"FUCK" East shouted, causing me to wake up out of my sleep.

I thought he was having another breakdown, so I immediately jumped out of bed. When I walked into the living room, East was turning his game off. He didn't look like he was in distress or anything though.

"Are you okay?"

He put his game controller on the TV stand then turned to face me.

"I'm good baby. Did I wake you up? My bad" he said.

"Why were you yelling?"

East smacked his lips then shook his head. "Man, them niggas be cheating on 2K. Shit be pissing me off, on crip."

I walked over to him then popped him in the mouth.

"Nigga did you just pop me? I ain't Kaiser" he frowned then rubbed his bottom lip.

"You're acting his age. What grown man screams over a game? So annoying" I shook my head then walked off to East's room.

I climbed back into the bed then snuggled under the covers.

"You must be on your period. Did I knock your period on?" East asked as he walked into the room, turning the light on in the process.

"Ughhhh" I groaned as I put a pillow over my face.

"Jeremiah, please turn the fucking lights off. I'm exhausted" I complained.

"Ain't no way you're that tired Gen. You been in bed all day. Kaiser been with Kelis, so how are you tired?" East asked.

I took the pillow off of my face, throwing it at East.

"You're so annoying" I mumbled.

I walked into the bathroom then sat down on the toilet. Turning my head, I noticed an unopened box of pads. I realized that my period never came, and it's now New Years Eve.

"Where the fuck is my period?" I mumbled to myself.

I've had a few irregular periods, but that was after I gave birth to Kaiser. My periods returned to a regular twenty eight day cycle after Kaiser turned six months. I'm hoping that all this stress is causing my period to be delayed. A baby is the last thing that we need right now.

I wiped, flushed the toilet, then washed my hands before returning to the bedroom. I immediately grabbed my phone to check my period tracking app.

"You still mad?" East asked.

I ignored him then proceeded to check the app.

"Oh my fucking God" I mumbled as I tossed my phone back onto the dresser.

The app confirmed that I was two weeks late.

"What happened?" East asked.

I took a deep breath before answering him. "My period is two weeks late."

"What that mean?" He asked.

"I'm either pregnant, or stress is causing my period to be delayed."

East had a weird facial expression. It's almost like he was hiding something.

"What did you do?"

"What you mean? I ain't do shit" he said as he put his hands up in surrender.

"Jeremiah...stop playing with me right now. Did you fucking trap me?"

"Nah, it was an accident. I ain't think that you would get pregnant, so I didn't say anything" East said

"Jeremiahhh, oh my God" I pouted

as I started to cry.

He just sat there laughing at me with his ugly ass.

"It's not funny" I cried out.

"You don't wanna have my baby?" East asked.

I sniffled then wiped my eyes. "Not right now! It's too soon. I didn't even want to move in with you because I felt like that was a big step. Now I'm fucking pregnant" I complained.

"We don't know if you're pregnant yet" he said.

I looked at him with an evil glare. "You basically just admitted to nutting in me. You know what, just go get me a fucking test."

East smacked his lips then got up to grab his keys.

"What does it say?" East asked through the door.

"Three minutes hasn't passed yet. Get away from the door and leave me alone."

YES I still have an attitude. I hate it here right now.

The timer went off then I quickly picked the test up.

"Fuck" I mumbled as I dropped my head into my hands.

The test was

I spent a good ten minutes in the bathroom because I couldn't stop crying. It's not that I don't want to have Easts baby, it's just the fact that I don't feel like we're ready. East and I have only known each other for about four months. We're still getting to know each other for Christ sake. Having a child together changes EVERYTHING.

"Are you pregnant or not?" East asked as I walked out of the bathroom.

I rolled my eyes then threw the test at him. He smiled when he seen the results.

"I don't know why you're smiling. I'm not keeping this baby."

His smile dropped into a frown.

"The fuck you mean? You better suck that shit up. You ain't killing my baby, and that's on God. I'll really be done with yo ass if you get an abortion" he said.

"What!?! This is my fucking body! We're not ready for a fucking baby. You already have a child on the way with another woman. There's too much going on right now."

"I don't give a fuck about none of that. You heard what I said Gen" East said.

I smacked my lips then snatched my keys off of his dresser.

"Where the fuck you going?" He asked.

"I'm going home. I don't wanna be around you right now."

"Man, sit yo ass down" he demanded.

I ignored him then proceeded to walk out of the room.

"THAT'S YO FUCKING PROBLEM. YOU ALWAYS RUNNING FROM YOUR PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF FACING THEM" he shouted.

Those words pissed me off because they were true. I never face my problems. I guess I'm just scared of the outcome. I'm too scared of facing my problems, so I run from them. It's a toxic trait that I can't seem to fix.

"You can't even take your meds when you're supposed to, and you think we need a baby?" I asked as I walked back into the room.

"What does that have to do with any of this? That'll never effect my ability to be a father. You acting like a coward right now" East said.

"Or maybe I just don't wanna have a baby by another crazy ass, mentally fucked up ass nigga."

I was talking out of anger, but my words still hurt East. I could see the hurt on his face.

"Jeremiah, I'm so-" he cut me off before I could finish.

"You got it Gen. Get an abortion, leave, do whatever the fuck you wanna do. I don't give a fuck anymore" he said.

There was no need for me to try to apologize again. The damage had already been done.

Tears clouded my vision as I scrolled through my phone in search of an abortion clinic. East and I just had our first serious argument. It's crazy because we just got back to a good place with each other. I'm so hurt because I love that man so much. I hate bumping heads with anybody that I love. I just want him to understand where I'm coming from.

My emotions were getting the best of me, so I decided to down a bottle of wine. Guilt attacked my mind with every gulp of wine that I drank. I felt guilty for drinking. I felt guilty for wanting an abortion. I felt guilty for being mad at East. Most of all, I felt guilty for making him feel like he wasn't superior enough to be a father to our baby.

I went to my contacts, attempting to call East. The phone rang a few times before going to voicemail. I sighed then drank another gulp of wine. Tears fell from my face as the thought of losing him consumed my mind. I can't lose him.

🎶And if I lose you, I'm afraid I would lose who

Who I gave my love to

That's the reason I stay around

Even though I fell way

In too deep, can't think about giving it up

But I never knew love, would feel like a heart attack

It's killing me, swear I never cried so much

'Cause I never knew love would hurt this fucking bad

The worst pain that I ever had

Oh woah, never knew love, oh woah

Would hurt this fucking bad

The worst pain that I ever had🎶

🙃

😒👀