Serena

"Please, don't be mad."

It was quite often Sara and my conversations started like this. She'd always fo something random or crazy, and call to apologise, many time before I even knew what she was talking about.

However, this time I knew what this apology was for.

"I'm not mad," I replied.

"You sound it."

"I said that in a perfectly nice tone, Sara."

"You're really not mad that we're missing your birthday?" She asked.

Today was my birthday. Usually I spent the day excited and with friends, however I hadn't exactly been in the best of moods lately. Everything just felt off lately. It was like a dark cloud just loomed over me, and I couldn't bring myself out of it.

I didn't want to take a day off of work, especially since I had taken a few off already and had just recently come back from visiting my parents too. When Arya had to leave at lunch for a family emergency, I was tempted to just close up and go home, but I needed the distraction of the store.

It did make make me feel a little sad when Sara mentioned that Danny and her were going to visit her parents, since they missed her and all, but I was meant to be an adult and couldn't kick up a fuss over it.

"No. It's okay," I reassured Sara. "I'm just going to arrange the apartment, order takeout and then watch or read something until I fall asleep. See, I have a plan."

I still hadn't shifted from my apartment that I shared with Will. Sara and Danny had offered to clear things out for me, but I'd didn't really know what to pack and how, and I was a little particular about it. I wasn't going to be living with them forever, so I just wanted to organise thing according to that. I also needed to clear up before I moved completely.

My search for a new place had already began but I didn't want to rush anything, especially since I planned on staying at the new place for a little longer this time...hopefully.

"That's a sad plan," Sara commented.

"Still a plan."

"Okay, that's it. We're coming back," she said and I could hear Danny in the background.

"Don't even," I quickly told her. "I'm fine and so is my plan. I'm doing things that make me feel comfortable, which will make me happy."

Alright, in reality I hated packing. But I wasn't going to let them change their plans for me.

"Danny," I heard Sara whine.

There was a sound of rustling, which I assumed meant she'd put the phone on speaker or just given it to him.

"Cupcake, you sure?" Danny asked.

"Of course," I smiled.

"That's it?" Sara questioned him.

I let out a chuckle. Danny would only really ask something once to confirm and treat that as the final answer. Whereas, Sara would continue to ask until she was sure of the answer.

"I'll see you guys when you're back," I told them before.

There was a slight sigh on the phone, and I assumed Sara was pouting. "Alright."

"Take care, S." She said.

I smiled. "You too."

I walked back from the store, feeling like I needed some fresh air and a walk to clear my mind. When I was little, my parents would take me on walk on the morning of my birthday and we'd go to the park together.

They called at midnight to wish mw, which was surprising since I didn't think either one of them could stay away till then. Of course they insisted to come over, but I didn't want them to make that long journey. Plus, I'd already had a visit so it wasn't too bad if they didn't come around.

I could feel the cold breeze on my cheeks, and I wrapped my jacket around myself tighter, hugging myself to keep the warmth in. It wasn't that long of a walk back, but the cold didn't make it easier.

Not too long after, I reached the apartment. I fished my keys out my bag, ones that used to have a keyring hanging off. It was a little house shaped one, that I thought was adorable and just had to have. Now, I didn't want to see it.

I unlocked the door, met with darkness, but as soon as I switched on the lights, my soul nearly left my body.

"Surprise!"

I stood near the doorway, one hand on my chest, the other by the lights, and eyes widened with shock as I saw my close friends with excitement across their faces.

The apartment was decorated, with balloons and banners, streamers going across the ceiling. Dark, emerald green and gold. It was so pretty.

However, I was still very much in shock.

"I think I may be having a heart attack," I said, trying to breathe through what was a sweet surprise, but had also taken a few years off of my life.

"Not until we eat," Sara grinned, stepping towards me.

"What the hell, Sara?" I exclaimed, not from anger, it came from that middle place between gratitude and sheer confusion.

