"Amelia, please....could you drive a little faster? We're going to be late..."

"I know...and really I couldn't care less."

"We are being overtaken by cyclists!"

"And? Someone's sleeping in the back..."

"My point exactly!! Babies sleep in cars....it cradles them. Driving 5mph faster won 't make a difference but maybe your lovely mother won't blame me for tardiness... Amelia pull over...let me drive!"

But of course she doesn't and she keeps on at that ridiculously slow pace.... I close my eyes and exhale slowly through my nose. When I open them they fall on Amelia's hands; she's griping the steering wheel so hard her knuckles have turned white. My eyes travel along her right arm and to her jaw she is keeping clenched as if to prevent unwanted words from coming out. Finally, the sad and tired expression in her blue eyes let me know what she's thinking.

I shake my head and stare back at the road instead, trying really hard to contain another sigh as I make out another bike through my window. I'm dead tired....breastfeeding is exhausting and I'm up two to three times a night. Amelia woke up the first nights but I asked her to stop. Being both exhausted during the day wouldn't help either one of us and I needed her to be rested, to take care of the baby while I napped.

But weirdly, she's as tired as I am, and snappy...and having these weird behaviours. Sometimes I wonder if she's not the one who gave birth because I feel like she's suffering from post-partum depression, but I guess it's how she copes with motherhood. She's freaking out all the time and it's tiring to be around her when she's insecure and acting crazy. Having a daughter doesn't make me an expert on kids but really sometimes all you need is common sense. But then I see her struggle, and the tears in her eyes and I understand what she's going through. This tiny human being is disturbing the bubble of comfort Amelia had spent years building, and each day it gets shattered a bit more, each day she has to readjust to something new, something unexpected, something her brain thinks is a little scary, and sleep deprivation is not making me the most supportive wife. And I resent it. She needs me as much as I need her, even if some times we tend to forget.

I quickly have a look at her hands and they are still clasping the steering wheel hard. Dammit Juliette.

I reach out and put my hand on her thigh, making her tense up but she gets my meaning and she rests her hand on top of mine, stroking it slowly and steadily with her thumb. She relaxes and I love that it doesn't take more than this simple gesture...

Of course we arrive late at Amelia's parents but I had stopped stressing out when I realized there was no way we would be on time. Why bother stick to a schedule with a baby anyway? I hope Amelia's mother won't comment, I know I won't be able to take it.

As we park in front of the mansion, we hear excited footsteps rushing to our car. Alienor and Alexander scream in excitement, eager to see their cousins, and one especially, who has grown so big in two months already. Amelia is unclasping the seat belt around the baby car seat and I feel her tensing up on hearing her nephews' squeals right behind her pushing her legs as they are trying to climb in the car to get a better view.

"Come on guys, give aunty Amelia some space!" I chuckle and gently push them away to see what's taking Amelia so long. She's pulling at the seat belt in annoyance, no matter how many times I showed her, she never can get it right. I brush my hand on her back and she lets me do it instead. I pull the car seat and hand it to her, bringing a smile on her face. Amelia puts the seat on the floor for her nephews to see but she holds it high again as they try to poke the baby's face and closed eyes. She ushers them away and they take Lily with them to go play.

"Finally! What took you so long!" Great. Amelia's mother has always something welcoming to say. She's at the front door, her arms extended, not in a greeting way but in exasperation. "Let me see my grandbaby!!!" I didn't expect that...she sounds almost more excited than our nephews. She rushes to Amelia but stops dead in her track when she sees what I'm carrying "Juliette? You brought cake?" stressing the last word with disdain.

"Good afternoon to you too Alexandra. And of course I brought cake. I'm breastfeeding. I only trust what I or Amelia cook...I couldn't risk my milk to be jinxed by amateur food now could I?"

"Amelia? Cooking? That would be a first...."

"You'd be surprised by the amazing things your daughter can do." I can't help winking to my wife and I hope my mother-in-law didn't miss it. Gosh she infuriates me so much and each time we meet it's like we're keeping scores... I win. By a large majority in case you're wondering.

"Take her out of this thing. I want to hold her." She orders Amelia.

"Mother, Abygail's sleeping.....can't you see that?"

But she doesn't care and she's already unclasping the tiny fixations and grabbing our daughter's slumbering body in her arms. I silently tell Amelia it's ok...babies fall in and out of sleep easily... I understand the urgency to hold her granddaughter but I hate it when she acts against us. She leads the way and we follow behind, a bit lost without anyone requiring our immediate attention and care. "You think she's cold? It's a bit colder in the mansion. I should get her socks and a blanket right?" Amelia's already freaking out but this time I find it adorable.

"Are you cold?"

"What? No....it's like 95 degrees with this heat wave... I'm sweating doing nothing."

"If you're hot..she's hot too don't worry."

She stops walking and I do too. "You sure?" I nod and add "or...let's just wrap her in a blanket and if she turns all red in the face we'll get our answer." Amelia suddenly closes the gap between us and kisses me, making me giggle. "I love that you get my dumb jokes now..."

