Serena

This had been a more eventful evening than I had initially thought. It was actually a lot more awful.

When I had woken up this morning, I was essentially doing nothing up until I had to get ready for the party and even after that, I thought I'd stay a few hours and then leave.

I did not think I would be seeing Liam, Bea, his parents too. I knew it had happened, but my mind was still a bit jumbled. It was all just unexpected.

Not too long after Liam and Bea had left, I had also left to come back home. I didn't really have it in me to stand in these heels anymore and I was also quite tired from everything.

As soon as I got back home, I took of my heels first and then made my way into the bedroom.

Will and I had our own wardrobes, just to make life a little easier when getting ready in the morning. Within mine, I had a memory chest. It was just something that I liked to keep, for all those little things from the past.

I got on the little step-stool and took out the box, before stepping down and sitting atop my bed.

Sifting through the years of little bits and pieces I've kept, I found the thing I was looking for. A letter.

Well, there were two. One was a letter Julie had written to me sometime before the wedding, another was a letter she'd written after.

I put the box aside and opened up the envelope, taking out the letter then read its' contents...

Dearest Rena,

I'm hoping this letter reaches you well.

I really hope you're well and happy, Serena. Wherever you are and whatever you're doing.

You're probably wondering why after all this time I'm writing to you? Well, it's because I have some news. I'm pregnant.

Please don't think I'm telling you this to cause you any pain or hurt you in any way, because that would never be my intention. I only ever wish to see you happy.

I just wanted to tell you this, because I'm just really happy and I really wanted to share this news with someone I consider to be close to me and a friend.

You are actually the first person I'm telling about my pregnancy, even if this letter may reach you afterwards. I also know it's meant to be kept to yourself at first, but I wanted to share the news, and somehow, you're the first person that came to mind.

I'm know I'm about to ask for a lot, but I really want you to come see the baby, whenever he or she is born. I completely understand if it's too much for you, but I really want you to be a part of the baby's life.

I'm really hoping it's a girl, because I know exactly what I want to name her. I have a name in mind, and I hope someday you'll come see her and smile when you hear it.

Serena, you're the kindest, sweetest and most selfless soul I've never known. I wish you all the happiness there is.

I miss you, Rena.

All my love,

Julie

P.S. You're really missed.

I clutched the letter from Julie to my chest, smiling to myself.

This was one of two letters that Julie had sent me about her pregnancy.

The other one wasn't much of a letter, it just said, 'I want you to meet her too' and attached was picture from the sonogram.

My heart instantly melted seeing the picture, and that was also the last I would ever hear from Julie.

The complications surrounding Bea's birth wasn't something I'd find out till later from my Mum, after she spoke to Emma.

I've always regretted not going to see Julie after she sent me that first letter, and it's one I'll forever live with.

Placing the letter back into the box, my drifted back to that day sad day...

Four Years Ago...

Death.

It's such an ugly word. It holds such sadness and pain.

When I was little, the passing of my elderly neighbour, Mr Waltsham, was probably the death I faced. I didn't really know what had happened, apart from he wasn't going to be here anymore and as a kid, it wasn't something I understood.

He was an old grump, but never with me. He passed in his sleep, peacefully. I was at school when it happened and when I came home, my Mum told me. She told me it was just his time, but that wasn't something I could understand. 'How could it be someone's time to die?' I asked her.

At the time I don't think she had an answer for me, we just had this silence between us. I didn't cry at first, maybe because it didn't register. Only later did the pain surge through.

After his passing, I hadn't had to go through that horrible experience again, not until Julie.

However, I knew I couldn't break. At least not now.

When I got the call from my Mum, I didn't even know how to react. It just didn't make sense, Julie being gone. It wasn't meant to be like this, she was meant to live a long, happy life.

It didn't even take more than an second of thought, before I was packing my bag, heading towards Liam's house.