She pouted. "You don't like it?"

"Of course, I do." I replied. "But-"

"I know. We lied," Sara grinned, she looked so happy about it. "We wanted you to have an amazing birthday surprise, so we pretended we were going away, and instead sneaked here to organise all of this," she gestured around the room.

I failed miserably from stopping the small smile on my face.

"The spare key was for emergencies," I told her.

"It was. We needed to plan your birthday," Sara replied, before waving away the misuse of my key. "Now shut up and hug me and appreciate me."

I shook my head, before pulling her in for a hug.

"Thank you, Sara. I love this."

Once she let go, Danny came forward and hugged my tightly.

"We can leave if you want to," he whispered.

"I'm okay," I whispered back, hugging him tightly, before letting go. "Thank you."

I then noticed another thing. "You arranged my place?"

Sara smiled sheepishly. "Kind of shoved it all into a room."

"Of course," I playfully rolled my eyes.

"Happy birthday," she smiled, before taking my arm and leading me towards everyone else.

The party was really great. Sara, and I know it was mostly Sara, had planned this out exactly how I would want it, simple. She had a tendency to go overboard certain times, only slightly, but I loved her for it anyway.

She'd invited all people that were close to me, and I was more than surprised that Arya was here, finding out that her 'emergency' for which she had to leave the store early was just a cover to help with the party.

Everything was great, although what I didn't enjoy was the look I was getting from some people. It looked like pity, something I detested. However, no one had asked me about Will's absence, which was weird since not everyone knew about what had happened.

I could only assume that Sara must've told them not to ask and Danny threatened them to really not ask.

Again, very sweet, but now I was getting looks and it was like it was a burning question on everyone's mind, and waiting to be asked.

"Hi," I heard a familiar voice.

Turning around, I saw Liam standing in front of me. He had clearly dressed up for tonight, wearing a suit. I was more than surprised that he was invited. Sara liked him, although Danny, well it's safe to say he wasn't a fan.

"Hey," I smiled.

"Happy Birthday," he greeted.

I stepped forward to hug him, but it turned awkward when he held out a hand to shake. We tried again, doing the opposite than before, and once again it didn't turn out great.

Well, that was awkward.

"Thank you," I smiled. "Oh, um. Where's Bea?" I asked, noticing she wasn't around and I hadn't heard her yell for me

"With my parents," Liam replied.

"Oh, you could've brought her and your parents," I said.

"Well it kind of seemed like a grown up party, and no other kids were coming. I didn't want her to feel bored or uncomfortable," Liam said, before his eyes widened in slight panic. "Not that this party is boring or uncomfortable in any way, but for her-"

"Liam, breathe," I smiled, waving my hand to brush away his concern. "It's fine. I get it."

He looked at me for a moment, as if was trying to process my words, before he lightly shook his head. Maybe he'd had a lot to drink? Although it didn't seem like it. Maybe he's just weird in general.

"So, how was the visit to your parents?" He asked.

I smiled. "It was really nice. I think I needed to be with them for a bit."

Liam nodded politely. His lips twisted slightly and I could tell he wanted to say something, but kept holding himself back.

"You can ask," I said.

"How are you doing?" He asked. He looked so nervous about asking, as if I was some kind of ticking time bomb.

I gave him a little a shrug and a smile. "I'm okay."

I thought that was it. He wouldn't ask or push any further, or at least that's what I hoped. Until I saw the concerned expression remain on his face.

"Rena-"

"There's the birthday girl!" I turned to see Miguel move towards where we stood and give me a hug from the side. "Sorry I'm late, cariño. But this is for you," he said.

I thanked him, taking the present. However, before I could get a word in, he dragged me away, over to Chris.

Turning around, I looked back at Liam and he just smiled at me.

It was now really late in the night and the party was more or less over. Everyone had left, only Sara and Danny had yet to leave, unsure if they even sure.

