“In a show of hands, who has said these words before? In a show of hearts on the floor, who has ever meant them more?” Mayday Parade sang as I drove towards the Ivanov’s house.

I had to talk to Dimitri. Thalia and Oliver had been calling and texting me non-stop, but I had been ignoring them. I couldn’t stop feeling guilty over the way I had rejected Dimitri today, and I had to go talk to him.

I pulled into the Ivanov’s driveway and turned the car off. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Surely Dimitri would understand once I had talked to him.

I got out of the car and started up the driveway. I saw Mr. Ivanov sitting on the front steps and opened my mouth to ask him if Dimitri was home.

But then I froze.

That wasn’t Mr. Ivanov. It was Dimitri.

Dimitri looked up at me slowly, his expression carefully composed. I openly stared at him, unable to believe what I was seeing.

“Dimitri,” I finally managed. “You look so…so…”

“Normal?” he offered, his voice deep and thick with its accent.

“Yea,” I said lamely. “Normal.”

Instead of the outrageous outfit he had been wearing today, he now had on a light blue long-sleeved shirt that hugged his figure comfortably. He wore dark jeans, and he wasn’t wearing shoes. He had on no nail polish on his nails or toes. His wrists were bare of bracelets, and he had on no scarf.

He was wearing no make-up, and his hair was completely its natural light shade of brown, lying flat against his head with no trace of purple in it. It covered his ears, hiding the many piercings in them. Only his nose ring was visible.

He looked like a model. An award winning, gorgeous Russian model. The light blue of his shirt matched his eyes, making them shine. His lashes were thick and dark, even without make up.

“But…your purple hair…” I said, unable to believe what I was seeing.

He ran a hand through his soft hair. “It’s the gel I use. It temporarily dyes my hair purple. It washes out.”

“Why are you dressed like this?” I asked finally.

“Because I’m tired, Theo,” he said, giving me a tired smile.

Theo.

He had never called me Theo before. Only little Theodore.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I whispered, realizing just how bad the situation was.

“I know you didn’t, and that’s what makes it worse. You were so ashamed of being with me because of the way I look and act, that you actually denied me out of embarrassment. I really thought you would accept me,” he said softly.

“I do accept you Dimitri. I’m not embarrassed of you,” I said, knowing it was a lie. He was wildly flamboyant. If I was being honest with myself, I was embarrassed of him.

“Don’t lie to me, Theo. I can read it in your eyes. I don’t like when people lie to me,” he said.

“You never call me Theo,” I said, almost desperate. “Dimitri, I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was just so sudden. I didn’t mean to!”

“But you did,” he said, standing up. He reached out, gently brushing his fingers on my cheek. He wasn’t wearing any rings. “You did, and it screamed volumes about your feelings for me.”

I reached up, twining my fingers with his. “I love you,” I whispered. “That’s how I feel about you, Dimitri. I love you.”

“I know you do, Theo. But you hate that you love me. You’re ashamed of me,” he said, rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand.

“Why do you dress so wildly? Look at you! You’re gorgeous like this!” I said, gesturing at him with my free hand.

“I dress how I want to. I like wild colors. I like crazy clothes. I’m comfortable with myself, unlike you,” he said, his tone factual, not cruel. “Besides, I don’t fall for looks. I fall for personality. Looks are an added bonus.”

“Dimitri-” I started, but he shook his head at me, silencing me.

“Don’t ask me to dress ‘normal’ all the time Theo. I don’t change for anyone. If someone loves me, they love me for me. I am wild and crazy and flamboyant, and I accept myself. It’s how I’ve always been. Look at old pictures of me. Never once in my life have I been society’s definition of normal, and it’s never bothered me. It doesn’t even bother me now, after I was rejected by the boy I loved because of how I look and act. I would never ask you to change, Theo. So don’t you dare ask me to change. I suggested that you put a little color in your life. Did I ever try to make you? No. I am me, and I don’t change for anyone,” he said, his voice remaining calm through that entire thing.

