We're at my place right now. It's night time. Roya needed some time alone and so Ian agreed for her to come with me. I sent Dave away, he knows something happened but hasn't pushed me into telling him yet. That's a conversation for another time.

After Jordan left, Roya just freshened up and left with me. She has barely eaten anything today and I don't want to push her but I want her to be okay. All she did till now was watch whatever movie she could.

"You tired?" I ask, as I stand in front of her.

She hums, giving me a small smile as she looks up at me, raising her arms in a gesture as she silently asks me to pick her up. I smile at her childish ways but scoop her up in my arms just as she wraps her legs around me, burying her head in my neck, her hair falling over my shoulder.

I take her to my room and sit down with her on my lap. Just as I loosen my hold she kisses my neck, making me stop.

"Roya.." My tone is softer, questioning. I don't want her to do this for me. I don't want her to regret anything and this is too soon. She's still processing.

She sucks a little and whispers, "please."

"You're still hurt babe," I frown holding her face so she cannot distract me as we look into each other's eyes.

"I know, but I love you," she tilts her head a little and my heart melts at her words. "And I still love Jordan, I always will but I need you," she continues.

Goddamn it.

I crash my lips on hers and she holds my shoulders to stabilize herself. She kisses me back with the same frustration and anger we have held up inside us. We match each other's energy as I hold her bare thighs in a tight grip and she tugs at my hair harsher.

I groan into the kiss as she fights me with her tongue for dominance. She's letting it out in her own way, she's letting her pain out in her own way.

I bite her lip to gain some power over her and she smirks, knowing exactly what she's doing to me. She moves her hips, grinding on me and making my cock harder than it already was, earning another groan from me which gets lost in the kiss.

I place one hand on her covered ass and squeeze hard, making her grind on my again as she catches a continuous rhythm and grinds on my covered cock.

I break away from the kiss, letting her breathe as I move to her neck, sucking hard. She makes me pull away from her skin while she removes my t-shirt and I remove hers as well. She's naked underneath, her pussy covered in those fucking lace panties while I'm in basketball shorts.

I suck on her nipple, biting it hard before soothing the pain with my tongue as she whimpers. I repeat the action with the other nipple and she keeps moving her hips on me. In one quick motion, I turn us over, throwing her on the bed as I take over her lips again. My hand moves lower and cup her pussy over her damp panties, adding pressure. She squeezes her thighs in response and tugs harder on my hair.

I trace the band of the lace before circling her clit, making her gasp in my mouth. I spread her juices and enter two fingers in her, keeping them there as she takes it in.

"So fucking wet Roya," I groans, moving to her ear, biting it.

I move my fingers out and then thrust them in again like I would do with my cock. She jerks at the movement and digs her nails in my shoulders.

There's so much pain in the way she scratches me. So much pain in the way I pleasure her. There's this anger in us that we take out in every thrust of my fingers and every tug of her hands on my hair.

We're not gentle today. No. We're fucking pissed. And it's because it's just the two of us tonight. We're missing a part of us. A part of us that hurt her. That hurt me. And so, we're hurting each other to cover up for that emptiness. Or is it the heaviness we're trying to get rid of?

As I move my fingers faster in her, curling them to hit her spot, I move back to take in her face. Her eyes are shut and there are tears flowing out of the corners. Tears of ache, not pleasure. Her face mirrors mine, suffering a loss. And god I hope this loss is temporary because we're so deep in this to bear it for a lifetime.

I add a third finger and her eyes snap open. She looks at me with the same damaged eyes. She moves one hand from my shoulder and wipes my tears away that I didn't know escaped. I hold her hip with my free hand in a bruising hold and her back arches at the pain.

My thumb rubs her clit and her pussy clenches, more tears leaking from her eyes that I cannot wipe away.

"I'm-"

"I know baby, I know," I soothe her as she tries to complete her sentence in between her tears and her heavy breaths.

She brings her hands up and wipes the liquid away, sniffling. She looks away, not being able to look me in the eyes as we go further and it pains me to see her like this.

"Look at me Roya," I ask her, my voice softer than I wanted it to be.

She turns and looks at me. I press my forehead to hers, both of us closing our eyes.

"Cum Roya, Cum for me," I say the words she was dreading to hear but needed to.

She holds me by the back of my neck, kissing me so hard as she releases on my fingers, moaning in my mouth. I keep my speed and help her ride it out. When she's done and we're just breathing hard with our foreheads still pressed together, I pull my fingers out earning a small whimper in return.

Licking them clean I kiss Roya, "I love you," I whisper.

"I love you," she says back, "Both of you," she adds in a whisper and I hold her tighter.

"He regrets it Roya," I tell her.

"I know," she sighs, "but that doesn't justify what he did," she reasons.

"He never wanted to hurt you," I say, pecking her.

"But he did," she adds.

"Will you ever forgive him?" I ask, sitting up, placing her in my lap as we look at each other.

"Do you think I can live without any of you?" she gives me a small smile but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"Roya, you don't have to forgive him for us," I say, she needs to think about herself.

"I'm not, I just- I just need time," she offers but her face tells me that she can never stay mad at him.

"I know what he did was so wrong and I should never see him again," she continues when she sees my unimpressed face, "but god he drives me crazy. You both do. Back home he did everything I asked him to, he was there for me every single time and fuck he was there for me when I ran to him after finding out about Ryan. And it's fucked up. It is so fucked up but I just can't stay away from any of you. He hurt me so bad but he loved me too. He still does. God, he hurt me so bad that I want to electrocute him, but he loves me so much that I want to suck him off while you fuck me," she breathes heavy after saying it all and then looks at me.

I look at her, amused at her choice of words. That was such a fucking Roya thing to say and it assures me that no matter what this woman goes through, she's still the Roya I fell for.

"What changed your mind?" I ask her, she tilts her head in confusion and I further explain, "What made you want him back? Want us back?"

She smiles that genuine smile of hers, the smile that reaches her eyes and makes her upper teeth almost visible, "I never had anything else in mind," she says, "I'm addicted, and it's bad. It's so bad but it's so good that you guys can hurt me all you want but I'll still want you. Call me naive or stupid but it's just who I am," she shrugs as if she cannot stop herself from loving us and that makes my heart squeeze in the best way possible.

"We're not hurting you Roya, never," I tell her and kiss her with all the love I have for her.