As Roya's playlist that I listened to every damn day back in Toronto plays Mother Mother's Burning Pile and we vibe to it silently, I feel this emotional ache in my chest. A feeling, a pressure, a weight telling me that I'm not supposed to enjoy these moments. That I don't deserve them.

I look over at Denver, driving while his fingers drum to the melody and Roya who swings her head along the addicting rhythm of the song.

He'd be good for her.

I know I'll fuck up sooner or later and I know he'll be there for her, which gives me this slight sense of ease.

At least Roya won't be alone.

I shake my head mentally, getting rid of these negative thoughts and focus on the moments I can gather till they drift.

Suddenly, Zitti E Buoni by Måneskin starts playing when we stop at a red signal and Denver and I both turn in our seats to look at Roya. She's bobbing her head at the tune.

I have no idea how she manages to enjoy all the different genres in one go.

She feels eyes on her and looks at us. "What?" She asks, softly.

"This," I point to the music system of the car.

"Yeah?" She tilts her head a little, actually confused.

"It's Italian," Denver says, raising a brow.

"I know," Roya grins.

"Do you know Italian?" He asks a question I already know the answer to.

Without missing a beat Roya answers, "No."

I look at her in amusement while Denver tries to figure her out.

Roya explains, seeing we clearly want her to, "the tune is just fucking amazing and I searched the translation too so I know what the song's about," she shrugs.

"When did you add this to the list?" I ask, turning around as the light turns green.

"Like, last month?" She says, thinking.

It is a good song.

We reach Perverted Ice Cream soon and get out of the car. I open the door for Roya this time as Denver helps her out.

"You guys really divided duties," Roya's amused at this.

"We just talked about it and stuff, not really dividing them," Denver says.

We head inside and pick up the menu to order. Once we're done and order I take out my card to pay.

"No no no, you paid for food, dessert's on me," Denver steps in.

"I know we both aren't short of money, it doesn't really matter," I say, its not a big deal.

"It does, equals right?" He raises a brow, now taking his wallet out.

I know he won't let it go by his tone so I give up.

"Fine, your turn," I say raising my hands in surrender, smirking.

"Good," his own lips curl up.

"Damn you two look hotter when you get along," Roya mumbles and we turn to her, amused. Her eyes widen and I realize she didn't mean to say it out loud.

"Umm, the guy's waiting for you to pay," she says and looks towards the wall. We chuckle at her and finish paying, stepping aside to wait.

It's a small store, with only two small round tables inside for sitting but it's a popular one. People usually take their orders and walk the streets.

Once our ice creams are handed to us, we move out. I tell Roya to wait and hand my ice cream to Denver. Opening the boot of the car I take out my vans and bend down to help Roya change into them. She smiles at this and raises her left heel clad foot. Holding the ice cream in one hand, she holds Denver's shoulder with the other to stabilize herself.

I always noticed this about her. She somehow always managed to involve the both of us whenever we do something.

Fucking angel.

I change her footwear, tying the laces tighter so the shoes aren't loose on her smaller feet. Getting up I toss the heels back in the hood and hold my ice cream back.

We walk down the street, randomly taking turns while eating the huge desserts. The streets are almost empty. We throw the dirty tissues in the bin once done.

Roya turns to me with a soft smile, and I notice some remnants of her ice cream at the corner of her mouth. I lean down as she slows her speed. Getting closer to her face, I lick the side of her mouth, feeling her breath hitch making me smirk at the effect I have on her.

"You had some on the corner there," I say getting back, looking at Denver who smirks at me.

Roya breaks from her trance as her cheeks warm up and she tries hard not to smile but fails miserably, making the two of us smile too.

We're now walking back to the car. Roya was holding both of our arms. Just as we turn the corner, Denver and I had to practically yank Roya back before she collided with the two guys that were turning the corner as well.

We were about to step aside and continue towards our car when one of the two guys stepped right in front of me, making me look at him.

My face was expressionless but my heart dropped. I tried to look as calm as possible. Roya had went still in between us and Denver was focusing on the guy too, probably remembering the face he once saw.

"Long time Jordan," Ryan says, evilly smiling at me. He's talking like we're old friends.

I say nothing, I don't even nod. Hoping he will just say his hellos and leave.

"When was the last time we met?" he puts a thinking face on, like he doesn't remember.

"Right, at the party," he says, answering himself. I can't speak anything, my throat is dry.