“Dimitri, please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I said honestly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to try to change you.”

“The fact that you did it absentmindedly makes it so much worse Theo,” he said with a sigh. He squeezed my hand. “But yet I do believe, the origin and commencement of his grief sprung from neglected love,” he quoted quietly.

My heart dropped into my stomach and I wet my dry lips. “Quoting Hamlet again?” I asked, trying to make light of the situation.

“Theo, we’re done,” he said, pulling his hand away from mine and letting it fall back to his side.

“What?” I asked, my heart stopping.

He gave me a sad smile. “We’re done. With our relationship. I do love you, and I know you love me. But you’re too ashamed of me for this relationship to work. So I’m breaking up with you. Eventually you’ll get over me and fall for someone…normal.”

“No,” I said, reaching out and gripping his arm. “No, Dimitri, please. I’m sorry I hurt you. But I don’t want anyone else. I want you.”

He calmly looked down at my hand gripping his arm. “Let go of me, Theo. It’s over. You made your mixed feelings very clear. In the end, your denial got the best of you. So we’re done here. I apologize, but I truly believe you’ll be able to move on.”

“What about you?” I asked desperately.

“I don’t get over feelings so easily. But as selfish as I seem, I do want the best for you. You’re not okay with dating me. So I want to see you move on and be happy,” he said, pulling my hand off of his arm.

He stepped closer to me, brushing his thumb against my bottom lip. He bent down and kissed me, slow and gentle and sad.

When he pulled away, he gave me that heartbreakingly sad smile again. “I’ll handle Thalia, if you don’t want her to know the truth.”

“I’ll tell everyone. Dimitri, please,” I said, my eyes pleading with him. “Just give me one more chance.”

He shook his head. “No. It’s too late for that Theo. I’m sorry.”

He turned and I watched him helplessly. He slowly made his way into his house, quietly shutting the front door.

I dropped down onto his porch, chewing on my lip and trying to get my feelings under control. Freaking out, screaming, and crying like a bitch wasn’t going to help me right now.

“What did you do to him?”

I looked up at Galen. He was clutching a rubber ball, and I realized that he must have been eavesdropping from the side of the house.

“What did you do to him?” he repeated. “I’ve never seen Dimmy upset before. Never! He came home and he looked so sad. He wouldn’t talk to mommy or daddy or even me! And he never dresses like that, Theo.” His lip trembled. “Mommy and daddy are scared.”

My heart sank at those words. “I didn’t mean to upset him,” I said miserably.

“You pinky swore you wouldn’t hurt my big brother!” he cried, his eyes watering. “Dimmy’s never looked so sad and hurt before!”

The front door opened before I got the chance to speak. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Mr. Ivanov.

“Theo,” he said, his voice cold. His eyes shifted to Galen. “Galen, come inside now please. Dinner is ready.”

“Daddy, Theo did something to Dimmy!” Galen said, wiping his eyes and pointing an accusing finger at me.

“I know he did. Now come inside,” Mr. Ivanov said.

Galen glared at me and walked past me, gripping his father’s hand. Mr. Ivanov gave me a disgusted look.

“I don’t know what you did to Dimitri, but you better know that I don’t like seeing him upset. So you better fix it,” he growled and slammed the door.

I buried my face in my hands miserably. I took a deep breath and stood up, getting into my car. I blocked out all of my thoughts as I drove home.

I sighed and went into the house. I was nearly attacked by Thalia as she sprang at me, gripping my shoulders.

“What the hell happened at school?” she demanded.

“He told me he loved me, and I rejected him,” I mumbled.

“God dammit Theo! You didn’t see the hurt on his face. Everyone was laughing and whispering, but he didn’t even pay any attention to them. He just kept staring at the doors you left out of with this hurt expression,” she said, releasing me and rubbing her temples. “Why did he even say he loved you? He was so serious about it.”

“Because we’ve been secretly dating,” I said. She stared at me in shock and I nodded, quickly explaining everything to her.

