That was the first time Eden let me hold her hand. Laying on the floor in the warehouse, covered in paint. No recoiling. No flinching. Just our hands, locked together, fingers blue.

"Blue's your colour," I said, wiping a spot of paint off her neck.

"You think?" Eden asked. She was staring at the ceiling, smiling with her mouth closed.

"Yeah."

I wondered if it was easy for her to breathe when we were so close. Or if her heart was trying to break free of her chest, too. I couldn't be the only one feeling this. But she looked so calm with her hand on her chest, the other in mine.

I didn't know what she was feeling. And knowing Eden, she wouldn't make it easy for me to find out.

"You know I dressed as a devil because I thought you would," she said suddenly.

"What?"

She propped her head on her knuckle, turning onto her side to face me. "The party. I only dressed like a devil because I thought you would."

I grinned. Ear to ear.

"It's really that hard for you to picture me as an angel?"

Eden snorted, falling onto her back. "You're not an angel, Truman. There's nothing angelic about guys like you."

"Guys like me?" I echoed.

"Guys like you. Which happen to be the most dangerous ones, by the way." She pulled our locked hands onto her stomach, staring at our fingers. "The attractive, smooth talker with the baby blues and the crooked smile. That's you. The most dangerous kind."

"My smile isn't crooked."

Eden chuckled, rolling her eyes. "It's more of a figure of speech."

We laid in silence for a minute. I could hear it begin to rain, droplets hitting against the roof. They echoed throughout the space. I waited for Eden to let go of my hand.

When she ran her thumb along my wrist, I whispered, "I'm not dangerous, Eden. I think you're just scared."

She gave me a look, but I continued. "You spent so long believing me to be this person you created in your mind, this bad guy that breaks hearts. It was easier for you to keep your promise when you thought of me like that, huh? When you thought I was a shitty brother who ran away when things got tough?"

"Now I think you're realizing that I'm not like that. That you might actually like the guy I am." I sighed, taking my hand out of hers and brushing my hair off my forehead. "You're dangerous, because you're lying to your heart. My heart knows what it wants."

"And that is?" she asked.

"You."

Her eyes went wide. I grabbed her hand, tried to pull her towards me, but she tugged away. Eden stood up and grabbed her backpack. I realized then that it was night time. We spent the entire day in here.

"I should go," she said.

"Eden." I sighed and stood up, meeting her near the door. "Don't be mad. I shouldn't have said that."

"You were right though, Tru." She was staring at her feet, looking like she was about to cry. "I wish this was easier."

I took a step towards her. "I know."

"I wish Katie was alive. I wish you didn't have a girlfriend and I wish I never made that fucking promise to a girl who will probably never know I broke it."

"Katie will wake up," I said.

"Maybe. And then she'll be disappointed in both of us."

Eden opened the door. It stopped raining, only a soft breeze that blew her hair around her shoulders. I wanted to tell her that Katie wouldn't be disappointed in either of us, but I didn't want to lie.

"Can I walk you home?" I blurted out.

And by some fucking miracle, she nodded.

___

We fell into step, side-by-side, walking to Eden's apartment. The only noise surrounding us was traffic, the distant murmur of people in the shops lining the streets, and our shoes hitting the ground.

This was my favourite time of day. When the streets weren't crowded and half the city was asleep, or hiding inside. The world felt smaller, like time was on pause.

Eden was quiet, lost in thought the entire way. Deep enough that when my fingers brushed against hers, she didn't even notice. Or maybe she did. Maybe she just stopped being disgusted by the thought of touching me.

"I won't tell anyone," she said when we were nearly at her building. I found her eyes waiting for me, blinking. It would have been too easy to get lost in them. "About the warehouse," she clarified, "and what you're building for Katie."

Eden began to walk again and I followed, trailing beside her. "What makes you think it's a secret?"

She laughed, more like a scoff. "You hide out in an abandoned warehouse, Tru. I'm just wondering if you're trying to hide the project, or the fact that you actually have a heart."

She grinned at me, proud of her insult. I rolled my eyes and stared ahead, trying and failing to hide my smile.

"I do have a heart," I said. The way it beats when Eden is around is evidence enough. "And what I'm building is a secret, so thanks."

She nudged my shoulder in response.

We had walked another block before she said, "Why'd you show me? It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know. It's a nice thing you're doing. You don't have to hide it."

"I'm not ashamed." The words were too defensive.

"Then what is it?"

I shrugged, tugging my jacket tighter around my shoulders.

"I like being alone," was all I said.

"And yet you are living with Satan"—I shot her a look—"Santana, and volunteer to strip naked in front of a class filled with students. That makes a lot of sense."

I didn't have to look to know Eden was rolling her eyes.

"First, San moved in with me. I have a difficult time saying no to her. And," I continued, flashing her a grin, "is it so bad I prefer to be naked than clothed?"

Eden punched my shoulder. "You're gross," she said with a laugh.

"Like your fifteen-year-old self never imagined that while eyeing me as you pretended to study."

Eden stopped walking. Even in the darkness, I could see the redness in her cheeks, the horror behind her wide eyes.

