Serena

After my very dramatic moment earlier, I managed to pick myself off the floor and got into bed.

All that crying made me feel exhausted and in need of a nap.

I left the door unlocked, knowing that at some point either Sara or Danny will want to come in, and now that I had crawled into bed, I didn't exactly want to come out of it. I felt too cosy for that.

There was a knock at the door and I peeked out of the covers, to see Sara stepping through the door with a small smile on her face. She looked as drained as I did, and I felt so bad for doing that to her whilst pregnant, not even thinking about the stress it would cause her.

"Hey, S," she said, moving forward to sit on my bed and I sat up as well.

As soon as Sara sat down, I basically launched myself forward and hugged her tightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for scaring you. Are you okay?" I asked.

Sara let out an amused breath and held both my hands.

"It's fine-" she said, and then shook her head, "-well it's not really, but I'm okay. I'm worried about you. I've never seen you like that."

I sat back a little, leaning back onto the headboard. "I know, it wasn't exactly one of my finest moments."

For someone who keeps saying I'm not that dramatic, this morning was incredibly theatrical.

"Finest moments?" Sara scoffed. "Serena, you ran in here crying and locked the door. What the hell happened?" She asked.

I closed my eyes tightly for a second, since the words were right on the tip of my tongue, and I was so ready to tell her, but then the fear of her hating me was very present.

"I..." I began to day, but Sara pointed her finger at me.

In this moment, she looked really scary.

"Don't you dare tell me it's fine," she warned me with her eyes narrowed. "You were so happy in the morning, practically glowing and now? There's only two times I've seen you like this, once with your Dad's accident, and the other when Rocky died. So, I'll ask again, what the hell happened," she asked.

When she reminded me of how happy I was in the morning, I couldn't even help the tears that welled up in my eyes again.

Why am I so damn emotional, and also, where the hell are these tears even coming from? I don't even think I drink as much water as the amount I've cried.

"I'm done, Sara. I'm so done," I said, feeling my lips whimpering and the tears ready to fall past the brink. "Every time, every damn time I think things are where they're meant to be, it all falls apart. I'm such an idiot," I said.

Sara moved closer to me and pulled me into hug as I clutched her tightly, and rested my head on her shoulder.

"Oh, baby, you're not an idiot," she told me, rubbing my back up and down.

I sniffled, letting out a laugh at my own expense. "No, trust me, I am. I've spent my life in-" I began to say, before stopping myself.

I pulled away from the hug and Sara looked at me, waiting for me continue.

"In what?" She asked.

I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times, trying to get the words out.

Sara tilted a head a little, and reached out to grab my hand. "S, I'm your best friend. We've always had each other's back, tell me," she urged me and I let out a deep sigh.

"I've spent my whole life in love with someone, who has never loved me back," I finally confessed.

Instead of the shocked face I had assumed Sara would have, she just looked a little saddened by my words.

"Oh, S," she said sympathetically, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'm such an idiot," I shook my head. "I can't-... it just won't stop. I'm so tired of all, Sara. I don't want to feel this way anymore, it don't want to hurt."

"If I could somehow take your hurt I would. Oh, how I wish I could," Sara smiled sadly at me and I tried to smile back at her, looking down.

She then huffed. "Honestly, Liam's the biggest idiot for not realising how you feel."

I nodded along with her words and the my head snapped back up to hers, nearly giving me whiplash in the process.

"Wait, what?" I asked, my eyes widened.

I was really hoping in that moment that I had heard her wrong, but then again, we were sitting too close for me not to hear her correctly.

"What?" Sara shrugged at me.

"You said Liam," I pointed out.

Sara just raised a brow at me and nodded slowly. "Yeah...and?"

"I never said who I was in love with," I told Sara.

She then let out a little nervous laugh. "Oh, right. I wasn't supposed to know was I? Or at least, tell you I know," she said, looking rather sheepish.

I just looked at her in disbelief. "You knew? The whole time?" I asked her.

Sara opened her mouth to say something and then just smiled at me. "Come on, S. I'm your best friend, if I didn't know then who would?"

I had no clue what to even to say to her.