She shook her head slowly. “I can’t believe it,” she whispered. She punched me in the chest and I winced, rubbing my chest. She glared at me. “You know Theo! He was the one guy I really liked and you…it’s not even that you dated him! It’s that you hurt and embarrassed him in front of the whole school!”

“You think I don’t feel bad about it?” I demanded, returning the glare. “I was just at his house! I tried to apologize to him! I tried to fix everything! But I fucked up everything too bad to even hope to fix, and now I lost the boy I fucking fell in love with!”

I shoved by her roughly and ignored my parents as they came out, looking confused. I rushed upstairs, locking myself in my bedroom and collapsing on my bed.

I reached under my pillow, pulling out Dimitri’s scarf. I wrapped it around my neck, breathing in his scent and trying to keep calm. I can’t believe I had just ruined everything with Dimitri. Now I had lost him, and I couldn’t get him back.

Why had I rejected him? Why did I have to be so embarrassed about Dimitri’s flamboyance? Why was I so freaking stupid?

“I hate myself,” I groaned, banging my head against my pillows, wishing I could just erase today.

I heard a clicking sound and looked over as my bedroom door swung open. My mom tucked a bobby pin into her pocket and stepped into my room, shutting the door. She came over and sat on the edge of my bed, frowning.

“Thalia told me what happened in school,” she said. “But I want your side. So, tell me exactly what happened. All of it, Theodore.”

I sat up, clutching Dimitri’s scarf. I sighed and told my mom everything, from the moment we first kissed up until what had just happened at Dimitri’s house.

When I was done, I sadly began to play with the edge of Dimitri’s scarf. I winced as my mom smacked me in the back of the head and looked up at her in shock.

“What the hell was that for?” I asked, rubbing my head.

“For giving up on him so easily,” mom said.

“He doesn’t want me anymore,” I said, dropping my gaze to my hands. “Ow! Quit doing that!” I snapped as she smacked me in the back of the head again.

“Theo, he still wants you. He just thinks that you don’t want him,” she said, shaking her head at me. “So if you love him like you claim you do, you need to prove that you do want him. Yes, you screwed up big time. Yes, it could take a while for him to forgive you. But if you truly love Dimitri, you’ll keep trying. He’ll forgive you if you keep trying. I know he will.”

I searched my mom’s eyes. She had never been wrong before, and I just prayed that she wasn’t about to start.

“How do I prove it?” I asked.

“Start by fixing what happened today. If you’re too embarrassed to be with Dimitri, then don’t even bother trying to fix everything. But if you really do love him, that you’re just going to have to accept his flamboyance. Be open about your relationship with him, Theo. It’s a start,” she said, putting an arm around my shoulders. “You’re an idiot and you messed everything up. But you can fix it before it’s too late.”

“What if he doesn’t forgive me?” I asked, suddenly scared.

“You won’t know unless you try,” she said, kissing my cheek. “And you better talk to Thalia, before she gets mad at you. Tell her everything. I know your sister. She’ll be pissed at you for a little, but she’ll get over it and help you.”

“Yea, okay,” I said with a sigh. “Send her in here please.”

“Theo, everything is going to work out,” she said, standing up and leaving my bedroom.

I waited until Thalia entered. She spotted Dimitri’s scarf and shot me a glare as she sat on the edge of my bed.

“What?” she asked, her voice flat.

I went on to repeat everything I had just told my mom. When I was done, I studied Thalia’s face carefully. She looked torn between wanting to hate me and wanting to hug me.

She sighed. “Fine, okay. I get it. I’m still pissed off at you, so don’t think I’m not. But I will help you. If you and Dimitri were happy together…You fucked up, but I’ll help you,” she said.

“How?” I asked.

“First, we need to find out just how bad the situation is. So let’s go visit Kim and see what she knows,” Thalia said, grabbing my hand and pulling me with her. I barely managed to toss Dimitri’s scarf back onto my bed before she had pulled me out of my room, and out of the house to the car.

We got in the car and Thalia drove about ten minutes to Kim’s house. I paled as I realized just how close Kim lived to Dimitri.