"I was studying," she hissed.

"Yeah? For what class? Truman 101?"

If it wasn't for the smile tugging at her lips, I would have been slightly afraid of her glare.

"Fine. I may have had a small, tiny crush on you once upon a time, and I may have aced that class if it was real, but—"

"Let's go back to the crush part."

She playfully nudged my arm. "This is my building," she said, nodding in front of us.

"Can I come in?" It was more of a joke. I knew she'd say no.

"No." I laughed. "You're a better person than I thought, Truman. But you're still a horrible boyfriend."

The mere fact that the insult didn't hurt told me that she was right.

"It's hard to be a good boyfriend when you're dating the wrong girl," I said.

"See what I mean? You need to stop saying stuff like that!" she yelled, throwing her hands into the air. "Being a horrible boyfriend to Santana only shows that you'll probably be a horrible boyfriend to me, too."

I raised my eyebrows. "Huh?"

"If that were to ever happen. Theoretically," she choked out.

I shoved my hands into my jean pockets. "San and I are fine," I said. It was true. We were fine. Just fine.

"She could've helped you paint today."

"That's different. She doesn't understand."

The anger was gone from her face when Eden took a step towards me. "You need to be a better boyfriend to her," she said softly. "She doesn't deserve for your heart to be somewhere else. Somewhere other than with her."

I gritted my teeth. "I don't need you to tell me what kind of boyfriend I am, Eden."

"Really?" She took another step closer. I could feel her thigh brush against mine, feel her breath on my face. "If I tried to kiss you right now, Truman, what would you do?"

"Eden—"

"What would you do?" she repeated.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. We both knew what the fucking answer was.

"I'd let you," I said.

I was shaking as her gaze dropped to my lips, before she shook her head and took a step back, putting distance between us.

"And that's the problem," she said, crossing her arms. "I may be scared to fall for you, Tru, but you're the one playing with two people's hearts. And that's way more dangerous than what I'm doing."

I watched her walk away.

"Eden!" I called. She was already inside. I sighed, tugging my phone from my pocket when it began to ring. Santana'a name was flashing across the screen. I began walking in the direction of my apartment, then answered.

"Hello?"

"You coming home soon?" Santana sounded tired. I could picture her on the couch, flipping through the television channels.

I stopped walking. I could see how tonight would unfold: I'd go home to Santana, we'd eat dinner on the couch, then eventually we'd be naked and it would be the beginning of this toxic cycle.

I didn't want that. Not tonight.

Suddenly, I turned back the way I came. "Not tonight," I said quickly. "I'm staying with Katie."

"But I got us dinner. I thought we could—"

"Sorry, San."

I hung up quickly and kept walking, past Eden's apartment, past the other hundreds of buildings and stores until I was standing in front of the hospital. I found my mom sleeping on the chair in the corner by the time I reached Katie's room.

"Mom?" I gently shook her shoulder. "Mom, wake up."

Her eyes slowly opened. "Truman?" she breathed, squinting as she sat upright. "What are you doing here?"

I tugged the blanket off her and grabbed her purse. "You should go home, Mom. Get some proper sleep, okay? I'll stay with her tonight."

"You don't have to do that." She was already standing up, brushing her hair with her fingers and running them under her eyes.

"I want to." I kissed her goodbye then fell onto the couch, wrapping the blanket around my shoulders.

If I didn't know any better, I could make myself believe Katie was sleeping. Her eyes were closed, and her hair was fanned out around her pillow. She even had the pink and yellow blanket draped over her that was her favourite when she was a kid.

She looked like she was taking a nap. That, when the sun rose, she'd wake up and roll over, tease me about how long I'd let my hair grow and tell me to shave.

I missed my little sister. I missed her more than I ever let myself realize. It didn't seem fair that I was allowed to live and fall in love while she was in this bed, stuck. How was I allowed to laugh and hang out with her best friend and have my life move forward when she was always going to be here?

It wasn't fair.

I was crying when I heard the door to the room open. I quickly brushed away the tears and looked up to find Santana standing in the doorway.

"San," I said, staring at her in shock. She hasn't visited Katie. Not once since the accident.

"I thought you could use some company." She was still standing in the doorway, fidgeting with the sleeves of her jacket. I could tell she felt uncomfortable, her eyes shifting between me and my sister.

"Yeah," I said. "Okay. Come 'ere."

She nearly ran to the couch and fell down beside me. I stretched the blanket across the both of us and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, letting her nestle into me.

The room felt different with her here. But it didn't feel as bad as I thought it would.

"Is this okay?" she whispered, staring at Katie.

"Yeah."

I let my eyes close, let myself fall asleep to the sound of her breathing and Katie's heartbeat monitor.

"I love you," Santana whispered, either a minute or an hour later.

I pretended to be asleep, that way I didn't have to say it back.

_______________________

what do you guys think of Truman? i'm so used to writing good-guys that are super loyal and moral so it's different to write someone who's torn with his own heart. is he right to want to be with Eden, even when he's dating Santana?