"You never said anything," I told her and groaned, resting my head back onto the headboard. "Did everyone know and just acted oblivious?"

Sara looked at me confused. "Yeah, I'm not sure who you mean by everyone, but Chris and I definitely knew," she told me.

"Even Chris?" I asked.

Sara nodded, pursing her lips slightly. "He figured it out in college, but I knew back in high school," she said, looking a little too happy that she was able to figure it out earlier.

"Are you serious? How?" I questioned.

Sara tilted her head in confusion. "How I knew? Or how Chris knew?"

"Both."

"Okay, well I had my suspicions for some time and every now and then, you would do something and the suspicion would just get stronger."

I carried on looking at her stunned.

"Your sudden friendship with him after a while wasn't something I understood anyway, and then later, I began to get the hint that you were helping him with Julie. I remember there was this one time where Liam got hurt during a football match, and you looked more stressed than Julie," Sara told me.

That moment at the football match was a lapse in my whole 'trying to act normal phase'. It was during our last year, and I couldn't even help looking worried as I watched him fall.

Thankfully, he was okay, and I really hoped no one saw that weak moment of mine, but clearly my attempt at trying to brush it off didn't exactly work.

"I didn't even realise," I told her.

Sara just shrugged at me, running her hand over my duvet.

"I think we all kind of had a suspicion back then, but you didn't make it that obvious, I just know you," she told me, attempting to make me feel a little better.

But then again, she could just be lying to make me smile.

"And Chris?" I asked her.

"In college, you left your charm bracelet behind and Chris gave it to me, to give to you. He told me how Liam asked him what to get someone who was really special. Chris suggested jewellery, and when he asked Liam after, he said he got that special someone a charm bracelet. You never took it off and we both kind swapped notes and put two and two together," Sara revealed.

"You both knew for that long and didn't say a word?" I asked.

Sara shrugged at my words. "It wasn't our secret to share-" and before I could even smile, she frowned at me, "-although I am mad that you didn't say anything."

I crossed my legs, placing my hands in my lap, probably looking like a child in trouble.

"I was scared," I confessed.

Sara crawled further more into the bed and crossed her legs, sitting opposite me.

"Of me?" She asked, looking a little hurt.

"I was in love with my friend's boyfriend, I didn't want you to think-" I tried tell her, and Sara gave me a bored expression.

"That you were some kind of boyfriend-thief?" She finished off my words and then scoffed when my facial expression alone said that's what I thought.

Sara moved forward a little and just when I thought she was going to hug me, she took a pillow from next to me and then smacked me with it.

"Honestly, Serena, you're an actual idiot for thinking that," she said and then just held onto the pillow. "I wouldn't think anything bad about you or judge or pity you. You can't control feelings, but you can certainly control actions, and you never made a move on him despite everything you felt. How could you ever be the bad guy?"

I patted down my hair, trying to work on the frizz.

"So all this time you acted oblivious?" I asked Sara.

She nodded. "Well, it became clear you didn't want anyone to know."

"You did a good job hiding it," I told Sara.

She let out a snort at my words. "I know, a lot better than Danny," she said.

Well, this is just one surprise after another.

"You knew, that he knew too?" I asked her in disbelief, once again.

Sara look very amused my question and it was very clear she knew, that he knew, and probably for some time I'm assuming.

"Yes-" and once again, smacked me with the pillow, before I had time to cover my face, "-and I'm mad that you told him and not me by the way," she said.

Once again, I ran my fingers through my hair and Sara placed her pillow, or more accurately, her weapon, in her lap.

"He found me crying," I told her.

She eyed me cautiously and then nodded.

"Okay, I'll let you off for that," she said and then let out a laugh. "Danny looked like he wanted to kill Liam at times, he kept glaring at him, as if he was trying to steal me away," she said, and I chuckled at her words.

"Plus you guys are so close, I wasn't surprised he knew," Sara added with a slight shrug.

I took Sara's hand in mine. "I'm so sorry, I didn't tell you."

Sara placed her other on mine and just smiled at me. "It's alright, S. I'm not mad. I mean, I liked Danny for a while and never told you," she countered.

