Liam

Fuck.

I wanted to shout at her retreating figure, tell her to stop, to not leave. I wanted to run behind her and yet somehow I was unable to move.

As soon as her hand slipped out of mine, I felt my heartbreak for her.

How was I this oblivious to what she felt for me?

All this time she loved me, and I was the complete idiot who just thought she was my good friend. She was there for everything and helped me with Julie.

I was so cruel to her, without even realising it.

Her sad smiles, the storm of emotions I used to see in her eyes, it all makes sense now and I was the cause of it.

I repeatedly broke her heart and just when she was healing, I shattered it once more.

She can't bear to be around me now. But I can't not be around her.

I want to be around her. I want to hold her. I want to see her smile, watching as her eyes crinkled a little when the smile widened. I want to hear her laugh, the way she does so beautifully, that I can't help laugh along with her.

The last weeks without her were so hard, I couldn't take it. It was like a part of me was missing and no matter what I did, I just didn't feel whole.

Ever since the night of the exhibition I've had this feeling like I just wanted to be around Rena. Whenever she smiled in my direction, there was a certain kind of light that would emit from her and it would just brighten up the whole room.

I felt like it was wrong to feel about Rena this way, especially since she was with Will, but I couldn't help it.

I wanted her to be with me.

I wanted to wrap my arm around her waist and pull her closer. I wanted to have more movie nights with Bea and her, snuggling up on the sofa. I wanted to her to smile at me and make everything seem okay. I wanted her to tell to me to breathe when I ramble.

I just wanted her.

Because I'm in love with her.

I never had the chance to tell her.

And right now, I had just let her go.

As soon as I entered the front door of my home, I was greeted with the sight of my parents, Rena's parents and Bea. They all looked confused and curious and it was just hard to meet their gaze.

"Liam, honey. Where did you go?" My Mum asked.

"I-I...I just went out," I stammered through my words.

Before I could walk any further and into my room, I felt a tug on the back of my coat, and when I looked back, I saw Bea standing there with a pout on her face.

"Daddy, where's Serena?" She asked, still waiting on her.

I didn't even know what I was meant to tell her. The truth would be that Rena was not here because of me. Because I had been such an idiot for not seeing how amazing she truly was.

"She's not coming." I told Bea, who was patiently standing there and waiting for an answer.

Everyone who was seated, had also gotten up, looking at me with concern.

"You alright, son? You look little pale," my Dad said, eyeing me cautiously.

I most definitely wasn't alright after what Rena had told me.

I shook my head at him. "I'm okay. I just need to lie down," I said, sounding unconvincing to even myself.

"Liam," Serena's Mum then said, but I shook my head once again.

"I'm okay," I told her, despite that being so far from the truth.

I gave them a small smile, before rushing into my room.

Ever since I had my realisation, I knew there was one thing that I needed to read before anything.

When Julie was pregnant with Bea, we later found out it was a risky pregnancy. There was a moment after one of her check-ups, Julie had turned to me and told me she had written a letter. When I asked what it was for, she told me it was for after she was gone and when I would eventually find someone else.

Of course I told her that the letter was not needed. I was convinced that after her, there would be no one, but Julie said something about there already being someone before, which had left me utterly confused.

She told me one day I would fall again, as if she knew it would definitely happen and there was no question about it. Julie told me that when I realised I was in love again, this letter would be for that day.

I began searching my room, turning it upside down looking for that letter.

At the time she gave it to me, I thought it was unnecessary, since the idea of just living after Julie was gone was to hard, I wasn't even thinking about there being someone else after her.

Until now.

"Where is it?" I asked myself, going through some old folders in search of it.

I hissed when I got a paper cut from my searching, but just carried on.

Finally, I came across a decorative box. I nearly hit myself for not looking there first. It was a box where I had kept all the cards I ever received from Julie.

Opening the box, the letter was right there on the top, my name written in Julie's loopy writing.

Liam, my love.

I'm sorry. I know you're probably not too happy that I've left you, but it was my time. I also know that you don't agree with that.

You're currently out buying some food for us, which is why I'm taking that time to write this letter for you.

Liam, I know, I've known for a while now that my time is coming. I hate to leave both you and Bea, and worse, I hate that I won't be able to give Bea all my love, but it's time.