"And you're sure you don't need help clearing things up?" Sara asked.

"No," I smiled. "You guys threw this party, that was more than enough. I'll handle this," I gestured to the rest of the room, whilst we stood by the doorway.

There wasn't really anything to clean. The catering staff that Sara had hired had cleared up the remaining food, glasses, and anything else left behind. It was just the furniture to rearrange and things that had been stuffed into one room. I could manage that on my own anyway.

Sara frowned. "But your stuff-"

"You're pregnant. No heaving lifting," I reminded her.

"Pftt, not me," she scoffed. "Danny will do it," Sara added, pointing towards him.

I smiled, especially when Danny puffed out his chest a little and nodded. "I can do it."

"No, you won't," I told him and then looked at my best friend, who continued to pout. "Get some rest, Sara. I've got this."

She let out a sigh, knowing I wouldn't agree and then finally nodded. She pulled me in for a tight hug. "Happy birthday again, S. Love you."

I grinned. "Love you, too."

After hugging Danny as well, I walked the two of them out, before turning back to the empty apartment, trying to decide where to start from, to get it all back to how it was.

Maybe moving the couch and coffee table would be a good start? It would be at the centre.

"Hey," I heard.

"Oh my God," I yelled. Okay, that time I definitely felt my heart squeeze.

My hand was on my chest as I tried to remember how to breathe again, deep breaths, I think that's how it works.

Liam stood not to far from me with a sheepish look on his face and a folded banner in his hands.

"Sorry?" He said, although it sounded more like a question.

"You scared the life out of me," I told him.

I also realised in that moment I probably don't have best reflexes.

"I thought I could help you?" He said, gesturing towards the banner.

I shook my head. "You don't have to."

"Let me. Please?" He asked, sincerely enough that I truly believed if he didn't help me, he wouldn't be able to cope.

I reluctantly agreed and let him help.

As we took down most of the decorations, Liam let out a chuckle, which caused me to look at him.

He was looking down at a balloon with a weird smile on his face.

"You used to love your birthdays," he said, before he looked me. "You used to get all excited, jump around at midnight and smile throughout the day."

I was more than surprised that he remembered any of that.

I smiled at the memory of me jumping around and annoying my Mum, by constantly yelled out it was my birthday.

When I looked at Liam again, he was frowning.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

I tried to ignore the way he looked at me, as if he knew I was lying. There was no way he knew. But when I tried to manoeuvre around the living room, busying myself, the silence hung in the room, to the point it was unbearably loud.

Sighing to myself, I looked at Liam.

"Will called this morning," I told him.

His eyebrows raised slightly, in shock I assume.

"Oh," he said, clearly unsure of what else to say.

"That was fine," I waved off any concern he may have. "I expected it, really. I'd probably be more surprised if he didn't call."

Will also knew that birthdays mattered to me, well mine did. Even though the dynamic between us had changed, I knew he'd call at least.

"So what did upset you?" Liam asked.

"It's stupid," I told him, but he just continued to look at me. "I just...I got an email today."

Liam frowned, well multiple expressions came over his face, like he couldn't decide on one.

"I can see why that would be upsetting," he said.

That nearly made me smile. Only he would think that it was the email that upset me.

"Months ago, I made this booking," I began to tell him. "It was for this beautiful, luxurious hotel and spa that I've wanted to visit. It's not really something I'd do, but it looked so amazing and I really wanted to go and just relax and be there. I saved up on the side and booked a reservation for Will and I, including paying the booking fee and an advance. In the midst of all that happened, I forgot about and I saw the email reminder this morning."

I remember how excited I was when I booked it. Will didn't know, it was meant to be a surprise, even though it was my birthday.

Will knew that a spa wasn't really something I'd book, I'd mostly be inclined to stay at home and read or watch a movie, if I wanted to relax.

However, the real reason wasn't for us to relax, that would just be an added benefit. Truly, I was thinking about possibly booking the place as a wedding venue.

