Robert's POV

I stared at the beautiful boy across the table, wondering, not for the first time, if he was insane.

"I just don't understand," I admitted, ignoring his irritated glare. "Abraham...he looks...well, there really is no polite way to put it. He looks like he's part bird."

Jerry buried his face into the table, just barely missing his cheeseburger. "His name is Adam. For the last time. Holy shit."

I ate a fry off of his plate. I'd subtly eaten about half of Jerry's fries. My goal was to finish them completely without him noticing.

"Not the point. The point is, why did you have sex with him?"

"Passion just took over."

"No, that sounds like a telenovela," I scolded. "This is real life. What did your phone call with him earlier entail? You said you kicked out your friends, then what happened? You skipped over that part."

"You called me to inspect your stupid club," Jerry groaned. "I barely had time to talk to him. Is this seriously all we're gonna talk about? I thought you were taking me on a date."

As nice as the thought was, I had competition to deal with.

"Jerry," I said, making sure to sound scolding. His eyes glazed over when I used that tone. I used that as an opportunity to take another fry. "Please. Why did Adam say that he had sex with you?"

Jerry took a bite of his cheeseburger and scowled at his plate. "Because—" lettuce flew out of his mouth. "—he said he had unresolved emotional insecurities regarding his ex-husband boinking a twenty year old."

I took another fry and nodded. "Yes, he does sound like an emotional train wreck. Which leads us back to...why, honestly, why, did you have sex with him, and continue to turn me down?! I mean—okay, ignore that last part. That last part was silly."

Jerry stared at me, lettuce hanging from his lips. "Bitch, excuse me?"

I swallowed. I did not dare take another fry.

"Well...I'm just confused. I have this thought—in my own head, that Adam Lincoln is mentally unstable. Due to his past behaviors, including but not limited to: blackmail, stalking, manipulation of others, and being ugly."

The lettuce fell to his plate, and Jerry was left staring at me, open-mouthed. "I'm sorry. Are you telling me that you're only mad because you feel like you're better than Adam and you're offended that I didn't put out to you first?!"

"No!"

"Good!"

I reached for a fry and Jerry slapped my hand.

"But you don't deny that he's ugly?" I attempted.

Jerry stood up and glared. "I have to pee."

I had no idea why he put so much emphasis on that sentence, but Jerry was theatrical. I was feeling awfully stupid as I watched him stalk away.

The truth was, I was a little bothered that Jerry had sex with Adam. Not because I thought Jerry owed me anything, because I knew he didn't. And not because of looks either.

I was jealous. And obviously, no matter how ugly or evil I thought Adam was, he must have something on me for Jerry to like him better.

By the time Jerry came back, I'd decided to completely change course. There was no way to explain myself without making it sound like I thought Jerry owed me sex.

"Let's talk about your kinks," I offered.

Jerry rolled his eyes. "Everything is about kinks with you."

If this really was a date, it wasn't going well.

"This isn't a date," I decided. "If this were a first date, we wouldn't be going on a second. This is two friends hanging out. One friend has great taste in men, the other friend is certifiably insane."

"If your taste is people who are certifiably insane, doesn't that mean we both have bad taste?"

I winked. "Who says you're my taste in men?"

"Don't even bother hiding it."

"...Fine. You're right."

That made Jerry smirk at his plate, which was an improvement from stalking to the bathroom in a fury.

Jerry leaned back and sighed. "Here's the truth: I have no idea why I had sex with him. I guess it was a bunch of reasons. ...I thought it might improve my grade, for one—"

"Jerry! That is terrible."

"Whatever, it's true. And also it was kind of hot to fuck in an office," Jerry mused. His pupils slowly dilated. "He's a good kisser, too. It was easy to close my eyes and be into it. And yeah, I can admit that he's ugly. But it wasn't bad; we did doggy style."

The inside of my chicken salad wrap squeezed out of the top, and I realized that I basically had the thing in a death-grip. I put it down on my plate.