We didn't have as much contact between us after I had moved to New York, we had slowly drifted apart, but that was because of me. I subconsciously tried to keep a little more distance and I was apparently successful too.

As I made my way there, I felt my anxiety rising.

I hadn't seen Liam in a very long time and now I was going to be seeing him at his worst. I really wish I had kept in contact. I stopped for my own reason, but now Julie was gone and I felt horrible.

I promised to be there for her. Back in high school I was her first friend and I told her 'I got her' and I just feel like I failed her completely.

Standing outside of Liam's door, I took a deep breath and then rung the doorbell. I was both scared and worried about who I would find on the other side of the door and the state they'd be in.

Seconds later, I heard the door unlock and when it opened, it was Emma. As soon as she did, she pulled me into a tight hug.

I had never seen Emma cry before, and it was truly heartbreaking.

She was a mother crying for her heartbroken son. For her daughter-in-law, who had passed and now for a little baby, who would never see her Mum again.

When I walked through the door, there was just an eerie silence.

No words. No happiness. Everything just felt...empty.

You could tell something was missing.

Someone was missing.

Peter, Liam's Dad was sat on the sofa, looking so helpless. He'd always been one to make jokes and laugh, he was never this quiet. In this moment, he just looked like someone who was lost. Someone who didn't know what he could do to help.

When he looked up, he offered me a small smile, and I didn't think twice before walking towards the sofa where he sat on. I knelt down, so that I was eye-level with him and gave him a hug. He needed one. We all did.

"He's upstairs, sweetheart. It's the second door, on the right." Emma gave me a soft smile and I nodded.

I stood up and began walking through the living room and towards the stairs.

Liam and Julie's home was everything I thought it would be. You could tell Julie was the one who managed the decor, with soft-pastel colours and flowers. Julie always knew what she wanted her own home to be like, even back in high-school. Her idea was to have a home, not a house, somewhere that anyone would walk in and feel a sense of calm, comfort and happiness. She achieved that here.

I knew Liam would do anything for her, and letting her decorate their home was probably the easiest thing he'd done for her.

As I began to walk up the stairs, my heart was racing and my palms were sweating. I was scared to see Liam, scared to see what he'd become without Julie.

Following Emma's directions after getting to the top of the stairs, I found myself standing outside the room that Liam was supposed to be in.

The door to the room was just left open and my eyes went straight to the figure who sat there, on the edge of the bed, seemingly staring into oblivion.

I'd never seen Liam like this. His hair was in disarray, like it'd be uncombed for weeks, and tugged and pulled in every direction.

His eyes were sunken in, no light in those brown eyes anymore. The ones I used to love so much. Dark circles now surrounded them, making him look so exhausted and sad, it broke my heart.

He sat there, holding what looked like knitted jumper in his hands. It was a deep green, the same colour as Julie's eyes.

Liam never moved or made any sign to acknowledge that he knew I was in the room with him, or that he could even sense someone else was there.

I didn't say anything as I walked into the room, only taking a seat beside him. The both of us just sitting in silence.

Liam didn't make any movement and I wasn't even sure if he knew I was here. It scared me slightly. I wanted him to say something, anything, but then again, what was I even expecting him to say?

Feeling brave, I placed one hand on top of his.

He didn't move, or acknowledge that either. His skin was so cold against my hand, I was worried how long he'd been sitting like this.

I thought maybe he just wanted to be alone right now, and I was just about to move my hand away when, without saying a word, Liam turned his hand around to hold onto mine.

He held on so tight like he was afraid I was going to go as well.

I gave his hand a squeeze, and we just sat there, saying nothing.

"Rena, sweetheart, could you check on Beatrice? She's fussing again," Emma's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

I never thought I'd be at the wake after Julie's funeral, but here I was, dressed in black and making sure everything and everyone was okay.

There was no time for me come to terms with my emotions, not when everyone needed me right now, so I did the only thing I could do for them and stayed strong.

