I haven't seen Amelia in a week now. She called me in the middle of last week to tell me she had to leave on a business trip again. Apparently some client needed a location to shoot an ad and she came up with great ideas. She was quite pleased with the outcome of the last meeting as this client liked one of the locations she had suggested. It is one in New York she had explained to me, which would make things easier for her team but she had promised they would have something shot before the end of the year so her team and her would have to work extra hours before christmas.

I miss her, the time difference didn't allow us to speak much and we mainly exchanged text messsages.

« Hola hermiosa ! » (hello beautiful) I realize I have been daydreaming for a solid 10 minutes when I hear my colleague's voice. She settles a cup of coffee on my desk and takes a chair close to mine.

« Muchas Gracias. You're my saviour Camelia. Coffee is just what I needed. »

« You looked a bit tired this morning. I thought you might want one. How is Lily ? Still having those nightmares ? »

« Yes, I was up again last night. »

« Why is that ? »

« I think...it might be because of Amelia. Having her around maybe triggered some memories. She's asking a lot of questions about her mommy these days. More than usual. »

« It must be really hard for you. I'm so sorry... I wish I could do something. »

She places her hand on mine and strokes my knuckles with her thumb. My eyes start to water but I blink back my tears.

« Bringing me coffee is helping. » I smile.

« How are things with Amelia, if I may ask ? »

« I don't know, really. Things were starting great until she met Lily. Now things are weird and tense. She has a snappy behaviour at times... »

« What do you mean ? »

« I have a feeling she doesn't like being around Lily that much. When she spends the weekend she works on her laptop, barely acknowledging us, not trying to bound with us. She bounds with me though and it's great. » I chuckle and Camelia gets my meaning.

« Last weekend she stormed out of our flat, she didn't stay for lunch. She was tired and annoyed by something Lily did. So I don't see where this relationship is going. I don't want to live two separate lives, one that includes Amelia alone, and one where I am a single mom. »

« You should talk to her. Tell her what you want, how you feel. You can't keep on overthinking it."

Our discussion is interrupted as I hear my phone ringing. « Amelia » I mouth to Camelia, wondering why I didn't say it out loud.

« Amelia, hi ! »

« I thought I'd be talking to you voicemail »

« I can hang up if you're that disappointed in talking to me. »

« No, of course not. I thought you might be teaching. »

« I have a free period. Hold on a sec. »

I turn towards Camelia « Lo siento » (I'm sorry) She nods and smiles at me before exiting my classroom.

« Ok I'm all yours. »

« Who were you talking to ? »

« Camelia. We spend our free time together. She just brought me coffee. »

« Right. Were you two alone or"

I don't let her finish and snap

«How does it matter. Amelia I already told you I don't like jealousy. Now if you were just calling to check whether I'm alone it's better we hang up. »

« No, you're right, I apologise. How are you. »

« Good. » I'm annoyed and I know it shows.

« I...I was wondering if I could see you this weeekend. »

« Sure, you know where I live. »

« On a date ? » I hear hope in her voice and the gentle tone she used to suggest it, but I'm too annoyed to become sensitive to that.

« So what you're actually asking is if I can ditch my daughter for a night ? »

« My god Juliette... I would really love to take you out... We've had great fun on our previous dates and I miss it. I miss seeing you alone. »

« I'll see what I can do. I have to get back to work now. »

« Sure, have a good day Juliette. »

« Bye. »

I sigh deeply, regretting my harsh comment, not recognizing the person I was on the phone.

I text Lea, asking her if she wouldn't mind babysitting Lily on Saturday night and she gratefully accepts. I have a minute before my next class and decide to let Amelia know.

I don't have time to answer her, my pupils are already lining up in the front of the door.

............................

I wake up to the sound of a strange noise coming from Lily's bedroom and I rush there. She felt sick and vomited on her bed. I carry her to the bathroom and sit her under a hot shower while I change the sheets and clean her bedroom.

Just my luck...

Lily is burning up and shivering from her fever. I settle her comfortably on the couch with a blanket and place a basin next to her. I let her watch some episodes of PawPatrol as she is too weak to do anything, but not enough to sleep. I need to let Amelia know.

No sooner did I send the last text that I start feeling nauseous. I make myself a cup of tea and settle under the blanket next to Lily. And continue texting.

I sense she is a bit taken by surprise by my request but I don't understand how she did not think I would eventually ask that. She was a student once, she surely knows teachers have holidays coming up. She's a control freak she plans so far ahead...how come she didn't include us in her schedule, and make time for us ? This is something I would definitely do.

I read the texts from Amelia again and am not pleased with them. I don't know how to answer her last one so I throw the phone at the end of the couch, annoyed. Again.