We got out of the car. Thalia led me up the driveway and rang the doorbell. Kim opened the front door and her face paled.

“Thalia. Theo. What are you guys doing here?” she asked, her voice and expression carefully neutral.

“We need to talk to you Kim. You know I wouldn’t bring Theo here unless I thought he was honestly sorry for what he did to Dimitri. I was as angry as you, but I talked to Theo. Just hear his side, please,” Thalia said.

Kim nodded and stepped aside, letting us in. She led us upstairs to her bedroom and shut the door. We all sat on her bed.

“How is he?” I asked, my voice barely audible. “Is he…Is he okay?”

“No,” Kim said flatly. “He’s not okay, Theo. I’ve been best friends with him for almost ten years and I have never once seen Dimitri Ivanov upset. He’s always in a good mood. That boy doesn’t have it in him to be sad. But I went over to check on him, and he just couldn’t find it in him to be happy. Sure, he could force a smile and a laugh. But he’s not happy for once in his life, Theo. He told me you had stopped by and he had broken up with you. He told me he just wanted to see you happy. He really loved you.”

I sank down, wishing I could just melt through the floor and die alone in the ground. I deserved it for what I had done to Dimitri.

“You’re embarrassed and ashamed of him .That’s what he told me. Don’t give me any bullshit, Theo. Is Dimitri right?” Kim demanded.

I nodded miserably. “I don’t want it to be right,” I said, no emotion in my voice. “But it is. If he would just give me another chance, I could fix it. I swear I could fix it.”

“Dimitri may be flamboyant and a little crazy, but he’s not a bad person. He may not take anything seriously, Theo, but he took your relationship seriously. It was the one serious thing in his life,” Kim said, glaring at me. “And you just humiliated him in front of everyone, and rejected him.”

“It was an accident!” I cried.

“Bullshit. That’s like saying 9/11 was an accident,” Kim snapped. She took a deep breath to get herself under control. “He’s my best friend, Theo. He’s never been like this before, not once. Dimitri never gets sad or upset. You really hurt him. His parents worry enough about him because of how carefree and unserious he is, but now they’re really scared.”

“What about his sister?” I asked. I had left out Alek and Dimitri being related when I had talked to my mom and Thalia.

Kim’s expression darkened. “She’s happy about it. But she’s a sick bitch who hates her brother.”

“How do I fix things, Kim? I have to fix things. I have to make it up to Dimitri,” I said, desperate.

“I don’t know if you can fix things, Theo. Dimitri is convinced that you’ll be happier if you’re not with him,” she said.

“I have to try,” I said. I ran a hand through my hair. “I won’t lose him without a fight.”

Kim watched me with sad eyes. “I hate what you did to him, Theo. But I know you care about him. You know how to start with this whole process of fixing things with Dimitri. I don’t know if it’ll work, but if you really want to try, you know how to start.”

I nodded. “I know. Tomorrow,” I said. “Will he be at school tomorrow?”

“Yes. If only to make his parents relax a little, he’ll go to school tomorrow,” Kim said.

Thalia placed her hand on my shoulder, looking into my eyes. Her expression was deadly serious.

“Theo, only do this if you’re ready to openly be with Dimitri. If you’re not ready to openly be with, you’re only going to hurt him more,” she said.

“I’m ready to openly be with him,” I said. “It was just…today…it was so sudden. But I’ve made up my mind. I’ve thought it over. Dimitri only did that publicly because he thought I was ready. He thought I loved him enough. I let him down once, but I won’t do it again.”

“Good,” Thalia said, pulling her hand away from my shoulder. “Kim and I will help you however we can.”

Kim nodded. But then she fixed me with a glare. “But don’t think I’m doing this for you, Theo. I’m still pissed at you. I’m doing this for Dimitri. I hate seeing him like this. It’s not even Dimitri right now. So I want to get the real Dimitri back, and keep him happy. That’s why I’m helping. Don’t confuse it.”