Liam

"Careful, sweetheart," I held Bea's hand in a firm grip, lifting her feet off the ground a little, when she'd tripped over.

"I'm careful," she grinned, as if she hadn't just misplaced her footing.

I smiled at her antics and continues to hold her hand, as she continued to skip along the pathway.

Dropping Bea to school was one of my favourite things to do. That, and also picking her up. Before school, Bea liked to tell me all the things she was excited for and after, she'd tell me all that she did.

The excitement and the happiness in her voice, that alone would brighten my day. I just wanted the smile to forever remain on her face.

We towards the school together and upon reached the gate, Bea looked up at me expectantly.

I crouched down in front of her and smiled.

"Alright, sweetheart. Have an amazing day at school, learn lots of things, be good and be safe," I told her.

She gave me a toothy smile in return and nodded vigorously. "I will. I'll miss you."

I hugged her tightly, before kissing the top of her head. "I'll miss you, too."

Giving Bea her backpack, I stood up and she gave me a little salute and I did the same. I really wasn't too sure where she'd picked that up from, possibly from my Dad, but it was just something that we did now.

As soon as one the teachers began to call the students inside, Bea glanced at me an smiled, before running off inside.

She always seemed so excited to go to school, I didn't really understand that. I was never that kid, but I guess it's a good thing Bea is, she didn't complained or fussed about it.

I waited until I saw Bea walk - or run - inside and then began to make my way to the office.

Thankfully, it wasn't that long of a walk and I could go through the park.

With my backpack slung onto one shoulder, I began my walk, there weren't too many people in the park today, apart from the regular people who came to walk their dogs and to exercise.

I walked along the pathway, until I heard a familiar voice.

"Daisy. Drop the leaf."

I looked around, until my eyes landed on Rena. She was stood on the grass, with a dog, appearing to have a conversation with it.

Unable to help myself, I walked closer to her.

"No, don't make me say the words," she pointed at the dog, with the other hand on her hip, still holding the leash to the dog's harness.

I was stood right behind her, quite curious as to where this conversation was going.

"Okay, I'm saying it. Bad dog," she said, her voice quite stern.

When the dog whined, bowing its' head slightly and tapping its' paws on the ground. Her brown and black fur looked newly brushed, nose shining a little.

It was quite an adorable dog. It looked like a German Shepard.

"Don't look at me like that," Rena said. I could hear her tone soften slightly, before she threw her head back and let out a deep sigh, crouching down to the dog.

"Okay, I'm sorry," she stroked its head and it nuzzled itself into her hand. "Drop the leaf?" This time she asked and then it drop a leaf from its' mouth.

When Rena began to stroke the dog fondly and praise it, I just had to ask.

"What are you doing?" I questioned her.

Immediately, I saw her stiffen, before she stood up and turned around to face me.

Her hair was flying towards the side, due the cold breeze, with her cheeks and her nose turning a little pink as well. I also didn't miss the frown on her face.

"Well, isn't it my lucky day," she commented, a smile on her face, but it was anything but a happy one.

"If seeing me makes you think you're lucky, then you're welcome," I replied, smiling as well.

Her expression quickly changed and morphed into one of sheer annoyance.

"Why are you here?" Rena asked, narrowing her eyes. I suddenly felt like the dog.

"I'm heading to work. What are you doing?" I asked, glancing down at the dog, who was currently head butting my knee.

I tried to step back, only for the dog to look up at me, and continue to head but my knee again.

"Ballet," Rena responded, rather dryly.

"What?" I asked, confused.

She pointed down at her head-butting dog. "I'm clearly walking my dog, Liam."

The dog stopped, only to reach up towards Rena's hand, clearly wanted to be petted and she obliged.

"You have a dog now?" I asked her.

"Well, no. She belongs to my parents technically, but she is our family dog," Rena said.

I nodded at her words, but suddenly felt quite confused.

"Wasn't that a he? Rocky, right?" I questioned her.

From what I remember, the Hastings adopted a dog when they moved house. He was a cute little thing, with Rena constantly posting videos of him when she'd be at home. He was adorable, just always happy.

A saddened expression then came over her face and I instantly realised what must've happened.

"He passed away," she said.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." I apologised.

It was incredibly sad that dog's lives weren't longer. They could become such a big part of our lives and when they're gone, they just leave a big gap in our lives.

"It's okay," Rena smiled. "Rocky became ill and he wasn't going to get any better, we had to put him down."

I looked down at the dog. "She looks quite like him."

Rena let out a snort. "She behaves like him too sometimes," she said. "She's quite a stubborn thing."

