《Life in a Spiral.》Bad days and Bad Nights. (Rohan's pov)
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Rohan's pov:
The decision that I have taken has shattered me. It has shattered Anjali too. She didn't protest, not even for once. Maybe she's tired, tired of being vulnerable with her feelings in front of me, while I have rejected them everytime. I am a murderer. Murderer of the feelings of an innocent girl, shatterer of her dreams, breaker of her walls. I have destroyed her beliefs with my cowardice. I am a coward, a coward who thinks love will again destroy me. I am afraid of falling in love again.
Anjali has mended me bit by bit, but she has broken herself in the process. She acts just like the eraser of my life. She clears all my mistakes and loses herself in the process. I have to stop this, I have to stop being the reason of her downfall. I can't be selfish. I can't drag her down the black hole of my life. I have to break the cage for her, the cage of marriage, the cage which has clipped her wings and made her forget to fly.
Maybe ten years from hence when she meets the person who would love her the way she deserves to be, she will forgive me. She will be glad that I let her go. I will be happy somewhere knowing that she is happy. I can't let her ever know I have developed feelings for her long back, she shouldn't know. I can't let my feelings stop her from flying high.
Three months from hence we will be separated from each other. Maybe we are just two intersecting lines who crossed each other in one chapter of life.
______________________________________
"Don't do this Rohan!"
"Why won't I do it?"
"I don't like it ."
"That's the reason I am doing it..."
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"Stop this... pleaseeee.. "
"You look divine when you request me..."
She giggled radiating her beautiful smile. I remove a strand of hair from her face blocking my view.
"Hey love, we are getting engaged. I am so happy."
"Me too... I have waited for this day for eight long years.."
"I love you..."
"I love you more..."
I placed a small peck at the corner of her lips silently wishing to see her smiling like this forever.
.
.
"Rohan I cant marry you."
"Why Aisha? You know I don't like such kind of jokes."
"I really cant.. i am sorry.."
"Are you drunk?"
"I can't Rohan... I am sorry... be happy with someone else ."
I pulled her in a strong embrace... "what happened?"
"I am dying...."
Those words kept ringing in my ears like a death knell.
"Please don't say these..."
"Stage 4 Leukaemia, I will die.. within a year. "
"You can't die..."
"You can't..."
"You wont..."
"I will Rohan..I will.."
"Aisha, I will die with you..."
"Forget me Rohan..."
"Forget me....please..."
.
.
.
I felt warmth when I held her hand. I felt the urge to protect her. Maybe it's a natural feeling for your wife.
"I love you. "
She uttered the words I am most scared of. She said she loves me. I don't want to love her. Love destroys, it always does.
I wanted to tell her not to feel such for me but can anyone control their feelings?
I do love her... I do... but I wont ever let her know. I don't want to be vulnerable again.
.
.
.
I want some air. I need to be away from the familiar surroundings. It reminds me of Aisha.
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"Anjali I am going out for some fresh air."
"Rohan.." she called but I don't want to listen to her now. I want to be alone.
"Rohan.." I heard but I ignored..
I am finally out of the house which reminds me only of Aisha's last days.
I walk steadily down the street..
CRASH!
"A girl has been hit by a car.. hurry take her to the hospital. "
I hear people's voices.
I turned my attention towards the chaos and spotted a girl drenched in her own blood.
I went near her.
"Anjali?"
"No I can't lose you... I can't lose you... I cant.."
I carry her as fast as I could to the hospital. I have to save her.
Her smile eases my pain and takes my thoughts away from Aisha. She has taught me to smile again.
I stayed two days in hospital thinking about us, our relationship..
"Do I love her?"
"Maybe yes...."
Is this love?
When I put the vermillion on her middle parted hair I couldn't help but look away from her. I am doing something which might destroy this innocent girl's life.
When she slept on the couch, watching her sound sleep eases my pain. Why does it happen?
When I got to know about Anshul being her ex why did it flinch my heart with possessiveness?
When I held her close why did it accelerate my heartbeat?
Why does every touch of her soothe my pain? Why does she feels so special in my life?
Am I ready to let her go?
No never...I dont want to lose her.
How can I keep her happy?
By letting her go. She cannot be dragged in my world of pain and suffering. She is the angel of happiness, I am the devil of despair.
I have to let her go.. divorce is the only option.
.
.
.
.
"Anjali... dont leave me.."
"But I don't love you anymore..."
"Please..."
"I can't stay. I have tried a lot."
"Please..."
CRASH!
Blood everywhere...
"Anjali wake up!"
"She is dead..."
I love you Anjali.. I love you.
I wake up with a jolt.. why did I have such dreams? Isn't only Aisha supposed to come in my dreams?
Am I doing the right by divorcing her?
What if she gets married to someone who doesn't respect her?
What if she gets married to someone who cheats on her?
What if she falls in the hands of someone who doesn't take care of her?
What if she walks on the road and gets hit by a car again? This girl never takes care of herself.
What if she falls in love with someone else?
Will I be able to see that?
No I wont. I cant. Two weeks from now our divorce will be official. If not now then never...
I jumped out of my bed, take out the divorce papers and lit it over a flame.
I love her. I can't stay away from her anymore. Without waiting for a second I head towards her room. I know it's 1 A.M. she is probably asleep but I will tell her now.
She will know her husband loves her but is a coward to accept the fact.
I love you Anjali. Tonight will be the night.
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