"Sure," I smiled towards Emma, and started making my way to Beatrice.

Bea looked exactly like Liam, only she had Julie's eyes.

That baby could have anyone wrapped around her little pinky just by looking at them, and I was no different.

My heart went out to her. Losing her Mum so young and only having barely any time with her. Any time that she had spent with her, she won't even remember.

I wasn't sure if Bea was aware that her Mum was no longer with us, but according to Emma, she seemed to be fussing a lot more since the day Julie had passed. However, she seemed to be calm in my arms, and in all honesty, I felt a lot calmer with her too.

Emma told me that Liam had yet to even hold Bea since Julie passed. Ever since I had arrived, I had noticed he made no move to hold her.

My parents came for the wake as well. They knew that I was here and were were glad to see me. I told them I was going to stay for little a bit, at least till things were somewhat okay...or as okay as that could be.

Liam had finally gotten out of his silent state and left the room. He was making small talk with people who offered their condolences for his loss. He was polite, but not the same Liam he usually was, not that anyone expected him to be.

At the end of the day, everyone had left, and once again the house was empty.

I told Emma and Peter to leave with my parents, they needed the rest after having been here the whole time, running around and making arrangements. They deserved a much needed break, and I was happy to force them to take it.

I had already put Bea down for her nap, and Liam was just upstairs, so I began clearing up myself.

People were so kind to bring food as well, and there were enough leftovers to be put in the fridge.

Just as I finished up cleaning and walked up to the guest bedroom to rest my feet for a bit, I decide to take a little detour and went to check up on Liam.

He'd been doing well, but when it came to acting okay you're really not, I was probably an expert, after having acted like that throughout a lot of my teenage years.

The door to the room was left open again and Liam was sat on edge of the bed, exactly how he looked a couple of days ago when I first arrived.

This time he was clutching a picture frame, and stepping closer, I could see it was a picture of Julie from their wedding day. She wore that dress that I had sent her and I realised that somewhere in this house, that dress was still hung up.

The picture Liam held seemed like it was taking during a dance, probably their first dance together as a married couple. They both looked so happy. It just made me think how hard this all really was for Liam.

He'd lost the love of his life.

He only had a year to call her his wife, when he wanted her to be his forever. It just wasn't fair.

"She's gone, Rena," Liam said, as I took a seat beside him.

"I know," I replied, placing a hand over his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

I could never truly understand the pain he was going through, since it was far greater than mine, and I had never experienced loss such as this.

She was just gone.

Liam continued to stare down at the picture. "How could she just leave me? Leave Bea?"

His question was asked out loud, and to anyone it would seem like he was genuinely asking me, but I felt as if he was questioning the picture of Julie instead. He was asking her, how could she leave, and in my mind I was asking her the same, only I could never say it out loud.

I moved my hand to place it over Liam's shoulder. "You know if she had a choice, she'd never leave," I told him.

"She was wife," Liam said and my heart clenched at how broken he sounded. "I loved her with everything I had, and now, I just feel empty." His voice cracked towards the end.

I knew that feeling. Loving someone with everything and I also knew that emptiness. It just hurts so much.

"This wasn't how it was meant to be, but now you have to be strong for your daughter," I told him.

I knew Liam was hurting bad, but I needed him to connect with Bea. She'd already lost her mother, I wasn't about to let her father become distant as well.

"I'm scared to even hold her, Rena." Liam said, and when he turned to face me, I held back a gasp. His eyes were red and filled with tears, I could see the raw pain within them. "She's all I have left of her," he choked out, a few tears now falling.

"You're all Bea has too," I told him, gently wiping away his tears, even as they kept streaming down his cheeks. "The way I see it, Julie is still here, in Bea. Don't be afraid to hold her. Not when she needs you the most," I smiled softly at him.

Without warning, Liam pulled me into a hug, burying his face into the crook of my neck.

