It's been four days since the whole Ethan situation and my life has been dreadful ever since. It's like I'm in the same boat again,I can't talk to guys ,Ethan is always asking me where I'm at,and it's like I'm being watched over twenty-four seven.

"Hey babe"Ethan says as he walks out of his bathroom with a towel wrapped around his neck. "What are you doing here?"Ethan asks after giving me a peck on the lips. "Uh- I just wanted to talk"I say. I wanted to talk about us having some space.

"I'm listening"Ethan says taking a seat next to me on his bed. "I think we need some space"I say ,afraid of his next move. Ethan moves over, "there you go".

Okay that was kind of funny.

"Ethan not like that,I think we need a break"I paraphrase. "No Beka,I'm not letting you leave my side again"Ethan stated. "E I'm not your puppet! You can't keep controlling me,seriously ! This whole time it's like I've been following your orders,your rules,that's why we broke up in the first place ,and you're doing it again!".

"Maybe if you weren't talking to every guy on campus I wouldn't have to be this controlling!"Ethan says angrily,he gets up and makes his way to the bathroom ,slamming the door behind him.

I can't believe I let this happen again.

I move from Ethan's bed onto his couch and sit down. I rub my fingers through my hairs in frustration and take a deep breathe.

I stare at the line of cocaine resting on the table in-front of me.I know I shouldn't...but I want to feel free,I want to be free.

"Screw it",I take the rolled up paper and stick in in my right nostril. I pinch my left nostril with my left index finger and take a big sniff as I drag the paper across the line.

"Beks!"Ethan says as he steps out of the bathroom. "Hypocritical much?" I sassed. "Beka,that was laced !"Ethan says. "Anything that'll get me away from you"I sassed. I grab my phone and get up, "I'll see you later"I say as I walk towards the door. "Beka,you should probably just stay here tonight or something,it's not safe"Ethan says. "No ,I'm going back to my dorm. Bye E"I say before walking out of his room.