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"Like this." His words were hot against my lips, his body curving into my touch. The minutes it took to get from the car to our room flew by in a blur, all muffled laughter and teasing hands.

The hall was vacant, no pesky RA on the prowl. I unlocked our door as he clung to me, his fingers sliding around my waist and dipping down to palm my crotch.

"Patience, baby," I whispered, though I was so impatient myself I could barely get the door open. I leaned down and kissed him, tasting my whiskey on his mouth. He rocked back and forth on his heels, tiny giggles escaping him as I led him inside.

Ben slipped off his shirt and leaned back, thumbs hooked inside the waistband of his sweats. My sweats. I felt my control weakening with each second I looked at him. My hands gripped his hips and drew his body up to mine, our lips meeting for another kiss.

"It's been so long," I breathed between slow kisses.

"Yeah." He chuckled teasingly. "Probably the longest you've gone without sex in your life."

"I'm trying to end my hoe phase, the least you could be is supportive."

"That's ironic." He broke away from me and pranced to my bed. "Seeing how I'm just starting mine."

I loved when he made me chase him, like I was an animal tracking down its prey. "Oh, really?"

He paused before sinking down, half his mouth twisting into a smirk. "Well, so far my body count's gone up by three, which is, like, 300%."

My brow furrowed. "That's... not correct."

"Y'know what," he slurred. "No one asked, Michael."

I kneeled on the bed beside him and wrapped his body in my arms. "Are you seriously drunk?"

"Not drunk enough to forget this," he murmured, his lips finding their way to my jaw, my earlobe, my neck.

We tumbled down on the mattress, our bodies colliding and twisting together in a passionate exchange. "Tell me what you want," I whispered.

His cold, slim fingers reached for the hem of my jacket. "Um, maybe... take this off..."

I kept quiet and unzipped it, following with my t-shirt to allow him access to my bare skin. I let his hands run up and down my biceps and squeeze them with a small, shy smile. "Go ahead," I said. "Touch anything you'd like."

Touching, evidently, was one of the things Ben froze up at, because he reached his hand out for a moment, then quickly withdrew it and sank down with wide, docile eyes.

"Or... okay," I murmured, trying not to laugh. I didn't want him to think I was making fun of him.

His cheeks grew pink and he looked away as I kissed the dip of his neck. "Like... when... you lead," he forced out, as if he had no other words to explain it.

As long as he wanted it, I was happy to oblige. The way he melted beneath me gave me a rush like no other.

I kissed him for a while, taking my sweet time to start down his neck, then stayed in place, fueled by the small sounds he tried to conceal, kissing and sucking the side of his throat even when my chest tightened with lack of air.

He panted as I pulled away, revealing a dark red mark on his skin. "I missed this," I whispered. "I missed you."

A sharp exhale escaped his lips as I ducked lower. "Me too."

I kept leaving little love bites, my hand slipping down his body and rubbing pace with his breathing as I cupped his steadily-growing erection. "This what you want?" I teased.

He nodded, eyes closed, head pressed back to make a sizable dip in the pillow.

"One more thing." I brushed my fingertips over the front of his sweatpants, light enough to make his hips jerk up in pursuit of my touch. "Give me your hands."

This was the warmest I'd ever felt him. Our chests touched at every inhale. His breath came out hot as he panted, grinding his hips up against mine.

He raised them both, almost in a surrendering motion, and let me clasp my fingers through and gently place them above his head on the pillow. "I want you to keep these here, okay?" I said. When he didn't respond I traced the back of my thumb on his jaw, making him giggle again. "Okay, baby?"

"Okay," he said.

I couldn't tell him, he didn't want to hear it, but looking down at him, he just looked so pretty. He was one of the most beautiful people I'd ever seen. And now, with his eyebrows all scrunched up and his little fingers curling in the sides of my pillow, I thought I might possibly die just from the sight of him.

And I wanted more. I wanted his lips swollen, eyes teary and zoned-out, hips shaking. I wanted to be what made him like that.

"Wanna try something new?" I asked, trying to sound rather blasé in hopes he didn't think to accuse me of some evil intent.

"Why do I have to keep my hands up?" he said instead.

"Because you're a headpusher."

He made a little sighing sound and squirmed around, then flopped his arms down to his sides.

I looked up. "Hey, you're suppos-"

He laughed over my words, moving his arms back down just as I pushed them up again. I could easily pin both his wrists under one hand, and he was probably too dumb to know how to escape, but I let him have his fun as we wrestled back and forth.

After a minute I got him steady enough to stop moving, and pressed his arms down with my own hands lingering above.

"Stay..." I paused. "Good."

He looked me in the eye, remaining still for a split second, then dropped his hands back to his sides.

"You little bitch!" I sat up and surveyed the dark room as he cackled. "Do I have to find something to tie you up?"

He let out a bubbling yelp and grasped at my bare chest. "No no no, look, look." He collapsed breathlessly, crossing his arms above his head. "I'll be good, I'll be good."