"Come on love birds, we're all waiting for you!" Adam shouts from the dining-room.

I want to break the kiss but Amelia holds my waist and deepens it. She couldn't care less and I love her priorities...well, except when I come second after our daughters. She takes my hand and walks us to the dining-room where we are greeted by Adam and his wife. She's become more talkative and less afraid to express her opinions now that she has an ally, and Katherine and I purposefully always agree to disagree with our mother-in-law.

We sit side by side and are handed champagne glasses. "To my granddaughter!" Alexandra exclaims and we raise our glasses and drink, all except me. "Oh for Christ's sake Juliette, what is it this time? I bought Moët et Chandon for your delicate palate..."

"Thank you but I as I said earlier, I'm breastfeeding."

"Girls your generation....I drank wine when I breastfed Amelia and Adam. I stopped after two weeks...too tiring. You've been doing it for two months now...how long are you planning on continuing it?"

"Don't know yet...until she grows too many teeth? In two years probably."

Alexandra starts coughing as she swallowed champagne the wrong way. I glance at Katherine and I know we're mentally high-fiving ourselves. I can't help a chuckle which gets me an elbow kick to the side. "What!" I mouth to Amelia but I see she's amused too. "Juliette, my love, you think she's hungry? You haven't fed her in..." she quickly looks at her watch and makes the addition in her head "two hours and forty minutes."

I cringe internally but answer her patiently. Amelia is not trying to annoy me. Theres's a reason she keeps looking anxiously at her watch and asking the same questions repeatedly... she's just become a mother. "She'll tell you when she's hungry don't worry. Or you'll see it on my tshirt...we are pretty synched now..." She raises an eyebrow and I point at my breasts and she slowly nods, squinting her eyes.

Amelia gets restless next to me, she's craning her neck, trying to have a better look at her daughter, trying to figure out if she needs anything. We are so used to being just the two of us with her that having another person taking care of Aby leaves us without purpose. I get it, I feel the same and I miss her touch and smell already. She's being cradled by one person after another since we've arrived and we feel dispossessed. But finally, we hear that sound we both recognise and understand and Amelia stands up to take Aby from her dad's arms. I stand up too and settle in another room to get some privacy. Amelia joins me and sits next to me, waiting for me to get ready before handing me our daughter carefully. "Someone's hungry. See, I told you she would make herself understood." I tell Amelia, and she nods, before resting her head on my shoulder to get a better view. She's not perving in a creepy way mind you. She just loves the sight, like I do and I know she can't wait to feed her babygirl herself, although she knows better than to pressure me but I still want to tell her. It's been two months now and I know she wants to experience it too, feel that close to her daughter, even if for me, it would be the end of a special bond and privilege, but Amelia deserves it as much as I do.

"I have an appointment with the midwife in two days. Would you like to come with?"

She hums in agreement. "Is it for a check up on Aby? Or you? "

"Both. I'd like her to advise me on...a breast pump."

Amelia lifts her head in a brisk movement and I know she's digging holes in my head but I keep my eyes on our daughter. I can't help but smile as I start imagining the expression on her face...probably shock and joy. "You're considering it then?"

"Of course. I don't see why I should be the only one to have the privilege of getting up at 2 and 6 to feed her. What do you think Aby? You want your mama to give you your milk bottles?" I put my index finger on her tiny palm and she grabs it tightly. "I think she doesn't mind."

"You know I'd love to... but I don't want to rush it. If she starts drinking from the bottle there's a chance she might...reject your boobs."

"Is it what you read in your magazines?" I turn my head to the side and she nods. "Hum. Then I'll wait for another six month. I couldn't risk it." Amelia smiles widely, making me sigh internally. Not fun anymore, I have to be more subtle with my dumb jokes.

"Baby you know...if your boobs miss the attention...I'll gladly take care of them."

"And I love your dedication." I peck her lips. "Or...we could have another baby?"

She freezes and I see the gears activating inside her brain. "Not now of course...but soon? I have plenty of great names starting with an A."

"I...hum...I don't know if you're serious right now Juliette."

"I am. You're a great mother Amelia and when I picture us, I see a bigger family. Lily spent 5 years without a sibling, I don't want it for Aby too."

"Hum...ok...I'll need a little time to process it."

"Of course you do." I smile and kiss her gently. I rest my hand on her right arm and stroke it softly. "I can see the mental to-do list you're writing right now."

"And what's in it?"

"1 a bigger car. 2 lots of nausea and crazy mood switches. 3 weird food cravings. 4 buy a bigger house. 5 steamy hot sex."

"You pretty much have it. Not in the right order though." She winks.

"And...what's on top of your list?" I wink back.

She kisses my neck making my body heat up instantly, and she whispers in my ear "I'll show you later..."

I face her and she kisses me passionately. "I love you Amelia."

"I love you too baby."

.................