"Hello Roya," he turns to her with a fake smile. Roya's hold tightens on our arms as she just looks at Ryan, not saying anything but not backing away either.

"Jordan," He turns to me again, clearly understanding that Roya won't give him a desired response.

"I never got the chance to say this," he smirks, "but you lost buddy," he finishes and my body goes stiff.

This cannot be happening right now.

He takes my silence as an invite to continue, "Roya eventually found out that I was cheating on her. I really thought you would win you know since you're her best friend but you surprised me when you betted saying Roya would never find out that I was cheating on her. I thought you would be the first one to tell her but I guess not," he shrugs, explaining everything in detail because he knows that Roya doesn't know.

"Oh wait, you didn't tell Roya you were in on the bet?" he looks at me with a raised brow, showing fake confusion.

What Roya says next makes my eyes widen.

"I knew actually," she says like it's no big deal but her nails digging in my arm says otherwise. Ryan's eyes widen at her statement. The first expression of defeat taking over his features.

"And honestly, I forgot about it long ago. Looks like you're still hung up on silly things Ryan," she says in a confident voice that I know is taking all of her energy but she's not letting him win.

"I-" Ryan has nothing to say.

"Grow up Ryan," she pats his cheek softly, an expression of pity on her face and starts walking away with us.

I forgot how good she was with hiding her emotions.

I give Ryan one last glare and take in his lost puppy look one last time before turning to look at Roya on my side as we walk. Her face is hard and so is Denver's.

We take our seats in the car, silently. Denver doesn't start the car for a moment.

"Drive," Roya whispers and her voice sounds hurt. Her hands are shaking slightly and it makes me suffocate thinking I did this to her.

The two minute drive in which Denver drives for about five blocks and parks the car in a nearby Safeway parking lot feel like hours long. As soon as he parks the car, we all jump out of our doors.

"Roya-"

"You knew," she says, a statement. There are tears running down her cheeks and her hands are still shaking.

"You knew Ryan was cheating on me but you didn't tell me. You knew there was a bet about how long it would take me to figure it all out but you didn't tell me. You were in on the bet and you thought I would never find out," she shakes her head as she lists everything, her voice cracks here and there. She's looking right in my eyes while I'm looking down. Denver is standing closer to her, his icy glare on me.

"I knew," I whisper back, even though she didn't need confirmation.

She doesn't say anything for a while. She just stands, staring at me.

"Why?" She finally mutters, "why?" she repeats.

"I was drunk and stupid and jealous that you were dating him when you deserved way better," I tell her the truth, shutting my eyes close to stop any tears from falling down.

I could physically feel her slipping away from me.

"That's your explanation. You were drunk and jealous," She repeats in disbelief.

"Roya, I love you-"

"And I love you, both of you," she says, making my eyes wide. Denver's eyes snap to her on her statement as well.

"You do?" I ask, shocked.

"Of course I do, I cannot stop loving someone. Yes you hurt me. You hurt me so bad Jordan," she sobs and my own tears fall, "and I hate myself so much for loving you but I can't stop," she sniffs.

"But I don't trust you anymore," she adds, her voice emotionless but her eyes filled with hurt and sadness and anger.

Her words register in my brain and my heart breaks. She doesn't trust me anymore.

"Roya," I plead as I take a step towards her and she takes one back, making me stop. She crosses her arms around herself as if my presence makes her uncomfortable.

She's so close to me, but so far.

"Can we please go home?" she asks Denver who looks at her with a soft expression and nods.

When I don't move, she turns to me with her door opened, "get in, we can't just leave you here," is all she says before shutting her door as I step towards the passenger seat.

I hurt her and she still cares. God I hurt the woman who gave me her everything.

As Denver drives towards my hotel, I can hear the sniffles from the backseat and it takes every single nerve in me to not move and comfort her. I lost the right to hold her.

I lost her.

After a ride filled with heavy silence, we reach my hotel and before I get out of the car I turn to Roya who is looking out of the window with a broken expression.

I did that.

"I'm sorry baby," I whisper.

"Goodbye Jordan, I'm sorry you lost the bet," she says in her monotone voice as she continues looking outside.

I turn to Denver who himself has anger and hurt in his eyes as he keeps looking outside, his knuckles turning white with his tight hold on the wheel.

I get out of the car without another word and they drive off.

I broke her.

A/N :

Does it hurt?