I wake up early today, I could barely sleep ad I was excited about my date with Amelia. I feel ready to start seeing someone and I had expected a text from her all Saturday. But nothing came through my phone even if I had checked several times yesterday that it was working properly, and that I had not tuned it off. Obviously the text had to come today, anytime soon.

As if to answer my silent prayer, I hear a buzz and quickly check my phone. It came from an unregistered number. Finally !

The text tells me to meet Amelia near Central Park, and to wear some casual clothes. I opt for my favourite pair of dark blue jeans, with matching converse and a blouse. I tie my hair in a poney tail as it is a bit windy this morning and my hair tends to get tangled easily.

I meet Amelia at 11am and she drags me towards a museum I recognise but have never set foot inside. I know why I decided to stay away despite my passion for art. It would trigger too many memories but I could not tell her or let her know so I pretended I was too busy to actually be able to enjoy the art exhibits Manhattan offered.

Being a gallery of modern art, there is a Kandinsky section, and I want to see it. I love that artist so much. Amelia is very eager to comply and she is very patient as I take my time admiring each master piece.

At the end of the tour, she is kind enough to allow me some more minutes in front of my favourite painting.

I have always loved it and the colours have always mesmerized me. As I watch the pattern, my mind starts to drift away and I can't push away the memory.

.................................

« Happy birthday my love ! » Kelly sang on entering our bedroom with a cup of coffee.

« Merci ma chérie» I kissed her and noticed the red rose and the enveloppe on the tray. « What's in the enveloppe ? »

« Open and find out ». Kelly was smiling and she kissed my lips.

I opened the enveloppe and found two train tickets for Paris, together with tickets for an art exhibit.

« I knew you wanted to go see the Kandinsky exhibit so, get ready, our train leaves in 2 hours. »

I was speechless. How had she discovered I wanted to go and that he was my favourite painter, I have no idea. We rarely discussed art together, but I was amazed at how much she knew me already.

« Oh and here is a little something to keep you busy in the train.»

She offered me a wrapped present. Inside was an art book about the painter. I grinned and looked at her. She was beautiful, she was mine and I was so desperately in love with her. I kissed her lips to thank her. She deepened the kiss and took my mug from my hands to put it on the bed side table. She straddled me, kissing my neck and the spot she had known I particularly loved. I started moaning. I felt her smile on my skin.

« Babe we have to be on a train in two hours. » I fakely complain.

She knew I needed to be early to all my appointements and that I was getting stressed out in the prospect of missing the departure.

« Don't worry, I'll be quick ». She answered while taking her top off.

She resumed her kisses as my hands started to roam on her back and over her breasts. I took her left breast in my mouth and sucked. She arched her back giving me access to her neck where I left a trail of kisses before returning to her left nipple I just teased with the tip of my tongue.

She helped me take my top off and she started massaging my breasts, kissing them, licking them, one after the other, while her right hand wandered slowly down the side of my stomach, then along my left hip and thigh. She kissed me lower and I pushed her head downwards, wanting her to get the urgency...sure we had a train to catch but I did not need more teasing from her that morning. She got the hint, looked into my eyes and saw the lust in them. She grinned and started biting inside my thigh. I moaned loudly as I felt the tip of her tongue on my clit and as she started describing circles.

« Babe... »

She raised her eyes, questioningly before saying:

« Yup ? Want me to stop ? After all, we might be late for this train. »

« Shut up and just fuck me ! »

« So stop interrupting me ! » she teased before entering me with her fingers.

I knew she could feel my walls clench immediately around her and that I was real close already. She pumped harder as she heard me breathing faster.

« Quicker babe... » I moaned.

She complied. And I felt a wave of heat overcome me. My body shuddered and my breath got stuck in my lungs as my heart exploded. I finally released the air I had been holding as I started coming down from my high.

« That was fast.» she told me with a huge grin.

« Well, we don't want to be late, you know me. »

« Or you could just tell me I'm good... »

« I could.» I anwser playfully with a wink.

