I really fucked things up... I had no idea I was the jealous type and that I could act so irationnaly. It took me a good 48h to cool down and now I realise how childish and unfair my behaviour was. And how harsh my words were... I am on my way to Juliette's to find a way to apologise.

Thankfully, she has opened the front gate to her building for me, so she is not completely mad at me.

« Hey. » I tell her, when she opens her front door to me.

« Hi. »

Oups, she's mad, still.

« I brought pizza so you don't need to cook tonight. »

« I love cooking. It's no bother. »

Shit can't she just say « thanks » ?

« Listen Juliette, I would like to apologize for my behaviour on Thursday. I was in a foul mood when I arrived, because of a disagreement with my brother. It didn't take much to trigger my anger. »

« And jealousy. »

« To be honest, I have never felt jealous before and it scares me how much I care about you. »

Before Juliette has time to register my last words and comment on them I hear a high pitched voice.

« Amelia !!!! » I feel an excited little girl hugging my leg. « Are you here for another sleepover ? »

I look at her mother, me eyes full of hope.

« I don't know yet mon coeur. » her mother answers and my smile drops.

After dinner Juliette helps her daughter with her bedtime routine and I wait patiently in the living room. I hear her sing a different song from last time, her voice is soft and sweet, and Lily is singing along. I walk to the girl's bedroom and rest my shoudler on the doorframe, discreetly listening.

« What does the song mean ? » I ask when it is over.

« It means that if you love someone, you don't need to spend money on jewels or gold to prove them you love them. Your kisses, care and hugs are worth any treasure. » The girl explains with sparkling eyes.

« It's a very beautiful song. » I tell them.

« Good night Lil'. » Ju tucks her daughter in bed and leaves for the bathroom.

« So... do you want me to leave or can I spend the night ? »

« Whatever you like. I'm going to bed anyway, I'm exhausted. »

Not the answer I was hoping for.

Juliette goes to the bathroom to take a shower and after a short while she reappears with her pajamas on and without a word to me, she goes to her bedroom, leaving the door open.

I take it as an invite and change too, joining her in bed. The lights are off and her back is turned to me; I don't like the tension but I guess I earned the cold shoulders. I press my stomach against her back and carress her hair. She doesn't turn around nor pushes me away. I kiss her temple and whisper a good night, holding her tight.

...................

I didn't feel like talking or making out tonight, I was still a bit angry at Amelia and I needed her to understand how hurtful her words had been. But I don't want to push her away and I accept the embrace. The contact with her warm and soft skin is so soothing I fall asleep almost instantly.

But I am soon awaken by my daughter's screams. She often has nightmares, and they are always about the same.

« Mommy ! Mommy ! »

« Hum What's happening? » I hear the raw voice of the blonde girl next to me. She is slightly disoriented from being woken up so suddenly.

« Go back to sleep. It's Lily. »

I walk to her bedroom and see her sitting up, crying.

« I want mommy. »

« I know my love... » I hold her tight and rock our bodies. « I wish she were here too » I hum a song I know will calm her down but tonight it doesn't work and she starts crying louder.

« Do you want me to play her song ? »

« Yes... » She answers in between sobs.

I reach for the recorder resting on Lily's bedside table and push play. As the first piano notes start I feel my baby's body relax and a long sigh escapes her mouth.

I stay with her until the end of the song and press play again, knowing she'll want to hear it one more time.

As I exit her bedroom I notice Amelia.

« How long have you been standing there ? »

« The whole time. Does she often have those nightmares, »

« Depends on how much she misses her mother. »

« Is it Kelly ? Playing ? »

« Yes. She played this song when she was pregnant and when Lily was teething or sick. It has always had a calming effect on her. And me. »

Amelia sees my eyes have become glossy and she holds me in her arms.

« Let's go back to bed. »

...................

The next morning Lily wakes up early, as usual, and I have to get up too but I gently kiss the blonde's forehead whispering in her ear she can stay in bed. I know how tired and snappy I get after having been woken up at night and I don't want Amelia to feel the same as well.

But Amelia decided to join us for breakfast early, she couldn't go back to sleep. Two huge cups of coffee and a shower later, I see her in her usual position now : sat on the couch, her laptop open and deep concentration in her eyes.

I find it a bit annoying that she has so much work to do at the weekend but I still don't know precisely what her job consists in. She has been very vague when I brought up the subject. I hope it's just a busy time for her right now and that she'll find time for us in the future.

In the meantime, I settle Lily at the kitchen table with her favourite colouring boooks while I start on lunch. On Sunday I always cook meals that take hours to simmer and today I decided to try a beef ragout with lots of veges.

I am so engrossed in my recipe that I don't notice Lily has joined Amelia on the couch and I watch amused as my daughter is imitating the blonde's every moves. She is sitting right next to her, and she is pretending to be typing. But I sense Amelia is not amused in the least. She is looking at my daughter with annoyance and sighing heavily. I get it and ask her to join me in the kitchen.

I turn on the radio and settle at the table to help her colouring while stiring from time to time.

« Listen, I'm gonna go home. » I hear Amelia's voice. I had not seen her enter the kitchen.

« You don't want to eat lunch with us ? »

« I'm exhausted and I have a lot of work to end before tonight. Better do it in a quiet place. »

I don't answer but I feel mad. She came to spend the weekend with us and she's leaving because she can't have her peace and quiet ? What does she expect ? I'm living with a child. Better get used to it.