《Life in a Spiral.》The Spring of New Hope.
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It was raining heavily outside. I was listening to the pitter-patter of the rain drops with my eyes closed. Its 1A.M but I have turned into an insomniac who doesn't like to sleep. The sound was like a relief to my heart. It soothed the deep pain my heart felt. Along with it, the aroma of rain drenched soil calmed my mind. Occasionally I stared absent-mindedly at the petals of the blooming red hibiscuses in my garden. I wondered if they were luckier than me.
"A..n..j..a..l..i.." my thoughts were broken at the call of my name. I didn't notice that my soon to be ex husband has entered into our room.
"You aren't asleep?"
"No."
I got at my feet at once and ran towards him, although I wanted to hug him and convey my love to him, I could not do so. Expression of love is something which is done by couples and we were couples only in front of the society.
"Do you need something?", I asked handing him a glass of water.
"I need you Anjali", he said in a calm but firm voice. I shivered at his words. For the first time in our one year and two months of married life he has uttered these words.
Suddenly he pulled me towards him and engaged in a crushing hug. The deepest hug I ever felt, one that calms and soothes mind, body and soul. The kind of affection which I longed for from my life partner.
Yet a part of me felt guilty, guilty for taking the place of someone so dear to him. Although I had done nothing wrong, it was just the work of destiny but still a part of me wanted to ease all his pain as if it were mine. I have got an extraordinary ability of trying to mend other's hearts when my own was broken.
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"A..n..j..a..l..i"
"I think I have started LOVING you", as he said I felt a different kind of euphoria.
While he said these, I felt tears running down my eyes, as well as his. He was crying! I have never seen a person so strong like him cry!
He clutched me tighter, as if we were two unlike poles of a magnet, to come back together no matter how much we are separated. I could feel his tears running down on my skin, his heavy breathes near my neck. His every touch increasing my heart beat. At this moment I want nothing but our bodies to entangle with each other, our souls to remain united, our lips locked with one another, our bodies to perform breaking dance on this soft matress when our emotions run a matathon race to win the love race.
I couldn't stop the flow of my tears. Maybe this is the first and the last hug. Two weeks from hence we are going to be separated. It's solely his decision not mine.
Slowly our tear drops coalesce together to merge into one before they lost their way between the valley of my breasts.
"I love you Anjali."
He finally told the words I have wanted to hear for so long.
Am I dreaming? Or is this real? I can't believe this is happening.
As he held me close to him I could not help but burst in tears. Tears of joy and tears of sorrow, sorrow at the thought that we don't belong together.
"I have destroyed those divorce papers."
"Why?" I stared at him in bewilderment.
"I don't want to lose you. "
Outside the first showers of rain welcomed a new season of blooming. Inside, we lay entangled to each other, crying and hugging, fighting and being vulnerable, apart yet so close. Our tears washed away all our differences and marked the begining of a new season of love, a love I wish to be in forever.
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As we lay beside one another staring at each other various thoughts occupy my mind.
What if he decides to leave again in the morning?
A various thoughts raced through my mind creating a whirpool. I closed my eyes slowly adjusting to the changing situation.
"I won't leave you again, Anjali."
"And if you do?"
"I won't it's a promise."
"But-"
I decide to keep my fears away from me for some time. I snuggled closer to him till I could feel his hot breaths on my skin.
In your eyes, I'm alive
Inside you're beautiful
Something so unusual
In your eyes
I know I'm home (yeah)
Every tear, every fear
Gone with the thought of you
Changing what I thought I knew
I'll be yours for a thousand lives
I'm free as a bird
When I'm flying in your cage
I'm diving in deep
And I'm riding with no brakes
And I'm bleeding in love
You're swimming in my veins
You got me now
Been waiting for a lifetime for you
Been breaking for a lifetime for you
Wasn't looking for love 'til I found you
Ooh na-na ayy
For love, 'til I found you (oh)
-For you (Liam payne, Rita Ora). [How many of u love this song?]
"Its 2:30A.M Anjali?"
"So..?"
"Don't you want to sleep?"
"Since the day you shoved those divorce papers in my hand, I have lost my sleep, my peace and my existence."
Why does love hurt so much?
"I am sorry Anjali", he let out a sigh.
"Sorry won't change anything I know, I have hurt you a lot; but in the process I have also hurt myself. I was afraid Anjali."
"Afraid of what?"
"Afraid of losing again, losing my love and myself in the process of love. I wanted to move out of the situation. I wasn't ready to come close to you with my heart on my sleeves."
"I have never made you feel like I will break your heart, then?"
"Its difficult, difficult to join the pieces of broken heart and hand it over to someone again knowing that it can be broken again. "
His look was intense with his black pupils dialated in the dim light of the night lamp.
He looks vulnerable today.
"Your heart won't be broken again. It's a promise."
"I hope so.."
"I love you Rohan."
"I love you Anjali."
"Forever?"
Forever is a myth my dear.
"As long as we are together."
And he smiled. A smile that lit the reached till the corner of his eyes, a smile that lit up his pupils.
And unknowingly a smile crept up my lips.
He snuggled closer to me with his arms locking me in an embrace.
"Good night Anjali. Tomorrow I will take you somewhere. So have a good night sleep." As he said those words I felt a gentle brushing of lips on my forehead. The moist imprint which I want to cherish lifelong.
The forehead kiss. Everything feels like a dream. This love is painful but this love heals me, this love breaks me but this love also makes me.
I closed my eyes and was soon fast asleep, it seems after months I am having peace. My mind is racing, where will he take me tomorrow?
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