« Show me what you are capable of in the shower now. » I ordered.

I took her hand, leading her to the bathroom and saw her eyes darken.

We made it to the station and settled in a first class carriage for the 3h ride that would take us from the east of France to Paris. I put one of my ear buds in and gave Kelly the other one. She was not particularly keen on my music but today was my day and she would do anything to please me.

I took a few minutes deciding on the best music to listen to on this post sex morning and chose one of my favourite bands. I pressed play and we heard the first key notes coming from a piano. I looked at Kelly and she approved. She hated that band but she suffered some of their songs. I took the book of Kandinsky out of my backpack and started reading.

Piano was soon followed by electric guitar and more harsh rythms. I bounced my head to the rythm and noticed Kelly was staring at me, with a big smile on her lips and her eyes sparkling.

« What? » I asked her

« Nothing. » she kissed the side of my head.

« I know you don't like this song, but I love it sorry ».

« How could I ever complain about your music ? It is a part of who you are. And I love everything about you. Even some of your crapy songs you never get tired of singing. »

« Thank you. It means a lot. And I have so many crappier songs in my head. I can't wait for you to hear them.» I said laughing.

She becomes serious all of a sudden.

« I was just marvelling at your complexity. You are a living oxymoron.»

« What do you mean ? »

« Look at you baby. Anyone walking along the isle of the carriage would notice your book first and immediately think you are some art nerd. But if they pay attention to the way your head is furiously moving up and down, they must probably conclude they were mistaken. »

« I don't get it. Why my music and reading choice don't mix together ? There are no set rules for that. »

« I just mean...I love your complexity. That there is always more to you than just the cover. I discover new things about you each day and I love spending all the time I can get with you. »

I was stunned. What she said was so sweet, the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me. I kissed her and soon we started making out passionately, not caring about the other passengers in the least.

When we arrived in Paris, we went to our hotel room to drop our luggage. Kelly was from a wealthy family and she had booked a room in a luxurious hotel in the centre of the French capital. The bedroom alone was bigger than the flat I was sharing with another student. I had had no time to marvel further at all the space and decoration, I wanted to go to the exhibit. We took a cab and soon arrived at the Musée d'Art Moderne. We took audio guides and started the visit.

I had to pause the device when I arrived in front of a painting entitled « Red, Blue, Yellow ». I couldn't keep my eyes away from it. I was mesmerized and I just stood there, in front of the painting, taking it all in, not caring about the other tourists who had walked around me to have a glance.

Kelly noticed I had stopped following the instructions of the audio guide and came behind me. She stood close, not touching me. she felt I was being overwhelmed and did not dare disturb me. After long minutes, she came closer, wrapping my hips with her right arm and she took my ear piece out with her left hand. She leaned closer to me and whisped in my hear « I love you » before kissing the back of my neck.

It was the first time she had said those three words and the moment was perfect. I felt a tear rolling down my cheek, and turned around to kiss her.

I would give anything to hear her say those three words once again.

.................................

I get confused and I am brought back to reality as I feel a hand brushing along my arm. Amelia is looking at me with a questioning glance. She must have noticed my glossy eyes. I swallow the ball inside my throat and tell her we can go have lunch now.

We spend the afternoon at the park but I have to go back. It's almost 3pm and I promised I would be back before 4pm. I would love to keep on walking hand in hand with her. Although the memories I had earlier were painful, the new feelings I am having make me happy, more than I have been in a while.

She accompanies me to the building where my flat is located, but she has no idea I live there. I didn't tell her in fear she might suggest walking up for a drink.

I feel tension build up as we near the gate. I feel anxious, my palms become sweaty, my breathing is short. She kisses me, and I kiss her back. But reality rushes in me and I push her back. I open the door and enter the building almost shutting the door on her face.

I take the elevator to the 12th floor, and knock furiously. An old lady opens and I fall in her open arms and start crying.

« Oh sweety... »

« I know. I tried. But I can't do it to her. »

« I'm so sorry. I promise you, it will get better. You still need time. »