I want you to know, I love you so much. You're the love of my life and I'm so happy to have fallen in love with you.

However, now that I'm leaving, I don't want you to be alone.

I know that at the time I'm writing this, you're going to think I'm out of my mind for even suggesting this, but if you've opened this letter, it means that it's happened.

You've fallen in love again.

I'm so happy for you, Liam. My words cannot even begin express how much.

As I write this, I'm hoping that the one you've fallen for, is the one that's loved you more than me, because someone out there does.

I've promised to keep her secret, and I wish I could tell you, but Liam, if you've fallen for her, you'll be happy forever. I know she'll love Bea like her own, and she'll forever make you smile.

I love you so much, but she loves you more.

I don't expect her to be waiting, but I strongly believe the universe will bring the two of you together.

If it's not her, then I'm still hoping that you're happy and I hope that she loves you completely.

You'll be okay, Liam. I promise I'll never hold it against you to live a full life with someone else. You deserve to be happy, and Bea deserves a mother and a family.

I'll miss you, Liam, and I'll love you forever.

Yours,

Julie.

"She knew." I breathed out the words in shock.

I read the letter twice over and it became so clear that Julie knew the whole time that Rena was in love with me.

How could she not tell me this? How long did she even know this? How long did she keep this secret for?

I've never felt more worse knowing the girl I loved, knew that someone else loved me. Julie even said Rena loved me, more than she did herself.

How could someone love me so much? I don't even deserve it.

As I clutched the letter in my hand, trying to wrap my head around both Rena's confession and Julie's letter, I heard a knock at the door.

"Liam? Honey, are you alright?" I heard my Mum ask, and when I didn't answer, she walked around to come sit next to me on the floor.

I hadn't even realised I was sitting on the floor, leaning against my bed. In my search, I made my room look like a storm had hit, making a mess everywhere.

Mum sat down next to me and just placed her arm on my shoulder.

"The whole time, she knew," I said, staring into nothing.

"Who knew what?" Mum asked, her confusion evident in her voice.

"Julie," I said and then turned towards my Mum. "She knew the whole time that Rena was in love with me."

Mum just smiled softly at me and squeezed my shoulder. "Darling, I think we all nearly had it figured out," she said.

By now I had understood that everyone was aware of this, except me, and I was lost on how all this time I had missed it.

"Why am I so dense?" I asked, but the question was completely rhetorical.

Mum let out an amused breath. "You're not-..." she began to say, but was interrupted by my Dad's voice.

"He's an idiot, honey. Let's be honest about that," Dad said, and came to sit on the bed, on the other side of me.

"Peter!" Mum then said in a scolding tone.

Instead of listening to her, my Dad slid down from the bed and then sat next to me.

"We've loved Serena from the moment we met her, she became part of our family. How you managed to miss all that, is quite astounding," he said and I looked towards him with a blank expression, unsure on how to feel right now.

I never missed out on the fact of how much my parents loved Rena.

They were only ever praises about her and sometimes I felt as if they loved her more than me.

"What your father is trying to say, is that-" Mum started, and when I looked towards her, I saw her glare at Dad and soften her expression and when she looked at me.

"You're an idiot," my Dad finished off her words for her, and I didn't actually disagree with him.

Mum reached over past me, and smack my Dad's thigh, before sitting back next to me.

"No," she said.

"You're stupid."

All three of us looked towards the door and saw Serena's Dad standing there with a smirk on his face.

I watched as Serena's Mum, Zara, smacked his arm, and looked on aghast.

"Mark!" She shouted him, not unlike the tone my Mum used on Dad.

Serena's Dad shrugged, rubbing the area that he was just smacked in.

"What? I thought it was an open discussion," he said.

Serena's Mum shook her head, and gestured towards us.

"It's clearly not," she pointed out and then looked at me with a smile, scrunching her face a little.

"Sorry to interrupt like this, but we put Bea down for a nap, and just wanted to say we were leaving, but-" she began to say.

"-I heard Serena's name and so chimed in," Serena's Dad then finished off the words for her, a smile on his face.

I saw Serena's Mum wince a little at his words and then looked a little apologetic.

I looked at the of them with a regretful expression on my face.