We had both never really been ready at the same time to start planning things, but after Tiff's wedding and the preparations leading up to it, I thought we could start.

Only for us to end.

"I don't-" Liam began to say, before he stopped himself, lost for words perhaps.

"It's okay," I gave him a small smile. "I don't expect you to know what to say either."

"It's not stupid to be sad about it," he told me.

"I lost the booking," I responded. "I also lost the advance because I didn't cancel it. I tried to call them up, but it was the same-day and they couldn't do anything."

It was the worst thing receiving the email and realising that I'd lost the booking. It was like a confirmation that I was losing everything and nothing would work out.

"Rena," Liam said my name and stepped forward, only for me to step back.

"I'm so tired," I told him. "I'm so sick and tired of feeling like this."

That look on his face, the look I now received from everyone, I hated it.

"He wasn't supposed to do this," I said. "It wasn't supposed to go this way. I was supposed to be done with the tears, the heartbreak, the sadness. All of it. It was all meant to be over with," I began to ramble.

All of the hurt that I was trying to keep within, the pain and the tears, that I didn't want, it was all surfacing and I knew this time I wouldn't be able to stop.

"He said he wanted to kiss her," the words sounded bitter as I said them. "I just... I wanted to cry."

Liam just stood there and looked at me, as if he'd move and I'd fall apart. But I already was.

"It's not cheating but isn't it emotional cheating or something? He didn't hold it in. He told me straight away but it doesn't take anything away from it. He wanted to kiss her," I repeated the words, and it was like being crushed from within.

"He was the perfect guy. Literally," I chuckled, sniffling and wiping away the tears that had slowly began to form and fall. "He was so good to be true. It was why I took so long to say yes to date him. I was so scared something would happen but we were engaged and I thought...Is that how it'll always be? In the end I lose?"

Again, I laughed. Nothing about this situation was humorous but it was still funny. It was like one big joke.

"He loves me but he loves her more," I whispered, the words I said the moment I realised what Will felt.

I then looked at Liam. "I'm never going to be that girl, am I?"

He didn't say anything.

"What do I have to do to to be that girl? The one that someone wants. Someone that is everything for a person and they don't want anyone else."

Sometimes, I longed to be that girl.

"I don't believe in the fairytales. I don't read the books, I don't watch the movies, but I still want to be loved," I said. "Is that bad? Is it so ridiculous."

My hands moved up, clutching my chest as the pain felt more tangible now. It was so real, more than ever before.

"He broke my heart and I had to act okay," I said, my voice beginning to crack as it became harder to speak. "I had be that person. I had to be okay. But it hurts. I've never felt so lonely before," I cried.

"Who's going to want a cracked heart? Who's going to want me?"

I finally cried, all the tears I'd held in since the break up, I let out.

Immediately, I felt arms around me and Liam tried to stop me from breaking apart, but it had already happened, he was only keeping the pieces together now.

We both sunk to the floor, with me no longer having the energy to stand on my legs anymore. I leaned on Liam and he just held me securely, gently lowering us.

"Shhh. It's okay. You are going to be okay," he tried to assure me, as I continued to cry silently, my face buried in my hands.

Liam pried my hands away and cupped my face, making sure I looked at him.

"No, listen to me. You, Serena Hasting, are amazing. You're kind, sweet, caring, funny, scary when you want to be, a little nutting sometimes, you have the best laugh, one that makes others laugh too. You are the person that is always there, the person you want to have next to you. You deserve only great things," he said, but it only made more tears fall.

"I know you're hurting, and I hate that, but none of this is on you. You deserved to be loved and wanted, and it is bound to happen because someone will see just how special you are," he said.

I looked at him through my tears and I could see the genuine concern on his face.

Liam eyes just looked around my face and then instead of saying anything more, he just hugged me again, an arm going around my shoulders and the other slowly stroking my hair.

All I tried to do was hold on.