Pain once again scored through her, a tearing inside her that seemed to encompass all her soul. It felt like claws were raking through her stomach while another set shredded her heart. At the same time the essence of who she was was being dragged out of her with the most exquisite pain there ever had been, slowly. It was unbearable but she'd had to bear it, had survived it for so long.

Tears poured out of her, futile. How she hated them. Her body shook uncontrollably, as if she was in the midst of a seizure but she knew better. Why couldn't she just die? Why had she been born? And what had she ever done to deserve this?

Well she knew what she'd done. She had been born. She wasn't as beautiful as her twin, as vivacious. She couldn't even blame Claire, not even for having the mate she should've. Why would an alpha even want someone as weak as her when he could have Claire?

Tall, willowy Claire who was the most beautiful she-wolf in the pack, sweet and serene. Why would an alpha chose to be with ugly, mousy mate when he should have had her better sister? So this pain was her penance. Her sacrifice for the sister who deserved the best. After all her sister had done for her as they grew, this was so little to ask.

So she bore the pain, as she had every night for ten years, at least it felt like every night. She curled into herself, her teeth clenching as she sought to stop the cries that tried to pass through her lips. Her weakness though overcame her and for the first time a whimper escaped her.

She wanted to still herself to listen for anyone disturbed by her sound but her body wouldn't let her. The pain was suddenly more than she could bear. Her body could no longer sustain her control. Her own mind betrayed her will and could no longer still the whimpers.

She barely heard her door bang open, barely heard her dad's voice, but she felt his loving arms hold her to him. Curling into him she allowed herself to sob. At least she thought she allowed it. Maybe even now her weakness was overtaking her. She could've tried to assure him she was okay.

He rocked her in his arms, trying to still her quaking body, to somehow ease the pain. She heard other voices, the rest of her family but she was beyond reasoning them. All she could feel was shame that they were confronted with even more of her weakness.

With her father holding tightly to her, the storm finally eased until all she felt were the after effects. The numbing ache that she could only combat by being as still as possible. Tears still flowed down her cheeks but now she could hear what her father whispered against her hair as his own tears wet her dark strands. It broke her heart, worse knowing she was causing his pain.

"I'm so sorry I failed you..." he whispered to her still form. "...sweet baby girl...failed you...should've seen...should've protected you...baby girl, forgive me."

Her dad was a strong man. A man who never cried but because of her he was. Because of her he sounded broken. Why couldn't she have been born stronger? Or not at all?

"Who did this to you?" he demanded as he pulled away to look her in the eye. She couldn't answer couldn't betray her sister. "Tell me baby girl." his anguished demand broke her already broken heart to even smaller pieces.

"Carl." the voice that rebuked her dad had icy coldness washing over her. She shivered and her father stiffened.

With her still in his arms her dad stood to face his father. "What do you know about this dad?" he demanded.

She didn't need to see her grandfather to know his cold gaze held no pity for her, if he even looked at her. The pack Beta always looked through her as if she wasn't worth of acknowledgement. "She wouldn't be experiencing this if you'd accepted the mates I arranged for her." the man said coldly.

"Ma..." her dad sounded horrified. "You knew her mate had betrayed her and didn't tell me?" he demanded.

"Betrayed?" the Beta scoffed. "The betrayal was having a human be born of a beta pair, of having her be mated to a powerful bloodline. Do you know how she weakened our family? Would you have me have allowed her to weaken another powerful family?"

"Who is he?" her dad demanded of his own, his arms cradling her to his chest as she gave in to her weak nature and hid against him. She wished she could somehow hide from the words that brought her even lower than she already was.

"The second alpha." The Beta spit out.

"Oh no!" her father moaned as his legs gave way and he fell back to sit on the bed. She heard gasp and knew the shock that gasped the members of her family who hadn't known.

"Was I supposed to let her taint the alpha line? Weaken our pack?" her grandfather didn't have any remorse in his voice.

"Ten years." her father whispered brokenly. "Sweet baby, you suffered for ten years! Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because the Alpha commanded her not to." the Beta stated as if that should be obvious, and it should've been but her dad was such a good man that he'd never suspect his Alpha so.

He stood back up, his body rigid as he confronted his own father. "And you allowed this?" he demanded. "Your own granddaughter? For years I came to you with worry over my daughter and you wouldn't tell me?"

"You wouldn't accept the mates I had for her!" the Beta shouted back.

"They were centuries old, men who'd already had and lost their mates! I thought she had yet to find her own! But you knew all along."

"She's human!"

"So is her grandmother!"

"But she," the way he emphasized the word had her realizing the Beta was pointing at her maternal grandmother who had to be there since she was visiting. "wasn't born of werewolves. How many other were born humans have you heard of?" he answered his own question. "None."

"Did any of you know?" her dad demanded and she knew he was asking the rest of her family.

Her shame was now complete. Even the members of her family that loved her would now know how worthless she was, how pathetic.

"I thought she was just jealous of Claire." her mother's teary voice came through. "Oh Cari," she begged. "Forgive me."

"Mother? You knew?" she could feel how that hurt him.

"The alpha line has to he be strong son, you know that." her grandmother rationalized.

"Trip?" he asked of his son, the second beta, his firstborn.

"Yes." was all Trip said.

"And if you knew so does Claire." her dad reasoned.

"Yes." Trip said again.

"How could she take another's mate? Her own sister?" his question was full despair, of disbelief and shame.

"She understood she'd be a better luna." her grandfather stated.