They were also on the list of people who knew about Rena loving me and I felt like I was guilty in their eyes too, since I had undoubtedly made her cry in the past without realising it.

Every tear I saw Rena shed just today, was just like this acidic drop on my heart, one after the other. The worst part was, I could only imagine how many tears she must of shed because of me, because of my unknowing and immature actions. However, I knew that even if I were to imagine it, it still wouldn't be enough.

Her parents walked further into the room and took a seat on the floor in front of me.

"Our daughter likes to think she's good at keeping secrets from us and we let her think that, since we trust her judgement," Serena's Mum told me.

"She's as stupid as you are," her Dad then said, and I couldn't help but smile.

Of the two of us, I was definitely more stupid than Rena, there was no doubt in that.

"I've been such a fool," I confessed, looking down, the letter still in my hand.

Her Dad patted my knee. "You finally realised it?" He asked, and I wondered how long he'd known for as well.

I smiled at her parents.

"I love her," I confessed and it felt so damn good to say that out loud and to someone else, even if it was our parents.

"I've been in love with her for a while now but I was scared to tell her, thinking she'd reject me. I didn't know she felt the same about me all this time."

With Rena, she's always been there for me. I was so selfish and stupid with my behaviour, but regardless of that, she was a constant in my life. When I first moved next door to her, we were so close. I knew at that time, I wanted her in my life forever.

I never meant to be the worst kind of person to her, and if I could go back and rectify it all, I would. I so desperately would.

Every time I saw Rena with Bea, my heart would swell. From the night of the exhibition, I just couldn't get her out of my mind. It was wrong. So wrong, since she was engaged to Will at the time, but I couldn't stop thinking about her.

My mind couldn't help but think back to the girl back in high school. Her curly hair always bouncing about, the way she'd fiddle with it when stressed. The way she used to always make random expressions without knowing herself. How her nose would wrinkle a little in confusion, and her brows would furrow together.

How had I noticed the girl next door, but simultaneously be oblivious to her feelings?

When someone else hurt her, I felt this protectiveness within me, to keep her safe. However, I somehow gave myself free rein to hurt her, without even knowing. The crushing guilt I felt was overwhelming.

Just for the short while I had started growing feelings for Rena, that I knew were beyond a friend, it was such a turmoil. Knowing that I couldn't have her, but there was that consolation that at least she was happy with Will.

However, when they broke off their engagement, I knew that it was still wrong of me to approach the topic of possibly, maybe asking her to be anything more. It was too soon. But I still couldn't help my feelings.

That was only a few months that I bared it for and it was so hard. I couldn't even imagine how hard it must've been for Rena.

I always thought it must be hard to be in love with someone and not be able to tell them. With Julie, I had selfishly sought Rena's help, but for Rena...what the hell is the matter with me?

"You see Zara, this is why I acted on my feelings for you," Rena's Dad then said, and I looked up to see him smirking at her.

She rolled her eyes in return. "Not now, Mark."

"Glad I went after you to too, Emma." my Dad then said, and I heard her scoff.

"This is about Liam." Mum stated and then placed her hand over mine. "Darling, now that you've realised all of this, what are you doing here?"

I looked at her, processing her words.

Usually in movies when someone has this big realisation, I assume that people go and make a huge proclamation of their love. I wasn't sure if Rena even would want me to do that.

"Yeah, you idiot. Go get her," Dad then said.

I shook my head, looking down. "She won't see me. That look on her face, she can't stand being around me," I said.

She looked so broken, it broke my own heart to see her like there and all I wanted was to make her smile once again.

I wish that she would've let me tell her, that I'm in love her too.

"Liam, go find her." I heard Rena's Mum say and when I looked at her, she smiled and nodded at me. "She's hurt, but that doesn't mean she's still not in love with you. If you love her, go fight for her chance to be with her," she told me.

Even if Rena hated me right now, I'm not letting her go. I've been hurting her for so long without knowing it, now that I've realised it, I can't bare it.

She might hate me, but I love her.

I'm not going down without a fight.

"And yet he's still here," I heard my Dad groan, snapping me out of my thoughts.

When I looked up, all of them were staring at me.

"Go!" They all shouted at once, and without hesitation, I leapt up on my feet, running towards the girl I love.