock

Knock

Knock

Someone was knocking on the door.

I stretch my limbs on the soft mattress before I sit up.Reaching towards my dupatta I walk to open the door.

"Madam, if you want, you can come downstairs now."Gulshan smiled at me making me nod at her.

Turning around she leaves me and I walk to the washroom to do wudu.

Feeling very tired, I didn't go downstairs.Reaching towards the small silver bottle of kohl, I pick it up, gazing at it intently.The pot shaped bottle made with the finest of silver, the heaviness of the metal weighing down with the small rod attached to the metal cap used for applying kohl.The cap carved in a shape of proud crown as it sat shiny on the bottle.Filling my waterline with Kohl I sign, seeing how lively my eyes look with the thick line of black outline.

I place the bottle back but it stumbled a little as my hands shake when a voice interrupts, making me gasp out ,

"Oh, this is how you lure everyone."Jalal's hard tone made me almost snap my neck as I turn towards him.He stood leaning at my bedroom door.His cold eyes clashed with my fearful one.

"I..I U..um.."The words jumble in my mouth as I see him advance towards me.My feet froze as my fingers grasp the edge of the vanity table trying not to run away and hide.

Holding up the applier of kohl he leans his hand towards my face.I back away a little.His demeanour looked calm but I could see the fury and anger brew in his dark eyes, forming a storm.

"Let me put some, after all I am your husband." His words are a sharp reality as my mouth bubbles up with screams that I hold in.

His free hand shoots up to my shoulder as he presses me down on the stool.I gingerly sit trying to shut down my mind.Holding the applier to my eyes, he fills my eyes again but he draws out a line creating a long wing till my temple.The metal digging in my soft skin brutally.Tears brim my eyes and my hands curl in fists.

Closing my eyes tightly I feel him drawing something on my cheeks, the lines stretching down till my jaw.I hiss when the applier touches the bruise on the side of my mouth.After good five minutes, the man moves away from me, throwing the applier carelessly on the vanity table.My lids open and a horrified gasp leaves my mouth, my lips parting as I see the unrecognizable me.

He had painted my face black.Mushed my face with blackness.

He laughed almost amused.

"Come here, lets show you to everyone."He pulled me up by his hand.His grip hard as I cried out struggling to get freed.

Dragging me down the stairs forcefully, he pulls me into the brightly lit hallways.Humilation mixed with shame washed over as I see the guards give me shocked look.Their eyes widening like saucers.

"Come, don't shy away.."Anger bursts through Jalal's voice as he drags me into the hall.Saman and Marwa play around the sofas, Saman's giggles spreading around the large room.Standing under the crystal chandelier that hung proudly from the ceiling, Jalal wrapped a hand around my shoulder, his touch burning my flesh through the covering of my clothes.

"Gulshan, bring tea for me.."He calls out loudly.

I shudder besides him in shame as Marwa's eyes look up to me.A loud gasp ripping out from her mouth.

"What have you done to her?"She shouts out coming towards us.Her hands going to her mouth.

Jalal doesn't pay her any heed as she turns around grasping Saman's hand and taking her, to her room.My tears roll down my eyes as two more gasp resonate around the hall.

"Madam.."Gulshan's horrified voice reaches my ears.Jalal chuckles darkly and Marwa returns, red with anger.

"What? Don't you like her this way."Pressing his nails in my shoulder he asked.

"You have gone insane.."Marwa moves forward but Shaano stopped her as I stood rooted to my place.

"Leave me .. "She protest ready to seethe at Jalal.My erratic breaths could be heard as I inhaled and exhaled.

"Don't forget Marwa, that whose in charge here.."The man seethed at her making her more red.

"You are nothing but a coward man.Insane beast."

"Shut up, you bit**."

Suddenly as a glass full of water had slipped from someone's hand and shattered on the hard ground.The content spilling down on the ground and spreading around like fire in the forest.Spreading tree by tree engulfing all in one.

Jerking away from the man's strong hold I stand before him.

"You have ruined me."I yell at his face.

His gaze spit fire, burning my face.I heave at my sudden outburst.He raises his hand and I await till his strong hand collides with my black cheek.The impact moving my face sideways.Gasps evaporate in the room and I turn around leaving the room.Tears of pain, humiliation, loathe falling down my cheeks as I hurry up the stairs.

"Damn you Jalal Khan."Marwa's loud voice booms around the large mansion.

Slamming the door shut, I locked it.Running to the washroom, I pulled the tap open as water showers over me.I cry hard and loud as my shoulder shake with every sob that leaves my body.The cold water streams down my body as my palms harshly rub my face.Trying to get rid of the kohl.A burning sensations heats up my throat, constricting the breathing phenomenon.My head spinned as I slide down against the watery tiles.My heart breaking so loud that I could only heart how loud it shatters in uncountable piece like a glass vase.

Closing my eyes tightly, I pinch the lids tighter, wishing the torment to end, wishing the pain to fade away, wishing to fade in oblivion.

He had destroyed me.

Ruined me.

Doomed me.

***

Kia haal hn .. ?? :)

Don't know about you guys but I am missing Arsalan A lot .. His handsome smile and your feedback just make up my day.. :)

Okay .. I am writing about Amal's suffering because its important and when the plot opens up you'll understand why I am doing this .. :) Its hard for me to write but most of us are aware that Domestic Abuse is quiet rich in our society and is something very painful and bad-

Okay, lets not start with a debate .. Just bear for a few days and then you'll get the most interesting part of the story .. :) ;)

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Until Next Time,

_Hafsa