I smiled, only to seem concerned after.

"She's got a leaf in her mouth," I said.

Rena's faced scrunched up a little. "She's got a...oh no. Daisy, stop it," she tried to tell her, after which the dog dropped it and barked. I was surprised she listened this time.

I watched for a moment as Rena praised the dog, before I cleared my throat, regaining her attention.

"Okay, well. I have to get to work now," I told her.

I was seriously running really late now and just when I thought maybe Rena would just say 'okay' or 'bye', she shook her head.

"No," she refused.

Her answer caused to me frown. "No?"

"No," she repeated. "We're not doing this," Rena gestured in-between us. "Pretending that we're all good and back to normal. We're not."

I knew what she was talking about, but in the middle of a park, especially when I had to get to work, now was not the time I wanted to have this conversation.

"I can't do this right now," I told her.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Yes, we are," she said, sternly.

"I have work," I pointed out.

"So do I and I also have a dog," she glanced down, as did I, watching as her dog seemingly eyed me up. "Don't make me get my dog on you."

She wouldn't let her dog loose on me, would she?

Rena the pointed behind me. "The park has a cafe right here," she said and looked back, to see an open coffee cart, with tables and chairs situated around. "And we are going to sit down like mature adults and talk."

"I-..." Just as I prepared to refuse, Rena took a step forward, as did her dog. "Fine," I relented.

Rena walked in front and took a seat at one of the tables, whilst Daisy sat by her feet.

I sat across from her. We were just sitting in silence, since I didn't want to talk and Rena clearly wanted to make me.

After a few minutes, I couldn't take it.

"This is ridiculous," I commented, feeling as if I were wasting time.

"No, it isn't," Rena said. "All I'm asking, is that we talk. Resolve whatever it is between us, because I am not okay with you hating me," she said.

The last part of her sentence caught my attention completely.

"I don't hate you," I told her.

"Oh, how else am I meant to interpret the words "I hate you"? Is there another meaning that I don't know?" She asked, arms crossed against her chest, with her head tilted slightly.

I felt a pang of guilt in my chest, hearing her say the words. I knew I'd said them in the heat of the moment and it was awful, horribly to even say. I was too far gone at the time to take them back.

I leaned forward, resting my arms on the table, but keeping my focus on her.

"I was mad at you. I didn't mean it," I told her.

Rena's eyes widened a little, before they returned to normal, but she pursed her lips. She didn't believe me.

She then shifted in her seat. "But you said-"

"And I take it back," I told her, before she could remind me of what I had said.

There was a moment of silence between us. I could hear all that was going on in the park, the people talking, dogs, laughter, other conversations, but I was just focused on the person in front of me.

I needed her to say something.

Finally, Rena sighed. "Would you just talk to me?"

My hands clenched into fists. "I can't. I just can't," I gritted out.

I coped by keeping it all in, it was somehow keeping me going. I couldn't let it out. I didn't know how.

"You said you were mad. Why?" Rena asked.

I looked at her, raising a brow. "You sound like a therapist," I mentioned.

She just shrugged. "I don't care."

The way she looked at me, I meet her she wasn't going to leave or let me leave, without an answer to her question.

"I was mad that you were going to leave," I told her. "That you were choosing to leave. That you had the choice to leave."

There was confusion etched across her face, as she brows furrowed together in a more quizzical expression.

"What?" She asked.

"You were there and then, you choosing to leave, that fucking hurt. It also hurt that you had the choice to go back to your life. Everything would be as you left it and it would be normal. However, I didn't have that option," I began to tell her.

I don't think she expected me to say anything like that, as a shocked look came over her.

Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to say something, but closed it just a second later.

"I don't-" she began to say, but paused in-between, taking a deep breath.

"I know she's gone," I confessed, the words feeling bitter as I said it. "I've accepted it. I live with it. But back then, it was still a raw wound."

All those years ago, I felt like I was going to die myself. My heart literally felt like it had been split apart and I couldn't make it go away.

The worst was when I would wake up. I would momentarily forget about the pain and loss, until it would hit me in full force and I felt it all over again.

Slowly, very slowly, that began to pass and the morning weren't that cruel and excruciating anymore, but it was still there.

"You knew I couldn't stay though, right?" Rena said.

I looked at her and nodded. "I know."

"But I was going to be there. I would've made it work," she added.

"That wouldn't have been much a life for you either. Constantly having to take care of us," I said.