"Well, that's unsurprising. Tops that prefer doggy style are always insecure about their appearance."

Jerry raised an eyebrow. "Did you just make that up?"

"The location of an office adds a sense of taboo behavior and lust to cover up for a true lack of sexual prowess," I added. "Typical trick."

"You're looking kind of jealo—"

"The kissing thing, though." I glared at my wrap, hands clenched into fists. "That one I can't explain. I'm a good kisser. You know that, right? I'm sure submissives at my club have told you."

Jerry shook his head, looking extremely judgmental. He slapped my hand away when I went for another fry. "You're ridiculous."

"You're ridiculous, actually," I countered.

Because I was really good at comebacks.

Jerry leveled a finger in my face and glared. "Listen up, buttercup. I'm getting a little sick of your relentless flirting. Wanna know why?"

I braced myself emotionally and nodded.

"Because there is a guy I'm friends with, who recently came out as gay, whose name is Ben."

Jerry gave me his best duh stare.

I waited for him to finish his point.

He didn't continue.

"I don't really get it?" I admitted. "Are you in love with him or something? Because that I can understand, but...I don't know. Yeah, you've stumped me. I'm lost."

"If we dated, we'd be Ben and Jerry!" Jerry exclaimed, like it was the most obvious thing in the entire world. "Duh!"

"I...I'm still confused, about...?"

"The ice cream? Oh my god. Why would I ever pass up that opportunity?" Jerry scoffed. "I obviously have to marry Ben, so we can make that happen. Besides, what would our ship name be? Jerbert? Rerry? Roberry? All terrible. These are the sorts of things you should be thinking about."

I smirked, leaned back, and crossed my arms across my chest. Little did he know, I was definitely the winner of this competition. "If you're looking to marry someone for the best name, you'll want to marry me."

Jerry stared. "I bet not."

"My last name is Hardin."

"NO it is NOT."

"I swear on my mother's grave. Except my mother isn't dead. But I'd take out my license right now and prove it—"

"DO IT."

I fished through my wallet until I found my license and presented it to Jerry proudly. "See? Your name would be Jeremy Hardin. Tell me right now that you can resist that — I bet you can't."

Jerry gaped at me, jaw completely dropped and eyes wide. "I'm amazed. This changes everything. Shit. ...I don't think I'll ever look at you the same."

I smirked. "See? So I'm not saying to chose me and disregard every other man on the planet, but... but I'm saying to do that."

Jerry buried his face in his hands and groaned. "Okay, okay, I'll be honest with you sis."

"Don't call me—"

"So basically," Jerry sighed and nibbled on his lip. "What if I became your sugar baby? Like, you can buy me stuff. Like nipple piercings. And sex toys. And in return I provide you with sexual favors."

"Deal."

"I was kidding!"

Awkward.

I cleared my throat and distracted myself by picking at my food. "Right. Me too, of course."

Jerry stared at me, long and hard. I was just about to ask him if he was mad before he said, "Wait, you'd actually buy me nipple piercings though?"

This kid.

"How about this," I decided, adding a little bit of dominance to my tone for good measure. "I'll buy you nipple piercings. In return, you help me recreate my club."

Jerry squinted at a clock on the other side of the room while he thought about the offer. I resumed stealing his fries.

"What kind of help do you want?" Jerry asked. "Like, I pick out the furniture?"

Right. I kept forgetting that when I made these bogus offers for Jerry's attention, I was supposed to actually have follow-through.

"Uh, like, we can like... yes! Yes, good idea. Let's redesign it. And I want to make this club more upscale, you know? Something that you and Finn wouldn't have been able to get into," I proposed.

Jerry nodded. I could never tell quite what he was thinking, so I was apprehensive right up until the moment he shook my hand. "You've got a deal. I'll help with the club for nipple piercings. I'm super cool and hip, so my advice will probably make your club way better."

Well, help with the club would be good. But spending time with Jerry would be way better.