"True, I had my suspicion as well," I said.

Sara's face scrunched up. "Why don't we just tell each other these things?"

I chuckled at her words. "We're stupid?"

"Yeah, true," she said. "So, you want to tell me what happened now?"

I took a deep breath before telling her. "Last night at the party, Liam and I kissed," I told her.

"Oh!" Sara said excitedly, and then she must've either seen my disappointed face, or remembered my reaction from this morning. "Oh, wait," she said, a little more sadder.

I nodded at her. "I went to his place this morning and he doesn't remember anything. The last thing he remembered, is dancing with me," I told her.

"Dammit," she smacked the pillow in her lap. "I'm going to kill Chris and Miguel."

I'm guessing she knew who most likely handed him the drinks too.

"It's not their fault," I said, shaking my head. "I just keep waiting on him and that's my mistake."

I don't know if I can go back to being okay with him now.

"Loving him isn't a bad thing," Sara commented.

I look at her, tilting my head slightly, feeling that pricking sensation in my eyes once again.

"Then why does it feel like it is?" I asked, my voice softer than usual.

Sara's lips twisted a little and I knew she did this when she was trying to think of what to say, without sounding a certain way.

"Did you tell him you guys kissed?" She asked.

I shook my head at her, wiping that one lone tear that managed to escape.

"I basically ran," I admitted to her.

Again, not one of my finest moments and I probably left Liam standing there confused as hell.

Sara let out an amused breath. "Yeah, makes sense," she said.

I leaned forward. "I'm going to ask you for a favour," I asked Sara.

She nodded straight away. "Sure, anything."

"If Liam calls you or Danny, I need you to tell him I can't come to the phone or I'm just busy, basically any excuse," I told her.

I knew that I was taking the cowards way out in this situation, but for the sake of my mind, I think some space from Liam is best for now.

I just couldn't be around him right now.

"I mean sure, but is avoiding him really the best solution?" Sara asked me, she herself looked kind of unsure, and concerned.

I sniffled and shook my head. "Probably not, but I don't think I want to be around him right now, at least for a little while."

Sara nodded. "I understand. What are you going to do now?"

I took a breath and smiled once again. "Well, I'm going to properly move into my new place first and get that all sorted out for starters," I told her.

Having a distraction is much needed and just work won't be enough, so I can now also work on getting my home sorted.

"Really, Serena?" Sara gave me a deadpan look. "I mean what are you going to do about Liam?" She asked.

I shrugged at her, because even I didn't truly know the answer to that.

"Liam and I keep going in circles, well him unintentionally, and I'm just tired of spinning. I think I got too close to him, like back in high school, some distance is probably required."

"Are you sure?" Sara asked me.

I nodded. "Liam and I are just friends, and I need to get it into my mind that we are only ever going to be friends, and nothing else."

Someday, I'm going to reach that place of content, like my Mum told me, but I've realised, that place doesn't include Liam.

Instead, that place will be achieved by me being happy, and so, I need to focus on that.

"What if he remembers the kiss later?" Sara asked.

I hadn't really thought about that to be honest.

With Liam, I just assumed he didn't remember at all, but if he does, well that's just going to be awkward.

"I'll deal with it then," I told Sara, but secretly hoping I don't have to deal with it at all.

Sara nodded slowly and then clapped her hands together.

"Well, this was a lot and now I'm hungry again. Want to eat with me?" She asked.

I laughed at her words, because I realised it was the longest I've probably spoken to Sara without food coming up in conversation.

Plus, food was always her cure for things, which is why we both gained a lot of weight during exam season in college.

"Where's Danny?" I asked, realising he must also be concerned about me, and I hadn't even spoken to him yet.

"Gym," Sara said and I gave her a weird look. "Something about relieving his anger," she explained and that made more sense to me.

I winced a little at her words. "Yeah, I should probably talk to him," I said.

There was probably some poor punching bag in the gym that was getting the shit beat out of it.

"Later-" Sara said and then got to her feet, pulling me up with her, "-now, we eat," she announced.

She made me laugh and I was so glad I had her in my life.

Someone who makes you laugh, when you don't think you can even smile.