This time he initiated the kiss, leading me down on top of him, each touch of our lips broken up by hums of laughter. "Yeah, we'll see about that."

It took a while for us to get serious enough for more action, and when we did, I slipped backward on the mattress and planted myself eye-level with his hips and the bulge straining against the front of his sweatpants.

I hooked my fingers knuckle-deep beneath his waistband and tugged the sweats down just far enough for his erection to spring out.

He giggled as it did, his knees digging into the sides of my ribcage. I moved my arms down, hitching them under each leg so the back of his thighs fit perfectly in the curve of my biceps, and settled down to please him.

Ben held my gaze with glassy eyes as I opened my mouth and curved my tongue to lick him from base to tip. I loved this. I sucked him hard and messy, enjoying showing off more than anything, pressing down until I met the tiny spikes of hair where he'd shaved his entire area.

His lips pinched together at the contact, a fistful of my pillow suddenly tight in his grasp, and threw his head back as I swallowed him whole.

I knew exactly what to do with him. Hollow my cheeks, open my throat, use tongue. I was so hard it was starting to ache, alone and untouched under my weight on the mattress, but that didn't matter. I looked up. "Close?"

He squeezed shut his eyes and nodded, his breathing getting harder and harder. I waited for his stomach to clench, nearing climax, before pulling away and sitting up on my knees.

"What the fuck?" he gasped.

"Ah, right," I said. "That was the new thing. You interrupted me before I could tell you."

His nose twitched in rage.

I tried to hold back my smile. He normally looked adorable angry, but him naked and mad about not getting his dick sucked enough was just the right level of pathetic-ness to make my dick throb. "So, if we do this a few times," I murmured, my hand loosely toying with him again, "when you do cum, it'll be, like-" I raised my eyes cautiously- "amazing."

Ben frowned.

"Just trust me." I pecked his cheek and wormed down again.

He spread his legs out unresistingly for me to lie between, twisting his face into the crook of his elbow as I placed a dusting of light kisses along his stomach. He was very impatient; he kept pushing his hips up in little jerks and directing my face downward. "Hold on," I chided.

"No- do it-" His words were strained and raspy.

I leaned down to leave an open-mouthed kiss on one side of his length. "Do what?"

"That. Oh." He reached for my hair, carding through the curls and squeezing as I used my rolled tongue to create a hard pressure on him.

"Did you forget?" I asked.

"Forget what?" he panted.

I nodded to his hand and retracted it, raising it to his face to cover his mouth instead.

I kept going, faster, harder, slowing when he got too worked up and then beginning again.

It was fun getting total access to someone, especially him. He wasn't one to give much verbal feedback, but I inferred from his breathy whimpers and twisting body that he liked the little nips and kisses I showered his inner thighs with.

This could be my favorite place on him. His skin here, so soft, so pale, like it had never seen the sun, warm and quivering as he squeezed his legs to my sides. Every poorly suppressed moan that left his lips sent another pulse of blood straight downward and I was itching to take care of myself.

But oh, this was nice.

I adjusted my body, taking over with both hands in upward, tugging motions, until his brows crimped and his back was arching off the mattress. Then I let go entirely.

"Fucking fucker, fuck you-" A sporadic string of cursing followed as I held my hands up to idly block his attack, then doubled over with a grunt when his knee connected with my sternum.

"C'mon, it w-"

"I'm fucking mad at you!" he shouted.

"Careful." I grinned. "Don't piss me off, we'll be here all night."

Ben kept scowling, his fists balled at his sides, then lapsed into a comical shake of fury when he realized he couldn't win. "Fine," he said at last. "I'll just do it myself."

I smirked, fully entertained, as he sank down with his back to the wall, closed his eyes, and started stroking himself. "I always wondered what you looked like masturbating. Do you do it when you're here alone?"

His eyes flicked open. "Shut up," he said, then closed them again and continued.

I sighed and dropped down onto my stomach, resting my chin in my palms. "What do you think about? What porn do you watch? Oh, I bet you watch some weird shit."

"Stop talking," he hissed.

"I bet you watch..." I squinted. "Russian MILFs."

"Shut the fuck up!" He raised one of his off-white socks and kicked me in the shoulder.

"Okay, okay," I said, hoping I could placate him just enough that he would let me touch him again. "You sure you don't want me instead?"

He blinked at me dejectedly, his eyes looking like a sad puppy's, and I didn't stand a chance. "You're mean," he said.

I lowered my eyes and approached slowly to plant a soft kiss on the side of his cupid's bow, to which he roughly turned his head away. "Oh, dear. Am I being shunned?"

"Your mouth was just on my dick, I'm not kissing you."

I moved my face up to kiss between his eyebrows, then the tip of his nose. His expression softened. "Let me please you?" I whispered.

He gave me a tight smile. "I don't know if you can."

I slipped one hand to his front and let my fingertips drift along his tightened abdomen. "Oh, I can."

"Do it then," he said, so valiantly I couldn't imagine not obliging.