The gut-wrenching sobs coming from him had me on the verge of tears as well, but I kept telling myself to be strong for him.

We continued to sit there together, and after some time Liam was no longer crying, or holding onto me as if I were his lifeline. However, once again he looked so withdrawn. I wasn't sure if that was harder to take, than the crying.

Before I could break the silence, Bea did it for me, as she let out a wail loud enough to sound through the whole house, filling the emptiness with some much needed noise. The baby monitor in the room made the sound echo even louder.

Liam didn't make a move to get up and I could tell he was expecting me to take care of her, but I wasn't having that.

"Come on," I told him and grabbed his hand, having to tug at it when he wouldn't move.

He made sounds of protest along the way, but I held a firm grip on his hand, not letting him go until we were right in front of Bea's little cot.

I picked her her up, her cries immediately slowing down as I held her to my chest. Her little fists thumped against me, before they just gripped onto my top.

Liam just looked on as if he'd seen a miracle occur, and I didn't waste another minute to move Bea into his arms.

As if on instinct, his arms went around Bea, even though I wasn't going to let go of her until I was sure he had a proper hold on her.

Bea's grip on my top left and she clutched onto Liam's shirt. A little gargled sound left her, but other than that, she was fine. Liam on the other hand looked like he was holding a ticking time bomb.

I moved Bea in Liam's arms, so that now he was cradling her instead, holding her closer to him.

"You got this," I told him as Liam looked at me. "It's like you're a father," I joked.

I never expected Liam to laugh at my words, but he did, and I didn't realise how much I had missed that sound.

He looked so happy in this moment that I wish I could capture it forever, but instead I could only hope that there would continue to be moments like this.

"I haven't laughed in ages," Liam then said as he sobered up, but with a small smile on his face as he look down at Bea, who had somehow fallen asleep again.

"You know Julie would never want you to be sad. She's probably among the stars feeling bad right now," I told Liam.

The last thing Julie ever wanted, was to make anyone feel bad. She was always so careful and considerate of others feelings, there wasn't a bad bone in her body. You couldn't not like her.

"She always had a good soul," Liam then spoke, almost wistfully.

"The girl was an angel even before, now she truly is one," I smiled.

Liam looked up from Bea and towards me, giving me a smile now. "Thank you for being here, Rena", he said and I just nodded.

"Come on Bea, it's only milk. You love milk, it's like your favourite drink," I tried to reason with the fussy baby in my arms, and I gently swayed from side to side.

I had been here at Liam's for about three weeks now, trying to help however I could.

During these weeks, Danny and Sara would call up to check on both Liam and I, with Danny being concerned with when I was coming back, back to my 'real life' as he put it. I told him that I would be back soon, although he wasn't entirely too pleased with my answer and with me being here so long.

I knew that it was longer than before he and I expected I'd stay, but I just wanted to make sure everything was okay before I left. I was planning on telling Liam this week that I had to go back, I just needed to find the right way to say it.

I tried bring the bottle back up to Bea's lips, this time making little 'choo-choo' noises, but she was fussing once again.

"Gosh, you're so fussy this morning," I told her sternly, but instead of getting the strict vibe I was going for, Bea just giggled.

"Oh, you think it's funny?" I asked her, and this time Bea let out some noises.

I playfully narrowed my eyes. "I don't know what you just said, but I see that mischievous look in your eye, young lady, and I don't like it," I told her.

Bea let out a squeal of giggles again.

"Good morning," Liam greeted this morning.

After we spoke that night, Liam had slowly started to come out of the shell he'd put himself in. He was talking more and tried to smile, although I still heard the nightmares he'd have. He was still grieving and hurting. I didn't expect miracles overnight, but I was happy with the effort he was making.

"Good morning," I smiled.

"And how is Bea this morning," Liam asked, looking at his daughter with a warm smile.

It was clear he was trying to be strong for her sake now, but it was good. He needed some sort of anchor.