Cari just wanted to die. Why wouldn't she just die? This moment would be perfect but all she could do was cower against her father as it all fell apart. She felt her father move but couldn't muster the strength to protest or even lift her head to see where he might be going.

"Where're you going?" her grandfather demanded.

"It's clear you don't care about my daughter." her dad stated. "So I'm taking her to the grandfather who does."

"She can't leave the pack."

Her dad laughed without humor as he stopped. "You couldn't even leave her that respite?"

"Xander will become weak if she does."

"Then he should've taken her as his mate!" her dad roared, his wolf coming through his words.

He resumed walking, ignoring the Beta as he demanded he come back. Cari couldn't reason why her grandfather wasn't physically trying to stop her dad. She managed a sound of protest at the thought of leaving the packlands. Not that she hadn't dreamt of it. No, with her Alpha's command stopping her the pain of trying to cross would be unbearable. Even more than the pain of having her sister make love to her own mate.

"Shh." he soothed. "I know."

**

Still holding her unresponsive body to him, her dad kicked at a door in lieu of knocking as his arms were full. Cari couldn't reason which door it was, the long walk here had been full of her basking in the comfort of her father like a love starved child.

Her dad had always loved her, as much as he loved her three siblings but as the time for his own dad, the Beta, to step down was approaching he'd been preoccupied. Even then, he'd tried to find out why she no longer laughed as she used to. Though she hadn't been the life of the party that her sister was, Cari had been carefree and someone given to enjoying life. Even with so many of the pack resenting her apparent humanness.

On the other hand, her mother had taken to constantly scolding her for her desire to avoid her sister and mate as much as she could. Watching the two being a loving couple, knowing how often they made love was more than her soul could take and still remain sane. Yet she had been forced to do so. By a mother who sought to cure her of her jealousy or maybe punish her for it.

Maybe she already was insane. Ten years of being held prisoner in the hell her life had become could do that. Even if she deserved it.

Her father kicked the door once more and Cari could hear someone shouting his displeasure. Her senses were not as strong as a were's though she healed almost as fast as they did. So she couldn't hear the voice clearly enough to know who it was and so where they were.

She heard the door open. "You..." she recognized the Gamma's angry voice, then he broke off. "C.J?" he questioned, calling her dad by his nickname as Carl junior. "What's wrong with her?"

Her father shifted her as he walked into the house until she could now face the world. She was still numb, unable to move. It'd been taking her longer and longer to recover. At first the numbness would take only a half hour to wear off, now it took her four hours. Which meant she was always so tired.

"Did you know?" he demanded of the Gamma as he closed the door.

"Know what?" the confused man asked.

"That Cari was Xander's mate?"

Even as shame once more sank into her soul, Cari couldn't look away from the Gamma's gaze. Horrified shock registered in his eyes, on his face - too genuine.

"No!" was his horrified cry.

"What do you mean he's Cari's mate? He's mated to Claire." her father's best friend and the Gamma's son, the first gamma asked.

Her dad turned to face the man as he took the last step down the stairs. In succinct tones, her dad told the dirty humiliating tale whilst she wished the floor would swallow her up and leave her dad. The pity she felt directed at her was worse than the pain she had to endure each night. As much as she understood her dad's anger, she wished he'd spared her this.

"No," the gamma objected his disbelief. "Claire's too sweet to do that to her own sister, to abandon her own mate." he met her eyes with anguished ones. "Cari bear, tell me she didn't." he begged. Cari felt tears once more trace her cheeks.

"She's still numb from them..." she heard her dad grit his teeth. "Besides the Alpha commanded her not to say anything about it. She couldn't even cry out her pain, if I hadn't heard her shaking tonight..." her dad's voice broke.

"But Claire...?" he questioned.

"She would." a new voice intruded and Cari felt even lower, impossible as it were. She knew that voice, it belonged to Anne, who had been at one point her own best friend until she decided Claire suited her better. "She can't stand to see Cari having anything better than her." Anne's eyes met hers with tears. "Even a best friend."

No that couldn't be right. Claire had always defended her when growing up the other kids had predicted she'd be human since of the beta's kids she alone resembled her human grandmother. Even after it proved true, Claire had stood by her.

Anne had been the one to leave her after Claire had felt her yet to be met mate. Xander had told Claire his own mate had chosen another. Her sister had confided in her. She still did, even about the pregnancy no one knew about yet, not even Xander. Anne was just trying to ease her guilt. And yet even Trip had said their sister knew. Could Claire have betrayed her so?

"What are you saying Anne?" her father asked.

"She wanted to be mated to an alpha and since her own mate wasn't showing up and Xander had commanded Cari not to say anything about them being mates..." Anne shrugged.

No! That had to be a lie! Her twin loved her, was the one person she could count on not to hurt her deliberately.

"Will you bring her up to bed C.J?" Anne's mum asked of her father.

Her dad nodded then went up the stairs, following her to a room Cari had used when she was younger and had a sleep over. She and Anne had been so close they'd had a room in each other's house.

Her father kissed her forehead after he'd tucked her in like a child. "I'll make this okay for you sweetheart." he promised.

A promise Cari knew he couldn't keep. The only way to make it better would be to have Claire give up Xander and have him be with her. His mark on Claire would disappear if he mated Cari but she'd never cheat her sister out of the father of her child.

Once her dad left, Cari cried her silent tears. She was so used to them after all these years. Unable to give a reason for them, the alpha command had silenced her even then. She cried until exhausted sleep found her.