My hand fell into place, and in my crotch there was a deep, almost migraine-like pain that begged me for soothing but I enjoyed it, more than I should, and decided I could not touch myself until he was satisfied.

With a pleasured sigh he sank back against my shoulder, teeth pressing into his lower lip.

"Don't bite," I told him. "Your lip's healing."

He opened his mouth again, eyes flicking around, overwhelmed now.

"Hey." I gripped his chin and tilted his head back. "Lie down? With me?"

He nodded and dropped into the pillows with an adorable shiver. "Mm, Michael?"

"I got you, hold on." I twisted my thumb over his most sensitive glands, my wrist speeding up, lubed by his leaking precum. Then I paused, and I could feel his heart beating in my hand.

At once Ben went crazy underneath me. "Please, please. Come on." He pawed at me, his hips surging up.

"What, is it too much for you?" I smirked. "Should I slow down?"

"No, no, I want... that's..."

"Tell me," I teased, though I suspected he had gotten past the point of intelligible sentences.

He whined again, and I looked down, pressing a final kiss to his forehead before finishing him off. His head tipped back, eyebrows creased and mouth open, his body shuddering in my arms as he spilled onto his stomach. I kept going, letting him ride it out, until he fell back weakly and lay still.

I sighed contentedly, finally taking hold of my own neglected cock, only to watch my useless roommate roll to the side and lie still.

"Hey," I whispered. I touched his shoulder with my free hand, which he shook off with an irritatable mumble. "Hey, um, what about..."

"Tired now," he informed me shortly.

"C'mon, don't leave me hanging, dude. Head for head?"

"I didn't ask you to suck my dick," he said. "You decided to do that all on your own."

He had a point. I stared at him for a long second, then cleared my throat. "Well, I'll, uh, I'll go get a towel then, I guess."

Ben didn't respond, and though I was bristling in indignation, I tried to reason with myself as I walked to the bathroom. He probably would give terrible blowjobs anyway.

I paused in the bathroom, swinging the door partially shut so the light wouldn't disturb him, and debated jerking off for a second. Anyone normal would've been pissed right then, at a selfish lover getting what he wanted and nodding off to sleep.

But I wasn't normal. In fact, I was sort of into it.

I liked taking care of him, in every way possible - feeding him, washing his hair, giving him my clothes, tucking him in. It was no surprise that I liked pleasuring him too.

Maybe that was the sort of relationship I needed. I needed someone to need me. If I just kept working, kept showing him it was okay to feel how he did, to let his guard down, maybe we could have something real.

But Heather. She was like a dream. Her face had lit up when I sat down beside her in that café and no one, not a single person, had ever looked at me with such raw, doting adoration.

Did I have to choose? Could I choose?

We were in a silent agreement to take it slow, everything, and trying not to fuck this one up was like walking on the world's thinnest, lightest, already-cracking eggshells.

I'd always found ruining people so fun, but not her. She was different, she was lively, happy, pure. Something chaste. I didn't want her to be corrupted, at least, certainly not by me.

I took one of our freshly washed towels and wet a corner under the sink, then gathered it in my hands and made my way back across the room.

Lazy bastard.

Ben was on his side with my sheet only partially covering his legs, the light from the bathroom creating an outline over his shape.

I scooped my arm under his body and turned him over, my breath tightening as he nuzzled into my neck. The scent of his fancy daily strengthening shampoo was easily recognizable. "Benny, you're killing me," I murmured.

His eyes opened drowsily. "Hi."

"Shhh." I burrowed my nose in his cloud of hair for a second, like it was the oxygen to revive me, then positioned the wet portion of the towel in my hand to gently wipe him off. "You should sleep."

"I was... sleeping." His voice faded off as he crumpled into my chest.

A smile had emerged on my face before I knew it, and then I was giving his shoulders a little massage with one hand and holding the other at his side, for once not struggling with the urge to roam.

Jesus, man. You're not pulling this kid, he's pulling you.

I'd never felt this close to someone this fast. Kitty and I had been too alike, two speeding bolts of lighting that happened to cross paths. She needed to be free, live her own life. And Heather needed someone one hell of a lot better than me.

I looked down. Am I what you need? I can't ask you to be mine, sweetheart. But fuck, I got it bad for you.

He fidgeted, his hand wriggling out from under him and stopping in front of me. I looked at it for a second, then experimentally raised my own hand and placed it flat against his. His fingers sank down, clasping my hand. "You're learning."

"Haven't I told you about my impeccable memory?" I said.

He looked at me, eyelids drooping. "If it's... so impeccable, wouldn't you remember telling me?"

I chuckled. "Touché."

Ben blinked once, and then his eyes fell shut and he faceplanted into my chest.

I brought my free hand up from his side and tousled his hair a little, turning his head so he wouldn't suffocate. "Goodnight."

He hummed happily, murmuring more gibberish, then something that sounded like "...ove you."

I chuckled to myself as I located the blanket below us and wrapped it securely around him. "Yeah," I whispered. "Love you too."