I knew her enough, to know that she meant that completely. She would be there whenever needed, probably giving up all her weekends. She said and leave, travel, do whatever she could. But I couldn't be that selfish.

Not when I knew, despite her doing all that, it wouldn't cure everything. It wouldn't help me heal.

A frustrated groan then left Rena and now she looked annoyed. "If you get all that why were you so mean? Why did you say all those things back then. And then recently?"

"Because I'm an idiot?" I replied, but it came out as more of a question. She looked at me, waiting for me to continue. "I knew you couldn't stick around so the only thing that seemed right was to make you leave."

That was the other part of the truth.

Rena held a blank expression, staring straight at me and it was honestly, quite unnerving.

"You're saying that you made me leave, so that when I left later, it wouldn't hurt as much?" She asked, still processing it seems.

I winced, knowing it really didn't sound great at all.

"You're a moron," Rena said, even the dog barked at her words, which kind of sounded like an agreement. "That is the most stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"I know," I nodded. "I felt bad and it still hurt, but I just couldn't have someone leave again. Especially if that someone is you. Then seeing you at the party. Everything, every emotion all the pain and hurt came back ten-fold and I..."

"-Used me as an outlet," she finished.

I guiltily nodded again. "Kind of."

It was dumb and I knew that, but I had a feeling that Rena would leave at some point. She'd leave and it'd hurt and I didn't want to go through that. It just seemed easier being the one to force the distance.

"You were a dick after that, too," Rena continued.

"Because you didn't tell me you're engaged," I replied.

"This again," she rolled her eyes, before looking at me. "You weren't in contact."

I knew she was right, again.

"There are a lot of wrongs on my part but I am sorry. I just-..." I paused. "I don't know how to be myself anymore. I'm this shell of pain and anger. It's only with Bea does that go away."

Rena smiled a little at the mention of Bea, before she frowned again.

"I can understand that you were angry. But all that you said - it really fucking hurt and I couldn't decide between crying and running your head through the wall," she said.

That made me feel horrible. I'd been the worse to her.

"I'm so sorry," I apologised.

She shook her head, glaring straight at me.

"You said you hate me. Do you even get how hurtful that was?" She asked.

I winced internally, the pressure of the guilt was sitting on my chest.

"I could never hate you," I told her, leaning a little forward. "There is no way, no way that I could possibly fathom, that I could ever hate you."

Rena looked at me, as if assessing how genuine my words were, and I hoped that she knew they were. One of her eyes were slightly narrowed and head tilted, before she twisted her lips.

"If - and that is a big if - if I accept your apology, then that will be you can no longer be an asshole to me. There will be none of this prick-ish behaviour. I will seriously run your head through the wall, Liam," she told me, leaving no room for an argument about that and I was going to debate on that either.

"I won't even stop you," I told her.

She gave me a dry look in return. "So there will be a next time?"

"No, no, no," I shook my head rigorously. "But if I am unintentionally an asshole, you can put my head through the wall if you'd like."

Rena nodded, as if satisfied by that. I was a little worried she'd actually make good on that and seriously ram my head into the wall, but I guess I'd just have to try and not do anything to cause this.

"So, am I forgiven?" I asked.

She looked as if in thought, before holding up a finger.

"One second," she said.

I was confused when she leaned over, until she smacked upside the head a couple of times.

"Ow, ow, ow," I said, when I felt one of her rings hit my ear.

She sat back into her seat, with a satisfied look on her face, smirking. "Okay, you're forgiven now."

That's one way to be forgiven.

When I felt a tug on my shoe, I looked down to see Rena's dog really curious with my shoes.

"Your dog is chewing on my shoelace," I told Rea.

She looked down and smiled. "Daisy, don't neglect the other one."

I looked at her a little shocked, especially when the dog moved to my other foot and began to chew on the shoelaces.

Rena laughed at her dog's antics, whilst I just shook my head.

When my phone vibrated, I realised how late I actually was for work now.

"I'm seriously late for work and I have to go," I told Rena.

She nodded. "Yeah, I should go."

We both stood up and looked at one another.

"I'll see you then," I said, slinging on my backpack.

She raised her brows at me. "Will you?"

I nodded affirmatively. "I will be in touch, I promise."

This seemed to make her happy, with a smile coming over her. "I'll hold you to that."

Her dog head butted my leg once more, before walking back to Rena.

"Bye, Liam," she smiled.

"Bye, Rena," I said, and watched and she glanced at me one more time, Before she began to walk away with her dog.

I shook my head and walked off in the opposite direction.

For the first, in a long time, I realised that I was smiling and it wasn't because of Bea.