I'm so glad I'm at work, at least here I can get some rest. When I thought things would quickly go back to normal between Juliette and I, I never thought I would be so wrong, and I sigh, closing my eyes, as I start remembering the past week.

On Juliette's first night home, I swear I thought we would end up back together by Sunday. She had asked me to spend the night with her, I thought it was a good sign. But during the night, she woke up, in pain, and kicked me out of the bed. She didn't excactly kick me out, she's a cripple and I'm exaggerating because my pride was hurt. She kept turning around under the sheets, trying to get comfortable, and groaning from the pain at times. And she suggested I sleep in my own bed, to at least get some sleep myself.

In the morning she was grumpy and exhausted from her sleepless night, and she would get very impatient with Lily. She was still mad at Lea and refused to see her when she came over to check on her. She said she was too tired and went to her bedroom. She actually slept through most of Sunday. And I have slept alone since then.

My routine for the past ten days has been exactly the same. I wake up, get ready for my work day, get Lily ready and drop her at her day care centre. Juliette is barely awake at the same time as Lily and I, although she's trying. I know she is. I can't blame her if her body refuses to drag her out of bed at 6:30am when she has had no sleep during the night.

Her internal clock is completely messed up. She sleeps during the day, watches TV series at night and goes to bed just before dawn. She is awake when my chauffeur brings back Lily from day care though and she takes care of her until I come back from work, some evenings two hours after. I do my best to come back home early though and catch up on work once Lily is in bed. Before I get home I stop at my favourite restaurant where I pick up the meals I ordered for us three and I always make sure to order enough so Juliette has some leftovers for her lunch the next day. But every night I throw it away as she hasn't eaten any lunch...nor any breakfast I'm sure.

I know she's in pain, I see it on her face, in her eyes, in the way she clenches her jaw at times and she's contantly angry and frustrated... She is no longer the woman I fell in love with.

More and more I see her struggle with the bedtime routine and I know she's trying her best to maintain an appearance in front of Lily, but when the kid is down for the night, I take all Juliette's anger and boredom and frustration in the face. She snaps at me, makes irrational comments and usually ends up slamming her bedroom door.

My phone rings and I know it's Juliette's surgeon. I have been expecting him to call me back. I'm worried about her and I tell him. Pain is normal and can affect the mood of a patient, especially a patient who resents being stuck at home. He asks if Juliette has been taking her medication and I answer she hasn't. No wonder she's suffering. I have to make her take them. Why would she refuse to take something that will ease her pain, I don't get it.

***********

My work day is finished and I leave my office. My chauffeur is waiting for me and opens the door for me. He knows we have to stop to grab dinner, I don't need to tell him. When I arrive home I hear Lily crying. Juliette is trying hard to remain calm in front of a stubborn Lily who refuses to put her pjs on.

"Hi girls! Come on Lily, be nice and just put your pjs on and then we can eat dinner. I have something special for you two." I add remembering the chocolate cakes I just put on the kitchen counter. Lily stops yelling and finally obeys, quickly putting her pjs on and rushing to the kitchen.

"I feel so useless. I can't do anything right these days." Juliette complains.

"How are you feeling?" I quickly peck her cheek.

"Like shit, as usual. What do you think." She answers between her gritted teeth. First slap in the face. It's going to be a long night.

"Juliette, we need to talk."

" You can't put up with me anymore ? I'm not sexy enough now that I'm a cripple?" Second slap.

"No... Juliette, please listen. I know you're in pain but it doesn't give you the right to behave like that. You're making Lily miserable. You're making me miserable too."

"And you think I'm happy?! You forced me to stay. I told you to leave me alone but you wouldn't listen. Don't worry we'll be out by tomorrow." She's shouting now.

"Juliette... god you're infuriating. I don't want you to leave... just..please. Could you take your goddamn painkillers! It would do us all a favour."

"Are you deaf or just dumb? I told you I don't want to take them!" Third slap.

" Oh for fuck's sake...I hate that you're so stubborn."

"Fuck you Amelia." Why am I counting?

*********************

Who the fuck does she think she is?? Telling me what I have to do! She's not my mom. She's not my girlfriend. Definitely not my girlfriend. I spend my days alone, bored to death, in pain, not able to take care of myself and when I finally get company in the evenings and get to spend some time with Lily, I see the extend of my inabilities. There's almost nothing I can do. I hate myself and the way my daughter is looking at me lately.

I lay on the bed not hungry anymore. I hear laughter coming from the kitchen and loathe myself even more. I want to be with them, to laugh with them but fuck why am I too proud? I don't even recognise myself right now, the cursing...the snappy remarks...what the hell is wrong with me.

I leave my bedroom when I hear the sound of dishes being cleared. I hear Lily brushing her teeth and wait a moment. I walk to her bedroom to read her a story but stop near the door as I hear muffled noises.

Lily's crying.

I step forward to comfort her but stop again hearing Amelia's voice.

"Your mother loves you very much..."

" I know...."

"She broke her leg...it hurts her a lot. Don't worry she'll get better soon. Just remember she loves you. Try to be patient with her... Can you do that?"

I hear Lily mumbling.

"Thank you sweetheart. You're a brave little girl."

"Amelia, are you going to leave us?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because of maman. You're not happy with her."

"Sweetheart, it's hard for me too but your mother needs us. I won't go anywhere, I promise you."

"You...like my maman then?"

"I like her very much. And I like you too so much. I'm going to tell you a secret. ------"

I try to lean in a bit closer without being noticed but I can't hear a damn thing. Amelia's whispering in my daughter's ears. Great now I feel even more excluded. At least what she told her made her stop sobbing. I can just hear Lily's answer but can't make any sense out of it. " Yes, it's more than ok with me"

"You want me to fetch your mother so she can read you a story and sing?"

"No. I want you to do it."

" But your mother would like to do it."

"Please?"

I walk back to my room feeling even lower than before. I hate to admit it but I was wrong.

...............................